


Brothers - Year Two, Inheritance

by CastorLycan



Series: Brothers [2]
Category: Brothers - Karen Anker, Original Work
Genre: 1980s, Adoption, Brothers, Family Drama, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, High School, Past Child Abuse, Spanking, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2019-10-21 04:55:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 133,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17636339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastorLycan/pseuds/CastorLycan
Summary: The Lofton brothers are back for another year! Join John and Ramsey and Cutter and the rest as they continue to forge their lives together as a family in 1980s South Dakota.The Loftons:John 25, Eddie 20, Brad 18, Brian (aka Cutter) 17, James 16, Ramsey 15, Jeff 14





	1. Back to School!

**Author's Note:**

> This work continues the story first told in Brothers, Part I - Autumn, by Karen Anker (me!). It has spoilers for all four of the novels, so I recommend reading those first! I have several large story arcs in mind for all of the characters, and eventually this will turn into the 5th novel. If you've enjoyed the previous works, please read and I hope you enjoy this one!

**Tuesday, September 3rd, 1985**

**Cutter**

At last, senior year! This was going to be the best year of my life! It was off to a good start. Amy and I had planned ahead and had three classes together: Economics, World Literature, and Government. I had also signed up for auto shop again, of course. Why let a semester go by without it? Geometry in Construction and Advanced Drafting (again) rounded out my schedule. I tried to talk James into taking auto shop too, but he sneered at the thought and promptly signed up for the same Econ class with Amy and me. Rats, now I’d have to study so he wouldn’t show me up! I had planned to coast my senior year.

All day Tuesday there were tables lining the edges of the cafeteria advertising all the clubs and sports at school and each class let out 10 minutes early so we could look at everything. I wasn’t interested in anything, at least not until baseball in the Spring, but Amy wanted to look around so I went with her in the morning. I saw Jeff and Ramsey flitting around from brightly decorated table to table like bumblebees in a field of daisies.

“Whatcha see?” I asked Ramsey as he paused near a table for the tennis club.

“Oh, hi,” he said with a shy smile, darting a glance from Amy to me. “Not much, I mean, there’s a lot I’d like to do, but-” he shrugged, “-most of them meet after school and I won’t be here then.”

“Maybe something on the weekends?” Amy suggested, looking around the room at all the tables. She and I knew there wasn’t anything that only met on the weekends, but Ramsey seemed to appreciate the thought.

His smile growing, he said, “It’s okay. I think I’ll have enough to do just with homework and all.”

Amy returned his grin. “Save _some_ time for fun.”

“I will,” he laughed. “And I still have orchestra with Jeff. That’s enough fun for me.”

“Sure...” I agreed, rolling my eyes. “Let’s head to class.” I pulled Amy gently away. “See you later, Ramsey.”

At lunchtime Amy joined my brothers and me at our usual table. I wanted to ditch all the boys and just sit with her, but Jeff looked so woebegone when I started for another table and James gave me a desperate look that I easily interpreted as, ‘Don’t leave me alone with Jeff!’ so with a shrug and an apologetic smile at Amy, I headed back to our usual table. It was just as well. I did love my brothers and with Brad not taking any classes at the high school, and Ramsey already off to the college by lunchtime, my little brothers would have been all lonely and pathetic without me. Plus some of my other friends were there too, and it wouldn’t have been fair for me to foist my brothers off on them.

 

**Ramsey**

I was kind of bummed about not getting to sign up for any clubs, despite what I told Amy and Cutter, but I knew it was a tradeoff for getting to attend more classes at the college. John and I had talked about it several times over the last week or two because he wanted to be sure I knew what I was getting into.

“Don’t worry,” I finally said, when he brought it up _yet again_ as we were standing in line at the Registrar’s Office the previous week. “It’ll be okay. I’ll be fine!” I was careful not to whine and to give him a non-eye-rolling look as I spoke.

My 25 year-old adoptive dad gave me an intent look, then finally nodded. “Okay. I guess we _have_ talked about it a lot.”

“We have!” I assured him, then wished I had spoken slower so he wouldn’t think I was just trying to move him along from the topic. I smiled innocently, and he laughed.

“Alright, Ramsey,” he said, and I knew by the warmth in his eyes that if we hadn’t been in the middle of the line surrounded by college students, he would have called me ‘rugrat’.

Not caring so much about the older students around me, I leaned into his side a little and he obliged by putting an arm loosely around my shoulders. He kept it around me all the way to the front of the line where I registered for four courses: System Functions, Linear Algebra, Calculus 2, and the class I was dreading, Freshman Composition.

We’d gone to the bookstore after that, and this time around he let me buy used textbooks. As he waited in line to pay I continued looking around, then found something I wanted. Hating to ask him to buy something else for me on top of all the textbooks, but knowing he would if I asked, I picked up a red assignment book and brought it over to show him.

John smiled and gestured for me to add the little book to the stack of textbooks he was carrying. “Still want stickers?”

“No,” I said, thinking ‘yes’. The stickers were fun! I didn’t want him to have to buy anything else for me though, and stickers showing that I had completed my homework every day weren’t necessary. He’d already spent a bunch of money on me and all the rest of us boys. Despite an entire Eddie-supervised day of trying on and swapping clothes, we’d still had to go shopping. Wow, we were expensive! John said not to worry, he had it taken care of, but I still felt badly. So I told him I didn’t need any stickers, I was in college after all!

That had been the last week of August. Now it was the first day of classes. I couldn’t believe how different things were now from last year when I started school for the first time. This year I had slept in a warm comfortable bed the night before, and woke up to a hot breakfast, then was driven to school with my brothers. So different from last year when I had been cold and hungry and worried and self-conscious. Scarcely a day went by when I didn’t think about how lucky I was now, but the start of school made the feelings of gratitude even that much greater.

Jeff and I had first and second periods together at the high school. Jeff had been afraid we would have to take a stupid class first period in order to take one together, but we had both been thrilled to learn computer science was being offered then! We were going to learn BASIC! After our trip to Sioux Falls with John the year before, when we got to play with the computer terminal, Jeff and I were both excited to learn more. Then of course we had orchestra second period. Tryouts were held the week before school started, so we were able to jump right in and play today. I was first chair violin again, and Jeff had moved all the way up to 12th! It was still second part, but with all the incoming freshmen he had six kids behind him so he was happy!

 

**Brad**

I half regretted not enrolling at the high school. Cutter wanted me to so I could do his senior year with him, but I already had my GED and I was focused on learning more at our neighbors’ farm and spending time with Heather. She was in her last year of home schooling.

Wednesday after our morning chores Mr. McCall and I went into the house for biscuits and jam. Homemade blackberry jam made by Mrs. McCall and Heather. I slathered it on my first biscuit and looked around the kitchen table, wondering for the millionth time how I was so lucky to have neighbors like the McCalls and a sort-of girlfriend like Heather. Only sort-of because her parents didn’t really believe in dating and we could only do group things until we were older and started courting.

Heather sat across from me at the table, her social studies homework spread out in front of her. She glanced up at me from time to time, green eyes meeting my grey ones, because I wasn’t even trying to hide the fact that I was watching her. I’d been doing this every day for weeks now. Months now! Over the summer Mrs. McCall had tutored me in math so I could retake the GED, and we’d continued the lessons even after I passed. Not because I wanted to learn more math, but because the McCalls seemed to think I should want to learn for the sake of it and I didn’t want to disappoint them. My math book sat unopened at the side of the table.

After three biscuits I slowed down and turned to my boss when he cleared his throat. “Let’s go check on the horses,” he said to me.

“Yessir,” I said immediately, wiping my mouth with my napkin as I stood. Mrs. McCall picked up my plate to clear it from the table before I had a chance to do it myself.

Mr. McCall and I wandered out to the livestock barn. He had sold a few of the horses at the end of the summer, so now there were only four. My favorite, Midnight, was still there, and he nickered as I drew close. I reached out a hand to rub his ears.

By now I knew that ‘Let’s go check on the horses’ was code for ‘Time for some guy talk’. In the silence, I tried to think of what he might have on his mind.

“So, Brad,” he started suddenly, breaking me out of my thoughts, “What are your plans now that you have your GED?”

Aha, my future. I should have expected that. Turning to meet him squarely I said, “I’m taking a business course at the college.”

His eyes widened in surprise. “Really? Business, huh?”

“Yes, well, that’s the plan.”

His eyes narrowed again. “The plan?”

Looking back at Midnight and patting him on the neck, I reluctantly admitted, “I haven’t registered yet. I’m heading over today to sign up.”

Mr. McCall nodded slowly. “Business courses are good. Mhm. Business.”

Glancing back his way I grinned. “I get the feeling you have a different idea for my time.”

My boss laughed. “Maybe, maybe. Mrs. McCall has an idea that you might consider. It would, uh, keep you around during the winter.”

“I thought I was back to mostly chores now that summer’s over.”

“Mhm, that’s true.” He plucked a straw from a bale of hay and idly stuck the end in his mouth, chewing on it. As he continued to nod and chew I realized he was stalling for time. Sure enough, a minute later the barn door opened and his wife joined us.

“Hello, Brad,” she said, giving me a quick hug. I wasn’t used to hugs from motherly types, and I wished it wasn’t so quick.

“Hey, Mrs. McCall. Um... Mr. McCall says you have an idea for me?”

She smiled at both of us, then nodded and said, “Brad, what are you going to do with your days now that Fall is here?”

“Help out at home, I guess. There will be more to do now that Eddie’s away at college. And take a business course? Maybe?”

My lack of enthusiasm and the fact that I mentioned the business course as a question wasn’t lost on the McCalls. Mrs. McCall nodded briskly like that was just what she expected, then said, “Brad, I think you should join Heather in her final year of high school.”

“What? But- I got my GED! I’m all done with school!” I spluttered. Did she think my GED was worthless? I spent months studying for the test!

Calmly, she nodded again and said, “Yes, you did very well, and I am so proud of you!” She emphasized her point with a gentle squeeze of my forearm. “But there’s always more to learn, isn’t there?”

I gave an imploring look to Mr. McCall hoping he would intervene on my behalf, but he just smiled benignly at me and crossed his arms. Bah. I turned back to his wife. “Well, sure, there’s always more to learn, I suppose...”

“Exactly! The GED didn’t cover everything. There are so many more subjects to explore.”

“But I’m done with school,” I protested weakly.

“You are, but I think Heather would benefit from having a study partner, and you would benefit from learning things other than math. You can’t spend the next nine months sitting across the table just staring at her.”

My face heated at that observation. “I wouldn’t mind.”

Mr. McCall barked a laugh at that. “I’m sure you wouldn’t, Brad, but it’s a distraction to Heather. Wouldn’t you rather learn alongside her? Use the opportunity to get to know each other better?”

Put that way, it didn’t sound too bad. Mrs. McCall was a good teacher, and it would be fun to spend hours every day with Heather. But school? “All day?”

Mr. and Mrs. McCall exchanged smiles, certain I was hooked. “We usually go until early afternoon,” Mrs. McCall said. “Sometimes later.”

Feeling my free time slipping away, I asked, “Will there be homework?”

 

**John**

“Hey, rugrat, how was school?”

The rugrat, Ramsey, grinned as he climbed into the Bronco, setting his violin on the floor of the back seat. “It was okay. Can we get milkshakes on our way to the college?”

“It’s only ten in the morning.”

“That’s okay! I don’t mind having one that early.”

I laughed. “I’m sure you don’t.”

“And Eddie won’t have to know, cos he’s off at college!”

“Just because he’s not here doesn’t mean we get to be sneaky.”

Ramsey contritely clasped his hands between his knees. “We don’t have to be sneaky, just... not informative!”

“It’s still too early in the day. Don’t want to spoil your appetite for lunch.”

“But I’m a growing boy! I have lots of room.” He gave me a cheeky grin.

He had been eating pretty well lately and gaining weight and height. James’s outgrown preppy clothes were still too big for him, though, so I’d ended up buying him a few new things when we went back to school shopping.

“How can I argue with that logic?” I said, giving in and pulling into the Buster John’s drive thru.

“Yay! Strawberry, please!”

“Okay. Don’t expect this every day.”

“I won’t! Oh wait, does it have seeds? I don’t like seeds.”

“The strawberry? No, it won’t have seeds.”

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure. It’s from a mix, not real strawberries.”

“Okay.” He happily sat back in his seat to await his milkshake, and a few minutes later we were on our way again, a strawberry shake for him, and a vanilla one for me.

We traveled in silence for a moment, then I heard a quiet, “Daddy?”

I glanced over and saw his face had taken on a serious look. “Yes, rugrat?”

He grinned at that, and said, “Daddy? Remember last year when you said I was still a high school student even though I was in college?”

“I believe I do recall that, yes.”

“Yes, well, am I still a high school student now? This year I’m in four college classes and only two high school classes.”

“You just answered your own question.”

Ramsey cocked his blonde head. “Did I? What did I say?”

“You’re in college _and_ high school.”

With an exasperated groan he took another sip of his shake, then tried again. “So can I call myself a college student yet?”

“Yes, you may.”

“Yay!”

“And a high school student.”

“What? Why?”

“Why do you have to be one or the other? You might find it advantageous to consider yourself both. You are both, after all.”

“I suppose,” he muttered.

“Why is this important to you?”

He shrugged with his left shoulder and took another sip of his shake. I wasn’t going to let him off so easily, however, since it obviously meant something to him.

“Ramsey.”

“Hmm?” He tossed me an innocent look as if he had no clue what we were discussing.

“Why does it matter?”

“Oh... just... I was hoping Jeff and I could stay up later now.”

“I see. And how does your being a college student help him? He’s still a sophomore in high school.”

“I’m not that much older. And we’ve always had the same bedtime.”

“Well, I suppose you both can stay up until 10:00 if you like.”

“Hurray!”

I grinned back at him, fairly certain that he’d still be falling asleep long before 10:00. He had for most of the summer, after all when I’d given them a later bedtime.

 

**James**

We got home from school late because Cutter wanted to hang out with our friends at Buster John’s, and by friends I mean primarily Amy. Jeff fussed at not getting to go home right away until Cutter tossed him a few dollars, then he got himself a Coke and some fries and sat at a corner booth to start reading one of his textbooks. Since he seemed alright by himself I got a Coke and joined Cutter, Amy, and Amy’s sister Nancy.

“Want to go out this weekend?” Cutter asked Amy after we’d messed around a while.

I hid my annoyance at him asking that. It was pretty much a given they were going to go out, and he didn’t need to ask it in front of Nancy. Now I felt obligated to ask Nancy out, and now that I was a junior I wanted to find a girlfriend of my own. Nancy and I were friends and we’d double dated with our siblings, but I didn’t really feel romantic towards her.

“Sure!” Amy said, predictably.

I raised my eyebrows at Nancy, asking her without words if she wanted to go out and double date again, and she just gave a little shrug of disinterest and took another sip of her soda. Huh. Why wasn’t she interested in going out with me again? Ignoring Cutter’s smirk at her response, I surreptitiously glanced down at myself to make sure I hadn’t spilled something on me or something. Why wasn’t she interested? I was torn between relief that maybe she felt the same way about me as I felt about her, and hurt because maybe she felt the same way about me as I felt about her. Huh.

I tuned out most of the conversation after that and when I saw a couple boys from school, I went over to hang out with them until we finally left, just barely making it home before John and Ramsey.

“You should clean that up!” Jeff declared, looking at a mess our new puppy Daisy had made on the kitchen floor.

“Why me?” Cutter asked.

“We would have been home earlier if you didn’t make us go to Buster John’s!”

“Sounds logical to me,” I agreed, laughing at Cutter’s disgusted expression.

“Yuck,” Cutter said, but he grabbed some paper towels and cleaned it up.

While he did that, Jeff and I headed upstairs.

“Guess what?” Jeff excitedly asked as he dumped his school bag on his bed.

“What?” I sat cross-legged on my own bed and took my economics textbook out of my backpack. It was the first time Cutter and I had a class together and I was determined to do better than him.

“I’m gonna join a club!”

“Yeah?” I looked at him in mild interest. “Which one? Cross country?” All summer long I had urged him to join cross country with me, to keep in shape for track in the spring.

“That’s a sport, not a club. No, rodeo club!”

“Are you nuts?”

My little brother gave me a faltering, hurt look and plopped his butt down on his bed. “What’s wrong with rodeo club?”

“Nothing’s wrong with rodeo club, but what are _you_ doing joining it? Not like you have a horse or anything.”

“Oh, well, the McCalls have horses.” He shook his head as if to clear that thought, and smiled at hearing the Bronco pull in to the yard. “But that doesn’t matter! Just wait and see! John’s home! I’m gonna go ask him to sign my permission slip!”

He darted out of the room, paper in hand, and after getting my own permission slip for cross country, I followed. Jeff trying to convince John to let him join the rodeo club wasn’t to be missed!

Jeff ran down the back staircase and bounded to a stop in front of John, interrupting him and Cutter. “Can you sign this?” he asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet and holding the paper up to our brother’s face.

“What is it?” John replied.

“Permission slip!”

“For cross country?” Cutter asked.

“No, rodeo!”

John cracked a smile and Cutter laughed, thinking Jeff was joking.

“No, really, rodeo!”

John grabbed hold of the flapping piece of paper so he could actually read it. “Rodeo? Seriously? No way.”

“What? Why not?” Jeff started a fantastic pout, and I sat at the table to watch the show.

“Rodeo?” John repeated in disbelief. “Since when are you into riding?”

“I’ve always loved riding!”

“No,” our oldest brother stated flatly in his no-nonsense voice.

Jeff looked at me for help, but I shrugged. I was with John on this one. Sure, Jeff could sort of ride thanks to our neighbors letting us ride their horses over the summer a few times, but that was a far cry from attempting anything in a rodeo.

“You can barely ride,” Cutter said. “But if you want to be in the rodeo you should go all in and become a bull rider!”

I burst into laughter and Jeff tossed me another hurt look. “Sorry,” I apologized, trying to stop laughing.

“You guys suck!” Jeff shouted.

“Hey!” John barked, but Jeff was already running up the back stairs and a second later we heard the bedroom door slam shut.

John gave Cutter and me an angry and disappointed look and I was glad for my behind’s sake that I was sitting down. Cutter must have had the same thought because he quickly sidled into the chair next to me. “That was unkind, boys.”

“What’s going on?” Ramsey asked, coming into the kitchen from the backyard with Daisy.

“Jeff wants to join the rodeo club!” Cutter announced, still amused despite our little brother’s dramatic exit and John’s annoyance.

“Oh yeah, he told me this morning!” Ramsey said, unclipping Daisy’s leash. “He’s going to have so much fun! I bet he’ll be really good at it.”

John furrowed his brow and looked from one of us boys to another. It was rare to see him confused. “Rodeo club? You think he’d be good in the rodeo club? Riding in what events exactly?”

Ramsey laughed at John’s expression. “No! Not _riding!_ Wow, you thought he wanted to ride? That’s stu-” He wisely broke off before calling John stupid and hastily said, “That’s um... yeah, no, he’s going to be the event photographer!”

“Photographer?” Cutter asked.

“Yeah, he gets to follow the rodeo club and take pictures for the school newspaper and yearbook!”

Our oldest brother looked appeased at the explanation but also exasperated with Cutter and me. Pointing up the stairs he ordered, “Get your brother.”

Cutter got up from the table and walked past John as if he didn’t have a care in the world. His bravery didn’t stop John from giving him a good swat as he passed! Ramsey was the one to look confused now, and he bent down to pick up our puppy.

“You too,” John said to me.

I debated scooting out the far side of the table to avoid any swats, but I hadn’t really done anything, right? Other than laugh, that is. Keeping eye contact with John I slipped out of my chair and tried for Cutter’s bravery. His expression was still stern, but I thought I detected a hint of a smile in his eyes at the care I took walking past him. Once safely past him I stopped in front of Ramsey.

“Let me have Daisy?” and without really waiting for a reply I grabbed the dog and dashed up the stairs to the bedroom Jeff and I shared.

Cutter was unlocking the door with the little key that was at the top of every doorframe, and we both rolled our eyes at our stupid little brother thinking a locked door would keep us out. As soon as the door was open, however, we found ourselves ducking as a pair of shoes came flying out.

“Go away!”

“Hey! Watch it, you almost hit Daisy!” I shouted in return. That was an exaggeration – the shoes hadn’t come within three feet of hitting our puppy, but it succeeded in getting Jeff off his bed.

“What? Daisy!” Jeff took her from me and cradled her as he walked back to his bed. “I’m sorry, Daisy, I didn’t mean to throw my shoes at you. Just at those _meanies_!” He glared at Cutter and me with that last word.

“I’m sorry, Jeff,” Cutter said, walking in. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“Me neither,” I agreed. I sat on my own bed, considering my apologies done with.

“Hmphf,” Jeff said, mostly ignoring us and rubbing Daisy’s tummy.

“John wants you to go back downstairs.”

“Why? So you all can laugh some more?”

“John didn’t laugh at you. Besides, Ramsey told us all about it.”

Jeff’s turn to look confused. “I told you all about it...”

“No, you didn’t,” Cutter scoffed. “You forgot to mention about being the photographer!”

“Oh...” Jeff grinned suddenly. “Yeah, I guess I can see why John might say no.”

Cutter looked at me and we both rolled our eyes. I bounced up from my bed. “Come on, Jeff.”

Downstairs in the kitchen again John took Daisy from Jeff, handed her to Ramsey, and gave my surprised youngest brother a smack on the behind.

“What was that for?” Jeff protested, hands going back to shield himself from further attack.

“For telling us we suck and for storming off in a huff. If you’d explained properly, it would have avoided all this fuss.”

“Oh. Sorry, Dad. I didn’t mean it.” Jeff grabbed John around the waist in a hug, and John pulled my little brother closer, resting his chin on Jeff’s head.

With a final squeeze, John released Jeff and said, “Now, tell me all about photographing the rodeos.”

 

**Jeff**

Once he realized I didn’t actually want to participate in the events, John seemed really happy that I had found a new activity and signed my permission slip. And then he told me that Ramsey and I would get to stay up until 10:00 now that we were older. And then James got all huffy and said he shouldn’t have to still go to bed at 10:00 like his _little_ brothers. And then when John said he could stay up until 11:00, Cutter said it wasn’t fair that James got to stay up til 11:00 because he was still 16, and when _he_ was 16, he had to go to bed at 10:00. John looked about ready to swat everyone and send us all to bed even though it wasn’t even dinner time yet, but then he sighed and said life wasn’t always fair and did Cutter want to stay up til 11:00 too, or would he prefer to give 9:00 a try? So Cutter said he didn’t truly mind James getting a whole year of staying up later than he did at that age, and so we all ended up with new bedtimes!

John and I made dinner while everyone else started on their homework, and we had the table set and ready before Brad made it home. It was about ten minutes after six, and my 18 year-old brother hurried into the kitchen while looking at the clock.

“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to be so late. I was next door.”

We all looked expectantly at John, because the family rule was ‘home by six’ unless we called or someone knew where we were. Disobeying that rule usually got one sent to his room while everyone else ate and then the price for getting to go back downstairs to eat a late supper was a trip over John’s knee. It had been that way back when Mom and Dad were alive, and it was still that way now. It didn’t happen very often. The last time someone got in trouble for that was Cutter almost a year ago!

John set the casserole on the table and seemed oblivious to everyone awaiting his response to Brad being late. He sat at his place and a moment later Brad joined us too. We started eating and everyone was quieter than normal. Did this mean ‘home by six’ was no longer a rule? Or was Brad exempt since he was 18 and done with school? I tried to think back if Eddie had ever broken the rule when he was 19 and 20 and if he ever got in trouble for it, but I couldn’t think of a single time. Eddie was much too responsible!

“Everyone have a good day?” John asked, breaking the silence.

“Yup!” Ramsey and I replied at the same time.

The others just nodded, and John finally seemed to realize something was going on. “What’s going on?”

All eyes drifted to Brad, who got a bit pink and looked down at his plate.

“What? That Brad was late?” John shook his head slightly as if to say what a ridiculous thing for us to be preoccupied with. “He was next door. While it would have been _polite-_ ” he looked at Brad as he emphasized that word, “-to have called, it wasn’t like we didn’t know where he was.”

“But he was still late,” James commented. Not like he was protesting and wanting to get our older brother in trouble, but like he too was wanting to know if the rule had changed.

“Does that mean we can all be late?” Cutter asked. “No more ‘home by six’?”

John set his fork down and looked at all of us.

“Sorry,” Brad apologized, embarrassed at all the attention and making John decide on rules at the dinner table. “I can go upstairs and eat later.”

“You’re 18. I’m not punishing you for coming home a few minutes late, especially since it was obvious where you were.”

“So no more ‘home by six’?” Cutter asked with glee.

John scowled. “Try it and see.”

Did that mean yes or no? I didn’t like ambiguity. “John? Does that mean we don’t have the rule anymore?”

James and Cutter were both about to laugh at me again, but John sighed and said, “You still have to be home by six unless you let someone know where you are.”

“But Brad was late,” Ramsey put in. I think he liked to know what the rules were as much as I did!

“Okay, boys, the ‘home by six’ rule is still in effect for people under the age of 18 who are still in school.”

With a big grin, Cutter joked, “So if I drop out when I turn 18, I can stay out late?”

“Try it and see,” John warned, a smile on his own face.

Cutter shrugged and backed down at the tone in John’s voice. “That’s okay, I’ll just stick it out.”

John waited a moment until it seemed no one else had any questions about it, then said, “For anyone 18 and older, I would just ask that he be considerate of his brothers waiting at home, wondering where he might be.”

“Sorry, it won’t happen again,” Brad said.

Everyone ate in silence a while, then Ramsey piped up, “So does this mean Brad’s too old to spank now?”

Brad turned red and slumped down in his chair while Cutter laughed and James looked very interested in John’s answer. I was interested too!

John’s fork stopped midway to his mouth, and he brought his hand down to rest the fork on his plate again. “Yes, it does. Unless he does something egregiously wrong.”

“Like fighting?” I asked, since that’s what John licked him for before.

“He was 18 then too,” Ramsey pointed out.

John exchanged glances with Brad, and John’s expression softened a little as he took note of Brad’s embarrassment. “Any punishments Brad may get in the future are none of your concern.”

Ramsey pouted at being told to butt out and stabbed his fork at his casserole, then hunched his shoulders a little at the loud sound it made. “Sorry.”

 

**John**

My boys were growing up. Now that I’d publicly declared Brad too old to spank, I hoped he wouldn’t do anything ‘egregious’ to force me to come up with an alternate punishment. He was 18 and falling in love with the girl next door and making plans for his future – education and career and a family of his own someday. In my mind he was almost an adult. Technically, he was, being old enough to vote and marry, and even drink in a few months when he turned 19. He had made a lot of strides towards adulthood since coming to live with us, but I wasn’t ready to cut him loose and declare him an adult just yet. When he was ready, he’d probably declare it himself.

Brad and I were lounging on the sofa watching TV with the sound turned low so it wouldn’t distract any of the younger boys from their homework. I wanted to ask him what he had done all day at the McCalls’ (since I was pretty sure he never made it to the college to register for the business course), but I didn’t. I figured there were still a number of projects keeping him busy all day, and I didn’t want him thinking he wasn’t pulling his weight around our own house by asking. Eddie had been gone for a week, having transferred to Black Hills State University to pursue a teaching degree, and I felt his absence every day. Already I was having to jot down notes for groceries to buy, or things to remember to do, things that Eddie kept track of before. Brad was eager to fill Eddie’s shoes in helping around the house and had already stepped up more with chores. I wanted him to have the security of home that would give him the freedom to explore his own options, however, without getting pulled into doing all of our housework... so I was being careful not to broach any subject that might give him the impression I thought he could be doing more.

One by one the boys finished their homework. First day of school, I was actually surprised they had any. Ramsey was the last, but that was par for the course for him. He was probably busy reading ahead in his math books. Jeff and James played with Daisy, starting to teach her basic commands. The noise was a distraction from the TV, but since it was my order to train the dog, I abided.

Closing his final book, Ramsey came and sat beside me, then handed me his red assignment book. Jeff perked up at the sight. “Are you checking our homework again this year?”

 _Please, no!_ “If you want me to.”

“I do,” Ramsey said softly. “Not the high school homework, because the computers are fun, but the composition class...”

“Okay,” I said easily, rather proud that Ramsey could admit he needed help. Not with the work itself – he was a good writer – but in having the discipline to complete the work and turn it in in a timely manner. He had struggled with that the year before in high school. I flipped open the book and read his careful notes regarding his assignments. “And the homework?”

“Oh yeah!” He darted over to the table and retrieved his completed assignments and I made a show of looking them over.

“Very good, rugrat.”

Ramsey’s eyes lit up at the praise. “Thanks, Daddy,” he whispered, shy of using that title with the other boys close by.

“Are there stickers this year?” Jeff asked, still watching us.

“I don’t need stickers,” Ramsey resolutely declared with a shake of his head. “Or rewards.”

“Oh. Then I’m not going to do it this year,” Jeff said. Then, anxious of having told me his plans rather than asking permission, he hastened to ask, “Is that okay?”

I smiled at my youngest brother who definitely didn’t need anyone checking over his homework. “That’s okay. Just remember to ask for help if you get overwhelmed by any big assignments, okay?”

“I will! Oh say, can you buy me some film? Color film? And black and white? I’m gonna need a lot for the rodeo club!”

“Okay,” I said, lulled into agreeability by the content atmosphere in the family room, my younger brothers and sons all around me.

“Thanks!” Jeff ran outside with Daisy, who wasn’t quite housebroken yet.

Rodeo club. Sheesh! Why didn’t the permission slip just say photography club? Photography. There was a photographer I’d been meaning to call since I met her on my birthday. Did I have time to date? The boys were all so busy and still needed me, but... they _were_ growing up. Deciding I could do without watching _The A-Team_ , I ventured into the library where I could place a private call.

 

 


	2. French kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John goes on his first date with Grace, and the three youngest boys are left home alone for the evening!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments on the first chapter! I was pleasantly surprised at so many, and I appreciate them all! Hope you enjoy this slice of the Loftons' life :)

**Friday, September 6th**

**Brad**

The day after that embarrassing conversation at dinner – the one where the entire family discussed whether or not I was subject to spanking any longer – I was very careful to make it home well before 6:00! I even made it home before John and Ramsey got home from SM&T, and got dinner started. I wasn’t any kind of a cook, really, but I browned hamburger figuring that John would think of something to make with it. Sure enough, with a knowing smile at seeing me safely at home, he got out two jars of spaghetti sauce and added it to the hamburger, and made spaghetti.

Home schooling with the McCalls was awkward at first, especially since we were sharing the books. Heather and I started off trying to read a chapter in the history book at the same time, and after knocking heads for the second time, Heather laughed and moved the book closer to me.

“Here, you finish this, and I’ll read the short story in the other book, then we can swap, okay?”

We did that the rest of the day, swapping books and then working together on the assignments. I felt silly and uncomfortable when I started answering a page of short essay questions about our history reading. Silly because it wasn’t even really necessary seeing as I already had my GED. It felt like playing school. Uncomfortable too, because I’d never had to do anything like it before. Studying with my older brother Carl had meant mostly reading a lot and then being quizzed on it later. For a time I had to write long essays, but it became clear I didn’t have much interest in doing that, not like Ramsey did, so rather than belt me every day when I fell short Carl gave up on essays for me and just asked me a bunch of questions to make sure I’d done the assignments. So now, writing a few sentences to answer questions, and not knowing Mrs. McCall’s expectations when it came to things like that, I was uncomfortable.

Halfway through the sheet she seemed to sense my unease and stopped in her bustling about the kitchen to come over and rest a hand on my shoulder.  “How’s it coming?”

“It’s alright, I guess.”

Her hand squeezed gently, and when she didn’t immediately move away I admitted, “I’m not sure I’m doing it right.”

Mrs. McCall and Heather both leaned over to look. Heather declared it perfect, but Mrs. McCall said, “That’s a very good start, Brad. Take another look at the part about the Stamp Act.”

I pulled the book back towards me, saying, “Yessum, thank you.” I turned back and reread the section, wondering again why I was bothering to do this. Stamp Act? What did it matter? Then Heather smiled at me, and I realized, I wanted to know the things she did. Someday when we were married, I didn’t want her to think she married some ignorant dope. No, I wanted to be able to carry on a conversation with her about whatever she wanted to talk about. And someday I wanted to help our kids with their homework too.

Lunchtime came and I was invited to stay, just like I was every day.

“Thanks, but I have to go check on Daisy.” I felt bad leaving our puppy home alone all day. She’d had all of us for the few weeks we’d had her, and now everyone was off to work and school. She’d been having accidents, and now John insisted she stay in the kitchen with a baby gate up if no one was home.

“Oh, I want to see her!” Heather exclaimed, looking to her mother for permission.

Mrs. McCall exchanged glances with Mr. McCall, then she nodded and said, “Quick there, and quick home.”

“But eat first,” Mr. McCall directed, sitting at his usual place.

Heather sank back into her chair and picked up her sandwich. Knowing an order when I heard it (and grateful for lunch!), I sat down and quickly ate a sandwich, trying not to scarf it down.

As we headed out the door, my boss called after us, “Bring Daisy back with you, why don’t you.”

I hesitated. “Really? But she’s a puppy. She’s not really house trained or anything.”

Mr. McCall shrugged and turned to his wife who smiled encouragingly. Heather grinned and pulled me lightly by the arm.

“Come on,” she said.

Letting the screen door bang shut behind me, I said, “I hope they know what they’re in for!”

 

**Saturday, September 7th**

**Ramsey**

This was terrible! John was abandoning us and everyone else was smiling and acting like it was the best thing ever. He was leaving mid-afternoon to drive all the way to Rapid City to go on a date with Grace, the woman we met at the music festival on his birthday. I thought I might like Grace, but I hated him being gone all afternoon and into the evening! And what if it snowed? He’d be stuck there overnight and he might not be home for days!

I thought about hiding in the car so I could go with him, but he must have seen my eyes drift towards the garage as I munched on my sandwich at lunchtime, because he looked in that direction too. Then he looked back at me, his eyes narrowing, and said, “No.”

My jaw dropped, and my brothers all looked at us in confusion. “What?” I asked, thinking there was no way my dad could have known what I was thinking.

“You’re not coming.”

“What? I didn’t ask to go.” I said that for the benefit of the others, who were looking at me like it would be odd for me to want to go on John’s date with him and Grace. Once the idea was in my head, though, I wondered why they _wouldn’t_ want me along? I could work on my homework and wouldn’t be any bother. “I wouldn’t be any bother,” I said quietly, my eyes dropping to my plate as Cutter and James both snickered.

“You can’t go on his date!” James laughed.

“I know! I don’t want to,” I protested.

“Ramsey,” John said quietly, and when I let my eyes lift to his, I could tell he knew I really did want to go. “I’m just going to be gone a few hours. You’ll see me tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?! You can’t be gone til tomorrow!” My heart dropped right out of my chest at the thought that he was going to be gone so long. I took a deep breath trying not to panic.

“I’ll be back tonight, but late, after your bedtime. You’ll be fine. You guys can rent some movies – _appropriate_ ones,” he added with a look at Brad since he was the oldest one at home, “and maybe get pizza. You’ll have fun with your brothers.”

Cutter shook his head. “Brad and I are taking the girls out.”

“I thought you and Brad were going to be home with the boys.”

James got annoyed. “I don’t need a babysitter!”

“You and Nancy aren’t coming?” Brad asked James.

“No,” James replied, acting like he didn’t care even though I thought he did.

“Maybe I should reschedule,” John said with a contemplative look at me.

That got me a glare from everyone at the table except for John. Brad and Cutter especially, their looks seemed to say, ‘Don’t blow this for him!’

“I’ll be fine,” I protested. “We’ll have fun here, right?” I tried to smile at James and Jeff.

“Yup!” Jeff affirmed.

“We will,” James agreed, adding with a smirk, “You all go on your dates, and I’ll babysit.”

Jeff whapped a hand in his direction, which James dodged with a laugh.

“Boys,” John cautioned.

“Besides,” Jeff happily said to me, “We’ll probably get to go next time!”

 

**James**

John took off for Rapid City in the Impala, and a few hours later Cutter and Brad left in the Bronco, and I was stuck at home with the younger boys. Car-less. So much for picking up videos in town! I hoped the night went smoothly. John had left Grace’s number for us just in case anything happened. Short of the house burning down, I didn’t plan to call him. My oldest brother hadn’t dated anyone since coming home to become our guardian, and now that he had hit it off with a girl I didn’t want anything to ruin it. Not anything, I thought, glancing at Ramsey. It hadn’t been that long ago that I’d had to bring him home when he and Jeff and I were supposed to be visiting our relatives. He always got hugely anxious when John got too far away.

“We can watch _Star Wars_ ,” Jeff suggested, breaking into my thoughts.

“Want to, Ramsey?” I asked.

“Okay,” he replied unenthusiastically.

Jeff and I exchanged looks. My little brother had a slight frown. He probably didn’t want to spend the whole evening humoring Ramsey any more than I did!

Jeff looked around the room for something else to do. “We could take Daisy for a walk?”

Hearing her name, our lab mix puppy ran over to Jeff, wiggling all over. This got a laugh from Ramsey. “I think Daisy votes yes for that!”

It was warm out, so I didn’t even both wearing a jacket over my long-sleeve t-shirt. Ramsey and Jeff both had windbreakers on.

“Come on, Daisy,” Jeff said, patting his leg. Daisy was pulling at the end of her leash.

“Tell her to heel,” I suggested.

“Heeling is stupid.”

“John wants her trained. Heeling is one of the most basic things.”

“I’d rather teach her just to follow me.”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s what heeling is.”

“But that’s so...”

“Regimented,” Ramsey offered.

“Yeah, regimented! She’s my pet, not a military dog or something.”

“Whatever. Your dog.” Daisy was the family’s dog, but she slept on Jeff’s bed – under the covers! – so she was mostly Jeff’s dog. And if he didn’t want to train her properly and John made her leave that would be on Jeff. Looking at my little brother crouching down to pet our wriggling golden dog and listening to her happy yelps, though, I knew we couldn’t let that happen. “Maybe we can get a book on puppy training from the library.”

“Okay,” Jeff agreed.

Ramsey picked a small stick up off the ground. “Take her off the leash and let’s teach her to fetch.”

“No! She can’t be off leash!”

“I don’t think she’ll run away,” I said.

“No!” Jeff pouted and Ramsey tossed the stick to the side, giving up on that idea.

“Let’s go inside,” I said.

 

**John**

If having six kids didn’t already make me feel old, the realization that it had been two years since I dated certainly did! It was a warm sunny day, perfect for the meandering drive and for my first date with Grace. As I drove I thought briefly about previous girlfriends, then my thoughts returned to Grace. I felt slightly foolish taking out a girl who lived an hour away... how was that going to be sustainable? I had five teenage boys at home who never seemed to stop needing me, and I couldn’t just waltz off every weekend to date someone in another town. The older boys would be okay with that, actually, and might enjoy more time to be independent and get up to mischief! The younger boys, though. I shook my head remembering how sad Ramsey had been when I drove away. I couldn’t imagine seeing his sad little face every weekend, knowing I was the cause of it. I glanced into the back seat just to make sure he hadn’t tried to stow away. No Ramsey. He was being good, poor kid.  

I had been to Rapid City a time or two and knew of a nice restaurant where I planned to take Grace. After that... the plan was open. When I was younger I had gone to the movies on dates, but driving an hour each way and knowing our time together was short, I didn’t want to spend it all in a theater where we couldn’t talk and get acquainted. And we didn’t know each other well enough yet to find fun in a darkened movie theater. Besides, wasn’t making out in a theater just something that teenagers did?

 

**Jeff**

We moved the couches back so we had lots of room and started teaching Daisy how to fetch one of her tennis balls. It didn’t take long for James to look bored and abandon us. He knelt by the TV to switch the stations, but there wasn’t a whole lot on. He settled on a made for TV movie without even asking Ramsey and me if we wanted to watch it, then laid back on the couch.

 “Can we order pizza now?” I asked, before James got too settled in.

“Go for it,” he lazily said.

Ramsey and I dashed for the telephone in the library and after a quick discussion ordered two large pizzas, one with pepperoni and one with anchovies. When they arrived, James lifted the box of the anchovy pizza and wrinkled his nose in disgust.

“Is that what I think it is?”

“Yeah, we want to try it!” I said, grabbing a slice.

“And you got a large? Couldn’t you try with a small one in case it sucks?”

“We didn’t think of that,” Ramsey admitted, peering into the box. The anchovies were about three inches long and looked fried or something. They were brownish and dried out. I held mine up close, examining the eyes. I hadn’t expected eyes. Or heads. Or tails.

“Idiots,” James muttered, grabbing two slices of pepperoni and reclaiming his spot on the sofa.

“It looks kinda gross,” Ramsey whispered.

“I know, but... let’s try it.”

“You both better do more than try it, or John’s gonna wallop you for wasting food and money.”

“Oh, shut up!” I snapped.

Ramsey was starting to look upset, and I didn’t know if it was at the mention of John being mad at him or the thought of wasting food. He didn’t like either thing. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed a slice of our humongous anchovy pizza and took a bite, closing his eyes halfway through. I watched for his reaction before attacking my own. He chewed and chewed and chewed and finally swallowed, then opened his eyes.

“Salty,” he pronounced, looking slightly ill.

Salty didn’t sound so bad. I lifted mine to take a bite, but stopped when Ramsey looked at what he had bitten into eyes growing wide. Still on his slice was half an anchovy, the fishy eyes looking right back at him. Suddenly he sprang up and dashed outside after dropping the pizza on the floor where Daisy immediately started gulping it down.

“Lovely,” James flatly said, then sighed. Setting down his own plate where Daisy couldn’t reach it, he gestured to my slice of pizza. “You gonna eat that?”

I looked at it. Five anchovies on my slice. Five whole little fish, with little fishy eyes and fishy guts inside. I poked one. “Do they gut the fish?”

“Idiot. No,” James scoffed. “They’re too small.”

Fish pizza didn’t seem like the best idea anymore. I shook my head, wanting it to disappear.

James held out his hand and I handed over my slice. He dumped it back into the box and carried the box into the kitchen. “Go check on Ramsey, willya?”

Ramsey was bent over near the front bushes, hands on his knees. “So gross,” he said weakly.

“Yeah.” I didn’t know if he meant the anchovy he bit into or having thrown up, but I would agree with either! “You okay?”

“Yeah. What are we gonna do with it? We can’t waste it.”

“Target practice?” I suggested, and was relieved when that got a smile from him.

He spat. “Ugh, yuck!”

“You okay now?”

“Yeah. Let’s go in.”

Daisy was jumping around looking for more pizza. I thought we might get in trouble because of Ramsey’s dropping it on the carpet, but she did a great job of cleaning it up! I knew getting a dog would solve a lot of problems for us! I just hoped she didn’t get sick too.

James met Ramsey at the entryway to the kitchen with a glass of water.

“Thanks,” Ramsey said, gulping it all down gratefully.

I went on into the kitchen to see what James had done with the yucky pizza. It wasn’t anywhere in sight. “Did you throw it away?”

He shook his head. “I stuck it in the fridge. Maybe someone else will like it.”

“Dad’s gonna be mad,” Ramsey worried.

James reached out and gave our brother’s shoulder a reassuring shake. “No, he won’t. I was only joking before.”

“But we’re wasting it...”

“Don’t worry about it. He’d be more upset if you got sick trying to eat it.” James grinned, and I suddenly grabbed him in a hug. My brother might call us idiots sometimes, but he knew how to be nice when it really counted.

 

**Ramsey**

“Are you sure you don’t want any?” James asked after we were all back in the family room.

Jeff had gotten two slices of pepperoni pizza and James was eating his. Daisy was darting back and forth between them hoping to get more.

“I don’t want any,” I said. Just the thought of eating pizza was making me sick.

“You have to eat something,” James said.

“I’m not hungry.”

“I’ll make you something. How about a sandwich?”

“No.”

“Soup?”

“No.”

“Mac ‘n cheese?”

The choices were sounding better with each offer, and I almost took him up on that one. Curious to see what else he might come up with, I repeated, “No.”

“Ice cream?”

“N- okay!”

My older brother’s smirk grew even more as Jeff chimed in, “I want some too!”

“Course you do,” James said, tossing the TV guide from the newspaper at Jeff.

A few minutes later we were all watching TV, ice cream dishes in our laps. During one of the commercials I asked, “I wonder what John and Grace are doing?”

“Kissing!” Jeff exclaimed with a giggle.

“Yeah, that’s why they didn’t need you tagging along,” James said.

“Well, they can’t spend the _whole_ date kissing. Can they?” I asked, suddenly confused. I didn’t know precisely what happened on dates. Cutter and Amy went to a lot of movies, and I knew they liked to ‘make out’ when they could get away with it (not in our room, not when John was home!), but I didn’t know what exactly was involved with making out or what else might happen on dates.

“Sure they can!” Jeff said knowingly.

“Just so they don’t do it too long,” James said. “Or John might find himself with a baby sooner rather than later.”

“What?” Jeff asked. “Kissing doesn’t make a baby.” I was pretty sure he was right.

“Sure it does. Not all kisses. But when a guy loves a girl and gives her a special kiss...” James shrugged like it should be obvious.

“Special kiss?” I asked.

“Yeah. Didn’t Brad tell you all about it?”

“No...”

James set his empty dish on the coffee table and sat back with his hands behind his head like he was getting ready to tell a long story. “Yeah, a special kiss. A French kiss, and you kids better not do it til you’re grown up, or you’ll get a girl pregnant.”

“French kissing?” Jeff asked. “That’s just when you stick your tongues in each other’s mouths. That doesn’t make a baby.”

“Sure it does,” James said, staring intently at Jeff.

Jeff looked confused a moment then grinned. “Oh, _that_ French kissing! Yeah, I heard about that.”

James laughed. “Yeah, so be careful.”

I was highly suspicious that I was being had, but since I didn’t have any actual facts about the subject, I couldn’t refute it. “That’s ridiculous.”

James laughed even more, joined this time by Jeff. “It’s messy, but it’s true. The sensation of your tongue in her mouth, well, it signals hormones that tells her body to start making a baby. A quick kiss is probably okay, but anything longer, and you might as well start shopping for diapers.”

“Yeah!” Jeff chimed in.

“Bull,” I objected, which caused James to tut loudly.

“Language, Ramsey. What would _Daddy_ say?”

“Oh, shut up!”

James laughed some more so I tackled him.

 

**Brad**

After a movie we took the girls for Cokes, and still got home before 10:00. The boys were all up, and the family room was a disaster area! The couches were shoved close to the edges of the room and the sofa cushions were all over the floor with the boys draped all over them nearly comatose. An empty pizza box and ice cream dishes littered the coffee table. Daisy was sprawled out too, so worn out she didn’t even jump up to see us, merely giving a little wag of her tail when we entered.

“Looks like you all had fun,” Cutter observed, taking in the mess. “Better clean up before bed.”

“I’m waiting up for John,” Ramsey announced.

“No, you’re not,” I contradicted.

“Yes, I am.”

“Me too,” Jeff said. “Besides, it’s Saturday night. We have _Saturday Night Live_!”

I knew when to give up. “Clean up, at least. John could be home any time, and you don’t want his evening ending with having to deal with this mess.”

“Arghhhhhh,” my little brother griped, lazily rolling off the cushion, landing on his hands and knees. He slowly got up. “You guys have to help too.”

Ramsey had been referring to James and Jeff, but Cutter and I moved the sofas back into place to help out while the younger boys cleaned up. James walked past me at one point and I saw a bruise on his arm. “What happened?”

He looked down to see what I was talking about then he said, “Oh, nothing.” His eyes flashed to Ramsey, and that was enough for me to guess what had happened.

“Ramsey?” I asked sternly.

“What?” he asked, standing with his belly sticking out a little and a pout on his face.

“Did you guys fight?” Man, I hoped not. The only time I had gotten in trouble with John (well, to the point where he had to punish me) was when Cutter and I had fought. Ramsey got spanked a lot because he was often kind of a brat, but I hated to think what John would do to him and James if they actually fought.

“No,” James said right away. “We were just roughhousing, not fighting.” Grinning at Ramsey he said, “I think we both got banged up. We’re fine.”

Cutter went to Ramsey and protectively looked him over, making sure he was alright.

“I’m fiiiiine,” Ramsey whined.

“Aren’t you going to check me out too?” James asked with false indignation. “I might be injured too.”

“Pshhh, you can take care of yourself.”

“I can take care of myself too,” Ramsey fussed.

I knew my little brother, though, and I could tell it was just a token protest. There was a gleam in his eye that meant he was perfectly okay with being cared for by all of his older brothers. Cutter looked at me and by the quirk in his lips I knew he was aware of it too.

“Sure ya can,” Cutter said, lifting Ramsey’s shirt to make sure he wasn’t sporting any bruises on his chest. Injury check done, he dropped the t-shirt and said, “You’ll live.”

“Told ya so.”

It didn’t take us long to get the family room cleaned up again, and then we all collapsed on the sofas to watch TV and await the head of our household.

 

**John**

Grace lived with her sister in an apartment in town and they were both waiting when I rang the doorbell. Grace was just as I remembered her from the music festival. Well, her hair was down and curled into big waves rather than pulled into a ponytail under a baseball cap, and she wore a peach dress rather than the casual clothes she had worn before, but she still had the same beautiful girl-next-door feel that I remembered.

It was awkward at first. I had thought about how to greet her as I drove up, but I got flustered when she answered the door and I saw her dark-haired sister standing a few feet behind her. So instead of a suave ‘hello, great to see you again, Grace’ accompanied by a quick peck on the cheek, she got a not-thought-out handshake and a ‘hi Grace, you look wonderful’.

“Thank you, you do too” she said, opening the door to let me in. She introduced me to her sister Faith and we all chatted a few minutes, then I escorted Grace to the car. I made sure to open the door for her, for which she thanked me with a sweet smile, and as I walked around to the driver’s side I saw her turn to make sure that my door was unlocked. Her consideration warmed me inside – my mother always did the same for my father after he’d opened the car door for her.

The restaurant was in a big old hotel in the middle of town, and it turned out to be maybe too nice for a first date. It was expensive, more appropriate for prom or a wedding anniversary or another really special occasion. Glancing at the prices on the menu, I hoped she didn’t think I was trying to show off! We were dressed for it, at least. I was wearing a sport coat, and she, of course, was dressed up. We took a few minutes to decide what to eat, and after she told me what she would like, I ordered for us both.

“And to drink?” the waiter inquired, one eyebrow raised as he stood with his pen poised to write in his little book. He had given us a wine menu earlier. I didn’t know the first thing about wines and was relieved when Grace said she would just like to have iced water with a slice of lemon. I ordered the same, and the waiter left us.

The restaurant was dark and our table was lit by candlelight. It was only late afternoon and it seemed once again my well-thought-out plan wasn’t as good as it should have been. The decor was more suited for a late dinner than a 5:30 in the evening supper. It was still light out! My mild embarrassment was soon forgotten as we chatted. We’d talked on the phone twice now, and our dinner conversation fell right into the ease of our previous ones. The difference now was I could look into her bright eyes and see the candlelight flickering and turning her blonde hair into a darker gold. Her light laugh was the same, and she laughed often. Not in a nervous way and never in a making-fun-of-something way, but it seemed to arise from her good humor and self-confidence until it bubbled over in a quiet, infectious laughter.

We talked about our jobs and our college days, comparing notes, and eventually the topic drifted to our families. More specifically, mine. She had met all seven of us at the music festival and I could tell she was curious but not wanting to pry. So I talked about my parents dying (keeping it brief!) and moving home to care for my four brothers, and how it was that Ramsey and Brad had come to live with us. She asked questions and I was happy to answer them. Better she know what she was in for, if this developed into anything. I didn’t tell her about Ramsey’s abandonment issues regarding my even going on the date – I didn’t want her to feel guilty. I had enough guilt myself!

After dinner we had mint ice cream and chocolate cake, and sat chatting over coffee. The restaurant got busier and eventually I realized it was 8:30. “Shall we go?” I asked, looking around. “They probably want our table.”

“Alright,” she replied.

I paid the check and we went back to the car. “Want to take a drive?” I asked, not ready to take her home and end the night.

She suggested going up to Skyline Drive which ran through Dinosaur Park on a hill overlooking the city. We drove up and when I saw how short the road was, I parked where we had a view of the city lights. We got out and walked and talked. It was a little cool, but she said she was warm enough with her cardigan, and I was glad for my sport coat. I wanted to hold her hand. Was that too forward for a first date? We weren’t in high school anymore, and I found myself unsure of what was appropriate beyond wanting to show her that I respected her. I knew I was overthinking it.

Around 9:30 we headed back to the car, which by now was in the middle of a long line of cars parking. Yes, apparently I had taken her to the local teen make-out place. We pretended not to see the steamed up windows we passed, other than a shared smile at the slight rocking of the car next to ours. Way to go, John, taking her there!

As we drove down the hill towards town, I saw a pair of eyes off to the side of the road, bright in the headlights of the Impala. I slowed, thinking it was a deer, though it was too low to the ground for a deer unless it was laying down, and I couldn’t imagine a deer choosing the edge of the road for that.

“What is that?” Grace asked, leaning forward to peer at the creature. “Oh, John, I think it’s a dog. Can we pull over?” I could hear the worry in her voice and pulled to a stop just short of where the animal was. I turned off the engine but left the headlights on so we could see.

Grace opened her door and I scooted out after her. “Careful,” I cautioned. “If it’s hurt it might bite.”

She fell back a step, waiting for me to catch up with her, then reached out and took my hand so we could approach together. I almost didn’t notice, it felt so natural to find myself holding her hand. So much for all my prior worry about whether she would think it too forward of me!

“Hey, there,” I said as we slowly approached.

“Hey, puppy,” she cooed, for it _was_ a dog. A very small terrier with a collar and a slightly wagging tail despite a few rust-colored stains on its side.

We crouched down as we got close and I held out my hand. The dog got to its feet and swayed a little and sat back on its haunches, but the little tail never stopped wagging.

“Did it get hit by a car?” Grace asked, her own hand reaching out to gently pet it behind the ears.

Suddenly the dog sprang into life, jumping into my arms, licking my cheek. Oh, the indignity. I laughed slightly, taken by surprise. “I don’t think so.” Given the squirminess of it, it didn’t appear to have anything broken. “I bet it just got lost, and now it’s tired and hungry and thirsty.” I held it back slightly so we could see its collar. “No tag on  the collar.”

“Let’s take it home,” she immediately decided. “Tomorrow I’ll start looking for its owner.”

“Okay,” I agreed. I stood up straight and carried the small dog to the car, Grace right beside me soothing it. I’d had to drop her hand when the little attention-seeker had made a leap for me. I set the dog between us, but Grace scooped him up right away to hold him firmly in her arms, on her lap. “Careful, I think that’s blood on him. He’s scratched up.”

“My dress will wash. No big deal,” she replied matter-of-factly.

A few minutes later we were in her apartment again. Sure enough, in the light I could see she had a bit of blood on her dress (and lots of dirt now), but she just shrugged and went into her bedroom to change, returning a moment later in a t-shirt and jeans. She reached for the tail-wagger, and I handed it over. She carried it into the bathroom, and without a second thought I followed.

“I think he needs a bath,” she observed.

So... at 10:00 on our first date, Grace and I were kneeling side by side at her bathtub, gently washing a small muddy dog. She was careful around its wounds, which turned out to be minimal and superficial and probably acquired from romping through the brush. Grace wasn’t at all fazed by the turn in our night, and as we worked together I had a sudden image of her tending to the scrapes and cuts of the two klutzy youngest members of my family. I smiled at the thought and at just that moment she turned to me, smiling up at me in return.

I had taken off my sport coat and loosened my tie, and when Grace pronounced the dog clean, I scooped it up into a towel before it could shake water everywhere. I patted it dry, careful not to be rough because of its scrapes, then handed it off to Faith who was waiting with a smile of her own.

“Well, I guess I better call it a night,” I said, picking up my sport coat and shrugging it on again. “Thank you.”

“Thank you for a wonderful time,” she said, completing the usual after-date thank-you for comings.

Then we looked at each other – wet and covered in mud, with streaks of blood on our clothes... and started laughing. From the other room we heard Faith talking to the dog, “They’re silly, aren’t they, puppy?” And that just made us laugh even more.

Eventually we got control of ourselves and she walked me to the door. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” I said, then immediately wondered if that was too soon. Wasn’t I supposed to wait a day or two so she didn’t think I was desperate?

“Please do! And I’ll update you on our furry friend.”

“Goodnight,” I said, and without stopping to think about it, leaned down and gently kissed her on the lips.  

“Goodnight, John.”

And the memory of her bright shining eyes kept me warm all the way to the car.

 

**James**

John didn’t get home til almost midnight! Ramsey had fallen asleep on Brad’s shoulder halfway through _Saturday Night Live_ , and Jeff looked about ready to drop off. We heard the rumble of the Impala coming up the drive and I looked around the family room making sure we hadn’t overlooked anything. No, it was all put together again.

John came in from the garage and walked into the family room, and was he ever a mess! His clothing was all rumpled and he was covered in dried mud and blood maybe.

“What happened?” Cutter asked.

Ramsey woke up. “Daddy!” He launched himself at John. “What happened? Did you get hurt?”

John hugged Ramsey and looked around at all of us. “I’m fine, Grace is fine. No one is hurt. We rescued a lost dog and it was kind of dirty and scratched up.”

As soon as Ramsey let go, Jeff was right in there to get his own hug. Kids.

“Did you have fun?” Jeff asked.

“Yes, I did.”

“Did _she_ have fun?” Cutter asked with his usual smirk.

“Yes, I think so.”

“Are you going out with her again?” I asked.

John smiled at me, looking tired but happy. “I hope so.”

“Did you kiss her?” Ramsey asked with sudden concern.

“Is that any of your business?” John asked, reaching out to brush Ramsey’s hair off his face.

“Yes! It is! Cos if you French kissed she’ll have a baby then you’ll have to get married and I’ll be babysitting and then it will be my business!”

“What?” John asked with a confused laugh. “French kissing? Having a baby?” Uh oh. “A woman doesn’t get pregnant from French kissing, Ramsey.”

“French kissing might be involved in the whole process, though,” Cutter laughed.

I yawned. “Well, I’m glad you’re home safe. I’m gonna head to bed now!”

“Where’d you get an idea like that?” John asked my blonde little brother.

“James told me! But I didn’t believe him.” Ramsey crossed his arms, perfecting his glare in my direction.

“James, what have you been telling him?”

“Oh, you know, just the facts of life. And stuff.”

“And stuff,” Cutter mimicked. “I can imagine what stuff you’ve been telling him.”

Ramsey was looking slightly hurt now, and I was regretting having him on earlier. John pulled him close again with an arm around his shoulders, still hanging on to Jeff with his other arm.

“Tomorrow I think the three of us will have a talk,” John said, looking down at them.

“I don’t need a talk,” Jeff said, squirming in embarrassment.

“I think you do.” Then John pierced me with his blue eyes, stopping me in my tracks. Rats, I had almost been to the staircase! “And from the sounds of it, James can use a talk too.” Crap!


	3. Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ramsey learns all about the birds and the bees while getting lots of reassurance from his older brothers. Nothing graphic about The Talk :P

**Sunday, September 8th**

**Cutter**

I sleepily awoke and stretched, my arms spreading out and finding empty space where Ramsey would be. That wasn’t unusual – he almost always got up before me. The bedroom was light and a glance at the alarm clock told me it was almost 9:00. Hearing distant sounds from the kitchen I got up, hit the bathroom, and went on down. Jeff was watching TV in the family room.

I paused when I saw what was on. “ _Davey and Goliath?_ Really?”

Jeff looked up at me and shrugged. “It’s this or news.”

On the TV the animated clay figures of a boy and his dog ambled about, learning life lessons. When I was little I once tried to beg off going to church on the grounds that I could stay home and learn Bible lessons from _Davey and Goliath_. My dad had said, “Nice try,” while my mom held out my coat and told me to hurry along.

Ramsey was pawing through the cereal boxes in the kitchen cupboard.

“Where’s John?” I asked.

“Sleeping in, I guess.”

“He never sleeps in,” I countered. “Must have had a good night with Grace.”

Ramsey flashed me a grin. “Yeah.”

“And you survived a night without him,” I kidded, watching him carefully to see his reaction. I knew it was tough for him to have John out of town, even for an evening.

His smile faded and he bit his lower lip. “Yeah. It was alright, I guess, but-” his voice dropped to a whisper, “-I hope he doesn’t go every weekend!”

“I doubt he will. But if he does... it’s good for him, you know?”

Ramsey cocked his head.

“He’s given up a lot for us,” I explained further. “It’s about time he was able to go on a date.”

“But we need him,” my blonde little brother pouted.

“He’s still here for us. He’s not going anywhere.” I could see my words weren’t having much effect. Smiling slightly I said, “Think of it like this – he’s looking for another person to add to the family. Another person to love you.”

“That would be nice,” came the soft reply.

“And be here to talk to.”

“Mhm.”

“And help John.”

“I help John.”

I nodded. “You do.”

Ramsey took down a box of corn flakes and poured himself a bowl. I grabbed a bowl and did the same, and we both sat at the table to eat. After a few bites he asked, “What if he gets married and decides he wants to start a new family with his own babies?”

I knew John had been over this with him. “And leave us?”

He nodded.

“That’s not going to happen. We’re a package deal, Ramsey. A wife and any babies that come along – and I’d be willing to bet there _will_ be babies – they’ll add to our family, not replace it.”

Troubled blue eyes turned to me for reassurance. “Are you sure?”

Even after all these months and John even _adopting_ him, Ramsey still thought he might be abandoned. I fought down a flash of anger for Carl and hid how much Ramsey’s question bothered me. “Absolutely positive. He loves us. He loves _you_ , Ramsey.”

Ramsey smiled at that and nodded and set to eating again.

After a quiet moment I asked, “Did you really believe James?”

His spoon dropped in indignation. “Course not!”

“Are you sure?” I tried to keep from smiling at the lie I was about to tell. “It would sound pretty reasonable if you had never heard any different.” _Reasonable, yeah right!_

Ramsey relaxed slightly. “Maybe. It sounded... fishy. I didn’t really believe it, but-” he shrugged, “-it did sound kind of reasonable, and I didn’t- I don’t know... I guess I’m kind of stupid.”

 “Stupid? You? Hah.”

Encouraged by my response, he sat up again and eagerly said, “I know some of it already. Like, it takes a man and a woman and like, they have to take their clothes off, right?”

Must not laugh, I told myself sternly, looking at his earnest face. “They generally take their clothes off, but they don’t have to come all the way off.”

“Oh, good. I don’t want a girl seeing me naked.” He looked down at his skinny self and I allowed myself a quick grin.

“You’ll be too busy looking at her naked body to worry about your own.”

He turned a little pink at that.

“Besides, by the time you want a girlfriend, you’ll be all built up and have muscles and it won’t bother you.” I showed off my biceps, which had gotten a workout with my summer job.

He held up his own arms and frowned at the result of flexing his own muscles. Giving that up he curiously asked, “Have you done it before?”

As if he even knew what ‘it’ meant. “No. Amy and I are waiting til we’re married.”

Ramsey nodded thoughtfully. “Have you, like, seen her naked?”

Reminding myself that this was coming from a curious boy who had been horribly sheltered and didn’t know the first thing about anything, and wasn’t one of my baseball buddies luridly digging for details in the locker room, I said, “No, not really. There are some parts of people that only their husband or wife gets to see.” I was growing hot, and got up to pour a glass of juice for each of us. Plunking one down in front of Ramsey, I added, “We’ve only ever made out a bit.”

I waited and sure enough, a moment later he asked, “What’s making out?” He squirmed then said, “I mean, I know it’s kissing, right? But is it more?”

Now I wanted to squirm. “It’s kissing and _French_ kissing sometimes.” At least I got to watch him turn pinker at that reminder. “And it’s touching. Over the clothes and sometimes...” Should I go on? “Sometimes under the clothes, a little.”

Ramsey nodded as if that was all old hat to him. “And John doesn’t want us doing that.”

“It’s not so much that, but it can be hard to stop, and you’ll find yourself wanting more, wanting to go all the way.”

“What’s ‘all the way’?” he whispered, leaning forward in great anticipation.

“Sex.” And then, because he was listening with such rapt attention and trusting confidence that I wouldn’t lead him astray (unlike James!), I found myself explaining the how-to’s of sex to my recently-turned 15 year-old brother.

He was silent, thinking, then asked, “Really? Are you sure? That’s... that’s kind of weird, isn’t it?”

I snorted, “Yeah. But I bet it won’t seem weird when it happens.” I was into hypotheticals now. “It’s natural.”

“Huh.” He contemplated this newfound knowledge. “And you’re sure? John told you about it?”

“My dad did.” I thought back to when I had been 11. That conversation had been a lot more awkward than this one. I guess some things were easier to talk about with a brother than a parent.

“He had five kids, so I guess he would know, huh?”

I burst out laughing. “Yeah, he was an expert!”

 

**John**

“Making any friends?”

Eddie’s laughter came over the phone line from the hallway at his dorm at Black Hills State University. “I’m not six, John!”

Undeterred, I replied, “So is that a ‘yes’?”

“Yes, I am. And it’s not exactly private here, I’m not gonna wax poetic about it.”

Imagining my brother surrounded by other college students waiting for the phone, talking about making friends like he’d just started his first day in kindergarten, I grinned. I was glad to hear it, though. Eddie held high hopes for his new major, and knowing we were spending money on his room and board I knew he was taking the transfer seriously. But I was hoping that he would get to kick back and enjoy the whole college experience. It was time he got to be a normal teenager, even if he was turning 21 in two weeks.

“How’s the jeep?”

“It’s good. Cutter got it in shape, you know.”

I missed the jeep, but was glad Eddie had it for going back and forth. “Good.”

“Oh, John?”

“Yeah?”

His voice was muffled now, and he spoke lower. “I kind of lost my driver’s license.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” I heard the phone cord twisting around on his end. “I just discovered it was gone, and I’ve looked everywhere. Can you check my room?”

“Sure, I’ll check. Wait, you think you drove all the way to Spearfish without your license?”

“Don’t get mad. I only just realized it.”

“I’m not mad.” Just annoyed. How could he lose his driver’s license? Eddie was usually so much more responsible. “Just go get a new one. Tomorrow.”

“But what if you find it?”

“Never mind that. Just get a new one. And don’t drive to the DMV.”

“Okay. So... how was your date?”

**..»º*º«..**

 Late afternoon all the boys were outside taking advantage of the warm autumn weather by riding the dirt bikes around the yard and fields and down the jumps they had built. I watched from the porch, lazily tossing a ball for Daisy, debating whether it was too early to call Grace. What was the worst that could happen? She would think I was interested in her? That I liked her and wanted to see her again? I could live with that. Desperate, though, I’d have to avoid any hint of desperation. My mind made up, I went inside and phoned her.

We chatted for half an hour. Grace and her sister Faith had put up signs and made phone calls about the dog we’d found, and were hopeful the owner would be found soon. We probably would have talked longer, but I heard the unmistakable noise of five teens and a bunch of bikes entering the garage.

I went out to meet my family who were all a mixture of boisterous and worn out. I loved the hill in the back of the house – half a dozen trips up and down it could wear out the most energetic teenager!

“There’s leftover pizza if anyone wants it,” James offered.  

“Pizza!” Brad said, rushing for the fridge and pulling out a box. He set it on the counter top, opened it, and froze. “What’s... what is this?”

“Anchovies,” James replied, glancing at the younger boys, who were sidling towards the door to the family room.

“Yuck!” Brian loudly declared. “Why’d you get that?”

“Jeff and Ramsey did.”

Caught before they could escape, Jeff pouted. “We just wanted to try it.”

“I’ll eat it,” Brad said resolutely. Bracing himself, he reached in for a slice.

Knowing how he grew up hungry and hated wasting food, I said, “You don’t have to eat it. I can take it to work tomorrow and it’ll be gone in five minutes.”

Hope appearing in his gray eyes he said, “Really?”

“College students will eat anything. Don’t worry about it.”

Soon the pizza box was back in the fridge (where it would remain until I could take it to the library’s dumpster in the morning) and Brad was eating a sandwich. I considered scolding the younger boys for ordering a large and wasting it, but realized they felt badly enough. Ramsey didn’t like to waste food. Neither did Jeff, really, but his stemmed from a love of sweets and goodies, not from a fear of not knowing where his next meal was coming from.

Everyone gathered in the family room to munch and talk. I waited until they had settled down somewhat, then said, “Jeff, Ramsey, let’s have that talk now.”

 “I don’t need it now, Cutter explained everything this morning!” Ramsey brightly told me.

“Oh, he did, did he?”

My 17 year-old brother shrugged at me and smiled at Ramsey.

“I have homework to do,” James said, disappearing upstairs.

“Me too,” Brad said, then hastily changed that to, “I mean, I’m gonna head up and read awhile.” Except for studying for the GED I hadn’t seen him crack a book, but good for him.

“I guess I’ll go up too,” Brian said, smirking. “Call me if you have any questions, John.”

“Brat,” I said. “Just for that I should make you stay.”

“Too late now!” he called from the stairs.

“I don’t need the talk either,” Jeff announced. “I know how it all works.”

Ramsey nodded in agreement.

“What did Brian tell you?”

With blushes and faltering words, my blonde son told me what his older brother had said. I had to hand it to Brian – it seemed he was pretty thorough and kept to the facts. “Did he talk about all the changes your bodies are going through?”

Jeff slumped down in the sofa hiding his face in a pillow while Ramsey shook his head. His embarrassment had lessened somewhat, and now he had that serious ‘ready-to-learn’ look on his face. I grabbed the pillow from Jeff so I could see his eyes, then spent the next ten minutes talking about all the changes that were happening in their bodies and what they could look forward to soon (shaving, among other things), and what those changes would mean for them growing up and dating and getting married and fathering children.

Ramsey squirmed but paid attention. Jeff interjected lots of quiet ‘ughs’ and ‘I know’s!’ and did his best to not pay attention. I half-wanted to take him over my knee for his behavior, but didn’t want that to be the take-away from this discussion. I had been sitting in an armchair while the boys were on one of the sofas, and after Jeff whined, “I know!” for about the twentieth time, I abruptly stood up. Clapping his mouth shut, he shrank back at my approach, but I merely sat between them, pulling my youngest brother closely to my side. Ramsey was amused at Jeff’s sudden contrition and leaned into my other side, a small smile on his lips.  

“Any questions?” I asked, thinking any more discussion on the subject was likely more than any of us wanted. I felt Jeff shake his head from under my arm.

“What if... what if... do girls know about all this stuff too?” Ramsey asked, turning his head to look up at me.

“By the time they’re dating, they generally do.”

“What if... what if I go on a date and- and she wants to make out and-”

“Then you make out!” Jeff giggled, interrupting. I squeezed his knee. “Ow, ow, ow! I’ll be quiet!” I released him with a look. He rubbed his knee with one hand and zippered his mouth with the other.

“Go on, Ramsey.”

Ramsey’s bravery failed him and he said, “Never mind.”

“No, ask. Go on.”

One hand twisting the bottom of his t-shirt around the other, he tried again. “Well, what if she wants to make out, and I don’t want to?” I felt Jeff stir next to me, no doubt with some locker room reply at the ready. I squeezed him and he subsided. “Like if we go out and I find out I don’t really like her, but she wants to make out and I don’t want to hurt her feelings. So then do I make out with her anyway? Even if I don’t want to?”

“That’s an excellent question, and it brings up the most important point. Well, there’s one other that we’ll get to in a minute, but this one is the most important. Are you listening?” That last question was for Jeff’s benefit, but I waited for a nod from them both. “It’s all about respect. Respect for the girl you’re dating, and respect for yourself. When you go on a date, don’t do anything with her that she doesn’t want to do. If she says ‘no’ to anything or even just doesn’t seem that into it, stop. Don’t do anything you wouldn’t want to tell her father about at the end of the night.” Even Jeff stiffened at the thought of talking to a girl’s father.

“And respect yourself. Don’t do anything _you_ don’t want to do, and don’t let anyone do anything to you that you don’t want to do. Does that answer your question, Ramsey?” A small nod at my side. “It’s your body, you get to decide what you want to share.”

Another nod, and then he raised his head. “So I can just take her home. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do.”

“And tell her you don’t feel the same way and just want to be friends.” Brian was coming down the stairs and joined us, sitting on the hearth.

“And just be friends,” Ramsey echoed. “What’s the other most important thing, Dad?”

 “Sex is an adult activity. Save it for when you’re adults, preferably married. You’re still kids.” I looked at Brian at that. He tossed back a ‘yeah, yeah, yeah’ look, but nodded and didn’t dispute it in front of the younger boys.

“Okay. Are we done? Can we have popcorn for supper?” Jeff asked, wriggling out of my hold and jumping to his feet.

“Yes. You want to make it?”

Jeff took off for the kitchen.

“Any other questions?” I asked Ramsey.

The boy shook his head and looked up at Brian then over to me. His eyes were shining with something that I couldn’t quite place. “Thanks, both of you. Everyone else on the planet probably learns all that when they’re way younger than me, and I can’t believe I didn’t know any of it. So... thank you.”

Now I knew what was in his expression – his satisfaction at being one step closer to ‘normal’, to knowing what everyone else knows. I knew catching up was important to him. I smiled at Brian, grateful for his help in talking to Ramsey earlier. He grinned back, looking rather proud of himself.

“It still seems really weird,” Ramsey mused shaking his head. “And kind of messy.” He got up and went into the kitchen to help Jeff with the popcorn.

 

**Brad**

There was a single rap on my bedroom door. I knew it would be John since he was the only one who knocked (now that Eddie was off at BHSU). I looked at a book I was reading and decided not to hide it. “Come in.”

John opened the door and stepped in. “Popcorn downstairs if you want any.”

“Thanks.”

Going for casual, he asked, “What are you reading?”

I turned the book around and held it so he could read the cover.

 _“How to Make Cowboy Horse Tack._ Where’d you get that?”

“Mr. McCall. He has a couple books on the subject, and he’s gonna show me how to make things this winter.” Suddenly wondering if John thought I was imposing on our neighbors too much I asked, “Is that okay?”

I easily read the warmth in his eyes. “That’s great, Brad. You’re good with your hands. I bet you’ll enjoy it.”

“I hope so.”

He smiled and turned to the door.

“Hey, John?”

He paused. “What’s up?”

“I have something to tell you.” I shifted to sit up more on the bed. John closed the door and sat backwards on the desk chair. “Over at the McCalls... you know how Mrs. McCall was helping me with math over the summer?” At his nod I went on. “And she homeschools Heather?”

“Yes. Go on,” he prodded quietly.

“She offered to homeschool me too.” That word sounded strange coming out of my mouth. Old-timey and odd.

“You’ve got your GED.”

“I know, that’s what I told them! Both of them! All of them!” John’s face lit with a smile that mirrored my own. “But they thought I might enjoy learning alongside Heather, and-”

“Aha,” John said, grinning now. “I see.”

I didn’t deny my main reason for going along with the scheme. “Yeah, it’s been fun so far. Mr. McCall and I do chores, then I study with Heather, then we have lunch, then she and her mom do projects and Mr. McCall is going to show me tack stuff, and well, it’s kind of fun.”

John crossed his arms on the back of the chair and contemplated me. “That’s fantastic, Brad. I’m glad you want to keep learning things even though you’ve got your GED already.”

“Thanks, me too.”

“You know, I’d worry about them stealing you away and adopting you except for three things.” I could tell he was teasing.

“Oh yeah? What are those?”

“One. I already adopted you. You’re mine.” The thought always made me happy and I didn’t try to hide my smile. “Two. Ramsey.” He didn’t need to explain that one. My brother was such a part of the Lofton family and I would never leave him. “Three... Heather.”

“Huh?” I asked. “If they adopted me, I’d be with her every day.”

My dad smirked. “As her _brother._ ”

I flushed. “Oh, right. I didn’t think of that!”

John got to his feet again. “I’m proud of you, Brad. I approve of your plan at the McCalls’. Ready for popcorn? I suspect we’ll have to make more since the boys have had at it for oh... five minutes now!”

With his hand on the doorknob I said, “John?”

“Yes?”

“What you said the other day?”

“Yes?” his eyes narrowed, not following.

Feeling hot again I said, “About being 18 and not in school... I’m sort of in school again?”

John grinned in sudden understanding. “For punishment purposes you’re out of school. What you’re learning now is extra, okay?”

“Okay,” I said in relief. I thought he’d say that, but I hadn’t been sure.

Growing slightly more serious he said, “Short of fighting Brian again or getting drunk and taking the car for a joy ride, I can’t think of anything that would make me decide to spank you.” _Ugh, I hated that word!_ “I think you’re past that now, don’t you?”

“Yeah, yessir.” I hoped so, anyway. I thought back to all the years with Carl, all the lickings I’d taken. They weren’t anything like the discipline I’d had and witnessed at the Loftons. Absolutely no comparison. But still, I was 18 now, and ready to be past it all. “Race you for the kitchen!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These characters often put themselves in situations I hadn't anticipated. I thought John was going to do the whole talk, but then there was Cutter sticking his nose in and doing most of it! 
> 
> The book Brad is reading is a real one, btw, written by Bruce Grant in 1956. I saw a copy in a bookstore in Pendleton and made a note of it, thinking that was something Brad would be interested in!
> 
> Up next - the boys will finally get in trouble! I had planned for it sooner, but I didn't want to leave Jeff and Ramsey awaiting The Talk for too long. So, next chapter! Thanks for reading :)


	4. The Daddy Test

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeff and Ramsey find ways to have fun - too bad it all ends in tears :)

### The Daddy Test, or, I Dare You!

**Monday, September 9th**

**Cutter**

“I bet you can’t walk with that on your head!”

“I bet I can!” Jeff stood up from the kitchen table, balancing the glass of water that he had placed on the top of his head and took a tentative step. It started to slide to one side, and he quickly grabbed it, repositioning it slightly. Two more steps. “There! I did it!”

“You guys are idiots,” I said shaking my head at their folly.  I grabbed a Coke from the fridge and went back to the family room where we were all watching TV.

A minute later both Ramsey and Jeff came out of the kitchen balancing full glasses of water on their heads. “Idiots,” I snorted.

John flashed me a quick scowl. “Don’t call them that.” Then he turned back to the boys. “What are you guys doing?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Jeff asked with a cheeky grin.

“Clean up if you spill,” John said, and turned back to watch TV. That was it?! James and I looked at each other in disbelief. Hello! Glasses! Water! It was a disaster waiting to happen! And John just let them do it. Sheesh.

Mission evidently accomplished, Ramsey and Jeff ditched their glasses on the table and dashed upstairs. A minute later we heard them practicing their violins.

“Hey, John?”

“Yeah?” he asked, turning his head towards me.

“Can we soundproof a practice room for them?”

James laughed, Brad grinned, and John swatted me with the sofa pillow. He smiled too, though, so I knew he wasn’t mad.

“No. That’s not sending the right message.”

“It sends a great message!” I protested. “Their practicing is sooo important that we’re creating a special place just so they can do it!”

“No,” John repeated with a shake of his head for emphasis. “We encourage each other, remember?”

“I like hearing them,” Brad put in.

“You would,” I muttered.

“What’s that mean?”

“Nothing really,” I conceded. Just that he was a pushover when it came to Jeff and Ramsey!

Brad opened his mouth to say something else, but fortunately (because I really didn’t want to argue with him over a throwaway comment I had made), James interrupted.

“John? Can we get a piano?”

That got everyone to shut up!

“A piano? Why do you want a piano?”

James shrugged. “I think it would be fun. I was messing around with one at school and I think I could be good at it.”

“Yeah, no doubt you’d just sit right down and play Beethoven’s 5th!”

John scowled at me again. “Be nice.” To James he said, “A piano is rather expensive to buy on a whim.”

James dug his toes into the ottoman. “I’ve always wanted one.”

Since James’s gaze was firmly on his curling toes, John looked at me and lifted his eyebrows in a silent question. I shook my head. This was the first I’d ever heard of James wanting a piano.

“Did you ever ask Mom and Dad?”

All of our eyes shot to John at that question. We didn’t talk about Mom and Dad a whole lot, and the realization made me feel bad.

James nodded. “A couple of years ago.”

“They said no?” John asked.

“Yeah. They said I should have started when I was little.” Sounding a bit cross now he said, “I don’t know why. Jeff wasn’t little when he started violin.”

“If he had, he might actually be good now!” I interjected.

John brought his hand down in a hearty slap on my leg, and after a quick yelp I decided to give my mouth a break from further conversation.

“Sorry, James,” John said. “I wish we could, but it’s such a big thing.”

“It’s okay,” James muttered, looking resolutely back at the TV.

John and Brad both felt badly. So did I, though I wouldn’t admit it, of course. We all watched TV in silence for a while, then John asked, “Can you practice on the one at school?”

James perked up at the tone of John’s voice. It was the one that held possibilities. “Yeah, there are three. There’s one in the auditorium and one in the music room and one in a practice room, and students are allowed to play them.”

“Tell you what. I’ll let you take lessons, and if you stick to it til next Spring, we’ll see what we can do about getting a piano.”

The sadness dropped away and James sat up. “Really? You mean it?”

John and Brad and I all grinned. “Yes, give it a try,” John said.

“Thanks!”

My younger brother was a bundle of happy nervous energy the rest of the night. He fidgeted endlessly, every so often darting happy glances up at the rest of us. James playing the piano? I hoped it wasn’t a total bust.

 

**Tuesday, September 10th**

**James**

John arranged for me to start piano lessons! I don’t know how he found the teacher, Mrs. Lewis – probably got a tip from someone at the college. Lessons were $10 each and I’d go every Tuesday evening after dinner.

“Are you sure you can handle piano lessons and cross country at the same time?” John asked before forking over $30 for September’s lessons.

“Sure! And I can always quit cross country.”

“Really?” It was hard to surprise my oldest brother, but I just had. “You love cross country.”

“I love _track._ Cross country is just to keep in shape for track, but I’ve been running lots anyway.”

Brad wasn’t running with me every morning anymore, not since he’d started at the McCalls’ actually, but if I went later in the day I could usually persuade him to come along. Jeff never did – he was too busy playing with Ramsey if he wasn’t doing homework. I was disappointed that he wasn’t going out for cross country. Track had been fun with us together, and I’d been looking forward to the same with cross country. But I still ran most days.

“Are you sure? Don’t you want to letter in it?”

“I can letter in track. Don’t have a jacket, anyway.” I shrugged as if I didn’t care, but I did want a letter and the cool blue and white jacket to go with it. Lettering was a big deal for kids in the team sports, like football and baseball. John and Scott both lettered in baseball, and they wore their jackets everywhere. It still meant a lot in the individual sports that I went out for, but we didn’t stalk the halls in groups like the team athletes did.

John smiled a little. “If you letter, we’ll get you a jacket.” Then he casually added, “Or you can have mine if you like.”

“Really? I can have yours?” Wearing your dad’s or older brother’s jacket was even cooler than getting your own! It was like showing the world that awesomeness ran in the family, and you were upholding the tradition.

My brother chuckled. “Yes, if you get your own letter, I’ll give you my jacket.”

“Wow, thanks! But what about Cutter?”

“Brian missed a year of baseball. Even if he plays again this year he won’t be getting one til he graduates.”

“What about Ramsey and Jeff?”

John raised his brow skeptically.

“What?” My turn to laugh. “Jeff could get one if he continues in track.”

“If he does, you can always pass it down to him. But that’s two years away. It’s yours if you want it, _if_ you get your letter. And then you can decide what to do with it after that.”

“Thanks, John!” I grabbed him in a hug and he hugged me back, laughing. Usually I had to be in trouble before hugging him.

I pocketed the money – three tens for the next three lessons plus an extra $20 in case I had to buy books – and drove back to town for my first lesson. I was determined to do my best and learn as much as possible. It was really good of John to let me give this a try and spend $50 on it, and I didn’t want to let him down.

 

**John**

That evening Ramsey and Brad and I were watching TV while Jeff and Brian were upstairs working on projects. James got home from his lesson mid-evening and I could tell by the bounce in his step it had gone well. “How was it?”

James tossed himself into the armchair, a big grin on his face. “Great! I learned the names of the notes and see?” He held up a beginner’s practice book. “I have stuff to practice for next week.”

“Can I see?” Ramsey asked, one hand already reaching for the book.

The wariness on James’s face echoed my own thoughts. This would be child’s play compared to Ramsey’s level of violin playing, and I hoped he wouldn’t say anything to belittle James’s new interest. James handed him the book without a word, however. Ramsey took it and examined it with interest, finally nodding and handing it back.

“That’s awesome. I wish I’d had that when I was learning how to read music last year!”

James grinned again. “Yeah, I bet! I can’t wait to get started practicing.”

“When do you plan to practice?” I asked. That was one detail that hadn’t been worked out yet.

“I’m not gonna go out for cross country, so after school.”

“You sure you’re okay with that?”

“Yes.”

“The others will wait after school for you?” They _would_ wait, my question meant ‘had he informed Brian yet’?

Now James looked slightly uncomfortable at the thought of making Jeff and Brian wait for him after school. “I guess.”

“Have you talked to Brian about it?”

“M-no, not yet.”

I could easily interpret my little brother’s expression as a plea to intercede with Brian on his behalf. The two were friends, but competitive, and James probably feared Brian making light of his practicing.

Before I could say anything, Ramsey piped up from beside me. “How about John and I pick you up on our way home from the college?”

“At 5:00? That’s a lot of practice.”

“Two hours a day. You could do your homework too,” I said.

“I guess.”

“It’s no different than being out til 5:00 with sports,” Brad pointed out.

James smiled. “Yeah, I guess. And I don’t have to stay every day. We can arrange it every morning?”

“Sure, or just call me at work and let me know.”

“Okay.” James sat back happily and thumbed through the book.

We went back to watching TV, the silence broken about 20 minutes later by a declaration.

“My teeth hurt.”

I turned to the blonde-haired child beside me. “Your teeth hurt?”

“Mhm.” He ran his tongue around his open mouth, feeling all his teeth.

“Did you bite something hard?”

“Hnh-uh.”

“Open up. Let me see.”

Ramsey dutifully opened his mouth wider and I took his jaw in hand to hold him still.

“Where does it hurt?”

“All over.”

“All over? Your teeth look scuzzy, but I don’t see any cracked teeth or anything sore.” I released him. “Maybe you need to go to the dentist. Have you ever been to the dentist?”

Ramsey cocked his head to think about it, while Brad shook his. “Carl never took him.”

“What about you?”

Brad looked like he wanted to escape out the front door. “Maybe _Before_.”

“We’ll get you both in soon as we can. About time you had a check-up.”

“I don’t need one!” Brad hastened to say.

“Let’s let the dentist decide that.”

“Nope, I’m not going.” My 18 year-old son slid down on the sofa, arms crossed, a sulky look on his face.

Defiance wasn’t particularly Brad’s style, and the surprise of it now rendered me momentarily incapable of action. Tell him he was going? Cajole him into going? Call on his pride? I didn’t want to embarrass him in front of his little brother if he was genuinely afraid.

“We’ll see,” I said vaguely. “We can talk about it later. Ramsey, go brush your teeth and floss, and see if that helps.”

“Can’t do that!”

“Why not?”

“Cos I can’t!”

What was going on with my boys tonight? “Why not?” I growled.

In a slightly less frantic tone, Ramsey said, “Cos Jeff and I bet to see who can go longest without brushing his teeth, and if I brush mine now, he’ll win!”

“Jeffrey!” I called up the stairs. A moment later my youngest brother appeared at the top.

“Yessir?”

“Get down here.”

When Jeff was beside Ramsey on the sofa, I asked, “When did you boys stop brushing your teeth?”

“Friday,” Jeff admitted.

“Ewww,” said Brian, who had followed Jeff down.

“No,” I firmly said, shaking my head. “Just... no. That dare is over. I want the two of you to march upstairs and brush your teeth. Now.” So, of course, they marched upstairs, giggling and swinging their arms and lifting their knees high like they were on parade.

 

**Wednesday, September 11th**

**Brad**

Wednesday evening I was in my room listening to music on my Walkman, paging through the book of horse tack when there came a knock on the door.

“Come in,” I called, expecting John.

The door slowly swung open and I saw my little brother standing there in the hallway, pouting and holding his hands behind his back.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, thinking he must have gotten spanked for something. Except he wasn’t crying. No, he probably just got swatted. “Come on in.”

Ramsey trudged into the room, head down, hands still behind him. He wasn’t rubbing his butt, though. Must not have gotten swatted. “What’s up?”

His pout grew bigger. “It was an accident.”

“What was?”

Slowly he brought his hands around and I saw he held a cassette with all the tape unwound and hanging from it in a snarled bunch. “What-” I started, then reached for it. Ramsey pulled back slightly, then let me take it from him. My Van Halen tape! “What happened?”

“I was playing it in Cutter’s stereo and it just got messed up, and I think I broke his player too. I’m sorry.” My little brother whimpered, looking ready to cry, and I swallowed before replying.

“Don’t worry, it was an accident, right?” His head bobbed up and down and I set the messed up tape on my desk. “Let’s check out the player, okay?”

“Okay,” he said sadly.

He followed me to his and Cutter’s room. Jeff was fiddling with Cutter’s stereo and I gently nudged him aside. “Let me see.”

Jeff flopped down on the bed and Ramsey joined him. Both boys watched me with wide eyes as I tried to figure out what had happened. The dual cassette decks were both open, and tape ran from one to the other, winding around all the gears. I was in the midst of untangling it when Cutter came in.

“What happened?” He came up beside me, while the little boys scooted back on the bed to avoid the upcoming wrath of Cutter. One glance at the mess, and he turned angrily to the boys. “Who did this?”

“I did,” Ramsey admitted.

Cutter turned back to his stereo, his pride and joy and favorite possession. He picked up part of the tape, pulling it from the machine. “This is just tape. Where’s the cassette?”

“Back in my room. Go get it, Ramsey.”

Ramsey slid off the end of the bed and retrieved the Van Halen cassette. I took it from him and played with it a moment. It was a snarled mess, but on closer inspection both the ends of the tape were securely wound around the spools. I showed Cutter.

“That tape is intact. So what’s this one?” He gestured towards his stereo.

At that, Ramsey and Jeff both started giggling and dashed from the room. “Got you!” Jeff shouted.

“That’s a blank tape!” Ramsey called as they pounded down the staircase.

“Oh, I’m gonna get them!” Cutter said, taking off after them.

I followed to save the little boys from certain death. I didn’t have to, as it turned out. Jeff and Ramsey dove for the couch where John was watching TV, and they each grabbed one of his arms to wrap around himself.

“Save us!” Jeff laughed dramatically.

Cutter came to a screeching halt in the middle of the room, glaring daggers at the younger boys.

“Problem, boys?” John drawled.

“Nothing a few well-aimed swats won’t cure,” Cutter said, clenching his hands.

“Nooo!” both boys yelled, burrowing deeper into John’s side.

John sighed. “What happened?”

Jeff explained the prank, giggling the whole time. Ramsey giggled too, but I read the apprehension in his eyes. Playing pranks wasn’t his style. Too many uncertain variables (as he would put it) and he couldn’t stand the possibility of someone being mad at him.   

“Is the stereo damaged?” John asked.

“No, we wouldn’t do that,” Ramsey assured him, growing serious, his anxiety winning out over his giggles.

“Yeah, we just wound the tape around. It’s okay, really!” Jeff said.

John glanced at the mess in my hands that was my Van Halen cassette. “Can that be fixed?”

“Course!” Jeff said belligerently.

“Okay. Jeff, you go upstairs and fix the stereo. Ramsey, you wind Brad’s cassette back up.”

I handed the cassette to Ramsey, who took it with an apologetic glance at me. He stuck a finger in the hole and started turning the reel.

Jeff shook his head. “Nuh-uh, I’m staying down here!” It wasn’t hard to see what he was afraid of. Cutter loomed between him and the stairs, arms now crossed, a vengeful grin on his face.

“Now, Jeff.” John gave him a slight shove to start him on his way. “Don’t kill him, Brian.”

Jeff and Cutter did a strange dance, where Jeff made his way around his older brother, careful to keep his behind out of reach. Cutter just watched, like a hawk eyeing a mouse that he knew he could snatch at the moment of his own choosing. As soon as Jeff got all the way past him, he dashed up the staircase and Cutter broke into motion, chasing after him. Upstairs we heard one almighty swat and a loud “Ow!” from Jeff, then all was quiet.

Ramsey, meanwhile, was dutifully turning the reel, the tape inching back into the cassette case. This was going to take all night, it was so slow going. Served him right! John went back to watching TV, one arm still protectively around my little brother’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” Ramsey said to me. I could tell he meant it this time.

I suddenly found myself annoyed that he had tried to play on my sympathy earlier. The cassette and stereo were just a prank and easily fixed and I didn’t care about them. Even if it hadn’t been a prank and they’d been damaged, accidents happen. But he used his little boy act knowing I would fall for it. I always did. I glared at him and he crumpled.

“I’m soooorrry!” His eyes were suddenly shiny and... just as always, I couldn’t stand it.

“It’s okay.” I sat beside him and ruffled his hair. Relieved, he smiled up at me and John and continued winding the tape.

 

**Cutter**

“Are you mad at me?” The pitiful question came from the lump in Ramsey’s side of the bed. It was way past his bedtime, so he must have been waiting up for me. He yawned.

“No, I’m not mad.” I took off my t-shirt and pulled on my pajama top.

“You swatted Jeff, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Are you gonna swat me too?”

As I kicked off my jeans and put on my pajama bottoms I looked at him. The covers were pulled up so high only his eyes showed. I grinned. “No. It would be too much of an effort to find you under all those covers.”

“Oh.” He was quiet a moment. “The stereo is okay?”

“Yes, it’s okay.”

“Oh, good. I’m sorry.”

“I know you are.”

“It was just a- a prank.” In a whisper he added, “Jeff dared me to do it.”

“He did, huh?” I was glad I had swatted my bratty little brother earlier. “I thought you were both in on it.”

“Well, yeah. I mean, after he dared me, I dared him back!”

 

**Thursday, September 12th**

**Brad**

“Are you going out with Grace this weekend?”

Cutter looked up from his homework, as curious as me for John’s answer. Because Heather’s parents didn’t allow her to go out on dates, we had to all go out together. Luckily Mr. and Mrs. McCall considered double-dating with Cutter and Amy to be acceptable.

“She had family stuff to do,” John said, taking off his tie and draping it over his sport coat on the back of a chair at the family room table. He caught Cutter’s and my knowing sympathetic looks and laughed. “No, really, she did. We’re going out next weekend.”

“Oh, okay. So it’s okay if Cutter and I take Amy and Heather out?”

John opened his mouth, but Cutter interjected, “Brad, we don’t need to ask permission!”

“But it’s polite, right?” I didn’t know if I was asking John or Cutter. “Letting each other know where we are and all?”

“Yeah, but we don’t have to ask _permission_.”

Before Cutter could say anything more, John said, “No, you don’t have to ask permission to date your girlfriends.” With a grin that squashed the triumphant look on Cutter’s face, he added, “But you do have to ask permission to use one of the cars.”

“Even the Bronco?”

“Even the Bronco.”

“But it’s Brad’s.”

“It’s the whole family’s,” I objected, wishing Cutter would quit arguing with John.

“Yes, it is. And yes, Brad, it’s polite to let everyone know where you are, especially if you’re gone in the evening.” He gave Cutter a pointed look at that, and my younger brother finally conceded defeat.

There was a momentary silence while I tried to remember what had started the whole thing, then I cleared my throat and asked, “So, it’s okay?”

John smiled slightly. “Yes, it’s okay.”

Cutter clasped his hands together. “And may we pretty please use the Impala?”

John ignored the snarkiness of the question and said, “Yes. But Brad’s driving.”

“Bah!” Cutter threw his hands up and went back to his homework.

John smirked at me and went into the kitchen to start dinner.

 

**John**

After dinner I let James, Brian, and Brad talk me into playing poker while the younger boys were practicing their violins. Brian was up by a couple dozen pretzels when the music stopped and Jeff and Ramsey came thundering downstairs into the kitchen.

“Wonder what they’re up to in such a hurry?” Brad queried.

Going by the shrugs from the other two boys at the table, the answer seemed to be ‘who cares’? I kept an ear out. Jeff’s sweet tooth had returned full force, and while I wasn’t about to stop any of the boys from eating (so as not to discourage Ramsey or Brad), I wanted to steer him towards something healthier than cookies.

All was quiet for a minute, then I heard Jeff squeal, “Eww! You ate it!”

“Now you have to!”

The older boys and I dropped our cards and went to investigate. Jeff was giggling and pretending to gag while Ramsey was holding a handful of Daisy’s dry puppy food in his face.

“Eat it eat it eat it!” Ramsey chanted, giggling himself.

“You ate dog food?” Cutter asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, he dared me to! And now he has to!”

All the boys looked to me to see if I would allow it. At least it was dry food. I shrugged. “Did you say you would, Jeff?”

“Yeah, yuck!”

“Well, then...” I headed back to the family room. Brad followed, but the others stayed in the kitchen to witness the grossness.

Brad sat heavily in his chair, disturbed.

“They’ll be okay,” I said. “A piece of two won’t hurt them.”

“Yeah, but... _dog food?”_ He picked up his cards, and I noticed his hands were shaking slightly.

“What is it?”

With a glance towards the kitchen to make sure we were still alone, he quietly and intensely said, “We were always so hungry, but we never, never ate... I can’t believe he would now.”

“I understand,” I said cautiously. “It’s just a childish dare, though. It’s not the only thing available to him.”

“Yeah, but still.”

I never knew what would dredge up old memories for Ramsey and Brad, and I wondered how to diffuse this for him. We were both quiet a moment while the squeals and exclamations of disgust followed by laughter came floating in from the kitchen.

Finally Brad took a deep breath and quirked a small smile. “I guess it’s progress that it doesn’t even occur to him as anything more than just a... a dare.”

“Yes, he’s just acting like a kid now.”

“Yeah.” More giggles, obviously Jeff’s and Ramsey’s, and Brad’s expression lightened. “It’s a good thing.”

“Yes, it is.”

 

**Friday, September 13th**

**John**

Friday started off like normal. An early breakfast with Brad before he went to the McCalls’ and I went to work at the college. At 10:00 I took my morning break and picked up Ramsey from the high school. Not for the first time since Eddie left for college with the jeep, I considered the family’s need for another car. It would definitely make things easier, not that I expected Ramsey’s and my routine to change. He’d made it clear that he had no desire to start driving and was perfectly content to let me chauffeur him around. He was old enough to get a driver’s license in our state – so was Jeff, for that matter – but I think he took comfort in the fact that I was willing to come to the high school for him every day, that he mattered that much.

I drove up to the circle and found him waiting, book bag in one hand and violin case in the other. “Hey, rugrat,” I said.

My blonde son grinned at the nickname. “Hi, Dad.” He hopped in the Bronco and we were off.

“Have a good morning?”

“Hmm? Yeah, yes, yessir.” He glanced up and smiled, but I could tell by his reply and by the slightly distracted look in his eyes that something was troubling him.

“Everything okay?”

“Hmm? Yeah, of course!” His right hand was drumming lightly on his leg with nervous energy. I decided to let it be, sure that he would come to me if he needed to.

**..»º*º«..**

At 5:00 I left the staff workroom in the library to go pick up Ramsey from the math department. His last class finished at 4:00 on Fridays, and he usually hung out with the grad students and TA’s until I was done with work. On this day, however, he was waiting on a bench outside the workroom.

“No numbers today?” I asked with a smile, putting a hand on his shoulder as he gathered his belongings and got to his feet.

Looking slightly pale at my question, he swallowed and said, “No, sir. I mean, um... I just wanted to wait here today.”

Something was definitely up. I was just about to ask him when a student worker came up to me with a note in hand. “Hey, John, sorry, I forgot to give you this earlier. I hope it’s nothing too important.” He sheepishly handed me the folded paper and made his escape.

Ramsey tried to hide the fact that he was trying to read the note upside down. “Anything important?”

“Yes... looks like someone skipped a class today.”

The boy went white at that, and swayed. I shoved him back down onto the bench he had just vacated and told him to put his head down. He obeyed, taking shallow breaths at first, gradually deepening until he had a bit of color back in his cheeks. His eyes were wide and frightened, however.

 I sat beside him and rubbed his back. “What’s wrong, Ramsey?”

His gaze drifted down to the note which I still held in my left hand. “I’m sorry, Dad,” he whispered.

“For what?”

“I-I-I skipped my c-class.” Ramsey hadn’t stuttered in a while, and I didn’t like it making a reappearance now because of what it said of his emotional state.

“Did you?”

He nodded, looking back at the note as if to confirm its contents.

“The note is about Jeff,” I said gently. Apparently he didn’t know that college professors didn’t call parents to discuss truancy. I didn’t plan to tell him, either.

“Jeff? Oh.” He looked down again, his hands folded between his legs.

“You feel okay now? Can you walk to the car? Or shall I carry you?”

The last question took him by surprise, and some of the worry left his face. “Dad! I can walk.”

We walked in silence out to the Bronco and I kept an arm around his shoulders. He was quiet as we swung by the high school to pick up James, and let the older boy chatter happily about his piano practicing the whole way home.

“I’ll be in my room,” Ramsey said bravely before scampering off upstairs.

“What’s up with him?” James asked, as if noticing for the first time how quiet the younger boy had been.

“He skipped a class.”

James shook his head and went to find the other boys.

“Jeffrey!” I called from the kitchen.

A moment later the youngest boy in the family appeared in the doorway. With a practiced air of unconcern he said, “Yes?”

“I had an interesting note from the high school today.”

“Oh?” His eyes widened slightly and he shoved his hands in his jean pockets.

“Yes. Anything you want to tell me?”

A shake of his head.

“Tell me what went on today.”

“Noth-”

I cut him off. “Don’t lie to me, Jeff, or it’ll be the hairbrush. Go upstairs and wait with Ramsey.”

“Corner?”

I hadn’t planned on it, mostly because I would never tell Ramsey to wait in the corner, but since he had suggested it, I said, “Yes.”

He ran from the kitchen and I gave him a minute to find Ramsey in his room. I gave both boys two minutes to sort themselves, then headed up. I was curious to see if Ramsey would follow Jeff’s example into a corner, and if he did, I didn’t want to leave him there for any length of time. The bedroom door was open so I went right on in. Jeff had taken the corner by the closet. He tensed when I entered, but didn’t turn around.

Ramsey was sitting cross-legged on his bed, but was facing the corner. He darted a look over his shoulder at me, then turned back quickly, and his arms crossed more tightly over Racky.

“Jeff, sit on the bed. Ramsey, turn around.” Both boys obeyed and sat watching me with fearful expressions. The three of us had been in this position before, and I idly wondered how many more times we would do this dance before they grew up. Not in the mood for a long drawn-out scene, I opted for telling them what I already knew. “So, you both skipped a class today.” I paused, and with a quick glance at each other, they nodded. “Just one class?” Another pair of nods. I preferred verbal replies, but Ramsey didn’t entirely seem in a state to verbalize much and I didn’t want to push him. “Why?” Sure enough, Ramsey started curling Racky’s tail, leaving Jeff to answer. Jeff rose to the challenge. Sort of.

In a faint voice, not looking at me, he explained, “It was just a dare.”

“Just a dare. Is that right, Ramsey?”

The older boy nodded.

“You dared each other to skip a class.” I sighed. “Anything else I should know?”

“No, sir,” Jeff said, echoed a second later by Ramsey.

“Okay. Jeff, go to your room.”

He shuffled to his feet. “Corner?”

Well, sure. “Yes.”

When the door was closed and we were alone, Ramsey finally looked up at me. The sheen of tears in his eyes wasn’t a surprise to me. I sat beside him and conversationally asked, “Which class did you miss?” I expected him to say freshman comp, since that was his least favorite class, but no, he had skipped one of his math classes.

“You skipped your class with Dr. Pattanaik?”

He nodded, the motion sending one tear rolling down his cheek. “I d-didn’t want to, but Jeff dared me, and I dared him back, and we _h-had_ to.”

“You had to do no such thing, Ramsey.”

“But he dared me!”

“And you had to say ‘yes’?”

The teen looked surprised at my question. With a slight tilt of his head he said, “Of course! I mean, he dared me to.”

“Ramsey, you don’t have to accept a dare. You can say ‘no’.”

“I can? I thought we had to.”

I contemplated him for a second. “Was there anything else you were dared to do this week that you didn’t really want to do?”

He thought back over all of the silly and foolish things they had engaged in, then shook his head. “Just this. The rest of it was fun.”

I thought back to the unease I had sensed when I picked him up that morning. “You know skipping classes is wrong, don’t you? You went to school today knowing you were going to misbehave.”

His head dropped at that. “Yessir, I knew.”

“From now on, Ramsey, only accept a dare if you think it’s going to be fun or challenging. When your conscience is telling you it’s wrong, don’t do it, understand?”

“Yes, but then he’ll think I’m a chicken!”

“Do you really think he’ll think that?”

Ramsey was quiet. “No, not really.”

“If he dares you to do something wrong, just tell him ‘no’ and remind him how you both got spanked for this bit of foolishness today, alright?”

It was almost funny to watch him process that, but finally he nodded. “Yessir.” He gulped. “Should I put my pajamas on?”

I shook my head. “Too early in the day for that.” I patted my lap. “Just drop your pants.”

He got up from the bed and unzipped his trousers. He still didn’t like wearing blue jeans to college, wanting to wear more ‘adult’ attire. Today he was in his gray Dockers and a green button-down shirt. Lowering them slowly, he suddenly dropped them entirely, stepping out of them. “I always change out of my school clothes anyway,” he explained, folding them neatly and setting them on the end of the bed.

The care he took with his good clothes and the knowledge that he was still trying _so hard_ to be good weakened my resolve to follow through with his punishment. I had to, though. He knew he had misbehaved and he expected punishment. I didn’t have to be particularly harsh, though. His hands went to the buttons of his shirt and he hesitated and looked at me.

“Change into a t-shirt,” I directed. I didn’t mind waiting a minute, and this would avoid a tear-stained school shirt.

He quickly changed into a black t-shirt then more slowly approached the side of my legs with a pout. I patted my lap again and he slowly draped himself over my knees, holding on to my leg for balance after wobbling a bit. I firmly grasped him with my left arm to hold him steady, and with my right hand I pulled his underwear down just below his behind. I didn’t plan to spank him hard, but knew that in his mind a bare-bottomed spanking was taken more seriously. He whimpered slightly and squirmed once. I tightened my grip with my left arm, and he stilled.

“Ready?” I winced at the stupidity of my question, and was glad he couldn’t see.

“Yes, Daddy,” came the muffled response from halfway down my leg. As if I didn’t feel conflicted enough about doing this. Missing a class with his favorite professor was punishment in itself – did he really need a spanking on top of it? He twisted his head around and looked up at me. “I’m ready, Daddy.” Yes, he was playing on my sympathies, calling me ‘Daddy’ when he was about to get whacked.

“Alright.”

Ramsey turned back around to face the floor. I lifted my hand and brought it back down on his bottom in a solid slap, causing him to jump slightly at the impact. The grip on my pant leg tightened. A second swat, only slightly harder than the first. A few more, then on the sixth I heard him take a shaky breath. His legs kicked up slightly on the seventh. On the eighth he started to cry. With that I decided his punishment was over. I pulled his underwear back up and gently rubbed his back for a moment, until he started to stir. I helped him regain his feet, then pulled him onto my lap.

Despite what I had told him on his birthday in August, he really was getting too big for this. The way he curled his upper body and tucked his head into my shoulder, I think he realized it too. Neither of us let it stop us, though. He needed the comfort as much as I wanted to provide it to him. He didn’t cry very long, and for a time we both sat quietly, me still rubbing his back and him sniffling a bit.  

“I’m fifteen,” he said after a bit.

“Are you?” I asked.

He glanced up at my teasing tone and smiled a little. “That was only eight, not 15.”

“Do you need another seven?”

To his credit, he actually stopped to consider whether he needed a longer spanking. Then he shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

“I don’t think so either. In fact, I think missing out on time with Dr. Pattanaik makes you feel worse than your spanking did.”

Ramsey nodded into my chest. “I _hated_ missing class.”

“And I bet he wondered where you were.”

A sob escaped him, and he drew another shaky breath. “Should I apologize to him?”

“If you want to, but you don’t have to.”

“Okay.”

I squeezed him, then stood us both up. “Get some pants on, then go find your brother, alright?”

“Okay.” He looked around, picked up his jeans from the floor (his play clothes not receiving quite the same care as his school clothes), dropped them again, and retrieved his pajama pants from another pile on the carpet.

I doubted he hurt enough that pulling jeans up over his behind would prove painful – it was probably another play for sympathy. I smiled at him, though, and told him I would see him in a while. Then I went next door to James and Jeff’s room.

Jeff was dutifully standing in a corner. “Come here,” I said, sitting on the edge of his bed. He obeyed, pouting, of course. “So tell me more about today.”

He shrugged with one shoulder. “We just... we were just having fun and daring each other to do stuff, and somehow one of us mentioned skipping class, because neither of us have ever done that, well, except for last year before he came to live with us and, you know...” I nodded, remember the events of the previous Autumn. “And we dared each other to skip. And I didn’t want to, but I didn’t want him calling me a chicken so...” Another shrug.

“Did he call you a chicken?”

“Not today.”

“Earlier this week?”

“Umm... we both did.”

“I see.” I decided to have another talk with both boys after I was done with Jeff. “Which class did you skip?”

“English.”

“With Mr. Miller?”

“Yessir.”

Oh, great. Mr. Miller, whom Ramsey had given such an awful time last year.

“Okay, jeans down.”

Jeff’s pout grew even bigger.

I tapped his leg. “Now.”

He finally stood up, turning away to unbutton his jeans. He shoved them down to his knees before turning back to face me.

“Over.”

Jeff shuffled to my side and I bent him over my knees, pulling his underwear down as soon as he was in position. “Joooohn,” he whined.

“Hush,” I ordered, not the least bit sympathetic to his objection of being bared. No recipient of a spanking in my family (including myself growing up) had ever been given the option of whether to keep his clothes on, and Jeff certainly had no say now.

Spanking Jeff was easier than spanking Ramsey, even though he was half a year younger. He was a sturdier boy, and even though he still often acted younger than his age, he was emotionally more stable than Ramsey. I knew he could take a spanking even with the hairbrush, and after a bit of cuddle time, he would be his usual perky self. Punishing him didn’t have the same potential for misunderstandings and dredging up bad memories that it did for Ramsey. So, as I started swatting my baby brother and youngest son, I had to make an effort to stay fair. English class meant nothing to him, so missing it wasn’t the same as Ramsey’s missing math with his favorite professor. This spanking _was_ his entire punishment. On the other hand, the walls were thin and he had no doubt been listening to Ramsey’s spanking, counting the swats as each one sounded. I didn’t want him to resent Ramsey for not getting as harsh a punishment, or to think less of his slightly older brother for being more emotionally fragile... so I had to make it fair. So, I gave him the same eight swats that Ramsey had received, but I made them harder. He jerked slightly with the impact of each one, and started crying on the fifth. After reaching the eighth I stopped and pulled his underwear up.

“All done,” I said, patting his back.

He got right up and plopped himself down on my lap with his jeans still around his ankles, his previous attempt at modesty forgotten. One of his arms wrapped around my side, and I gathered him in both of my arms and hugged him tight.

“I’m sorry,” he said when he stopped sniffling. His teary eyes raised to accuse me. “That was _hard_.”

 “Not the hardest you’ve had.”

“No, but it hurt.”

“Good. Maybe you’ll remember that the next time you and Ramsey break the rules.”

“Hmphf.” He laid his head down on my chest, snuggling in, and I noticed he was curling himself up slightly just as Ramsey had. Soon I wouldn’t have my little boys anymore.

“Ready to face the world?” I finally asked, patting his bare leg.

“I guess.”

“Get dressed, and let’s go find Ramsey. I want to talk to you both.”

“Okay.”

Jeff followed me out and we found Ramsey with the rest of the boys in the family room. James and Brian were playing a game at the table, and Brad was watching TV with Ramsey tucked under one arm.

I beckoned for Ramsey to follow me, and after a worried glance at his older brother, he came. I led the two youngest boys into the library, shutting the door behind us.

“Sit down,” I said, pointing to the window box.

With confused looks on their faces, they obeyed. I pulled up the ottoman and sat facing them. “Boys,” I began. “You’ve had a lot of fun playing together this week, haven’t you?”

With shy smiles at each other, they both nodded.

“Daring each other to do things can be fun, and it can stretch you to do things you might never otherwise do.” More nods, with slight apprehension from Ramsey, wondering where I was going with this. “I don’t mind you daring each other, in fact, I enjoyed watching the two of you have fun.” _Except for the scuzzy teeth part._ My blonde son relaxed slightly at my declaration, and Jeff leaned over to bump his shoulder against him, making Ramsey smile and shove him back. I smiled at them both, then said, “I think you both knew that today’s dare was wrong, didn’t you?”

“Yes, Dad,” Jeff said, while his brother nodded.

“And neither of you really wanted to do it.”

“No, Daddy,” Ramsey replied almost breathlessly.

“And you were both afraid of being called a chicken if you didn’t do it.”

The boys looked at each other, seemingly surprised that the other would feel the same way.

“Exactly. Boys,” I waited til I had two pairs of eyes back on me before gently saying, “The two of you... I’m so glad the two of you became friends. You have no idea how special that is. And more than that, you’re brothers now. You can be each other’s greatest ally’s. I hope the two of you won’t ever be afraid to tell each other how you really feel, and what you think – _without_ worrying about being called a chicken or anything else.”

They looked back at each other. “Anything?” Ramsey asked.

“Imagine if you had just said, ‘No, I like going to class. Let’s find something different to do.’ Wouldn’t you both have been relieved?”

Ramsey nodded first, and seeing that, Jeff gave a quick bob of his head.

“We just got carried away,” Jeff said.

My turn to nod. “Well, when you’re brainstorming dares and ratcheting up the challenges, if it’ll help, you can always tell each other, ‘nope, that one won’t pass the John test’.”

“The John test?” Jeff asked with a grin.

“Yes. The one where you ask yourselves, ‘if we do this, will we end up over John’s knee?’”

Two identical blushes, and Jeff ducked his head in embarrassment.

“Ooh,” Ramsey said, and nudged Jeff. “The _Daddy_ Test.”

“Daddy Test,” Jeff softly repeated, trying it out.

“Yes, the Daddy Test,” I affirmed, the word ‘Daddy’ feeling strange as I used it to refer to myself. “So next time you dare each other to skip class or jump rope on the roof – don’t you dare, Jeffrey! – one of you can say, ‘That doesn’t pass the Daddy Test’, and that’ll be an end to it, alright?”

“Alright,” Jeff agreed with a giggle, probably imagining himself jumping rope on the roof. I needed to watch what I said to not give him ideas!  

Ramsey nodded, a slow smile growing on his face.

“Everyone good now? Alright, let’s go see if any of your brothers managed to cook supper.”

“Hope so!” Jeff said with another laugh, making a beeline for the door. “Be a shame if we had to eat _ice cream_ for dinner again!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and for all your comments and kudos! :)
> 
> Just in case anyone's wondering, the girls aren't going to enter into the story much (because I have a hard time writing them :P ). For the most part the boys will just go off on their dates, and they'll only enter the story when it advances the actual plot. Yes, I have an actual plot in mind! Besides, I think we're all mostly interested in the relationships of all the guys :)


	5. Cuddle Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter with John and Ramsey talking over breakfast. More like an interlude!

**Saturday, September 14th**

**John**

“Daddy?”

“Yes, rugrat?”

“Did you get in trouble a lot when you were growing up?”

I flipped a pancake and looked at my rugrat, who was sitting at the kitchen table awaiting breakfast. His hands were clasped in front of him on the table, and his chin rested on top of them. Ramsey was tired. He often was the day following a spanking, even a light one like the evening before. He had quietly padded into the kitchen that morning and wrapped his arms around my middle before making his way to the table. I smiled at his question.

“Define ‘a lot’.”

He grinned and sat up slightly. “More than me?”

Truthfully, no. “I got into my fair share of mischief.”

“Like what?” Bright eyes blinked up at me in anticipation.

“I don’t know that I want to give you any ideas,” I laughed.

“Come on, Dad, tell me!”

“Well... let’s see.” I flipped another pancake. “It was usually trouble I got into with Scott. Or for not taking on my responsibilities around the house.”

“And then you got in trouble?”

I nodded. “I did.”

“Did your dad spank you?”

“Usually. Sometimes I got grounded, but not often.”

“Did your mom spank you?”

“Only when I was really little. My dad preferred to do it. He thought it was his responsibility.”

“Oh.” Ramsey retrieved a stack of plates from the cabinet, setting them out on the counter. He and I each took one and helped ourselves to pancakes and bacon, then sat back down. “Did you have cuddle time afterwards?”

I gave a quick laugh at the thought. “No. He hugged us after, but he wasn’t the cuddly type.”

Ramsey looked sad at that. “Oh... I like cuddle time.”

“Me too.”

My son’s eyes lit up at that. “Me too!”

I smiled at him, and we ate peacefully for a few minutes. I watched my blonde son and reminisced. By the time I was his age, punishment usually meant a trip to my dad’s study and a session with his belt, followed by a quick hug, an order to apologize to whoever I’d wronged, and an admonishment to do better. I tried to picture following the same routine with Ramsey, or even Jeff, and couldn’t. For the first time I wondered how my dad would have handled the two youngest boys. Jeff probably would have met my same fate in the study, but Ramsey? Somehow I think my dad would have altered the routine for him. I doubted any changes would have stretched as far as cuddle time, though.

“What chores do I have this week?”

I glanced down at the weekly chart I had made up. “You’re down for dusting and vacuuming.”

He nodded, but didn’t look entirely pleased. Sure enough, a moment later he spoke again. “Daddy?”

“Yes, rugrat?”

“Did you have a lot of chores when you were in college?”

I narrowed my eyes slightly at his attempt to get out of chores. Then I thought back. I had lived at home in college, and spent most of my time studying holed up in my room to avoid the chaos of the younger boys. Things were different then, of course, because my parents were alive. My mom did all of the cooking and my dad took care of the outside chores along with the cars. All of us boys did the dishes and helped clean house and mowed the lawn. My responsibilities during college were mostly looking after my brothers when necessary.

“I had some,” I said. “Not as many as when I was younger.”

“Huh,” he said, glancing up at me slyly through his bangs.

“You’re transparent,” I observed with a smile.

“Hmm?” he asked, trying for innocent.

“Do you think you have too many chores?”

“Well, I’m taking four classes now, and that’s a lot. And it’s college work. The others, they only have high school homework.”

“Ramsey Nicholas Lofton.”

“What?” he asked in surprise. I rarely called him by his full name. “What did I say?”

“I hope you never say that in front of your brothers.”

“What?” A slight whine to his voice now as he tried to figure out what he had done wrong.

“Their high school classes are just as important as your college ones. I never want to hear you suggest otherwise.”

His eyes became instantly shiny at the slight scolding and he set his fork down. “That’s not how I meant it!”

“Then how did you mean it?”

“Just that it...” he looked down to find the words, then looked back up. “Just that there’s a lot more homework in college, and it takes so much time. Not that it’s more important. I didn’t mean that.”

“Okay, I understand. Calm down, rugrat.” I held an arm out, and he jumped up from his chair and into my embrace. Pulling him down to sit on one knee, I said, “I still never want you to say something like that in front of your brothers. It’s too easy to misunderstand, isn’t it?”

He nodded. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I know I’m nothing special for going to college.”

I inwardly sighed. “You _are_ special for going to college at 15. You’ve been given a gift, and that’s opening doors for you, college being the one right now. The others have their own gifts, and they’ll have their own opportunities come along too. You – all of you – just need to be careful not to gloat about your gifts and opportunities, understand?”

“Yes. I didn’t mean it like that, though.” His voice sounded broken, meaning tears would soon follow.

“I’m sorry, Ramsey, there’s no need to be upset.” I patted his back, rubbing gentle circles. “I just want you to be careful with your words. I know you don’t think your classes are more important than theirs, but when you start using words like ‘ _only_ high school’...” I jostled him slightly.

“I’m sorry,” he said in a low voice, sniffling.

I held him silently as our breakfasts cooled on the table. When I could tell he had calmed down, I asked, “Do you think you don’t have time for the same amount of chores now?”

Ramsey shrugged. “Maybe. It’s kind of early to tell.”

He had been keeping up with his assignments, a fact I knew from checking his assignment book every night, and so far he still seemed to have plenty of time to play with Jeff. I didn’t want him stressed over it, though. He was still a 15 year-old boy and I wanted him to have time in his schedule for silliness and playing.

“How about this?” He sat up slightly to look at me. “How about we keep you on the chore schedule. If you ever feel like you don’t have time for them because you’re studying, you can tell me, and you’ll be excused. No questions asked.”

“Really?”

“Really. I know two things about you, Ramsey.”

“Oh?”

“One. You are always ready to jump in and help with chores. I’ve never worried about you not doing your part, right?”

He gave a nod, happy that I thought that about him.

“And two. You take your education seriously.” College math classes, anyway. “I wouldn’t want chores standing in the way of that. So you can tell me if you get too busy, alright?”

“Okay.”

“I don’t want you stressing over it, alright?”

“Alright.” He threw his arms around me, hugging me tight. “Thanks, Daddy.”

I held him another moment, then quietly observed, “Cuddle time.”

He giggled and let me go. I stood him up from my knee. “Let’s make some hot pancakes, what do you say?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter, but it covered two topics that I can now erase from the white board in my family room! Up next, the plot with James will get rolling :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	6. Zork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of interaction with the Lofton boys as they spend the week before Eddie's birthday.

**Sunday, September 15th**

**James**

“Ja-ames!” Ramsey shouted from downstairs.

“Wha-at?” I yelled back in a singsong fashion, mimicking Ramsey.

“Are you coming with us?”

“No!”

I heard pounding on the staircase, and Ramsey appeared in the doorway to my bedroom. “Don’t you wanna come? We’re going to the movies!” He said it like I didn’t already know.

“No, thanks. You guys have fun.”

“You sure? The others are going to be boring and take the girls out tonight.”

And I would get the house to myself. That almost never happened!

“Please?”

The wistful plea from the blonde-haired kid, along with the eager bounce he was doing, changed my mind. He was right that Brad and Cutter were being boring, taking the girls out yet again. John said he’d take the rest of us to a movie, which would be cool. But then a TV commercial came on for _Real Genius_ and the younger boys decided that’s the one they wanted to see. It looked alright and I liked Val Kilmer, but then John said something about how it might be interesting to see a movie about another 15 year-old in college. He gave a meaningful look at Ramsey who got all embarrassed, and I rolled my eyes and said I didn’t want to go. Just how I wanted to spend my Sunday evening, watching a movie about a teenage genius – not! I had enough of teenage geniuses at home. But then Ramsey had to come and beg me to come, and that was unusual. He and Jeff mostly hung out together now. And Cutter was always abandoning me for Brad, so... what did I have to lose? Might as well go to the movies. The popcorn would be good, at least!

John bought us popcorn and Cokes then went off to the bathroom while Jeff and Ramsey and I got seats.

“Bet you can’t hit the front row,” Jeff said in a musing sort of way.

“Huh?” Ramsey asked, his hand in his popcorn bag.

Jeff reached into his own bag and took out some popcorn and mimed throwing it. Ramsey grinned and reached back into his bag, then stopped and looked at me.

“I won’t tell,” I said. Unless, like, John asked.

“If I do it, you have to do it,” Ramsey said to Jeff.

“Okay!”

“You guys are nuts.”

Ramsey raised his hand back preparing to launch, then stopped, an uncertain look on his face. He looked to me again, then back at Jeff, and whispered, “Daddy test.”

_Daddy test?_

Jeff grew concerned and looked behind him to see if John was coming. I looked back too. No sign of John, but I guess the possibility of our brother walking in on him throwing popcorn before the movie had even started was enough deterrent, because he suddenly nodded at Ramsey and both boys settled down and ate their popcorn instead of throwing it. I settled back in my own seat, throwing popcorn in the air and catching it in my mouth. I was glad they had decided not to misbehave – John probably would have found a way to make it my fault!

 

**Ramsey**

The movie was great! I didn’t believe it, of course, the house filling with popcorn and all after being targeted by a laser. It was just a movie after all, and I knew movies weren’t real. _Star Wars_ still seemed real to me, but I had it on good authority (Cutter) that it wasn’t, that the characters hadn’t really lived a long time ago in some far off galaxy. It made me sad to think that they weren’t real. Anyway, it was fun to see a movie about a kid my age who was in college just like me! Living in the dorm looked like fun too, but I wouldn’t want to do that. Not for a long, long time, anyway. Maybe by the time I was John’s age I would be ready to go live in a dorm. Maybe not. I was quiet as we left the theater, thinking about the characters. All of the students in the movie seemed really smart. A lot smarter than me. What did I know about lasers and stuff? Nothing! I would have to step it up.

 

**Tuesday, September 17th**

**Jeff**

First period computer class was awesome! There were only 14 kids in the class, 12 boys and two girls. Some of the kids I knew from orchestra, but looking around the first day I recognized everyone as all the nerdy kids in school. That was okay with me. I knew I was one too! There were only eight computers, so Ramsey and I volunteered to share. BASIC was fun and pretty easy. We got our jumping jack man hopping around that first day, and Ramsey and I soon had an army of them on our screen!

Tuesday morning we got to school and class early and saw some of our classmates crowded around one of the computers. Ramsey and I joined them and saw some text on the screen.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Zork,” said the kid at the console. His name was Alan.

“How does it work?”

“Just watch,” said another boy.

I shut up and watched, wondering how it all worked. Alan typed in commands like ‘open door’ and ‘pick up sword’ and then the computer would answer back, stuff like ‘the door is locked’ or ‘you are holding the sword’. Wow! I knew it wasn’t magic, and someone had programmed the computer to do that, but just to anticipate all of the possible replies that players could come up with? I was in awe. I wanted to try it, both playing Zork and programming a game like that for myself.

When the bell rang for class to start, Alan stopped the game, taking a floppy disk out of the drive. The other kids had gone to their desks, but I had stayed to see the game disk so I could remember what it was. Alan held it up to show me and said, “We play at lunchtime, if you want to come and try it.”

“Really? Sure!”

Ramsey looked sad and jealous that he wouldn’t get to try, but I was excited. I’d just have to figure out when to eat my lunch, since food wasn’t allowed in the computer lab.

 

**James**

“Where’s Jeff?”

Cutter and Amy looked up at my question. They were both so wrapped up in each other these days I wasn’t surprised he hadn’t noticed our little brother wasn’t at lunch. We looked around the lunch room and at the hot lunch line (which Jeff shouldn’t be in since we brought our lunch every day anyway), but there was no sign of him.

“George is here,” Cutter noted, looking off to the corner where George was eating with a couple of others. George was the bully who had targeted Jeff the previous year. He had left him alone so far this year, but I was still glad to see he was in the lunchroom and not off beating up Jeff.

“Let’s go find him,” I said. It made me jumpy, not knowing where my little brother was. Jeff hadn’t been bothered by bullies for a while, but I didn’t want to chance it.

“Alright.”

Cutter and I went looking for him while Amy joined her sister to eat.

“I’ll check outside,” Cutter directed. “You look around inside.”

“Okay.”

We split up and started looking around with a growing sense of urgency. I hit the obvious places first – the orchestra room and the practice rooms. I almost bypassed the gym knowing that he’d never go there on his own, but then I realized that he might get dragged there, so I hurried in to look. No little brother. Leaving there, I started looking in all the classrooms one by one, and finally found him. The computer room! I’d have to start there first next time.

Cutter came down the hallway, out of breath and shaking his head. “No sign of him outside.”

I jerked a thumb at the door and grinned. “He’s found his nerd herd.”

Cutter came beside me and we both peered in the little window on the door. Jeff was sitting at a computer with three other kids gathered around him. You’d think they’d gotten hold of a girly magazine from all the excitement, but no, they were just looking at some green lettering on the black screen.

My brother pulled back from the door with a sigh of relief. “Our brother’s got some new friends,” he whispered. “Come on.”

We walked back towards the lunch room, considering this new development. Halfway there, Cutter punched me lightly in the arm. “I’m glad, but I’m still going to pound him for worrying us like that!”

I wouldn’t object to that! We’d wasted half our lunch time searching for him!

“And don’t call him a nerd.”

I frowned at the reprimand knowing it was deserved, but since when did Cutter...

“At least not in front of him. Or Ramsey.”

My brother and I shared a grin and went back to eat our lunches.

 

**Friday, September 20th**

**Ramsey**

We settled into a new routine for meals. We still ate them all together except for breakfast on school mornings, but we didn’t have cooking school anymore. That made me sad when it was first decided. I loved cooking with John and Eddie! It was one of my favorite things to do with my new family. Eddie had been gone for three whole weeks now, though, so we had to get a new routine. After some trial and error (meaning a few nights where everyone thought everyone else was cooking dinner!), we settled into the following: John made breakfast on weekends and fixed lunches for everyone. Brad didn’t do any dinners, but he helped with the lunches. The first time I got a handwritten note from my brother in my sack lunch at school, tears sprung into my eyes and my chest hurt as I was filled with overwhelming love for him. It had been in the first week of classes and he knew I was feeling strange about eating by myself at the college (since John couldn’t always eat with me), and I pulled out a note that said, “Ramsey, this note probably won’t be as good as Eddie’s, but I just wanted to let you know I’m very proud of you. Enjoy your lunch, and know that I love you so much! Brad”. I’d had to take a few deep breaths to stop the tears from falling from my eyes at reading that. His note warmed my heart the rest of the day, and I kept it in my pocket and put it in my dresser drawer after school.

We were all assigned different nights of the week to cook. Jeff got Mondays, I got Tuesdays, Cutter was Wednesdays, James Thursdays, and John got Fridays and Saturdays and Sundays! After I pouted at the new arrangement and the end of cooking school, John said he would be willing to help out on anyone’s night if they wished, and we were always welcome to help him on his nights! So on this Friday night I made sure to help him. He was going off Saturday to see that girl again, and again he wasn’t letting me go with him! I couldn’t help but wonder what they would do on their date, now that I knew all about the facts of life. Over the summer I had seen Cutter give Amy a passionate kiss, and finally when he noticed I was watching, he broke off long enough to tell me to scram! So I wondered what John was going to do, since he was an adult and he had said sex was for adults. I knew better than to ask him, though!

Friday night John was making hamburgers, so I jumped right in to help shape the patties.

“Are we going to grill these?” I asked, flattening one between my hands.

John looked outside, then shook his head. “No, there’s a wind kicking up.”

“Not another tornado?!” I asked in alarm.

“No, nothing to worry about, Ramsey. Just a slight wind. It’s too cool to grill outside right now.”

“Can we make homemade ice cream?”

“Not tonight, but another time, sure.”

“Tomorrow?” I asked slyly.

John’s eyes twinkled at my question. “Any particular reason you want to do it tomorrow?”

“I just thought it would be fun for _all_ of us to do!”

My dad leaned over and kissed me on the top of the head. He probably would have hugged me, but our hands were all icky with hamburger. He smiled, then said, “You know I’m heading to Rapid City tomorrow.”

My smile faltered slightly as I ducked my head and said, “I know.” Then I rallied and shyly said, “I hope you like each other.”

“Thanks, rugrat. We do so far.” Then, as if I were his friend Scott and not just his teenage kid, he said, “We’ve talked on the phone quite a few times already, but we’ve only been out once. I guess we’ll see.”

“How many dates does it take to see if you like each other?”

John laughed, but not at me. “Good question! I wish I knew. My parents always said you just know when it’s right.”

“Do you know if it’s right yet?”

“Not quite yet. I think it sometimes takes more than one date.”

“But if it’s right, you’ll get married and she’ll be part of our family?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve never had a- a girl in my family before.” Not since I was four, but John knew that so I didn’t elaborate. I looked up at my dad, and he was watching me carefully. “Are they a lot different from boys?”

“Somewhat. You’ve been with girls in school for a year now. How do you think they’re different?”

“Hmm... they’re like... soft and... curvy... and they talk and giggle a lot.”

“Mhm.” John waited for me to go on.

“And...” I shrugged, embarrassed at my lack of knowledge. “I don’t know! I mean, I know how they are at school, but I don’t know how it is to live with one in the house. Like, do they keep their rooms messy or neat? Do they hog the bathroom like Cutter does when he’s fixing his hair? Do they like music like we do? Or do they like gross stuff like disco?”

John snorted at that. “Disco’s not that bad.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Yes, it is!”

“It was popular when I was in high school.”

“That sucks. Dances must have been awful!”

My dad laughed. “Not really. Disco’s great for dancing. Anyway, all the things you’re asking, it just depends on the girl. They’re not all the same, just like all of us aren’t all the same. We all like different music and some of us are neater than others. That all just depends on the person, girl or boy. It’s nothing to worry about.”

“Okay. That’s kinda how I figured. Hmm...” I placed my patty into the pan and reached for another handful of hamburger, thinking.

“What’s on your mind, rugrat?”

“Just thinking. Like, I came here at the end of November last year, and you adopted me in March and I was in the family! So, maybe you and Grace will get married by January!”

Hah! I made John speechless again! He stared at me and seemed almost scared at the notion of it happening so soon. Then he cleared his throat and smiled and said, “These things usually take a little longer than that.”

“You decided quickly with me and Brad!”

“That was different. Finding a spouse is a little different.”

“How so?”

“Because a spouse is someone you spend your entire life with.”

“But you’re going to spend your life with me!” I knew what he meant, but I was starting to have fun making him uncomfortable!

“Yes, but eventually you’ll grow up and move out and start your own family.”

“My own family, yes, but we can live down the hall from you.”

John looked suspicious now. “Your wife might have something to say about that plan. As will mine,” he muttered.

“Maybe,” I admitted. “But that’s not for ages yet! Anyway, John, since I’m going to be here forever, don’t you think I should come along? You know, to be sure we all get along?” I smiled brightly at him.

“Are you tweaking me, sir?” he asked with mock severity.

“Yes, sir! Mostly, anyway.” I shrugged and placed the patty in the pan. Then in a quieter voice I said, “But I will miss you tomorrow. I wish you and Grace could just decide and get married or not, and then you wouldn’t have to go dating all the way in Rapid City!”

“It is rather far away. It’s only for the day, though, then I’ll be back. You’ll be fine here with your brothers, then Sunday we’re all going to see Eddie for his birthday.”

“Jeff and I are making a cake!” I announced.

I was pretty sure he knew that already, but he acted surprised. “You are? He’ll love that!” He was probably just glad I was changing the subject, but I played along.

“Do you think he’ll like chocolate?”

“Who doesn’t like chocolate?” Cutter asked, having wandered into the kitchen just then. He walked up and snagged a carrot stick from a pile John had started making. “How soon is dinner?”

“Soon as we fry up the hamburgers.”

“Cool.” Cutter leaned against the counter to watch us.

“You can set the table if you want to speed it up any,” John said.

Cutter grinned. “I’m not in that much of a hurry.” He took another crunching bite of his carrot. John gave him a look, and Cutter changed his mind. “Alright, alright.” He got up from against the counter and headed for the pantry. “Paper plates good?”

“Brian.”

“Alright, alright!” he said, laughing, and began setting the table properly.

“Are you and Brad going to be home tomorrow?” John asked Cutter.

“Planning to. Why?”

John’s eyes flickered to me, and Cutter nodded. Looks like Cutter had replaced Eddie in the ‘talking silently’ thing John liked to do.

“I’ll be alright,” I said, embarrassed.

“Course you will be,” John said.

“I’ll be home,” Cutter said. “Me and Brad both.”

I thought about protesting further, but really I liked knowing they were taking care of me, so I just grinned up at them both instead!

 

**Saturday, September 21st**

**Cutter**

John was gone all day to Rapid City on a ‘day date’ with Grace, leaving Brad and me in charge at home. That was no big deal since we were in charge a lot of the time, especially now that Eddie was away at school.

When Brad got home from the McCalls’ he took in the rest of us watching morning cartoons (Jeff’s idea, not mine!) half-asleep, and suddenly shouted, “Wake up!” Everyone startled and half-jumped, shocked at hearing Brad shout anything, causing my older brother to laugh.

“Sheesh!” James complained, settling back down.

 Still chuckling, Brad said, “You all are going to waste the day away! This might be one of the last warm days of the year, and you’re just going to watch TV?”

“Yes!” Jeff emphatically said, rubbing Daisy’s belly as she lazily lounged on her back beside him on the couch.

I grinned at Brad, empathizing, knowing how hard it could be to rouse everyone at times. “Have something in mind?”

“I thought we could go fishing or something.”

James sat up at that. “I’ll go!”

Jeff stuck his lip out. “But we _just went_ fishing!”

“That was like two months ago,” I said.

Ramsey scooted low in the sofa so just his head was upright and touching his chest. “Blech.”

Brad and James looked at me. Fishing sounded fun to me too, but I could take it or leave it. “You guys go and I’ll stay here and babysit.”

I batted away the two sofa pillows that were launched in my direction, laughing.

“Can we do that?” James asked, turning hopeful eyes on Brad.

“Sure!” Brad turned to me. “That’ll leave you guys without a car. Anything you want to do in town before we go?”

“Buy candy!” Jeff declared.

“No,” I vetoed.

“Pizza?” my little brother tried next.

“No. I think we’re having pizza tomorrow with Eddie.”

Ramsey sat up suddenly. “Let’s make sure we have everything we need for his birthday cake!”

He and Jeff raced off for the kitchen. Good thing they were on the job, helping to avert any birthday cake crises! The rest of us laughed at their enthusiasm.

“Better see if we have Oreos,” James said, following the younger boys.

Once we were alone, Brad perched on the edge of the armchair and quietly asked, “Do you think it’s okay if we go fishing?”

“Sure, why wouldn’t it be?”

“John won’t mind? He didn’t give us permission.”

I sat up a little. “If he were here he would definitely want to be asked. But he’s not here, and fishing’s something he wouldn’t object to.”

Brad nodded, but still looked thoughtful.

“He might object if you took James to the gun range, or the younger boys. Or if you decided to go all the way to Rapid City without letting him know. But just going to the lake with James? That’s okay.”

Brad nodded again and smiled, more at ease. “Okay. Just wanted to be sure.”

**..»º*º«..**

By late morning Brad and James were on the road in the Bronco, taking chips, Oreos, and sodas with them. They didn’t take John’s canoe, deciding just to fish from the shore.

Jeff and Ramsey baked Eddie’s birthday cake, and I took advantage of the relative quiet in the house to call Amy. We were going out nearly every weekend now, usually double-dating with Brad and Heather. After a nice two hour-long conversation, we hung up and I went to see how the cake was turning out.

“Does it look alright?” Ramsey asked, standing back from the two-layer cake to eye it critically.

“Looks great,” I said, swiping a bit of chocolate frosting from the empty bowl. “Tastes great!”

Both kids beamed at my praise and started cleaning up their mess. I sat on one of the kitchen chairs and we chatted, then when the kitchen was back to normal I offered to make lunch.

“What do you want?” I asked, preparing to make sandwiches.

“SpaghettiOs!” Jeff proclaimed.

“SpaghettiOs,” I repeated, closing the fridge door to look in the pantry. “That okay with you, Ramsey?”

“Yup!”

I found three cans in the pantry and dumped them all into a saucepan on the stove. It took forever to heat up! “We need a microwave,” I said, after about five minutes of waiting for the pasta sauce to start bubbling.

“We do,” Ramsey agreed knowingly, like a microwave was something the family had always needed and he was glad someone else was _finally_ noticing!

“Maybe it can be our family Christmas present this year,” I suggested.

I could tell Jeff didn’t like that idea. He probably wanted to ditch the family Christmas present idea and go back to tons of presents all for him! I doubted we would ever go back to those days, but I didn’t say anything, not wanting to disappoint him. Jeff bit his lip and glanced at Ramsey, then brightly said, “Maybe we can talk John into buying one before Christmas! Like it’s a necessity rather than a present sort of thing.”

“Yeah!” Ramsey said. “Sure would make cooking faster.”

“Operation Microwave,” I announced. “I’m all for it.” It would simplify my cooking night, which I wasn’t all that fond of to begin with.

After lunch we went out and played fetch with Daisy. Jeff had finally gotten over his insistence on keeping Daisy on a leash outside. Brad helped with that. He’d been taking our now almost five month old lab mix with him to work every morning, and I guess Mr. McCall nixed the leash idea right away saying farm dogs needed to be able to run around. Daisy was introduced to the livestock and after some initial excitement she settled down. She followed Brad around the farm and now she was coming when we called. So we were working on fetch and just having fun horsing around.

It was a long afternoon. I knew I didn’t have to entertain Jeff and Ramsey, but I didn’t want to leave them to themselves very much. Once or twice between activities a pensive look came over Ramsey and I knew he was thinking about John being away for the day. So, I tried to keep him and Jeff occupied, and for the most part I think it worked.

John beat Brad and James home. It was about 7:30 when the Impala drove up and he got out of the car. Jeff and Ramsey and I were outside on the porch with Daisy and our older brother right away asked where the others were.

“Fishing,” Ramsey promptly said, dashing over to hug the stuffing out of John.

“Did you have a good time?” I asked.

“We did.”

“What did you do?” Jeff asked.

Before John could reply, the phone rang and he went inside to answer it. A minute later he came back out. “Scott’s coming over. I’ll tell you all at once.”

Ramsey and Jeff had attached themselves to his sides, not easy considering the porch swing was only built to hold two people. Good thing the boys were still kind of small and skinny or the chains might have broken!

“Did you guys eat?” John asked, looking at each of us with a tired smile in his eyes.

“Do you know what a silly question that is?” I laughed.

“I guess it is. Better question, did you eat anything sensible today?”

“Sure! We had SpaghettiOs for lunch and sandwiches for dinner. And chips and cookies,” Jeff said.

“What?” John asked, “No ice cream? Boys, you’re slipping.”

“We can get ice cream now!” Jeff said, bouncing to his feet.

John laughed and pulled him back down, settling him on his lap. “Wait til Scott gets here. So, what did you all do today?”

 

**John**

Brad and James got home from fishing before Scott came over.

“Where’s all the fish?” Brian joked.

“We ate them!” James happily replied.

“Good!” Ramsey exclaimed, giggling when Brad tickled him for his vehemence.

The two fishermen went inside to put away their gear and clean up, and when the coast was clear Ramsey leaned close and confided, “It was bad enough that James’s birthday cake smelled like fish, we don’t need Eddie’s to wind up stinky too!”

Scott arrived about then and we sat on the porch with beer in hand like old timers, and when Brad and James joined us I handed Brad a can of beer too. He took it without comment, popping the top and taking a careful sip. It was just a matter of months until he’d be able to buy it legally himself, and I’d adopted the plan of letting him have an occasional one when Scott and I were having one, which meant not all that often.

All the younger boys scattered around us to listen as we talked, James and Brian perched on the porch rail, Brad on the rocker, and Jeff and Ramsey on the floor leaning against the railing. I told them about my day with Grace. It had been a full one – lunch, another walk through Dinosaur Park (this time in daylight), roller skating, and dinner. I expected laughter when I admitted we went roller skating, but the boys didn’t. I’d felt silly suggesting it to Grace, but she agreed it would be fun. And sure, there had been a lot of teens at the rink, but there were lots of couples our age and quite a few older people too. Most days I felt older than 25, given my responsibilities (who were currently contentedly eating dishes of ice cream listening to me talk and asking the occasional question). It had been a lot of fun to spend the day with a lovely young woman close to my age, and just be my age, without lots of demanding teens around (the blonde one of which suddenly got up from the floor to wedge himself between Scott and myself, ending up half on my lap). I adjusted him so he wasn’t totally squishing Scott, and went on with relating my day.

Eventually, as the conversation wound down, the younger boys all went inside to watch TV, leaving Scott, Brad, Brian, and me outside. Scott and I were on to our second beers, but Brad had stayed at one. Brian was drinking a Coke and I was glad he didn’t ask for a beer or even spend more than five seconds looking like he wanted one.

“So, you like her?” Scott asked, a soft smile on his face.

“Maybe,” I admitted, looking down at my can held in both hands.

“That’s a ‘yes’,” Brian interpreted correctly. “It’s about time you had a girlfriend again!”

“I don’t know if she’s my girlfriend yet.”

“You talk every day on the phone now,” my little brother continued.

“I do.” I’d been feeling guilty about that, actually. “Too much?”

Brian and Scott both rolled their eyes while Brad just looked amused.

“She lives with her sister?” Brad asked.

“Yes,” I replied, just as Brian smugly cut in with, “Good! You both need a chaperone.”

“I think I know someone who needs a swat.”

Brian laughed, not deterred. “Well, if Amy and I can’t be alone...”

Brad got in on the act. “And Heather and I can’t be alone...”

“It’s only fair that you two can’t be alone either!” Brian finished.

“Haha, Brian. Don’t you have homework to do?”

My little brother laughed again and chugged the last of his soda.

“We’re heading to Spearfish tomorrow for Eddie’s birthday,” I said to Scott, changing the subject from my love life. “Want to come?”

“What time?”

“All day, probably.”

Scott thought a moment, then said, “We’ll have to take two cars if I come.”

“We probably would have anyway. Six in one car is a lot.”

“We need a new car!” Brian interjected.

I waved him to be quiet. We did need a new car, but we didn’t have to discuss it right then.

“Sure, I’ll come.”

“Does that mean I’m driving?” Brian asked.

“I could drive too,” Brad said quietly.

Brian had several years of driving over Brad, but I trusted the older teen to be just as careful. “You can each drive one way, how about that?”

The two looked at each other and nodded.

“Well, it’s getting cold out here. Let’s go inside and see what the kids are watching.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Eddie's birthday in Spearfish! 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	7. Eddie's Birthday!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's a birthday without a spanking?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nice long chapter, I hope you like it!

  **Sunday, September 22nd**

**James**

“Remind me to spank you when we get home.”

I froze at the words, my face instantly flushing with embarrassment. A threat of punishment wasn’t uncommon in my family, but words like that from John were usually directed at Jeff. Not this time. They were directed at me! Whispered low in my ear so I wouldn’t miss them, and with a hand gripping my shoulder so I couldn’t shrug away. Did he really think I was going to ‘remind him’? Fat chance of that. If he forgot, I wasn’t about to remind him! My brother gave my shoulder a slight shake, and I was spurred into action. Well, I gave a small nod.

“Come on,” he ordered. “We’re leaving.” He steered me ahead of him out of the second floor common room in Eddie’s dorm, hand gripping my upper arm.

“Bye, James!” said Bob, one of my new poker buddies, and he was soon echoed by the rest of them.

“Bye, guys,” I called over my shoulder, hoping desperately that they hadn’t heard my brother a moment ago. I gave a wave, then John was propelling me down the hall. I risked a glare at him.

“Watch it,” he quietly said, and the glint in his eyes made me turn around again with the sudden hope that he wouldn’t swat me there in the hallway with college guys all around. I would die of embarrassment!

“Jo-o-hn,” I whined, trying to twist away without it being apparent to any onlookers that that’s what I was attempting to do.

“Settle down, or we won’t wait til we get home.”

I settled down and tried to appear as though it was my idea to be marched up the stairs, through the third floor common room, and down the west wing to Eddie’s room. We passed students here and there and I doubt they were fooled any by my nonchalance. In no time at all John had whisked me to the room at the end of the hall where Scott and all my brothers were hanging out.

“Where ya been?” Eddie asked.

“Just downstairs,” I said as casually as I could, wishing my oldest brother would let go of my jean jacket.

Eddie looked quizzically at my captor, then got to his feet and came over. “Well, I’m glad I got to see you again before you guys left!” He put his arms around me and hugged me tight, causing John to release me. I felt awful at his words. It was his birthday and the first time I’d seen him in weeks, and instead of spending the whole entire day with him, I’d wasted the last hour downstairs with strangers. And now I was in big trouble with John.

“Me too,” I said, trying not to seem like I wanted to cry. I was 16 and too old to cry. Eddie let me go and I chanced a glance up at John. The angry set to his eyes made me revise my thought. I was too old to cry unless I was getting walloped.

 

**Hours earlier...**

**Jeff**

“I want to ride in the truck bed!”

“No.” The quick, flat reply came from John without him even taking a moment to consider the matter.

“Why not?” I whined.

“Cos Scott’s not driving, kiddo,” my brother said, coming up alongside me with a wry grin.

“Oh,” I said, feeling silly.

“Maybe next time,” Scott said. “Besides, an hour is a long time to ride in the back.”

I grinned. “I like riding in the back!”

“When did you ever do that?” Cutter scoffed.

“Lots of times!” In truth, I could only remember once, back when my aunt and uncle used to have a pickup truck before they had three girls. My uncle had taken us to the store and we had gotten to ride in the back. I loved the air whipping all around me, and we bounced so much I was afraid I would fall out at any moment! Fun!

“You’re full of it,” James said.

“Am not,” I protested. “’Member that one time...”

John put a hand gently on my back to move me towards the Impala. When I started to say something indignant about being interrupted, he smiled and said, “We have to hit the road. You can argue with your brothers later.”

Put like that, it did seem silly. I smiled back and leaned into him in a quick side hug. “Okay. I call shotgun!”

John laughed. “Scott has shotgun.”

“Well, I call...” It didn’t matter what I called, because Ramsey was already getting into the car behind Scott. So, I just shut up and got in behind John.

Brad, Cutter, and James, meanwhile, all piled into the Bronco. They were going to follow us to Spearfish. It was nice taking two cars, because usually when we all went someplace altogether, I got squished into the middle seat! This time it was just Ramsey and me in the back with tons of luxurious space for us.

Ramsey grinned at me and stabilized the box that held Eddie’s birthday cake on the seat between us. “I hope it’s big enough!”

“Me too!” I agreed.

“We’ll cut however many slices we need,” John said, starting the engine. “That’s the great thing about round cakes.”

“Think Eddie’ll be surprised when we show up?” I asked.

“No, I told him.”

“What? Why?” I wanted to surprise him!

“So we don’t drive an hour and find he’s out for the day,” Scott explained, laughing.

“Oh, right.” I should have thought of that. I looked out the window, feeling stupid.

My brother’s best friend glanced back at me then offered, “But I bet he’ll be surprised by the cake, right, John?”

“You bet.” I met John’s eyes in the rearview mirror and saw they were smiling, so I smiled back, then at Scott for good measure.

 

**Cutter**

I was excited to see my next oldest brother again after three weeks apart. Three weeks might not seem like much, but it was the longest we’d ever gone without seeing each other. Boy Scout Camp was the longest before that, and that was just for a week at a time.

We got there about noon, and found Eddie waiting for us outside his dorm. Since I’d passed slowpoke John on the way up, Brad and James and I got to campus first, so I was the first to greet my older brother.

“Eddie! Happy Birthday!”

Eddie got up from the low wall he was sitting on and waited for us with a smile. My brother looked really good. Happy and carefree in a way I hadn’t seen in a while. He hugged us all when we got close, and Brad commented on what I had noticed.

“College seems to agree with you.”

Eddie’s grin got bigger. “Sure does. I’m having a blast, and I really like my new courses.”

“That’s great,” I said. I felt kind of sad, but hid it. I was glad he was happy and doing so well, but I felt bad that it took him going away to be so relaxed.

“Where’s your room?” James asked, looking up at the different floors of the dorm. The building was brick and looked to have two wings with a center area in between. “What floor are you on?”

“The third.” Eddie twisted around to point to one end. “Clear on the end.”

“Let’s go see!” James said, already heading towards the entrance.

“Slow down,” Brad said, looking down the road the way we had come. The rest of us looked too, expecting the Impala to show up any moment.

“Did you all leave at the same time?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah, but you know John when he’s driving the family,” I said, letting snarkiness replace the sadness and the slight worry that they hadn’t already arrived.

“Yeah,” Eddie agreed.

“Hey, how’s the jeep?” I asked.

“It’s fine,” my brother laughed, pointing down the lot at the red 1970 Land Cruiser that had first been our dad’s, then John’s, and was now Eddie’s.

“Can we check it out?”

“Really?” Eddie asked, shaking his head like I was crazy.

“Yeah.” I was still strangely unsettled at the thought of Eddie being so far from home, and happy without us, and the jeep – it was just something familiar. Plus, I wanted to be sure my brother wasn’t running it into the ground!

“Okay, come on.”

A few minutes later I had the engine running and just sat in the driver’s seat a moment, listening to it purr in satisfaction. I’d changed the oil and given it the once over before Eddie had left home at the end of August. It was great to know my hard work was still paying off!

James climbed into the passenger side and was idly rummaging through the glove box. He held up a stack of insurance cards with a grin. “Any reason to hang on to these?”

I looked at them and shook my head. “Not really.” Except the older ones were Dad’s.

James seemed to notice the catch in my voice, because he stopped and looked at the small squares of paper. “Oh. They don’t take up much room.” He put them back and firmly closed the glove box door.

I turned off the engine and as I did, we heard the rumble of the Impala finally making it down the street.

“About time!” Eddie said from the sidewalk. “Come on, guys.”

James and I hopped out of the jeep. My brother started to swing the door shut, then stopped midway and pulled it open again and bent down to look under the seat. He frowned, then reached in and pulled out a small card. “Hey, Eddie! Here’s your driver’s license.” He held it out to our older brother.

Eddie, already walking back to the dorm, said, “Oh, that. That’s the one I lost. I already replaced it. Toss it for me, willya?”

James shrugged and tucked it in his back pocket. “Sure.”

 

**John**

We made quite the production heading up to Eddie’s room. Together with Scott there were eight of us altogether! We would have had to take the elevator in two groups, but luckily Jeff bet Ramsey he could race up the three flights of stairs faster, and so after handing me the cake box, the boys took off.

“Don’t you want to-” Cutter nodded at the staircase, and James scowled in return.

With a perfect teenage sneer of disdain, James replied, “I’m not running up three flights of stairs!”

“Why not?” Brad asked. “It’ll keep you in shape.”

The scowl lessened, and James looked back and forth between the stairs and Brad a few times. I think his previous contempt had more to do with being lumped into the company of the younger boys, and less with the activity itself.

“Come on, let’s race,” Brad said, and took off. After just a moment’s hesitation, James followed.

“I feel sorry for anyone in the staircase,” Eddie said, grinning. “They’ll get bowled over.”

The rest of us rode the elevator up, beating all the boys by a few minutes, but they soon caught up to us in the common room. I handed the cake box back to an impatient Ramsey, then we went to Eddie’s room. My next-younger brother introduced us to his roommate, a sophomore transfer student named Mason. Mason had been reading on his bed, but he got up when we entered. Eddie quickly introduced everyone and it was funny to see Mason’s eyes widen as he realized we were all (minus Scott) related.

Mason looked from us to Eddie, then back, obviously trying to count us all. “Man, I know you said you had a bunch of brothers, but wow.”

Eddie laughed. “Tell me about it.”

“Who’s who again?”

Eddie pointed us out. “That’s Scott, John’s friend. Then my brother John, he’s the oldest. Then me-”

“I know you,” Mason interrupted with a laugh.

“Then me,” Eddie repeated with patience gained from years of dealing with younger brothers. He placed a hand on Brad’s arm. “Then Brad.” Resorting to pointing again he said, “And Cutter, James, Ramsey, and the baby of the family, Jeff.”

Mason grinned at Jeff, and Jeff beamed back. He didn’t mind being called the baby.

“This cake is getting heavy, and I’m gonna drop it in a minute!” Ramsey declared, drooping his shoulders dramatically as if they were about to fall off.

“Set it down,” I said, stating the obvious. The placement of the cake turned out not to be quite so obvious, however, as every available surface was covered with books, papers, shoes, clothing... was this Eddie’s room? My neat freak brother Eddie? How could he survive in this mess?

Eddie and Mason sheepishly glanced around, then Mason hurriedly gathered some papers into a stack, creating a spot for the box with the cake.

“Thanks!” Ramsey said, happy again now that he was unburdened.

Jeff opened the box and sighed in relief when he saw the trip in the car hadn’t damaged it. “See, Eddie? Doesn’t it look great? Ramsey and I made it for you!”

Eddie obligingly looked in the box. “Looks delicious, can’t wait to try it!”

Ramsey looked around the room doubtfully. “Do you have plates?” Without waiting for an answer, he turned to me. “We should have brought paper plates, Dad.”

I saw Mason mouth ‘dad?’ to Eddie, a question in his eyes.

“John adopted Ramsey and Brad. They were brothers first,” Eddie casually explained, with a fond smile at our two newest additions to the family. Ramsey ducked his head at the attention, but he had a shy smile on his face.

With a smirk, Brian cut in, “Yeah, and then to round out the family he adopted the rest of us!”

“You practically have your own baseball team,” Mason said to me in admiration.

The fleeting question of whether Grace played baseball (softball?) crossed my mind. Together with Scott we had enough for a team. In reply to Mason, I just chuckled and said, “Yeah, we passed basketball team a long time ago.” Looking around at the crowded room I asked, “Have you guys had lunch yet?”

“Not yet,” Eddie replied, the air of ‘I’ve been waiting for you to come and treat me’ unsaid but obvious, while Mason did his best to appear like he wasn’t expecting to be included in this family event.

“How ‘bout we go eat? Then maybe you can show us around.”

Everyone dashed for the door and Mason took to his chair again, as if the pile of homework in front of him was his most favorite weekend activity and he couldn’t wait to get started. Before I could invite him Eddie grabbed him by an arm, the motion causing his swivel chair to swing around. “Come on!” Mason grinned, grabbed his windbreaker and followed us out.

 

**Ramsey**

Everyone stared at us wherever we went! I was proud and happy to be with my whole family and Scott and this Mason guy, but it was still kind of embarrassing. We did make rather a commotion, all nine of us now! We walked not too far away to a restaurant where we ordered four large pizzas (no anchovies!) and root beer. While we waited for the pizza Eddie told us all about his classes. He had only had three weeks of classes so far, but his eyes lit up as he described what he was learning and I could tell he really enjoyed it. He reminded me of me when I was talking about my math classes! I had to admit, my brothers seemed more interested in his education classes than my math classes. Hmphf!

Scott and John argued over who was paying for lunch, but John finally let him after Scott said it was his contribution to Eddie’s birthday. Then after we ate Mason went back to the dorm to tackle some of his homework, and the rest of us went on a tour of campus.

“Don’t wander off,” John sternly said to Jeff and me. Jeff rolled his eyes, and John asked, “Do I need to hold your hand?”

Cutter and James smirked at that, and Jeff hastily shook his head and said, “No, sir,” and we all started out.

Black Hills State University’s campus was larger than School of Mines and Technology where I went and where John was a librarian. It had more dorms and more buildings, but that made sense because it offered all the liberal arts as well as the sciences and had a higher enrollment.

I liked seeing everything, but it was boring going at the slow speed of all eight of us in a bunch, and soon Jeff and I were lagging behind the group. Suddenly Jeff pointed to a tree in the center of a big lawn. “That’s the perfect climbing tree!”

He ran over and I wanted to follow, but I was afraid of getting in trouble. I gave John a hopeful look. He looked slightly annoyed, but then Scott stepped in and said, “Let them run around and blow off energy. We can meet up later.” John nodded at that, and I was glad Scott had come!

“Stay here or head back to the dorm, all right? Nowhere else,” John directed.

“Okay!”

I ran over to Jeff, who was already halfway up the tree. It was a fantastic tree, but I didn’t go any higher than the very lowest branch. Jeff climbed all over, but he was pretty quiet about it. I doubt any of the passing students had any idea that he was up there watching him!

It wasn’t too long before Cutter came to find us. “Hey, come on back now. Cake time!”

Jeff scrambled out and I hopped down off my low branch and we raced back to the dorm. I hoped the cake would be big enough!

 

**Cutter**

On our way back to the dorm we stopped by the Bronco and picked up Eddie’s presents, then we bought paper plates and forks at a little campus store. Dorm rooms weren’t meant to hold tons of people, so we commandeered the common room on his floor and Mason came on out again. There were only a handful of others there and Eddie invited them to share the cake. It was interesting to watch my older brother because he seemed so at ease surrounded by not just us but by the other students who came and went. They stopped by for cake and wished my brother a happy birthday and they all joked back and forth. Eddie was always my quiet, steady brother who followed John’s lead, and now he was developing into this guy who the others were coming to with questions. One guy even wandered by helplessly with a tie in hand, and Eddie set aside his plate to disappear for a minute to show him how to tie it. Eddie was becoming the big brother of the dorm!  

After the cake we gave Eddie his presents back in his room. Jeff got him a frisbee (and the cake, as Jeff and Ramsey declared!) plus Ramsey got him a pocket collegiate dictionary. James got him a new backpack since he was using his old one from high school and it was pretty beat up. Once those presents were opened and admired, to all appearances that was the end of it.

Then John said, “This isn’t really a present, but something I think Mom and Dad would want you to have.”

Everyone stilled at the mention of our parents and waited for the surprise. Whatever it was, I didn’t know about it! My oldest brother reached into the shirt pocket under his jacket, and pulled out a pen. I recognized it, I think all of my brothers did. It was the Montblanc ballpoint pen that our grandfather had given to our dad when he started college. It sat for years on Dad’s desk, and he would show it to us but we knew not to play with it. When John started college, it was passed down to him. The understanding was that John had inherited it and could pass it on to his own kids someday. I looked from John to Eddie in shock as I realized that’s just what my oldest brother had done. Eddie’s eyes were slightly glassy and I think he had made the connection too.

“But Dad gave this to you. It’s yours,” Eddie protested quietly. I wondered if the lump in his throat was as big as the one in mine. I was glad I didn’t have to say anything at the moment!

“It’s mine, or was,” John agreed. “Dad gave it to me as the oldest, and now it’s yours. My oldest.” He leaned forward to embrace Eddie and press the pen into his hand, and it was amazing how everyone suddenly appeared blurry.

“Thank you,” Eddie replied. “I’ll take good care of it.” He showed it to Mason and Brad and Ramsey while the rest of us blinked away the blurriness in our vision.

After a moment, John clapped his hands once, briskly, and said, “Now, Brad and Brian and I have an idea for your actual present from us, but we wanted to make sure it was allowed and you didn’t already have one.” He looked pointedly around the small dorm room with all its clutter, and with a wry grin he said, “’Course, I don’t know if there’s a place for it in here, but we thought we’d get you a small fridge for your room.”

Mason looked just as happy about the idea as Eddie did! “It’s allowed,” Eddie said. “That would be great! Um, did you already buy one?”

“No, we wanted to be sure it was allowed first. We thought we’d go and get one now.”

“Alright!” Eddie grabbed his jacket and asked if Mason wanted to come along.

“Naw, I’ll um, clean up and make room for it,” Mason replied, his face a little pink.

I thought Ramsey’s and my room was a mess, but after seeing their dorm room, I would never again listen to Eddie when he told me to clean up! “Yeah, what a pigsty!” I proclaimed, joking. Everyone laughed, though John told me to hush.

John, Scott, Brad, Eddie, and I were going to buy the fridge, while James, Ramsey, and Jeff stayed on campus. “Stick close to the dorm,” John told them.

“We will,” Ramsey promptly agreed.

“Can we go outside and play frisbee?” Jeff asked.

John looked to Eddie, since it was his new frisbee Jeff wanted to break in, and Eddie nodded. “Okay, just don’t go too far off.”

Jeff, Ramsey, and James took off for the lawn again, and the rest of us went to the store.

 

**James**

Frisbee was okay and Jeff wasn’t too bad at it. Ramsey got whapped in the arm one time when he wasn’t paying much attention to the incoming disc, but he gamely played on and before long I could tell he was having fun with it. We’d have to get one for home!

After a while, though, we got tired and the younger boys decided to go exploring. I had flopped down on the grass to rest in the shade a minute then heard some students talk about a poker game they were trying to get together.

“Sure you don’t want to come?” a guy was asking someone.

A girl replied, “No, I really have to finish this for tomorrow.”

“Aw, come on, Debbie. Not even for an hour or two? We need another person.”

I sat up as she again protested that she had to finish her homework.

“I can play,” I said from my spot about ten feet away, excited at the prospect of getting in on a game with these older college guys, and feeling dumb at the same time for having said the word ‘play’. It sounded too much like when John told Jeff and Ramsey to ‘go play’.

They looked at me in surprise, then one of the guys said, “Sure, if you want to. We play for quarters. I’m Bob.”

“James,” I said, getting up and crossing over to them. Bob introduced the other three, and we headed for the dorm.

John didn’t allow us to play for money, but that was just at home with us boys. He didn’t want us taking advantage of each other and creating hard feelings. He’d never said that exactly, but I always figured that was the reason. I had four dollars in my pocket – that should be enough to play with these guys. I sure wasn’t going to back out now!

We played in the common room on the second floor, one floor down from Eddie’s. I had a moment of apprehension about the others not being able to find me, but they were still out shopping, and then they would have to take the fridge out of the box – they came in boxes, right? – and install it, and then knowing John they’d probably go buy some pop and food to put in it. That gave me plenty of time to play!

I quickly discovered that these guys were pretty good, but so was I. I had years of experience playing with my brothers! The laundry room on the floor had a change machine and we exchanged our dollars for quarters. I was holding my own and having a good time when one of the guys said he’d get drinks and be right back. I thought he was getting Cokes from the vending machine I’d seen downstairs, but he came back with five bottles in his hands and set them all down on the table. Beer! Or something like it. They were dark bottles, not the cans John or Scott sometimes drank, and the fronts of them said ‘Ale’. Ale? It must be similar to beer. I hadn’t had a taste of alcohol since Cutter and Jeff and I went to the park almost a year ago, and we’d all gotten in plenty of trouble for that! I had no desire for a repeat of the punishment I’d gotten. That was the last time John had used his belt on me, plus he’d taken out his hairbrush. At least he hadn’t used his belt the whole time. No thanks, I didn’t want that again!

The others all reached for one of the bottles and the guy who brought them shoved the last one over at me. “Thanks,” I said, intending to just let it sit there and collect dust.

We played another hand and then another guy asked me, “You gonna drink that?”

I started to shake my head, but then one of the others laughed and said, “I thought he looked pretty young. You still in high school, James?” And that decided it for me! I grabbed the ale and the bottle opener and took a great big swig of it. The guys all grinned and Bob shook his head a little even as he laughed, but they left me alone after that.

We played another hour maybe, and I still wasn’t too concerned about not being with the others. Well, I was slightly concerned. Not for myself, though, but because of Jeff and Ramsey wandering off after we played frisbee. I bet they’d forget to come back til late, then John would turn it into my fault for not staying with them, and we’d all get in trouble! So I thought I might get into trouble on their behalf, but not my own.

I was two dollars up and a new hand was just being dealt when suddenly I heard an energetic but exasperated voice. “James! There you are! Come on, we’re leaving.” Crap! It was John!

“Okay!” I said over my shoulder, tossing my cards facedown on the table. “Gotta go, guys. Thanks for letting me play.” I was examining the table as I spoke, wondering if maybe John would mistake my ale as belonging to one of the other guys. Probably not... it had been right in front of me, and I was surprised to see I’d drunk almost all of it. I’d been taking little sips every now and then to be sociable, but I didn’t think I’d drunk that much. I looked over at John and saw his cheerfulness had turned into crossed arms and a not-very-pleased expression. Crap, he had noticed my bottle.

“Don’t forget your money,” Bob helpfully said, not realizing grabbing the evidence of my playing for money wasn’t going to help my case any.

I glanced at John again. He was waiting patiently for me to finish up. I was grateful he didn’t storm over yelling about me drinking and playing poker for money and totally embarrass me in front of the older guys. Lots of parents – I mean brothers – would have. No, he stood there with arms crossed and a set expression on his face as I gathered up my quarters and awkwardly picked up the bottle. My brother’s jaw clenched at that, but he remained silent. What did he expect? I couldn’t just leave it for Bob or one of the others to throw away! I was raised better than that.

John’s silence lasted until I had reached his side, at which point he took hold of my shoulder and whispered in my ear, “Remind me to spank you when we get home.”

I said bye to my poker buddies and was escorted back to Eddie’s room (John taking the bottle from me halfway there and tossing it into a garbage can). Eddie asked me where I’d been and I told him, feeling horrible for having been gone for so long. Even Jeff and Ramsey were present, sitting cross-legged on Eddie’s bed looking through a stack of books. Going by their lack of anxiety, they must have returned in time so they weren’t in any trouble. Just me.

Everyone else was examining the new little fridge, and sure enough it was filled with soda and cold cuts and cheese and stuff. By stuff I mean vegetables. Leave it to Eddie to get healthy food for it! I didn’t give it too much thought, though. Knowledge of what awaited me at home was too pressing on my mind.

 

**John**

“Is James in trouble?” Jeff asked, sitting forward as far as his seatbelt would allow on our way home.

“Is he?” Ramsey asked, eyes troubled at the thought. “What for?”

Nosy little brothers.

“Yes, he is,” I said, hoping they’d leave it there.

“What did he do?” Jeff asked.

Pesky little brothers.

“None of your concern,” I replied.

“He had... he had, um... he smelled like that beer I tried during that football game,” Ramsey said.

“He was drinking?” Jeff shrieked in disbelief. Well, at least _one_ of the kids I’d punished the previous year was upset at the idea of drinking again!

“None of your concern,” I repeated, tossing an exasperated look at Scott, who was looking amused at the questions and commentary coming from the back seat.

“Are you gonna spank him?” Jeff asked, not the slightest bit deterred.

Scott snorted at that.

“Not funny!” Jeff protested, indignant on James’s behalf. “It _hurts_ to get in trouble.”

“Trust me, I know,” Scott said, swiveling to look at Jeff. “I’m not laughing at James, I’m laughing at _you_ and all your questions.”

Jeff calmed down. “Okay.”

There was a moment of silence, then I heard Jeff whisper to Ramsey. “I bet he gets walloped.”

“I bet so too,” came the whispered reply, and Scott had to stifle another laugh.

**..»º*º«..**

We had followed the Bronco home, so James was already fleeing to his room when I got out of the Impala. I was as much annoyed by James deciding to misbehave on Eddie’s birthday and ruin the memory of what would have otherwise been a perfect day, as I was by his actual drinking. I’d had time to think about it on the drive home, and had time to compare it to the event the previous year.

Last year he had followed Brian’s lead, and this year he had apparently followed the older college students’. Brian had been underage, however, whereas the students weren’t, and they were just having a drink over a friendly poker game. Last year my boys had deliberately set out to get drunk. James hadn’t gotten intoxicated this year, in fact, it didn’t look like he’d even finished the one ale. It didn’t excuse him drinking in the first place, though. So, a spanking was in order, but not like last year’s.

Scott went home right away so I made my way up to see James. Might as well get it over, then maybe we could still have a nice family evening afterwards.

I rapped on the bedroom door and opened it at James’s “It’s open.”

My little brother was moping on his bed, and reluctantly sat up when I came in.

“I didn’t even drink the whole thing!” he protested.

“Well, I’m glad you know what you’re in trouble for.”

The teen glared at me. “I shouldn’t be.”

“Oh? Why not?”

A sullen shrug. James in trouble was a far different creature than Jeff or Ramsey or even Brian in trouble. The younger boys would already be in tears, anxious to get the punishment over so they could cuddle. Brian might be defiant as he flexed his growing independence, but at heart he knew right from wrong and always came around. He liked to have things put right again, even if it meant a trip over my knee. James, though... James could get sullen and uncommunicative.

“Alright, then, we’ll move on to the spanking. Go get my hairbrush.”

A tinge of fear permeated the churlish look in his blue eyes. “Joooohn,” he whined.

“Go.”

He scooted back as I sat beside him on the bed, but he made no move to get up.

“James, go.”

I saw the word form in his eyes before it came out of his mouth. As if in slow motion, I heard it. “Nnoooo.”

Direct defiance and disobedience. It was rare for my brothers to disobey to this extent. Poor James, he had just sealed his fate. I took a deep breath, calmly said, “Very well,” and reached out for him. He scooted backwards again, but the bed wasn’t that big and I reached him easily. I tugged him forward until he was draped over my lap. He didn’t come willingly. He tried to scramble away the whole short distance, windmilling his arms so it was a wonder I didn’t get whacked in the face. I pinned him facedown over my knees, trapping one of his arms between our bodies, then I grabbed his right hand and held it behind his back. He wasn’t going anywhere until I let him go.

Unfortunately he still wore his jeans, and I wasn’t that fond of spanking over jeans. It softened the blow and hurt my hand before too long. I glanced around to see if there was anything within reach. Aha, there on the desk, just out of reach, a wood ruler. Feeling totally awkward but fueled by annoyance and adrenaline, I stood the two of us up enough to scoot over a few inches while James squawked at the movement. His head turned to follow the movement of my hand as I reached out to grasp the ruler.

“No! John, no!”

That wasn’t the pleading of a repentant boy about to get paddled, no, that was the demand of a fractious boy. I secured him again with my left arm, raised the ruler high, and brought it down with a sharp whack on his bottom.

“Ow!” he yelped, taken by surprise. I could tell he didn’t mean to let on it hurt, because he stilled a bit bracing himself for more, and remained silent for the next five swats. Finally on the seventh he started squirming. If he had been compliant I probably would have given him another one or two and called it good, but I wasn’t about to let his defiance go unchallenged. James was 16 and if I didn’t nip this in the bud, who knew what it might lead to? I continued the spanking, pausing after each whack to listen for crying or for him to back down. On the 14th swat I decided I would stop at 16, even if he didn’t give in. Finally, on number 15, the rigid tension in his body relaxed and he broke down in tears. “Please stop,” he cried. “I’m sorry.” Finally.

I set the ruler down on the bed and gently lifted him up. My brother was too tall to sit on my lap now, and given his recent attitude I doubted he’d want to, so I sat him down beside me and put my arm around his heaving shoulders. He sat hunched beside me, quietly crying. I waited until he had regained some control, then asked, “Ready to talk now?” I rubbed his back gently and after a moment he nodded. “So, what happened today that I found you drinking with a bunch of college guys?”

 

**James**

I hated, hated, hated this. At 16 I was much too old to get spanked across my brother’s knees. Anyone’s knees. Why couldn’t John just ground me like happened to some of my classmates? I knew not all of them got grounded. No, an awful lot of them still got walloped just like I did, but I bet they didn’t have to go over someone’s lap like a toddler. Not, I bet they got to bend over a desk or just grab their knees or something. ‘Course, by our age everyone mostly got the belt and I knew it was hard to get a good swing going when the target was too close, so of course they had to bend over something. Was it worth the trade off? Over John’s lap and no belt, or over a desk with the belt? The ruler had really hurt, though, and so did the hairbrush when he used it, so I didn’t know if it was all that much better. The over the lap part almost made me wish for the belt.

I sat beside John after he walloped me and held myself still so I wouldn’t lean into his side. It was my own small protest, the only one I had left at the moment. John’s voice finally cut through my thoughts and embarrassment and I thought about his question. There was no good excuse for what I had done, and I knew he wouldn’t drop the matter without us discussing it and analyzing it to death... so I decided just to tell the truth and save us hours.

“I didn’t want them to think I was a baby.”

John sighed and pulled me close to his side, and this time I didn’t fight it. At least snuggled, I mean, held tightly against my will against his side, I could just continue staring at the floor rather than try to meet his eyes.

“You aren’t a baby, James, and they wouldn’t think you are if you had said no to the ale.”

“They would have, though,” I protested quietly. “One of them would have, anyway.”

John looked around the room. “Where is he now?”

Surprised, I held my head up to see what he was looking for. “What?”

“The guy who might possibly have thought you were a baby. I don’t see him.”

“Course not. He’s in Spearfish.”

“So why does it matter what he thinks?”

I wiped my eyes. “It doesn’t. But it did then.”

“You shouldn’t care so much what strangers think.”

“I know. I wasn’t going to drink it. I didn’t at first.”

“Then why did you?”

I slumped a little. “Because the one guy asked if I was in high school and I didn’t want them to kick me out of the game. I was having fun, John.” I was having fun with older kids all on my own. They weren’t friends of my brothers, they were people I had approached all on my own, and they had accepted me and let me play. Then when it looked like one of them was going to make fun of me, I had caved. “I’m sorry, I should have... I should have stood up for myself and done what I wanted. I didn’t want to drink it. I mean, I was curious because it was ale and that was different, but I knew I’d get in trouble.” My voice trailed off as I babbled on. I knew John liked lots of babbling, though. It counted as discussion, so I didn’t think he would mind.

Sure enough, his voice softened and his hand continued rubbing circles on my back as he asked, “Was it worth it?”

I shook my head. “No. Next time I’ll just say I prefer pop.”

“Good boy,” he said softly.

I probably should have taken offense at his words. That was something you might say to an eight year-old, or a dog, but I liked hearing it. He wasn’t giving up on me. Then his hand stopped rubbing and instead came around my shoulders again and gave a firm squeeze.

“Now, go get the hairbrush.” His voice was still quiet, but it had regained some of the steel from earlier.

I wanted to protest. I’d already gotten walloped and my behind was already on fire, and I wanted to kick and scream and throw a tantrum worthy of my youngest brother. No, what I really wanted was to lay down on the bed and bury my head in my pillow and cry and not see anyone else until tomorrow.

John lifted my chin with his other hand. “James...”

I nodded and stood, wincing at the pain. I shuffled to the door and was relieved not to find Jeff waiting outside listening. The TV was on downstairs, the volume high, for which I was grateful. I continued to John’s room where I found the hated hairbrush on Mom’s dresser. I retrieved it and slowly made my way back to my room. I wanted to pout like Jeff as I handed it over, but I didn’t. I was 16 after all!

John accepted it with a nod, then said, “Jeans down and back over my lap.”

I held his gaze for a moment, wanting like crazy to say no, my mind whirling at how to get out of going over his knees again. I knew it was hopeless, though, so after a taut silence my hands went to my jeans. I unbuttoned them and shoved them down to my knees, and forced myself across his lap.

 

**John**

When James was in position, I pulled his underwear down below his bottom. He tensed again, but relaxed slightly in acceptance of his upcoming fate after I lightly tapped his behind a few times with the brush. Then I brought the brush up high and brought it down on his already reddened behind with a resounding slap. He jumped slightly and caught his breath, then stilled. I could have left it there. One swat and that brought him up to 16, holding to the ‘one swat per year of age’ I often went by. I would also have been justified starting over and giving him a full 16 with the hairbrush since the previous spanking with the ruler had been for his defiance in fetching the brush.

I couldn’t and wouldn’t do that to him, however. Sixteen swats with a brush on top of 15 with a ruler – even over jeans – would have been way too much. Still, there had to be some penalty for his defiance, so I tipped him forward, holding him so he wouldn’t topple off, and gave him five more solid swats where his bottom met his thighs. He held still and didn’t protest, but his grip on my ankle got pretty tight as the spanking went along. At the end I pulled his underwear back up and once again helped him up from his awkward position.

“It’s over,” I said, getting up so he could lay on his stomach on the bed. “Scoot over.” He obeyed and I sat down beside him, my back against the headboard, stretching my legs out beside him. I lightly ran my fingers through his hair while he cried himself out. We stayed like that for maybe 15 minutes, long after he’d quieted down.

“I’m sorry,” he said at last, breaking the silence.

“Thank you. You know, James, if you hadn’t defied me, it would have been a quick spanking and it would have been over.”

“Yeah. But it’s h-hard to um, submit.” He risked a glance up at me then. His eyes were red and slightly swollen and his hair was damp with sweat. The expression on his face was unguarded and seeking understanding and acceptance.

I knew it took a lot for him to open up and talk to me. He reminded me of myself at his age sometimes. I hated getting licked by my dad, but it never would have occurred to me to defy him. _No, Dad, I don’t believe I will get your belt._ No, that wouldn’t have happened in a million years. I sighed. I wasn’t just his brother, or just his adoptive father, I was both. The lines got blurred sometimes. Sometimes it made hard things easier, but sometimes it made simple matters complicated and this was one of those times.

I brushed his hair back. “I love you, James.” I was rewarded with a softening of his eyes and a hand that crept over to lay next to my leg, the curled fingers brushing the cloth of my jeans. “I love you too much to let you run amok or defy me. I’ll bring you back in line every time, so please don’t try again, okay?”

James nodded. “Okay.”

“Want to stay here awhile?”

“Mhm.”

“Want me to stay with you?”

“Mhm.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and for all your comments!


	8. Plans, Play, and Purchases

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A slice of life chapter follows the boys as they make plans, play with new friends, and make a large purchase.

**Thursday, September 26th**

**James**

I got lost in my piano playing. Cutter declared he was tired of waiting for me to practice, so he decided from now on he and Jeff and I would all go home right after school, then I could drive myself back to practice at the school. Jeff seconded the idea and I couldn’t really protest. I don’t think I would have wanted to wait around for one of them, either! So, right after school Cutter parked in front of the house and we all went inside. I stayed long enough to drop off my homework and grab a can of pop and a handful of crackers, then drove the Impala back to the high school.

The practice room was empty, just like it usually was this time of day, and I was glad for that. By high school, most kids had been playing their instrument for years, and here I was practicing basic scales and kiddie songs like “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” and “Mary Had a Little Lamb”. I was glad not to have witnesses! Part of me kind of wanted witnesses. Like, my brothers. If I could practice on a piano at home, I’m sure my brothers would be interested and supportive. I’d probably get a little teasing at the nursery rhymes, but they’d be mostly supportive. Here, by myself in the practice room in the deserted music hall of the school, it was awfully quiet and slightly lonely. But that was okay! I was learning this for myself, after all, and not to impress anyone else.

As strange as it may sound given what I was playing, I got lost in the music. I practiced my scales and the songs I’d been assigned, and then played ahead in the book. It was really cool of John to pay for lessons and I didn’t want to disappoint him. Maybe in a few months after I got a little better he might come to the school and listen to me. Maybe all my brothers would!

So, I went over them and over them and even tried using both hands together on the scales, and finally I noticed the air felt cool and still and all the distant sounds from the school had stopped. I looked behind me at the plastic clock on the wall and crap, it was 6:25! I was supposed to be home for dinner at 6:00. No... not 6:00. This was my night to cook, so I should have been home long before that! I hurriedly gathered my music and ran out of the practice room and down the hall. The night janitor waved at me and I called out a ‘hello’ before dashing out to the car.

John was going to be so mad! He would probably see this as an act of defiance given that I’d been in so much trouble just a few days before. I got in the car and started the engine, but sat there for a minute taking deep breaths and calming down. All I needed was to rush home and get pulled over for speeding. I might be able to talk my way out of punishment for being home late, but for speeding? Not a chance!

 

**John**

By the time James came waltzing in the door, the rest of us had finished dinner. The younger boys were upstairs, Brad was watching TV, and Brian and I were doing the dishes. The 16 year-old of the family entered through the garage and sheepishly stopped just inside the kitchen.

Ducking his head slightly, he said, “Sorry I’m late. I was practicing.”

“Hope your butt’s not still sore from Sunday,” Brian unhelpfully said. “Cos it’s gonna get roasted again.”

James reddened and uncertainly brought one foot up to scratch an itch on his other leg. “You knew I was at the school,” he complained to his brother. Looking back at me he pleaded, “Don’t be mad, I was practicing.”

I set the towel down and turned to face my errant brother. “I’m not mad. We knew you were at the school practicing. I’m not going to punish you.”

Brian let out a scoff of disappointment, but I caught the wink and grin he tossed at James. James lost his panicked look, and set his music book on the table.

“We haven’t really talked about it, but even though I know where you are, I still want you home for dinner every night, okay?”

James grinned in relief. “Okay, I will. Sorry about tonight, I was just having fun practicing.”

“You get a pass tonight, but if it happens again-”

“It won’t!” he quickly promised.

“Alright. Your dinner’s on a plate in the fridge. You can heat it up in the oven.”

“It would be easier to heat stuff up if we had a microwave,” Brian observed.

“Sure would,” I easily agreed. I’d been thinking about getting one, but didn’t know what the boys would think about that. Here I’d just told James no piano, so how could I show up with a microwave? Especially when I had an even bigger purchase in mind, one that our family really needed right now.

While James headed for the refrigerator, Brian joked, “He should get stale bread and water tonight.”

“Haha,” James replied, shoving his older brother’s shoulder.

Brian shoved him back, getting him wet in the process, and before the kitchen ended up entirely soaked, I quietly admonished, “Boys.”

“He started it!” they both proclaimed, and James was the first to immediately follow that up with, “Jinx!”

I abandoned the boys to their silly streak, and joined Brad in the family room.

“How’re things at McCalls’?” I asked.

He grinned. “Going good. Mr. McCall is showing me how to make tack. Harnesses to start with. He thinks I can work my way up to saddle work.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I think tooling will be fun. Maybe in a couple of months...”

“Tooling?”

Gesturing curlicues in the air, he said, “Yeah, the decoration in the leather, the embellishments. Stamping and carving the leather, it’s called tooling.”

“Cool,” I said, “I bet you’ll be good at it.”

“Hope so. I’d hate to waste the leather. But he’s going to start me on smaller projects to learn.”

“Probably a good plan.”

Brad leaned back against the sofa pillow contentedly. “Yeah, the saddle is something to work up to.” Turning shy he asked, “Would it be okay if I went over evenings sometimes to work on it?”

“Sure.”

“Thanks,” he said, smiling, and turned back to the TV.

“Does Heather do leatherwork too?”

Brad laughed. “Naw, not really. She’s made bookmarks and things, but doesn’t have much interest in doing anything bigger.”

We watched TV a few minutes, then he casually asked, “Can I get some goats?”

That came out of left field! “Goats?” I queried, feeling like Ramsey as I tilted my head to look at him.

Slightly embarrassed, he stared intently at the TV set and backtracked, “Never mind. Dumb idea.”

“Hold on now. I didn’t say it was a dumb idea. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Braving a glance at me he explained. “Well, I know how to care for them now, and if I had my own – I’d pay for them, John, I’m not asking you to do that! – so, if I had my own, I could raise them. It could be like a little business.”

What does one raise goats for? I had never been quite sure. “And keep them in the barn?”

“Yes, if that’s alright.” He shook his head suddenly. “Never mind. I shouldn’t have asked.”

I waved off his self-defeating words. “Raise them for meat? Dairy?”

With renewed enthusiasm in his voice, he replied, “I’m thinking angoras and raise them for their hair.” He nodded towards the stairs, and with a slight grin he said, “I doubt I could keep the little boys from making pets of the goats, so meat is out. Angoras, definitely.”

I thought about it for a moment. We did have a barn. I’d never imagined us using it for any farm or ranch-type purpose even after we fixed it up, but why not? If Brad was keen on the idea, why not? Except for one thing. “What about joining up? Who’s going to look after the goats if you leave?”

“Oh. Yeah.” He turned back to the TV, fidgeting. A moment later he said, “I haven’t been thinking about that as much lately.”

“Changing your mind?”

“Yeah.” His eyes flicked to mine. “Sorry.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re 18. You’re allowed to change your mind.”

“How ‘bout when I’m 19,” he asked with a wry grin.

“19, 20... look at Eddie. He’s 21. He changed his mind about majors and look how happy he is now.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “He’s doing great.” Brad smiled at me, but there was a touch of something wistful in his voice.

“You can still go to college if you want to,” I said quietly.

“Yeah, I know.” He shrugged. “Just seems a waste if I don’t know what I want to do yet.”

“That’s what general ed classes are for, to give you time to explore.”

Another shrug. “I’m happy exploring farm stuff. Maybe someday.”

“Alright. And yes, you may keep goats. In the barn, not the house!”

Brad laughed. “Alright, thanks!” Bounding to his feet, he said, “I’m gonna call Heather and let her know!”

I ruefully shook my head. A puppy, goats... what else were my kids going to add to the family?

 

**Saturday, September 28th**

**Ramsey**

“Want to go to Alan’s house with me?” Jeff asked.

“Alan’s house? How come?” I replied.

We’d done our chores in the morning and now in the afternoon we were just playing board games on the floor of Cutter’s and my room.

“We can play his Atari ST. He just got a new game.”

“Did he invite us?” I didn’t know much about going to other peoples’ houses to do things. Last year when I still lived with Carl I had shown up at the Loftons’ house a few times uninvited. Most of the time it was okay, but I always got the sense that John didn’t entirely approve. Maybe it was _me_ he didn’t approve of, and not my showing up uninvited! Maybe so, but he approved of me now. Not only that, he _loved_ me now!

Jeff shrugged. “I’ll call to make sure, but at lunch yesterday he said we could all come over today if we wanted to.”

There were going to be others there too? “Okay,” I said slowly. “If you want to.”

Jeff jumped up, his knee knocking into the game board and sending all the pieces flying. Guess we weren’t coming back to it! “I’ll find someone to give us a ride!” He ran out of the bedroom and I started putting all the pieces away.

Five minutes later Cutter came in our room. I had the floor picked up (the game anyway – the floor itself was its usual mess!), and now I was changing into a long-sleeve rugby shirt that used to be Cutter’s. It was similar to one of Brad’s, and I liked it, even if it was still too big. James didn’t want it, though, so I got it early!

“Almost ready?” he asked, playing with the ring of keys in one hand.

“Yeah, I guess.” I sat on our bed to put my shoes on.

Cutter smiled. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

I looked up in alarm. Had I been that transparent? “No, I want to go!”

“You sure?”

I shrugged, my left shoe half on. “Mostly. It will be fun, right?”

“Probably. Jeff said you’re going to play Alan’s new computer? That sounds like fun.” A smirk lit up his eyes. “For you guys, anyway.”

Lowering my voice I said, “But there might be lots of guys there, and what do I say to them?”

My brother sat on the desk, one foot on the chair and his other on the floor. “Just say ‘hi’ when you walk in. Ask what they’re playing. Everyone will be watching the screen, so no one will be paying attention to you.”

I nodded. I could do that, especially if no one would be staring at me.

“And if you decide you want to talk more later, you can ask how they like the game. What’s their favorite one. How Alan likes his new computer. If anyone else has one. There are all sorts of questions you can ask. Get _them_ to talk.” Cutter winked at that last statement, and I smiled back.

“Thanks, Cutter. But...”

“But what?”

I looked down at my shoe, fiddling with it but not putting it on yet. “But what if they don’t like me?”

“What’s not to like? You’re a nerd, Jeff’s a nerd, sounds like they’re nerds... you guys should get on well!” He was teasing me, but it still reassured me and made me feel better.

“Maybe,” I conceded, finally stuffing my foot into the shoe. “Thanks.”

Turning more serious, he stood back up so he could reach in the front pocket of his jeans. Digging out a quarter, he handed it to me. “Emergency quarter. If you don’t have fun, and can’t pretend to have fun, and really want to come home, call home and I’ll come get you, okay? Even if Jeff isn’t ready to leave, I’ll come pick you up.”

I jumped up and hugged him for this promise. Gone was the fear of being stuck at some almost-stranger’s house with a bunch of other strangers for a whole afternoon. Cutter laughed and patted my back.

“But won’t they have a phone in their house? What do I need a quarter for?” Not that I wouldn’t take it! If I didn’t spend it, I could add it to a small jar of coins I had going in my dresser drawer. Unless Cutter wanted it back. I bet he didn’t.

Stepping back and holding me at arm’s length, he said, “That’s in case you don’t stay at his house. Maybe you’ll all go out for pizza or go to the arcade or somewhere else.”

“Ohhh... I’ll bring my allowance.” I grabbed my $3 that was still on the dresser, stuffing the ones into my pocket.

“All set now?”

Just as Cutter asked that, we heard Jeff yell up the stairs. “Come on! Hurry up!”

I got my windbreaker out of the closet and followed Cutter downstairs.

 

**Cutter**

I dropped Jeff and Ramsey off at Alan’s house. The whole ride over Jeff talked animatedly about his new friend’s computer and the games he wanted to play, while Ramsey stayed mostly quiet. I wanted to pull Jeff aside and tell him to keep an eye on his brother, but I didn’t. Jeff was too clueless to pick up on Ramsey’s nervousness (the ride over was proof of that!). Plus, I could hardly say Ramsey needed encouragement because he wasn’t used to going over to strangers’ houses without Jeff thinking about the fact that he wasn’t used to going over to strangers’ houses either! I didn’t want to plant that idea in my youngest brother’s head or he might wind up nervous himself! I couldn’t remember him going to a friend’s house before, at least not without just being a tag-a-long with James or myself. Sure, he was going with Ramsey now, but the whole thing was Jeff’s idea.

Back at home I found Brad had gone to the McCalls’, and it was just John and James and me. It was kind of like old times, except for Eddie not being there. I thought about calling up Amy to see if she wanted to hang out. Hang out, not go on a date. She had let me know early on that she couldn’t just drop everything at the drop of a hat to go out on a date, and needed at least a day’s notice. Preferably two or three. However, she didn’t seem to have any problem being called up out of the blue to just hang out. I wasn’t sure of the difference, except she usually dressed up a little more on official dates, and they usually involved us going to a movie or restaurant or something that cost money.

Anyway, while I was debating whether to call her or not, John asked, “Want to go car shopping?”

Car shopping?! Yes, please! James and I exchanged grins and we both jumped to our feet. “Sure!” I answered for both of us. “What are we shopping for?”

“A pick-up?” James guessed.

John laughed. “No, a new car.” With a thoughtful look he added, “A family car.”

A new car? Could we afford a new car? When we traded in the Mustang last Spring, we went all the way to Rapid City to find a decent used one. Now we were looking for a new one?

“A new one?” I asked. I wasn’t going to ask the question about affordability, but John read it in my tone of voice.

“Yeah, a new one. I’ll dip into savings for the down payment. We really need it, with the jeep in Spearfish. Brad is stuck here most of the time because I take the Bronco to work, and you guys have the Impala. Pretty soon the younger boys will be driving too.”

I gave a dramatic shudder at that idea, and both my brothers laughed.

“I know,” John said. “I can’t believe they’re old enough, either.”

“What about Brad?” James asked. “Shouldn’t he come too?”

“I told him the plan, and he trusts we’ll get something good.” John must have read the sudden jealousy I felt, because he rolled his eyes and clapped me on the shoulder. “I told him while you were driving to town just now, so don’t get in a snit.”

“Okay,” I said, strangely relieved. I was used to John and Eddie talking things over and making decisions, but I hadn’t liked the sudden thought that he was doing it with Brad now that Eddie was away. Eddie was kind of parental himself, so it was natural for him, but Brad was ‘one of us’.

“Get your jackets and we’ll go.”

“Are we going to Rapid?” I asked.

“No, just Thomas Motors here in town. If they don’t have something we like, we can head to Rapid City tomorrow.”

“And maybe see a certain blonde-haired girl?” I asked with a grin.

“Get in the car, Brian.”

Thomas Motors was the biggest car dealership in town. It was the only car dealership in town! They had a bunch of trade-ins as well as new cars, Fords and Chevys mostly. My brothers and I wandered through the lot. One of the first cars was a station wagon, and we stopped in front of it, matching looks of distaste on our faces.

“Do we have to get something that fits all of us?” James asked warily.

My oldest brother shook his head. “Unless we get a van, I don’t think that’s possible. I think we’ll wind up taking two cars from now on.”

I nodded, glad my brother was being sensible. Much better to let me drive the Impala as the second car rather than force us all into a station wagon or van!

“Alright, let’s see what they’ve got.”

 **..»º*º«..**  

In an incredibly short time, John was in the office signing papers to buy a new Ford Taurus. He had resisted all efforts from James and me to choose a new Mustang or the used Firebird at the front of the lot. There were a few Cutlass Cieras that we all quietly hurried past. That was the car our parents had when they died, so we didn’t even look at those. So, John chose a Ford Taurus. He said we had enough outdoorsy cars (the jeep and the Bronco), and the Impala was too ancient (hey!) to be reliable going back and forth to Rapid City, so he just wanted a nice, reliable family car. My brother John, an old family man at 25. The car was a nice color, anyway. He had bypassed the ones with dull color names like ‘sand’ and went for the burgundy one.

“Can I drive it home?” James asked when John finally emerged from the office to join us outside.

“Not this time,” John said, heading to the driver’s side. “Permission is required to drive this car.”

“Okay, okay,” James replied. 

"But you can drive the Impala home, if you want to."

"Sure!"

John tossed him the keys and James headed for our old car.

I got in the front passenger seat of the Taurus. “Ahh, that new car smell.”

“Such a change from the Impala,” John said, turning slightly so I could see the twinkle in his eye.

“Well...” I couldn’t think of a good rejoinder for that, so left it. “Can we get food on the way home?” Even as I mentioned ‘home’, I realized that I wasn’t home waiting by the phone in case Ramsey called. Crap! I hoped it was going well for him, and he didn’t want to come home early. Setting him up for rescue and then failing to do so would make me the worst older brother ever! “Maybe the drive thru?” I amended.

 

**Jeff**

“What? You got a new car? Without me?”

“Stop screeching,” John ordered, his face twisting as though his ears hurt.

Pouting, I said, “I wanted to come!”

“You didn’t even know we were getting one,” Cutter said, rolling his eyes. “How could you want to come?”

“Hmphf.” I crossed my arms in annoyance. “You could have gone tomorrow when I was home.”

“Jeffrey,” John said.

“I didn’t get to go the last time you guys bought a car, and I didn’t get to go today either.”

“Jeffrey,” John repeated. “Why don’t you get a glass of water and cool off.”

I opened my mouth to protest that I wasn’t thirsty (after an afternoon of pop at Alan’s!), then I realized this was my brother’s ‘you’re about to get spanked’ way of giving me a time out. He hadn’t done that in forever. “Hmphf.” I stomped into the kitchen where I got a glass of water and slapped it on the table, sitting heavily in my chair. I just glared at it, my head down on my hands on the table. It wasn’t the least bit fair that I didn’t get to go! While I fumed I heard everyone leave the family room and go out the front door and knew they were checking out the new car. So not fair! Ramsey got to at least see the new car and I was stuck in the kitchen. Drink of water. Hmphf. The kitchen lights were off, and the sky was darkening outside, and all was still and quiet and I started to calm down.

The back door banged open and Brad came in from outside.

“Hey, Jeff!” he said cheerfully. “What are you doing in the dark all by your lonesome?”

“Time out,” I admitted. It sounded silly out loud and I grinned sheepishly.

He pulled a chair out from the table and turned it around so he could sit on it backwards. “Time out?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“For how long?”

Slightly embarrassed, I said, “Just ‘til I calm down.”

Brad grinned. “You calm now?”

“Yes.”

“You gonna drink that water?”

“No.”

He reached a hand out and I shoved the glass across the table towards him. He picked it up and drank it all down in one big gulp! “Everyone else outside?”

That reminder of what started my mood threatened to bring it back. “Yeah, looking at the new car.”

“And why aren’t you out there too? A new car, that’s exciting, isn’t it?”

“But I didn’t get to go! They went without me!”

“I didn’t go either.”

“But I didn’t even know about it! I was at Alan’s house with Ramsey, and I didn’t even know about it.”

Brad crossed his arms on the back of the chair and rested his chin so he could look at me. “Alan’s house. What did you do there?”

“He got a new computer, an Atari ST, and guess what? It has color on the screen! It’s not just black and green!”

Smiling at my excitement, he said, “That sounds pretty cool. So you all just sat and looked at this new computer?”

“No!” I snorted. “We played games on it! Kind of like going to the arcade, but it’s right there in his bedroom. It was so cool.”

“I see. Sounds like you and Ramsey had fun. Did you both get to play it?”

“Sure did! I hope we can get a computer someday.”

“Well, I bet if we do, you and Ramsey are the first people John will invite to come.”

“Really?”

“Why wouldn’t he? You guys are taking that class in school, and you know more about them than the rest of us.”

I thought about that. Brad was probably right. If John bought one as a surprise for Christmas or something, he wouldn’t bring us along, but if he just decided it was something we ought to have, I bet he _would_ bring Ramsey and me along!

“Yeah,” Brad continued. “Cutter’s the one who knows about cars, so of course John would want him along today. I bet you and Ramsey had more fun at Alan’s house, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yeah, I guess so. I was just surprised, and I didn’t like being left behind, and I-I spiraled.” I looked down at my hands, which were now on my lap under the table. I hadn’t spiraled very often since last winter, and I didn’t know if Brad even knew about it.

“Spiraled, huh?” he said, giving me a thoughtful look.

“Yeah. John used to- I used to get in trouble when I did, but now he tells me to get a glass of water and cool off. So, I did, only I wasn’t thirsty.”

“Good thing for me,” he said, and I laughed at him and the empty glass between us. “I think I know what you need.”

“What?” I asked warily.

He stood up. “Come here.”

I straightened, ready to make a run for it if he had it in his head that I needed a swat or a spanking. I was calm already!

He gestured me over. “Just get over here.”

I slipped out of my chair and walked over to him.

“Spiraled, huh?” he asked again, then stepped closer and captured me in a big hug! It wasn’t a normal hug where you let go after five seconds. No, he wrapped his arms around me and held tight, not letting me go. After 20 seconds or so I took a deep breath, and then another, and when he finally let me go about 20 seconds after that, I felt totally calm and grounded. “Better?”

“Yes, thank you.” And I grabbed him in a quick ‘thank you’ hug.

My big brother smiled down at me. “Let’s go check out the new car.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! This is one of those chapters where nothing really happens other than some brotherly bonding, yet it's all part of the larger plot. Hope you liked it! :)


	9. Some things are better left untried

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tantrums, squabbles between brothers... the usual for the Loftons :)

**Monday, September 30th**

**Ramsey**

“What’s wrong?”

I looked over at John, surprised. “What?”

My dad looked me over head to toes, trying to figure out if I was hurt. “You winced. Did you hurt yourself?”

He was picking me up in the new car at the high school after orchestra and giving me a ride to SM&T. I had stuck my violin in the trunk and got in the front passenger seat like every day, only I had banged my right foot getting in. It wouldn’t have hurt except my Docksiders were getting too small and my toes, which were already kind of squished, got even more squished.

“I’m okay,” I replied as if my toes weren’t throbbing in my shoes.

John gave me one of those appraising looks that he seemed to save for just me. After a moment he said, “Do I need to pull over and swat you?”

“What?! What for?”

“Lying.”

I wanted to protest that I wasn’t lying, but I was, so I just dug my left foot into the rubber mat on the floor. “Sorry,” I said quietly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice softer but more worried. “Did you get in a fight at school?”

I could almost hear the unspoken thought – _did a bully beat you up?_ – and I couldn’t help giggling. “No! I’m fine, really, nothing like that. It’s just-”

“Just what?”

I sighed, giving up. “My shoes are too small?”

I got to see one of my dad’s exasperated looks again. “Is that all? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Cos you bought me these shoes and I really like them and I don’t want to outgrow them and you don’t need to spend more money buying me more shoes.”

Smiling, John reached out and tousled my hair. “You’re growing. It’s expected, Ramsey.”

“But you spent a lot on these.”

“It’s okay, rugrat. I didn’t expect you to wear them forever.”

Somehow the word ‘forever’ made tears spring to my eyes, and I quickly looked out the window. John buying the Docksiders for me had been really special. I hadn’t asked for them; I hadn’t even needed shoes! My dad had known that I liked James’s preppy look and his Docksiders, and he had just wanted to buy them for me. I wanted to keep them forever.

John placed a hand on my knee and gently squeezed. I looked over at him and read the understanding in his eyes. “You don’t have to give them away if you don’t want to.” Chuckling slightly he said, “It’s not like Jeff will wear them, anyway.”

Jeff liked his Nikes. “Besides, we’re the same size,” I said.

“We’ll go shopping after work today.”

“But I have other shoes I can wear,” I protested, not wanting him to have to spend money on me again.

“Hush. If those are too small, then you need another pair of shoes besides your tennis shoes and your boots.”

“Okay. Thanks, Dad.”

 

**John**

Ramsey was waiting outside the library staff workroom when I got off work at 5:00. Usually when I found him there rather than the math department offices, it was because he was in trouble of some sort. Today, however, he grinned shyly, his eyes dancing in happy anticipation.

“Ready to go shopping?” I asked.

“Yessir!”

I had called home to let them know of our detour and to say not to hold dinner for us, but we would eat when we got home, whatever time that ended up being. I drove us to the mall and we went to its one little department store. Ramsey drifted over to the dark brown Docksiders right away.

“Still want Docksiders? Or is there anything else you see?”

“Doc Martens?” he asked hopefully.

“Dream on.”

He grinned, not having expected an affirmative reply to his suggestion. “Docksiders, please.”

I looked around, spying the sales attendant not too far away. “Go ask him for those in your size.”

Ramsey shrunk back slightly, giving me a look that was plainly begging for me to do it for him. I still didn’t know if this son of mine was naturally shy, or if it was the result of his years of abuse and neglect. He had been coming out of it steadily since he came to stay with us, but I couldn’t tell if that was just because of his ever-growing comfort level in our family. He was making strides, though, and I didn’t like to push him too far too fast. I was glad he felt comfortable to be himself at home with our family, and if he was naturally shy, well, so what?

“Come on,” I said. With a grin he crossed to my side and we went over to the salesman. I put a hand on Ramsey’s shoulder, and bolstered by my presence, my son asked the man to find his size.

“Sure thing. If you’d like to take a seat, I’ll bring a couple of sizes out.”

Ramsey relinquished the shoe to the man who retreated into a back room, and we sat down on one side of the shoe department.

“There! That’s what I want!” came a shout and Ramsey and I both turned to watch as a family came in to look at shoes. It was a man and woman and two children, a boy about 12 and a girl about 6. It was the boy who had shouted, and he was now hopping up and down beside a pair of hiking boots, similar to the boots with the red laces I’d bought for both Ramsey and Brad last winter.

“Which ones?” the father asked wearily.

 _“These!”_ the boy said, rolling his eyes as if his father was the stupidest man alive not to have already figured it out.

“Mommy, I want pink Mary Janes!” the girl interjected, pulling on her mother’s arm in the direction of the girls’ shoes.

“Those aren’t practical. We’re here to find new tennis shoes for school.”

“I don’t want tennis shoes!” the girl cried.

Ramsey glanced up at me uncertainly, then his eyes trailed back to the loud family with the rude children. I could tell he was uncomfortable at the display.

“You don’t need boots,” the man told his son.

“I do so!” The obnoxious boy stomped around, evidently to demonstrate his need for stomping boots.

“How about pink tennis shoes?” the mother asked, trying to placate her daughter.

“Nooooo! I want pink Mary _Jaaaaaaanes!_ Please, Mommy!” This was accompanied by several tugs on the woman’s arm and a too-sweet expression on her little face.

“No, we’re here for tennis shoes,” the man said, back on the boys’ side of the showroom.

The boy finished his stomping, only to stamp once in anger. “I don’t want tennis shoes! I want boots!”

The sales attendant came out of the back room, two boxes and the foot measurer in his hands. Ramsey’s attention briefly returned to our own mission, and he stepped onto the metal measurer while the sales attendant adjusted it.

“There we go... you are a 5.5.” He smiled up at Ramsey from where he was crouched on the floor, and Ramsey smiled tentatively up at me. I gave him a reassuring smile, and his own got bigger. Ramsey was growing, slowly but surely. He was still small for his age, but luckily for him, so was Jeff. So at least it wasn’t as noticeable at home and neither boy was bothered by it. The salesman shoved one box to the side and removed the right shoe from the other box. “Let’s try this on.”

Soon Ramsey was wearing both shoes, walking around the little carpeted area in the shoe department. His attention kept returning to the two battle scenes that were still raging on either side of us. The two children had quieted down slightly once the salesman appeared, but their intensity hadn’t lessened. The mother gave in with a loud sigh when the little girl plunked herself into a chair with her arms crossed and a furious scowl on her face, drumming her feet against the chair legs, declaring that she wasn’t leaving until she got her pink Mary Janes!

“Oh, for heaven’s sake. Stop your tantrum! Fine! You can have pink Mary Janes!”

Not caring that she had succeeded in making her mother angry, the girl triumphantly shot to her feet and dashed to a pair of pink shoes along the wall.

The father saw what was happening with the women in his life and heaved a great, put-upon sigh. The boy looked ready to throw a tantrum of his own, and was now randomly picking up display shoes and rather heavily setting them back down. It was just short of slamming them. The man’s eyes flickered to mine, but he quickly turned back in embarrassment. “Just pick something!” he barked, and his son returned to the hiking boots.

My own son stood motionless in the center of the carpet, mouth agape in shocked disbelief at the behavior of the children.

“Ramsey,” I called softly.

“Hmm?” he asked, slowly turning. He seemed almost dazed, and I had the sudden uncomfortable thought that the chaos of the scene might be bringing back some sort of bad memory.

“How do those fit?” I pointed at his shoes. He looked down, and I could tell he was in the present again.

He shifted his weight back and forth a few times trying them out, and grinned. “I like them.”

“They fit?”

“Yessir.”

I gestured for him to come closer and he obediently trotted over, stopping in front of where I still sat. I bent down to feel the toes of the shoes. “There’s room to grow,” I commented, satisfied.

“Yessir.” My son’s eyes shone.

What a difference between this boy and those brats across the store! Not for the first time (or even the hundredth), I was glad this boy was mine. “Alright, let’s get them.”

“Thanks, Dad,” he said softly, happily.

I paid for the shoes, leaving the poor salesman to deal with the family. Just as we walked out the door we heard the father capitulate. “Fine! You can have the hiking boots too!”

Ramsey tilted his head up to give me a searching look, and his hand was suddenly in mine. I squeezed it gently and didn’t let go until we were at the car.

 

**Wedneday, October 2nd**

**Jeff**

“Dad? Can you buy me some film?”

John looked up from the book he was reading. All of my brothers were scattered around the family room reading or doing homework. Even Brad was reading a magazine! The TV was off for a change, but soon as I finished my homework I planned to watch until bedtime.

“What happened to your allowance?”

“I need film for _school!”_ I clarified, since my oldest brother was obviously not understanding the difference between school necessities which he always bought, and allowance type things like gum and candy and comic books.

“Again... what happened to your allowance?”

“Joooohn,” I whined. “This is for Rodeo Club! The first rodeo is on Saturday, and I’m going along to take pictures!”

John grinned. “Again...”

And all my stupid older brothers (except for Ramsey) chimed in, “What happened to your allowance?”

“Stop it, you jerks!” I demanded, starting to get upset. “It’s for school!”

“It’s for a _club_ ,” Cutter said.

“That doesn’t mean I have to use my allowance,” I said obstinately. “Pleeeeeaase, John?”

John laughed and made a calm down motion with his hands. “I’ll give you money for film.”

I grinned and stuck my tongue out at Cutter. “Nyah!”

“Brat,” Cutter declared, turning back to his homework.

“It’s no different than buying you baseball cleats,” John said to Cutter, who nodded and shrugged. I don’t think he actually cared that much beyond riling me up. “How much do you need, Jeff?”

“Um... twenty bucks?”

John had his wallet out but paused before reaching into it. “Twenty? You need ten rolls of film? How many photos do you need?”

“What’s it for, anyway?” James asked. “Like, the school paper or the yearbook?”

“Yeah,” Cutter said, sticking his face into my business again. “They’ll print what – _one_ picture?”

“Shut up.” I didn’t actually know what was going to be done with all the photos. I think the point of it was just for me to have fun taking the photos, getting practice taking action shots, and at the end the members of the Rodeo Club would have nice pictures of themselves competing. “Shut up,” I repeated.

“That’s enough, Jeff, Brian,” John said. He pulled out a twenty and handed it to me.

“Thanks!” I stuck it in my front jeans pocket. “I need money for the trip too, but that’s not til Friday.”

“What?”

“Yeah, the rodeo is in Miller, so we’re going Friday, and the rodeo is on Saturday, and we’ll come home Saturday night.”

John gave me a Look. “And this is the first I’m hearing about it?”

“What? You gave me permission...”

Cutter started laughing and I glared at him.

John sighed. “Do you have a schedule of all the rodeos? When and where?”

“Yeah, in my room.”

He snapped his fingers and I dashed up to my room, returning a few minutes later. The yellow paper was kind of crumpled, having been at the bottom of my desk drawer for a few weeks. John looked it over. “That’s a bunch of traveling.”

“Sure is!”

“How much do you need for this weekend? Does the school pay for the hotel?”

“Yeah, they do. All I need is money for food.”

“Better give him a hundred,” Cutter quipped.

“Shut up!” I yelled, which was a mistake seeing as I was sitting next to John. In one swift move he dropped the paper and pulled me over his knees. “Oww!” I yelped at the first swat. Only two more followed it, then he let me up.

“Behave yourself.”

Cutter was grinning behind John’s back.

“You suck!” I spat out. That got me turned sideways for another swat. After that one I crossed my arms and slumped down in the sofa and pouted.

“Brian,” John said quietly.

My brother put on an innocent expression. “Yes?”

“Get over here.”

“Why, whatever for?”

John snapped his fingers, and Cutter grunted and got up from the table. I was the one grinning now as John stood up so he could give Cutter three good swats. My brother pretended not to feel anything with the first one, so John put some extra pop into it for the last two. “That’s for antagonizing your brother.”

“Nyah!”

Still holding Cutter by an arm, John looked back at me. “Knock it off, you two, or you’ll both get the hairbrush, understand?”

I shrank back into the sofa. “Yessir,” I muttered, Cutter echoing me.

John sat down again, having released my dopey big brother, and pulled me into his side with an arm around my shoulders. I laid my head against his warm chest and just breathed and settled for a few minutes.

Ramsey finished his homework and came over, sitting next to me. “I wish I could go too. Sounds like you’re going to have fun.”

“Yeah, I hope so,” I said, warming back up to the idea. Cutter had killed some of my excitement, but it was coming back.

“No reason you can’t go watch when the events are here in Jackson,” John said.

“Cool!”

“I’ll come watch too,” Brad said, tossing his magazine on the coffee table.

Cutter opened his mouth, probably to make some snide remark at my expense, but promptly closed it again at a warning look from John. I smiled and tucked closer into my oldest brother. I didn’t stick out my tongue again, though, since I didn’t want to wind up going upstairs!

 

**Friday, October 4th**

**James**

Jeff left with the Rodeo Club mid-day to travel to Miller, which was in the middle of the state. Cutter insisted on going right home after school, saying he was going on a date with Amy that night and had to get ready. He went home and I went back to the school, but the practice rooms and the stage were all in use so I couldn’t practice the piano. What a wasted trip! I hung around awhile, anyway, hoping someone would finish up and I could still practice.

In my lesson Tuesday night my piano teacher said I was progressing really well, and she showed me how to play scales, more than one octave at a time. It required tucking the thumb under the other fingers so it would be ready to go again after reaching the end of the first octave, so it was a little more complicated. Mrs. Lewis said the younger kids she teaches take a lot longer to reach that stage, so I was kind of happy and proud and wanted to keep learning at a fast rate.

I sat in the auditorium watching the theatre kids do some vocal exercises and impromptu things. It was slightly more interesting than staring at the blank white walls down in the music hall outside the practice rooms. From time to time I turned to glance at the big clock at the back of the auditorium. Friday night or not, I knew I had to be home by six.

After about 45 minutes three boys entered from the big double doors at the back of the auditorium. It was Ethan and his buddies Joe, and Sam. I knew them from classes, but we weren’t friends or anything. Ethan was from one of the richest families in Jackson. That wasn’t saying a whole lot, since there weren’t any actual ‘rich’ families. They were better off than most people in town, though. They had a nice house on a low hill in the center of town. Ethan’s parents had bought him his own car as soon as he got his driver’s license! A blue Honda CRX. It wasn’t a Ferrari or Lamborghini or anything, but it was still a new car and it was all his own. I probably wouldn’t get my own car until I bought it myself. Although the Impala was sort of mine, since it belonged to all of us. Mostly to Cutter.

“They’re still going!” Sam griped, looking towards the stage.

“How much longer, do you think?” Joe asked, swiveling around to check the big clock.

Ethan groaned. “Doesn’t matter how long, I still have to wait for my sister. Come on, let’s go play cards in the lobby.”

Cards? I sat up at the word. They headed back up the aisle towards the back and I sat there in indecision. Would they let me play with them? Was I so desperate for friends that I would invite myself to play with them? Would they think I was pathetic if I asked? This wasn’t like at Eddie’s college. Those were strangers and if they had said no to me playing with them, well, it wasn’t like I would ever see them again. I saw Ethan and Sam and Joe every day. We were always friendly, but that’s a far sight from being poker buddies. While I sat there debating with myself, I imagined what Cutter would say. “You’re overthinking it, idiot. Just walk by and say you’re killing time and ask if you can play.”

It was the theatre troupe that decided for me. They started another acting exercise which involved a lot of yelling. After two seconds of that, I headed for the exit.

The three were already sitting in the small sitting area outside the auditorium, with Joe shuffling a deck of cards.

“Hey,” I said in a casual, friendly way.

“Hi,” Ethan said.

“You waiting for them to quit too?”

“Yeah. I have to wait for my little sister.”

“I’m just waiting for the room to empty so I can play the piano.” I waited to see what they thought of that. Ethan’s family probably had a piano at home that no one played.

“You play poker?” Joe asked, poised to start dealing.

I grinned. “Sure do. Deal me in.”

 

**John**

“Sure, that’s fine. You have money?”

James’s voice on the other end of the phone assured me that he had enough money with him for dinner. He had called home from school asking permission to go to some other kid’s house to play cards that evening, saying they’d probably call out for pizza. We hung up, and I looked at Ramsey.

“James is going to a friend’s house,” I explained. “He’ll be back tonight.”

“Oh, okay,” Ramsey said with ease. “What are we gonna have for dinner?”

He and I were alone for the evening. Jeff was traveling to Miller with the Rodeo Club, Brad and Brian were taking the girls out, and now James had some new friends. I would have offered to call out for our own pizza, but I felt like I’d spent enough money for one week.

“Let’s check the pantry and see if anything looks good.”

“Okay.”

My son followed me to the kitchen and we checked out the contents of our walk-in pantry. It was pretty well stocked, and always had been. When my mother was alive it held tons of ingredients, cans and jars of individual items that she used to create delicious meals. In the last two years that had shifted slightly to include more ready-made things, like cans of ravioli and soup. With Eddie off at college, the ready-made food definitely outnumbered the ingredients now.

“See anything you want?” I asked, leaving the choice up to the blonde teen beside me.

“Hmm...” Ramsey tentatively shifted a few of the cans around to get a better look. “Ravioli?”

“Okay.” I grabbed a large can and soon it was heating over the stove. “Want salad with it?”

“Mmmm... no, thanks.” Ramsey was sitting at the table, and a moment later he piped up, “How about ice cream?”

I raised an eyebrow. “For dinner?”

The boy nodded eagerly.

“No,” I said, but I was laughing. “Maybe for dessert.”

“Okay.” Ramsey crossed his arms on the tabletop and rested his head sideways on them, watching me. I wasn’t doing anything worthy of his careful attention, just stirring the ravioli occasionally so it would heat evenly and not burn. Not a minute later, however, he got up from the table and crossed to the refrigerator. With a sly glance at me he opened the freezer and took out a carton of chocolate ice cream.

“Not yet,” I said, thinking he must have misunderstood me.

“But I want some now,” he replied, his voice soft but even.

“Put it back. You can have ice cream later.”

The boy ignored me, continuing a few steps to the counter where he sat the ice cream down and opened a drawer for the scooper.

“Ramsey,” I said, my voice sharper. “No. Put it back.”

“No! I want some now.” His slender fingers drew out the scooper, rattling other utensils as he did so.

Ramsey never disobeyed direct orders. He still lied at times and he was sneaky when he thought he could get away with it, but disobeying a direct order like he was doing now just wasn’t him. What was he up to?

“Put it back, or you won’t be getting any at all tonight.”

“No!” He slammed the scooper on the counter, reminding me of the brat at the shoe store, and I suddenly realized what he was doing. Ramsey was throwing a tantrum. “I’m gonna have some _now!”_ As he reached for a bowl in the cupboard, he added, “AND I’m gonna have some later!”

What do parents do with 15 year-olds throwing temper tantrums? Most kids get that out of their system when they’re little. The bratty boy at the store had been an exception (at least, I sure hoped so!), but if he had been my son I know how I would have handled it.

“Ramsey,” I growled. “You are not having ice cream now. Put it back and go sit at the table. Now.”

“N-no!” Ramsey spat out the word, but I noticed his hands were trembling as they pried open the top of the carton, and his eyes kept darting nervously to me.

I crossed over to him and swatted him on the bottom. At that he instantly stopped misbehaving and apologized and put the ice cream back where it belonged. No, that’s not actually what happened. After I swatted him he backed away a few feet, sat on the rug, and commenced a full-blown temper tantrum, kicking his feet and pounding his fists and yelling about ice cream and I couldn’t tell him what to do and he wanted it now and on and on. Even Jeff had never acted that way when he was little. Ramsey’s behavior was worthy of the brattiest 3 year-old.

Daisy came over to investigate this strange phenomenon. She seemed to think it was a new game and jumped around the boy, trying to figure out how she could join in. It was almost funny.

I let Ramsey be. Pretending I wasn’t as shaken as I actually was, I put the ice cream back in the freezer then returned to stirring the ravioli as if I hadn’t a care in the world. I turned the burner way down, however, since whatever was going on with the boy would likely take a while. After a minute or two of carrying on, Ramsey seemed to run out of steam. Panting from his efforts, he put his arms behind him and leaned back, his legs sprawled in front of him but finally still. I waited another minute to be sure he wasn’t going to start up again, then quietly asked, “You done?”

Ducking his head slightly, he said, “Yes.” Daisy sat next to him and he idly started petting her.

He watched as I moved a chair into the corner of the kitchen. ‘Jeff’s corner’ I sometimes thought of it as. “Park yourself.”

Ramsey cocked his head, a silent question in his eyes.

“Yes, you, sir, are going to sit quietly in the corner.”

It was the first time I’d actually sent him to the corner. I still wouldn’t send him to one in another room where I couldn’t watch to be sure he was alright, but he would be fine in the kitchen with me.

After a moment of deliberation he got to his feet and made his way to the corner. “How long?”

“Shh. No talking in the corner. You’ll sit there until I tell you to come out.”

Ramsey slumped slightly, but stayed facing the corner. The kitchen was quiet. The whole house was quiet. The TV was off, and the only sounds were the ticking of the clock and the bubbling of the ravioli in the pot. It was ready to eat, but I wanted him to calm down longer, so I let it simmer.

“Daisy, want some dinner?” Our dog darted over to me, and Ramsey shifted in his chair. “How about some ravioli, girl?”

“Dad-” he started, turning to see. His voice was already apologetic, but I cut him off.

“Quiet. No talking.”

Ramsey turned back around and I got the dog food out. Some of the tension in his shoulders left at the sound of the dry food hitting the dog dish. While Daisy inhaled her dinner, I got out two plates and set the table, then dished up the ravioli for us both. Once it was ready and Ramsey’s breathing had evened out, I asked, “Are you ready to behave now?”

The faint reply, “Yessir,” came from the corner.

“You can come out now.”

He slowly sidled out of the chair and looked up at me through his bangs. His eyes were glassy, tears at the ready. Sitting at the table, he hunched over, his hands in his lap.

I sat at my own place and started eating. Ramsey didn’t make a move to start his own dinner. He just kept darting fearful glances at me through his hair.

“Eat.”

Ramsey unfolded his hands and picked up his fork with a trembling hand, then he let it clatter to his plate and covered his face with both hands. “I c-can’t.”

Sighing, I set down my own fork and quietly scooted my chair back from the table so I could get up. “Come on,” I said, tugging lightly on his arm. “Let’s go talk.” I led him into the family room and sat on the sofa, pulling him down beside me. He held himself stiffly at first, maybe wondering if I was going to put him over my knees, but relaxed slightly as I drew him to my side, my arm around him. Daisy padded in after us (presumably because she couldn’t quite reach the tabletop to eat our dinner), and jumped up to lay on Ramsey’s other side with her head in his lap. It was a quiet, peaceful scene if not for his recent behavior that we had to address.

“I’m sorry,” he said, wiping at his eyes.

“What _was_ that?”

He shrugged and scratched the puppy behind the ears. His cheeks were tinged with pink. “I’m sorry.”

“Those kids at the shoe store, they sure were brats,” I started in a casual, conversational tone.

Ramsey’s hand stilled, then resumed the gentle petting. “Mhm.”

“They got their own way in the end, though, didn’t they?”

“Mhm.”

“I bet when you were little, Carl didn’t let you throw many temper tantrums.”

The small blonde head shook, then his face tilted up. “I-I never even t-tried. H-he wouldn’t have l-l-liked it.” He nodded on the word ‘liked’ as if to force the word past his stammer and out of his mouth.

“I’m sure he wouldn’t have. You would have been in a lot of trouble.”

A small nod and an apprehensive hitch to his breath.

“Lots of children, _most_ children, throw temper tantrums at times. All of my brothers did.”

“Did you?”

“Maybe, but I honestly can’t remember if I did.”

“Did they get their way?”

“No, never.”

“Those kids did.”

“They sure did,” I admitted with a rueful laugh. “But rugrat, that’s bad parenting.”

“Oh.”

“Remember that when you have your own kids someday.” I leaned back in the sofa slightly, taking Ramsey with me. “Your children will throw tantrums, but don’t you give in to them. That only encourages it. Why, if those kids in the store were mine...” I shook my head.

“What would you do, if they were yours?” Ramsey asked the question softly, his hands both buried in Daisy’s fur, his eyes on her soft brown ones.

“Well, if my children were little, like maybe the girl’s age, and she behaved like that, I’d probably pop her bottom and tell her to behave. If she still carried on I’d take her out to the car for a time out and we’d go home. Either way, she wouldn’t get whatever she was whining for.”

Ramsey’s face turned a little pinker. “What- what if your child was older?”

“Like the boy’s age? If he threw a tantrum I’d tell him to behave, and if he didn’t immediately _, immediately_ stop, I’d tell him to go wait in the car til the rest of the family was finished shopping. Then soon as we got home, he’d get a spanking. He would definitely not get two pairs of shoes.”

“Oh. Um... what if he was older than that boy?”

“Like, 15, say?”

A barely perceptible nod.

“If I had a teenager who threw a temper tantrum, I think I’d sit him down and explain that that wasn’t acceptable behavior. Disobeying his father, demanding things, shouting ‘no’ and slamming things around... and then to throw himself on the floor and kick and scream like a two year-old.” I shook my head. “No, that is most definitely not acceptable behavior.”

“I’m sorry,” he said in a small voice.

We stayed in silence for a moment. Daisy crawled over to lay across both our laps, and I joined my son in running a hand through her fur.

“If I had a 15 year-old son who threw a temper tantrum, I would bet he was just trying it out. He likely never had the chance to do it before, and seeing some brats getting away with it, he might have wanted to see if he could too.”

Ramsey nodded, then looked up at me. His cheeks were still pink, but he managed a slight smile. “I didn’t like it, though, Dad.”

“I imagine not. You probably felt kind of silly, rolling around there on the floor.”

“Yeah, I did. And I-I-I didn’t really want ice cream before dinner.”

“Good thing, since you aren’t getting any tonight!”

Ramsey grinned at my teasing tone. “I’m sorry, Dad, really. I don’t know why I did it, I just... kind of wanted to see what you would do.”

“Ramsey, you’ve known me a year now. Has anything I’ve done in that time led you to believe I might give in to a temper tantrum?”

He thought for a second, then shook his head. “No, sir.”

“Well, then.”

“But Jeff-” He stopped and bit his lip.

“Jeff?”

“He was um, kind of a brat about the film, and you still gave him money.”

I thought back, remembering the way Ramsey had watched the whole thing, wondering how he interpreted it. Yes, Jeff had been slightly bratty, but not to the extent of throwing a tantrum, and he hadn’t demanded. He had whined and pleaded, but hadn’t demanded. And the next day after he and Brian bought film on the way home from school, he had thrown his arms around me and thanked me again.

“He asked, and okay, begged, but he didn’t demand. He was grateful afterwards, too. Do you see the difference?”

“Mhm, I think so. I just thought, maybe like in families, this is what kids do?”

“Kids do, but usually they quickly learn it only brings time outs or a sore bottom, and they stop trying.”

“Are you gonna spank me?” he asked quietly.

“Do you need one?”

“No, sir. I was just curious. I didn’t like doing it. It made me feel all hot and sick inside and like a- a _horrible_ son. I’m sorry, I promise I won’t do it again.”

“Good rugrat. Shall we consider the whole thing a failed experiment and forget it ever happened?”

“Yes, please.” He glanced shyly up at me. “I’m kinda embarrassed, can we keep it a secret?”

“Oh, you know your brothers. Why would they be interested in an _experiment?_ Especially a failed one.” I winked, and Ramsey grinned.

“Thanks, Dad.”

“Ready to eat dinner now?”

“Yessir.”

We ate our dinner cold, but considering what had passed and that Ramsey had gotten through it without any actual tears, I found I didn’t mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and leaving comments! I really enjoy reading them :)
> 
> I hope to have another chapter of Singularity up soon, but work is super busy (and stressful) right now, so who knows? OTOH, writing relaxes me, so maybe it'll be sooner rather than later ;-)


	10. Saturday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After going their separate ways Friday night, the boys spend Saturday together at home, except for Jeff, who's off at the rodeo!

**Saturday, October 5th**

**Brad**

I woke up to find someone in bed with me, a slim body pressed against my side, an arm tossed over my chest, a messy head of blonde hair next to me on the pillow. Ramsey hadn’t climbed into bed with me for a long time. The alarm clock read 6:27. Time for me to get up to go to my morning job.

“Heyyy,” I said quietly, nudging him with my arm. His steady breathing quieted, so I knew he was awake now. “Morning, Ramsey.”

“Mmm.” My brother opened his eyes and he smiled. “Morning.”

“When did you come in?”

Lifting his arm off me, he used it to cover a yawn. “About 5:30 I guess.”

“Thanks for not waking me.”

Ramsey grinned. “It’s a one-time gift. Next time I won’t be so quiet.”

“Next time, you wake me up and I’ll dangle you out the window by your toes!”

Giggling, he retorted, “Then I’ll sneeze on your toothbrush!”

“Eww, that’s just gross!”

“Serve you right!”

“Yeah, yeah.” I pulled him close to me again, figuring there must have been a reason for him to crawl in bed with me. “So... any particular reason you aren’t downstairs having breakfast and watching cartoons?”

He rolled his eyes at the mention of cartoons. Jeff was the one who really liked them, and the rest of us just followed along and let him commandeer the TV Saturday mornings. “Cartoons are babyish.”

That statement surprised me. I thought he liked them at least a little bit. “Yeah? I thought you liked them.”

“They’re for babies.” He fiddled with the edge of the blanket covering us, and I knew something was on his mind.

“Did you get in trouble last night?” I guessed. He’d been in bed before Cutter and I got home.

Shifting slightly, he muttered, “Kind of.”

That was as far as he got. “Going to tell me?”

“It’s... embarrassing.”

“Tell me. I know you want to.” Or he wouldn’t have sought refuge in my room.

“Well... I kind of... threw a tantrum last night.”

“A tantrum?” Ramsey throwing a tantrum? He’d never done that before.

“Yeah.”

“What for?”

“I-I just wanted to see what John would do.”

I snorted at that. As if there was any doubt what John would do. “How fast did he have you over his knee?”

His hands stilled their fidgeting and he fisted the blanket. “He didn’t. He just, um, stuck me in a corner.” I laughed at that image, and my little brother sat up again and glared at me. “It wasn’t funny! It was embarrassing!”

“You _should_ be embarrassed, acting like that. What are you? _Five?”_

“I know. We just talked about it a while.”

My admiration for my adoptive dad grew another mile, putting up with my bratty little brother acting like a toddler. Would there ever come a time when he wouldn’t put up with it? Like, not just get tired of it and put Ramsey over his knee – that happened often enough because he didn’t put up with a lot of nonsense, generally speaking. No, like get tired of it and decide he didn’t want to be our father anymore. Carl lost interest and backed off. What if John did too? I didn’t think he would... I was nearly positive he never would. Still, there was no point in antagonizing him.

“That was pretty dumb, Ramsey,” I scolded. “You’re 15. You should start acting like it.”

“I know. I will.” His voice was low and remorseful, and since he seemed to get the point, I knew it was time to redirect his thoughts before he got sad and spent all day in a funk.

“Hey, want to help me get the barn ready for goats?”

“Don’t you have to go to McCalls’?”

“After that.”

“Okay.”

“Now get off me. I have to get up now!” I sent him away from me with a tickle to his side, which started him laughing again.

John was already in the kitchen, a plate of bacon and a stack of pancakes ready for us. “Good morning!” he greeted us brightly but quietly due to the others still being asleep upstairs.

Ramsey held back, probably shy because of acting so dumb last night, so I approached our dad first, giving him his customary morning hug. John wouldn’t let a day go by without hugging each of us at least once, and I had long ago given up and given in. Not that I minded at all. After he let me go I gave him a quick grin and darted my eyes at my little brother, and I read the understanding in his eyes, that he knew Ramsey told me about his tantrum.

I got a plate and helped myself to four pancakes and a bunch of bacon. “Thanks, John.”

He nodded at me, then said, “Come here, rugrat.”

That was all it took, then Ramsey abandoned his shyness and was wrapped in John’s embrace.

 

**James**

I slept in until 10:30! By the time I got downstairs the kitchen was cleaned up and the house was quiet. I had a quick breakfast of cereal then went in search of my brothers. I had gotten home late Friday night, about 11:30, just in time for _Friday Night Videos_ to start. I stayed up and watched with Cutter, but John and Brad both went off to bed.

After breakfast I went out the back door and wandered around to the front yard, noticing that leaves were already starting to fall. I hoped we could make it through the weekend without John organizing a raking party! I wasn’t ready for Fall yet, or at least the leaf-raking part of it.

In the front yard I heard Daisy barking and looked down towards the barn. The door was open, so I headed down that way. Brad, Cutter, and Ramsey were all busy inside one of the horse stalls.

“’Bout time you got up!” Cutter greeted me with a grin. “Come help!”

I helped him hold a board steady for Brad to hammer a nail in. “What are you building?”

“Goat pen,” Brad said between whacks of the hammer.

“Oh.”

Cutter laughed. “Yeah, I know. Brad wants goats!”

I didn’t know how he could laugh about it already. Eddie had given me the worst licking of my life. I might be able to think about the goat prank without my stomach curdling in about, oh, 17 years or so. I probably wouldn’t ever be able to laugh about it.

“Did John say it was okay?”

Brad paused and gave me a ‘well, duh’ look. “You think we’d be doing this if he didn’t?”

“Guess not.”

“Can you and Ramsey bring over that sheet?” Brad pointed to a sheet of plywood about 4’ x 8’ that stood on its side at the barn door.

Ramsey and I took hold of it and carried it over to the stall. Even with two of us it was heavy and wobbled quite a bit, and I was glad when we got close and my older brothers helped lift it into place. It was going on top of some wood pallets which lined the edges of the stall.

“Why do they need a roof?” I asked, my curiosity overcoming my dislike of anything to do with goats.

“Their body heat will keep them warm in winter, but heat rises, so we need to have a low roof to keep it in,” Brad explained.

“Oooh,” Ramsey said, nodding thoughtfully as if he had asked the question. “How many goats are we getting?”

Cutter and Brad both grinned at the ‘we’.

“Oh, about three or four to start with. Mr. McCall says I can have the little black one.”

“What? Not that one!”

Brad laughed at me, and I realized he’d been teasing. “No, not that one, James.”

“Phew!”

“But really, it’s not the goat’s fault he got stuck in the bathroom. He was just doing what goats do.”

“Can I name them?” Ramsey’s face held a hopeful expression.

“Maybe,” Brad said. “But maybe they’ll already have names.”

Not deterred, Ramsey said, “They’ll have babies in the spring. Can I name one of those?”

“Kids,” Cutter said.

“What?” Ramsey asked, distracted.

“Baby goats are kids.”

“I know that! I was just calling them babies.” My little brother looked back at Brad. “Can I?”

“Jeff will want to name one too,” Cutter pointed out.

“Sure, if any goats need naming, you and Jeff can do it.” Brad finished pounding the edges of the plywood roof and stepped back, looking at it in satisfaction. Then he looked over at me. “How about you? You want to get in on the naming?”

I wasn’t all gung-ho about having goats, but I had to admit, the prospect of naming one, and of having Brad offer it, made me happy. “Sure,” I said, shrugging as if it wasn’t any big deal. “What else do the goats need in here?”

“Well, we can let them have a couple of stalls to run around in, but we’ll need to put up wire fencing.” With an amused glint in his eye, Brad continued, “You know, so they don’t escape and come in the house or something. I’ve heard they’re escape artists and can do a lot of damage.”

“Ha ha,” I said, refraining from punching him. Brad was one guy I never wanted to fight! Cutter could squash me like a bug and Brad was even bigger than him.

“Is it lunch time?” Cutter looked towards the house.

“Hey, where’s John?” I asked. “He wasn’t in the house.”

“Grocery shopping,” Ramsey put in.

“And you didn’t go with him?”

“I already promised Brad I’d help with this!” Ramsey looked expectantly at each of us. “I’ll go make sandwiches if you want me to.”

“Thanks.” Brad ruffled his brother’s hair, which made Ramsey grin broadly. “We’ll come in in about ten minutes? That give you enough time?”

“Sure! Come on, Daisy!”

Cutter and Brad grabbed a huge roll of wire fencing and carried it to the edge of the stalls, next to the wall of the barn. “If you guys hold it, I’ll nail it,” Brad said.

“Can I nail it?” I asked.

They both raised their eyebrows in surprise.

“What? I like hammering and stuff.”

“Okay.” Brad handed me the hammer, and he and Cutter positioned the edge of the fencing and held it in place. I grabbed a handful of the U-shaped galvanized staples and started hammering them all around the edge. By the time the one end was fixed, it was time for lunch.

We sat around the kitchen table and devoured a stack of lunch meat sandwiches that Ramsey had quickly put together. My family ate a lot, especially when doing hard work. Good thing John was out buying more food!

“So, who’d you play with last night?” Cutter asked me out of the blue.

“Ethan Moore and his friends, Joe and Sam.”

“Ethan?” My brother knew we didn’t run in the same circles. We were country (even more so, now we were getting goats!), and the Moores owned the best furniture store in town.

“Yeah.”

“Are they any good?” Cutter asked. “Maybe they can get in on our games sometime.”

“Maybe,” I agreed, but I doubted it. “But it’s not like we’re suddenly friends. It was just one game.” One game that ran until after 11:00! That’s how long it took for Ethan to win all our money.

“Did you win?” Ramsey asked.

“For a while,” I said uncomfortably, hoping they dropped that line of questioning. John didn’t allow us to gamble money and all I needed was Ramsey spilling the beans. “It was back and forth all night, but Ethan ended up winning end of the night.”

“Are you gonna play with them again?”

“Maybe,” I replied to Ramsey’s question. Then to change the subject, I asked, “Do we have any cookies left?”

Sure enough, that did the trick! Ramsey shot up from his seat to check the pantry. “We’re out of Oreos!”

“Tragedy!” Cutter kidded.

“Can’t go fishing anytime soon,” Brad intoned sadly.

Ramsey’s head appeared from the side of the pantry door, and he stuck his tongue out at us. “Just for that, I’m not sharing these!” A package of chocolate chip cookies in hand, he dashed out of the pantry and into the family room, laughing the whole way. The three of us at the table looked at each other for one split second, then took off after him!

 

**John**

“A little help, please?” I was back from grocery shopping and my arms were filled with bags. I had taken the new Taurus, and the trunk was loaded down with even more.

I heard footsteps pounding along the upstairs hallway and down the steps, and then four out-of-breath teens were dashing past me and into the garage. All those teenagers – they might eat me out of house and home, but they also made emptying the car and putting away the groceries a snap. After only ten minutes everything was in its place and a new package of Oreos was empty. Good thing I bought half a dozen.

“Come see the barn!” Ramsey begged, grabbing my hand and pulling me to go outside.

“Is it goat-ready?” I asked all the grinning kids.

“Almost,” Brad replied. “We’re just putting the wire fencing in.”

“Want some help?”

“Yes!” Ramsey answered for all of them.

“Okay, let me change.”

Ramsey let me go long enough to go upstairs and change into an old sweatshirt, then I joined the boys in the barn. I found they had the job well in hand without me! Brad and Cutter were unrolling the fencing while James hammered it in place with metal staples, and Ramsey – he seemed to be offering advice and peppering them with all sorts of questions about goats. I felt superfluous and more than a little proud of them handling it on their own.

“Good job, guys.” I went into the stall to examine the low pen they had built.

Brad turned his job over to Ramsey and joined me. “I was thinking we could enclose these four stalls. The goats will have lots of room, and they can go in the pen at night.”

“Sounds good. What about outside?”

Sounding uncertain, my son asked, “I was thinking we can fence in the corral? The wire fencing, I mean, so they don’t escape.”

“Okay.” I dubiously eyed the roll of wire fencing. “Is that enough?”

“I have another roll in the Bronco.”

I clapped him on the shoulder. “You’ve thought of everything.”

He smiled back. “Yeah, you can’t cut corners with livestock.”

I wanted to tell him I was proud of him, but didn’t want to embarrass him in front of the others, so I just let the pride shine out of my eyes. He nodded once and replaced Ramsey, who was more than happy to give up his struggle with the awkward fencing roll.

 

**Jeff**

Being a rodeo photographer was awesome! The school had given me a laminated card with PRESS written on it that I wore on a lanyard around my neck. When I first went to put it on it got caught up in my cowboy hat, but after I took my hat off and started over, it was fine. I was the only photographer from Jackson High School, but there was another kid from another high school. We talked some before it started. It was his first time doing this too, so we figured it was just something the schools were trying out.

Anyway, the trip over in the van was fun. It took four hours to reach Miller, and that didn’t even include the stop we took for dinner at Wall Drug on the way! John had given me $25 for the trip and said he’d like any change back, please, and not to spend it all on candy on the way home or he’d confiscate it to pass out at his work on Halloween. Only if he could find it!

Anyway, there were nine kids from my school in the rodeo club. I started off the trip in the front seat of the van, but everyone else was having so much fun in the back that after dinner I got in the back seat, squishing between a freshman girl and a sophomore boy and we talked about comic books the whole rest of the way. Even the girl liked comics! Her name was Mackenzie and even though she was a year behind me, we were the same age since I skipped a grade. I remembered her from grade school. We were in the same class, but I didn’t know her very well back then.

Anyway, it was about 8:00 when we pulled up to the motel in Miller. It wasn’t as nice as the hotel we stayed at in Sioux Falls, but I bet John’s college had a lot more money to spend on things like that than the high school did. It looked nice enough for us, and I shared a room with three other boys. It was strange to be with boys that weren’t my brothers! It was the first time I’d ever been anywhere without them, come to think of it!

Anyway, Saturday morning we were off to a local ranch that had an even field surrounded by a fence that was just perfect for rodeo events. I put on my press pass and took out my mom’s old camera and wished it had a longer lens so I could look even more official. Maybe I could ask for a telephoto lens for Christmas! Now that John was dating a real photographer, I bet he could get lots of advice on the perfect one, and she’d probably even tell him how it was a necessity for me!

Anyway, for most of the events I knelt down at the edge of the fence. Max – he was the photographer from the other school – and I were told just to keep out of the way and not endanger ourselves or anyone else. So we started out on the outside of the fence, but the action was so far away that when the first roper from Jackson came along, I slipped under the railing so I could get closer. I wanted to be able to give the other kids from my own school some great action shots!

Anyway, I took 8 rolls of film! Good thing John gave me so much money to buy lots. Hmm... instead of candy, maybe I should spend the rest on film for the next rodeo! Though maybe I could buy candy, and he’d still buy me film anyway!

Anyway, Mackenzie participated in the goat tying and cutting events. It looked to me like she did great, but she didn’t place. I think she was nervous because it was her first rodeo (hah!) and hadn’t done it before. A lot of the kids had been in Rodeo Club in grammar school too. She didn’t seem bothered by her score and said she was just doing it for fun. Just like me playing the violin. She looked really cute out there doing it, too.

Anyway, Jackson High School Rodeo Club came in third out of six high schools that were competing! Then we climbed back in the van after loading up the horses, and traveled home, stopping at Wall Drug again on the way home. I didn’t spend all the rest of John’s money on candy or film. Just about $5 on candy that I carefully hid in my duffel bag. I figured he’d be more likely to give me more on future trips if I could show him I was responsible on this one!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot with James continues apace! I feel like we need a Cutter chapter soon.
> 
> In the same format as the books, this story is already on p. 182! We've barely begun James's plot (actually, it started in the first chapter, but it's a slow burn type of plot) and we haven't begun Ramsey's big story arc, or John's. So, this is going to be a long story! Unlike the last batch, I'll just keep it altogether in one work. Hope you are enjoying the ride, it's going to take awhile :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	11. After School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys engage in after school activities!

**Monday, October 7th**

**Jeff**

I stayed after school to develop some of my rodeo pictures. During the rodeo on Saturday I had numbered all of the film canisters and kept track of which contestants were on each roll. I started with roll 4. Mackenzie’s photos! Leaving the other rolls in my black film bag, I took out hers and turned off the light in the darkroom. Taking the roll of film out of its cassette, I wound it around the reel, feeling my way in the dark. All the photos I’d taken last year, I got plenty of experience doing that, and it hardly took any time. Then I put it in the film tank and turned the light back on.

I got the developer solution ready and dumped it in the film tank, and agitated it every so often for ten minutes. Hoping that was long enough, I dumped out the solution and poured in the stop bath, then dumped that out and next poured in the fixer. That had to stay in the film tank for about 5 minutes, and once that was done, the film would be okay to look at in the light. Next, I poured out the fixer and rinsed the film tank with water, then put the whole thing in wetting solution to prevent streaks. Finally I was able to take the film out of the tank and unroll it again and hang the strips up to dry. So many steps!

As I worked, my thoughts kept drifting to Mackenzie, just like they had ever since the rodeo. She was really cute! I remembered her from grammar school and tried to remember why we weren’t friends. Probably because I had skipped a grade so many years ago. We were the same age, though. I was a sophomore now, and the same age as all the freshmen. Since school started I wasn’t the youngest person in the whole high school anymore, and I wasn’t the shortest either! I thought I would have a horrible year with Ramsey being gone the whole day after the first two periods, but it wasn’t horrible at all. I was getting friends in the computer class, and now in the Rodeo Club! I had a whole year of experience walking the halls at the high school, and wasn’t nearly as nervous as I had been last year. Mackenzie. She was so easy to talk to. If only I had my driver’s license already, I could ask her out on a date! Maybe John would reconsider and let me get it! Probably not.

I looked at all the strips of film hung on the line. They would have to dry overnight and it wasn’t even 4:00 yet, so I decided to do the rest of my rolls. James was off playing the piano, and Cutter was just waiting around, but they probably wouldn’t bug me to leave til 5:00. I sure hoped they wouldn’t! After I did half of the rolls I looked at the time and saw another 45 minutes had passed! Better to save the rest for the next day. I cleaned up my station and left the darkroom to go find my brothers. I half-expected Cutter to be waiting for me out in the hallway, but instead... Mackenzie!

 

**Tuesday, October 8th**

**John**

“Please? Please?” My youngest brother clasped his hands together, begging me to get his driver’s license.

“No.”

“Why not? Please, John? I neeeeed it!”

“Why do you suddenly need a license?”

A secretive look came over his face and he stopped hopping up and down. Probably going for a more mature look in order to convince me.

“Just because. I’m a sophomore now, after all, and I’ve been old enough for almost a year now, after all.”

“After all,” Brian mocked from nearby.

Jeff scarcely glared at him. “I have places to go and things to do and there’s not always someone to drive me.”

“Where do _you_ have to go that’s so important?”

I glared at Brian. That question from me or anyone else would have been fact-finding. From Brian, with the inflection he used, it was baiting. “Be nice.” I turned back to Jeff. “We’ve had this discussion before, Jeff. Fifteen is old enough.”

“But I’ll be 15 in a few months, anyway! Why can’t I get my license now?”

“Because I said so.”

Brian snorted at my Dad response. I snapped my fingers and pointed at the door, and he got the hint and left the kitchen.

“But whyyyyyyyyyy?”

“Because you whine too much.” Jeff’s face fell at that remark, and I sighed. “Sorry, Jeff. I’m annoyed at Brian. You didn’t deserve that.”

“So, I can get my license?”

“No. Not ‘til you’re 15.”

“Dammit,” he muttered, turning to go.

“Jeffrey Alan Lofton!”

My brother froze in his tracks, his shoulders hunched as he realized what he had said.

“Do I need to wash your mouth out with soap?”

“No, Dad.”

“Anything like that comes out of your mouth again, I will.”

“Yessir, I’m sorry.”

Annoyed at the whole conversation, I added, “And don’t ask about getting your license again. Ask again before you’re 15, and I’ll spank you. No discussion, you’ll just go over my knee.”

“Yessir,” he said quietly, and sadly went upstairs.

 

**Wednesday, October 9th**

**James**

“How was your lesson?”

I plopped down beside John on the sofa and grinned. “Great! You should come to school and hear me sometime!”

My older brother smiled. “I’d like to.”

“If we had our own piano...” I said in a suggestive tone.

“I know, James. I wish we did. You’ve stuck with it a month so far. Keep it up and we’ll see.”

“Okay.” I slouched down on the sofa so I could lean my head back on the cushion to watch TV. “How long?”

“We’ll see.”

His reply wasn’t a dismissive one, but more of a wistful, watchful one. Still, I gave him a quiet, “Hmphf” along with a small smile so he would know I understood and wasn’t pouting or anything.

We watched TV together for a time, just the two of us, and I enjoyed the quiet companionship. I could hear my brothers upstairs. The radio was going in Cutter’s room, and Jeff and Ramsey were practicing some tune on their violins in Jeff’s and my room. I couldn’t hear Brad, but he was probably hiding out in his room with the door closed against all the noise. Or maybe he was listening to the radio with Cutter. I couldn’t be bothered to go find out.

“Can we do something this weekend? Maybe go to the gun range?”

John glanced over at me. “I’m seeing Grace on Saturday, and Sunday is a work day.”

“You have to work on Sunday?” My brother rarely had to go in on the weekends, just the occasional Saturday sometimes.

He quirked a smile. “No, not that. We’re all going to rake leaves.”

“Oh, blech.” My weekend just went down in flames. Not only did I not get to do something fun, half of it was now going to be devoted to doing something decidedly _not_ fun!

“It’ll go faster with Brad and Ramsey here.”

I snorted at that. “Brad, yeah, but Eddie’s gone. Jeff and Ramsey will just hide somewhere.”

“Only if they want a trip to the woodshed.”

“Maybe we can entice Eddie to come home for the weekend,” I quickly suggested, to move us on from that uncomfortable topic.

John laughed. “He probably would if we asked him. He’s responsible like that, but I’m not going to ask him to come home to help with chores.”

“I will!”

Still grinning, he countered, “You will not.”

“Aww, okay.”

We went back to watching TV. The mention of going to the woodshed was stuck in my mind. Squirming slightly, I finally asked, “Hey, John?”

“Yeah?”

“Next time-” Man, I wished there would never be a next time, but in all likelihood I knew there would be. “Next time you wallop me, can- can we do it differently?”

Eyebrow raised, he turned to face me. “How so?”

“Can I like-” I felt my face redden in embarrassment, just remembering how it usually went and talking about it! “Can I lean against the desk or just bend over the bed?”

“You don’t like going over my knee?” There was a ghost of a smile on his face as he asked that, and I squirmed again.

“No, it’s just... embarrassing! Makes me feel like I’m five.”

John nodded, in a considering way. After a moment he said, “Your punishment isn’t up for you to decide.”

He was going to say no. I slumped slightly in disappointment, mad at myself for having brought up the topic only to be shot down. “No, sir.”

“That said, you know I don’t seek to embarrass you. The pain of the spanking is the punishment, not the position.”

Hope flared up again. “So we can change it?”

“We can try it in a different way.”

“Thanks, John.”

He smiled faintly and turned back to the TV, and it felt like something had just been lost with that decision. I should have been happy because he had listened to me and taken me seriously and agreed. So, why was I suddenly sad?

We watched TV in silence for another few minutes, then he cleared his throat. “You know,” he began, still looking across the room at the TV. “Dad decided I was too old to go over his knee when I was about 12.” His eyes flickered to mine, and I turned my head to give him my attention. “After that it was usually bent over his desk, with his belt.” John shrugged and the corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled. “There were still one or two occasions after that where he thought I was too big for my britches and tossed me over his knee. But generally, that was over.”

Into the sudden quiet I said, “I don’t think I’ll miss it.”

My brother laughed. “Probably not. I didn’t think I would. Still, there’s something about the physical closeness that was comforting. His arm on my back, his hand holding me.”

I thought about that. It was kind of true, the closeness being nice, well, the only nice part about it. But I was 16 and even though John always managed to fit me across his knees, I still thought that was too old. I nodded, though, and admitted, “That part’s okay. M-maybe you can still, like, put your hand on my back or something?”

John nodded. “I think that can be managed.”

“You know, _if_ I ever get walloped again.”

“Yes, _if.”_ He grinned and turned back to the TV, and I scooted a little closer so I could rest my head on his shoulder.

 

**Thursday, October 10th**

**Cutter**

This had been the most boring week ever! James practiced every day after school, and since Jeff was staying after to work in the darkroom I just hung out at the school. Boring! I set up in the lunchroom and finished my homework each day, but that never took very long. The high school was a different place after school. Some clubs and sports were going on, but they were off in their own locations, and there weren’t kids milling in the halls. The night janitors started at about 3:30, and they’d always say hi. The teachers left around 4:00, at least the ones who didn’t have to stay behind to supervise activities. Then it got really quiet.

Thursday I mentioned my extreme boredom to Amy at lunchtime, and she invited me over to her house. “Honestly, I don’t know why you didn’t think of this before,” she commented.

“Me neither,” I admitted, balling up both our empty lunch sacks and garbage to throw away.

“You don’t have to stay on my account,” James offered somewhat indignantly.

“I don’t,” I replied, grinning. I wouldn’t stay just for him, but when it was him and Jeff both, it didn’t make sense for me to go home. “Why don’t you practice during lunch? Then you wouldn’t have to stay after at all?”

James opened his mouth and shut it again, looking annoyed. “Maybe I will.” He balled up his own sack and stalked off, not returning to our table after he threw it away.

I shrugged off his strange behavior, and Amy and I made plans for after school.

 **..»º*º«..**  

Amy and her sister drove home in their Dasher, and I followed in the Impala. Nancy right away went to her room, shutting the door, while Amy and I descended on the kitchen to get potato chips and pop. There was a note on the fridge from Mrs. Butterfield, saying she was visiting a friend in the hospital in the afternoon, and to please put the casserole in the oven at 5:00. Amy and I looked at each other in happy surprise. We were alone! Except for Nancy, of course, but she was off doing her own thing.

My girlfriend turned luscious eyes on me. “Let’s listen to music.” And I followed her up to her room.

 

**Ramsey**

“Looks like we beat them home,” John said as we walked into an almost-empty house. “Want to help me get dinner started?”

“Sure, Daddy! Dad,” I hastily corrected. John gave me one of his looks, but I just grinned and tossed my school bag on one of the kitchen chairs and he let it go.

Brad appeared at the door from the family room. “Sorry, guess I could have started something.” He scratched the back of his neck and glanced at the clock. “They’re usually home by now.”

“Jeff is still developing photos,” I helpfully pointed out.

“Sure takes a lot of time. He’s gonna have to do this after every rodeo? Cutter’s not gonna like that.” Brad shook his head, thinking of our brother’s sure annoyance of having to wait at the high school for two brothers every day now.

“We all take turns waiting for each other.” John took a cooked ham out of the fridge and started slicing it up. “Ramsey, will you make toast?” I headed for the bread, and my dad went on. “Ramsey waits for me to finish work every day. He’s never complained.”

“I like it at the college!”

John ruffled my hair. “I’m glad you do. So, Brian can find something to occupy his time. It’s not forever. Brad, will you make green beans?”

My brother got three cans of green beans from the pantry, opened them with the electric can opener, and dumped them into a saucepan on the stove. All of our summer ones were eaten already, so we were back to canned.

“Next summer we should learn how to can our veggies!” I announced, waiting for the first batch of toast to pop up. Our toaster could handle four slices of bread at once.

“Good idea.” Brad’s eyes lit up. “Hey, Mrs. McCall and Heather could probably teach you!”

“She can teach all of us!”

My brother smirked. “I don’t particularly want to know how.”

“Well, I guess if you aren’t interested in eating the results...” I said in a ‘too bad for you’ voice, smirking my own self.

They both laughed, and Brad gave in. “I suppose I could sit in.”

“Yeah, cos your girlfriend will be there!”

“Well, obviously!” he laughed.

The phone rang just then, and we all looked at each other. John’s hands were all yucky from carving the ham. Brad was stirring the beans and I was still waiting on the toast. I took a small step towards the counter with the toaster, and shifted my attention to the bread. I didn’t like answering the phone. I didn’t like the uncertainty of not knowing who was on the other end, and not being able to see them, and most of all having to talk to _strangers._

“Ramsey,” Brad said quietly, and I tensed, expecting him to tell me to answer it, but he just handed me the spoon so he could. John and I remained quiet, listening to find out who it was. I bet it was my brothers, saying they were going to be home later.

“Hello?” Brad asked. “Oh, yes, he’s here.” He handed the phone to John, covering the talking end and whispering, “It’s Mr. Butterfield.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued! The next chapter is all planned out, I just didn't want to wait to post the rest because it may not be for a few days. I think I was able to work a few things in that some of you asked for, and even more will be in the next chapter, plus maybe a surprise or two. Thanks for reading (even though it's short)!


	12. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What went on at the Butterfields'?

**Thursday, October 10th**

**John**

I pulled up to the high school and honked, hoping Jeff and James were watching out the windows and ready to go. I wasn’t in the mood to wait. The two boys tumbled out of the front doors, both in high spirits.

“Hi! Where’s Cutter?” Jeff asked as he jumped into the back seat.

“Hi,” James said as he more quietly got into the passenger seat beside me, reading my mood better than his younger brother.

“Brian is at Amy’s house. We’re going there to pick him up, and James, I want you to drive yourself and your brother home.”

“Yes, sir,” James readily agreed, recognizing this as the order it was, not as a suggestion.

“Did something happen?” Jeff leaned forward to rest his elbows on the back of the front seat. “Is he okay?”

I clenched the steering wheel tighter. I didn’t know if he was okay or not. “He’s in a heap of trouble.”

Jeff leaned back again. “Oooh.”

The boys remained silent the rest of the way to the Butterfields. Smart boys. I was torn between anger at Brian, worry for him having been at the mercy of Mr. Butterfield for maybe 30 minutes now, embarrassment at someone I was responsible for acting the way he had, and, if I was honest, an uncomfortable feeling that made me squirmy inside, like I was the one in trouble. Mr. Butterfield was an adult, a grown male. I was too, but he was in my father’s generation, along with the sheriff and Mr. McCall and all the other older men that I still called ‘Mr.’. Now I had to go and act like Dad, and I felt like a fraud. As I pulled in to their drive I saw the Impala parked messily on the street, and my anger at Brian kindled anew.

Taking the spare Impala key off my keychain, I handed it to James. “Straight home.”

“Yes, sir. Come on, Jeff.” James pulled lightly on Jeff’s arm, the younger boy walking backwards to the Impala so he could watch me as I approached the front door.

The door swung open even as I reached for the knocker.

“John.” Mr. Butterfield acknowledged me with a nod.

I had a moment of panic when I realized I didn’t know his first name. Right from the get-go we weren’t on an even footing. Still, I had to be polite. “Mr. Butterfield.”

“Call me Ted. Come on in.” He stood back and I entered, looking for my little brother. I found Brian and Amy sitting side by side on the sofa, separated by about a foot. Amy held a sofa pillow on her lap, grasping it tightly with both arms, and didn’t look up. Brian’s whole body was rigid, and he tensely looked between Amy’s father and me. He started to rise when I entered the room, but Mr. Butterfield – Ted – pointed to the sofa. “Stay put,” and Brian sank back down.

Amy’s father sat in a large armchair across from the sofa, and I took the other armchair. “What happened?” I asked.

Mr. Butterfield turned his stern gaze on my brother. “Well? Tell him.”

Why was it up to Brian to tell me? Amy was sitting right there too.

Brian glanced at me quickly, then dropped his eyes. “We were making out. In her room.”

“You were doing more than making out!” the angry man barked, making his daughter shrink back and Brian flinch.

“We were...” Brian turned pleading eyes on me, but I wasn’t all that sympathetic.

“How far did you go?”

Worried blue eyes flitted between Mr. Butterfield and me, but he bit his lower lip and remained silent.

“Did you go all the way?” I pressed.

My brother turned a dozen shades of pink and after a glance at Amy, he tightly said, “That’s none of your business.” As if to prove the point, he reached out with one trembling hand to draw one of Amy’s from the pillow and held it tightly between them on the sofa. If we were home, he would have already been over my knee for essentially telling me to butt out.

“Is my daughter still a virgin?” Mr. Butterfield demanded, incensed at my brother’s words and actions.

“Ask her.”

I couldn’t disagree with Brian’s notion that Amy could speak up just as well as him, but I wouldn’t put up with the complete disrespect. “Brian!”

Amy ran out at that point, presumably to barricade herself in her bedroom.

Left alone with two angry men and no girlfriend to defend or be brave in front of, Brian’s bristling ceased and he sullenly said, “No.”

Mr. Butterfield shot to his feet, ready to commit murder. The synapses in my brother’s brain finally seemed to connect again and as he shrank back he cried, “No! That was to John’s question! We didn’t go all the way. She’s still a- a- you know.”

Mr. Butterfield turned to me. “I got home from work, saw his car and knew he was here. They weren’t out here _where they belonged._ I walked in on them in Amy’s bedroom, and your brother had his paws all over my daughter.” His voice rose as he finished with, “And he had the nerve to tell me to ‘Get out’!”

“I thought you were Nancy,” Brian said weakly, not looking at either of us. “I’m sorry.”

Finger pointing at my brother and voice shaking with rage, he said, “This ends today. You are not to see Amy again.”

Brian sat up sharply. “You can’t do that!”

“Yes, he can,” I pointed out quietly but firmly. “And I’m not so sure it’s a bad idea.”

“I’m not having my daughter’s reputation ruined by a- a randy teenager.”

Suddenly confused, Brian asked, “What? I’d never ruin her reputation. I love her!”

The angry father was back on his feet, a hand raised to slap my brother.

“Ted!” I said sharply, getting up to intervene.

Mr. Butterfield slowly lowered his hand, still glaring at the apprehensive troublemaker on the sofa.

Not realizing the situation was de-escalating, or just too upset to care, Brian unwisely shot out, “And you can’t stop us being in love!”

At Mr. Butterfield’s sudden step forward my brother pushed back into the sofa, defiant and afraid, but raring to go. My brother was an idiot. I was slightly proud of him for standing up for himself and Amy, but facing a raging father wasn’t the best time to declare his love for that man’s daughter, especially not in such an insolent tone.

There was an awful silence. Mr. Butterfield seemed to swell in his anger as he glared daggers at my brother, whose forehead had acquired a thin sheen of sweat. His hands went to his belt, a gesture Brian and I both tuned in to right away, and for an awful moment I watched to see if I would have to stop him. The hands raised to his waist and it seemed the moment of crisis had passed, but then his anger turned on me.

“Well? Are you going to whip him or shall I?” He raised his eyebrows in an expectant manner and crossed his arms, evidently trying to appear like that was a reasonable request.

“Here?” Brian blurted, jumping to his own feet. “John, no!”

I took a step between the two hotheads. “Brian, sit.” I placed a hand on his chest and gently but firmly pushed him back down. I calmly asked, “Ted, is there somewhere we can talk privately?”

He looked from Brian to me, still apoplectic, then took a deep breath and nodded. I followed him to a study and he closed the door behind me. We both took a moment to calm down. My intention had been to separate them, but now had to think fast about what to say.

“We should talk about what to do without either of them present. Brian does love Amy, and from what I’ve seen, she loves him right back.”

“Don’t tell me you condone their behavior.”

“Of course not. I told him this summer he wasn’t to be alone with Amy in his room or _any_ bedroom. Brian has a licking coming for disobeying me, which I’ll give him _at home_ , myself.”

“So what’s your point?”

I wasn’t quite sure myself, but I thought we should tread carefully. I didn’t have any sappy sympathy about standing in the way of young love, but I also knew it would be all too easy for them to go behind our backs and probably wind up in worse trouble than they were in now. Plus, if Brian and Amy truly were in love and someday got married, we would end up related. I’d rather have my holidays not ruined by strained relationships going back to this day.

“Brian wants to marry Amy.”

Mr. Butterfield held my gaze, then sighed heavily and nodded. “Amy has said the same. They’re too young.”

Obviously. “If we forbid them seeing each other, they’ll just go behind our backs.”

“Don’t have much control over your boy, eh?”

Hackles raised, it was my turn to glare. “As much as you do over your girl.” Before it could turn into a standoff I said, “They didn’t go all the way today. I know they do want to wait til they’re married.”

“From what I saw, they came close today. Too close.”

Incredibly uncomfortable discussing this with the father of my little brother’s girlfriend, I asked, “How close?”

Gaze firmly on me, he steadily intoned, “He was on top of her, her skirt was hiked up-” he cleared his throat, uncomfortable himself with the memory, “-and Brian’s jeans were unfastened. Thank God I wasn’t five minutes later.”

“Yeah,” I said, not wanting or needing to hear any more. Those jeans would be coming down again when I got my brother home. “Well, I don’t think breaking them up will work, because they have classes together and will see each other at school anyway. I’ll ground Brian and forbid him from being alone with Amy.”

With a skeptical tone, he responded, “And you think he’ll obey this time?”

“If he knows what’s good for him, he will.” Hopefully. And it wasn’t all on Brian, was it? “And what about Amy?”

Eyes narrowing as if daring me to object, he flatly said, “Grounded for a month, and no dating for two months after that.”

“What about phone calls?”

“Are you advocating for them?” he asked incredulously.

I shrugged. “I’m being practical. Better we sort this out now so we’re prepared for their inevitable questions.”

His eyes now held a grudging respect, and with a quick nod he said, “How about one 5-minute phone call per day?”

That would sure free up the line for my calls to Grace, and it would impress on my little brother that we meant business. Both good outcomes.

“Okay. We good?”

“We’re good.” What started out as a clap on my shoulder as we turned to leave the study turned out into a gentle pull to hold back. Having thought everything settled, I looked over at him in surprise. “Two years now, isn’t it?”

I nodded over the sudden lump in my throat.

He nodded as if to say this was just one of the bad days and it would get better. “Kids do dumb things, especially when hormones are involved.”

It sounded suspiciously like he was trying to tell me it wasn’t my fault, or it wouldn’t be that big of a deal in the long run, but considering he’d been ready to whip my brother a few minutes ago, maybe he was just warning me that we weren’t out of the woods yet with Amy and Brian.

Deciding to puzzle it out later, I replied, “They sure do.” I just wanted to get home with my brother at that point.

We returned to the living room where Brian was perched on the edge of the sofa awaiting our decision. He would just have to wait. “Come on, let’s go home.”

“What about- John? What about Amy?” Brian looked down the hallway towards the bedrooms.

“We’ll talk at home. Come on.” I held a hand out, and he stood.

“Mr. Butterfield?”

“Come on, Brian.” I took him by the collar, intending to get him to the car before he further angered the man.

He resisted my pulling, saying again, “Mr. Butterfield? What about Amy? Are you going to punish her?” Brian looked down the silent hallway again, then back at Amy’s father. I relaxed my grip slightly. “Please don’t. I’ll take her punishment.”

Mr. Butterfield remained standing, arms crossed, as he contemplated this offer from my little brother. After a tense moment I detected a softening of his eyes, and his stance became less aggressive. I doubt Brian noticed, he was so worried. “Amy will be fine. She’s going to be grounded for a long time, then we’ll see.”

My hand fisting in Brian’s collar again, I spoke before he offered to take her grounding. How would that even work? “You’re going to be grounded a long time too. Let’s go home.”

 

**Cutter**

John didn’t scold on the way home. “Go to your room,” he ordered as he parked in the garage, but he didn’t need to.

As soon as the engine was off, I was out the door and in the house, trying to ignore all the curious eyes of my brothers who watched me dart past them. They were all in the kitchen eating supper. I wasn’t even hungry, not a bit.

I closed the door to my room and collapsed on my bed, anguished thoughts running through my mind. Were they going to make Amy and me break up? Was Mr. Butterfield going to wallop Amy? I couldn’t stand the thought of that. Teenage girls shouldn’t get spanked. Never. Especially not Amy! She was going to hate me now. Her _parents_ were going to hate me now! I’d tried so hard to be trustworthy, and in one afternoon of boredom I’d just lost it all. I cringed, ashamed and embarrassed. And then on top of that, I’d been really rude to Mr. Butterfield. Was John going to use a hairbrush? Belt? How long was I going to be grounded for? They couldn’t really make us break up, could they? All those thoughts kept racing through my mind, upsetting me so much that tears came to my eyes.

Amy and I had been listening to music and eating chips, and then we stopped eating chips and started slow dancing, and before too long we moved as one to the bed and started making out. I’m not sure when it happened, but before long her skirt was further up than I’d ever seen it and my pants were unbuttoned. Did I do that, or did she? It was all a blur, now. Then the door opened and I shouted for Nancy to go away, only it wasn’t Nancy. I heard a gasp underneath me, and from her wide eyes and the horrified expression on her face, I knew it was someone far more fearful than Nancy or even my oldest brother. I rolled off her and fumbled to button my pants (which was not easy due to my trembling hands and, well, other reasons).

I’d never seen Mr. Butterfield so angry. He pointed towards the door and in a deadly quiet voice ordered, “Out. Get in the living room. I’m calling your brother, Brian.” Amy scooted off the bed, ducking under his pointing arm, and dashed down the hallway. I followed, hoping her dad didn’t take a swing at me as I sidled past him.

I had blown it in so many ways. Mr. Butterfield was furious, John was going to be furious, Mrs. Butterfield – I couldn’t even stand to think of how I had let her down. Sitting beside Amy on the sofa, I took her hand and whispered, “It’ll be okay.”

Her long blonde hair fell in a curtain hiding her face as she looked down and just shook her head. I reached out with my other hand to tuck it behind her ear so I could see her eyes, but a loud clearing of a throat stopped my hand midair.

Mr. Butterfield had returned from making the call to John and now stood in the doorway, blocking my exit. Not that I would have run anyway. No, I had to face the music with Amy. I squeezed her hand reassuringly, but reluctantly dropped it when her dad crossed the room to stand in front of us and pointedly stared at it. I gulped. This man was going to be my father-in-law someday, unless I had totally blown all chances with his daughter. I couldn’t stand him thinking less of me now. For the first time, I really understood why Brad was taking things slowly with Heather, wanting to keep her parents’ respect.

After having made his point about our hand-holding, Mr. Butterfield sat in his armchair, the same one where he had interrogated me the previous year before I took his daughter to homecoming. The memory brought more guilt over my shoddy behavior, and it was all I could do to keep eye contact with him now. While we waited for John, he scolded. On and on about respect and self-control and what were we thinking. Please hurry, John!

From the sofa I could see out the front window, and my heart raced when the Taurus pulled up the driveway. Then I saw James and Jeff get out and climb into the Impala. Just great, more witnesses to my humiliation! My embarrassment was mixed with my guilt for not having met them back at the high school. At least John had remembered them, and now they were on their way home.

After that came the horribly embarrassing talk with Mr. Butterfield and John both demanding answers about what Amy and I had done. I wanted to sink through the floor and never talk to either of them ever again! Then Amy had run out and I was left alone to brood and worry about John’s impending response to the disrespect I’d shown Mr. Butterfield. My oldest brother never demanded respect from us boys; he said once that respect was earned, not demanded. Besides, he knew he already had it. So, even though he didn’t demand respect, he didn’t exactly tolerate disrespect, either to himself or others. Especially not towards the other adults in our lives.

Now I sat on my bed, alone with all my tumbling thoughts. John was taking forever to come up. He was probably telling my brothers all about what I had done while having dinner. I would never be able to face my brothers again! Maybe Brad, since he’d once been stupid like me. He was even more stupid, come to think of it. He’d gone all the way and hadn’t even known to use protection. Not that I had any on me today, since I hadn’t been planning on it. It had just _almost_ happened... five more minutes and I would have made the same mistake as him. For the first time since Mr. Butterfield barged in to the room, I was glad he had. I loved Amy and I still wanted to wait to do that with her. Maybe they would be right to make us break up. But if we did, would she wait for me until we were older? Or would she find another boyfriend and forget me? I couldn’t stand that thought. Still, I was almost glad, mostly glad, we were stopped before it happened.

A rap on the door, and it opened and my brother came in. He looked tired, angry, and resolute, and I felt bad that he had to deal with this mess I created.

“I’m sorry,” I said, sitting up and brushing at my eyes.

He waved that off with an annoyed gesture and sat on my desk chair after pulling it out. “I don’t want to hear it right now. The person you should be apologizing to is Amy.”

Amy? But she was enjoying it as much as me.

John must have seen my confusion (and in my state of mind, just trying to figure out the day of the week was enough to confuse me!), because his mouth tightened and he angrily said, “Yes, Amy. Did you even have protection with you?”

I mutely shook my head.

“So, you were going to have a few minutes of pleasure and take her virginity in the process. Do you not get the idea of _consequences_ , Brian?”

“I do.” Like the licking I was about to get.

He seemed to read my mind, and he wasn’t impressed at my train of thought. “This is about more than you getting in trouble. It’s about taking something from her before she was ready to give it.”

“She wanted to as much as I did.”

“Oh, so you both planned it when you went to her house today? She told you she wanted to have sex?” He crossed his arms, unimpressed.

I squirmed hearing it spoken of so baldly, without euphemisms. “No, it just happened, almost.”

“I thought you both wanted to wait.”

“We did! We do.” I dropped my gaze.

“Making decisions in the heat of the moment, or just letting things happen – it’s _not_ a good idea, Brian.”

He was using my name a lot. Not a good sign.

“I know.”

He sat back and waited until I’d looked up again. “I feel like we’ve had this conversation before.”

I nodded.

“What was that?”

“Yes, sir,” I replied, trying not to sound as sullen as I felt.

“Are you ready for a baby, Brian? Having sex without a condom...?”

“A baby would be wonderful,” I softly said. It would be, too. Amy and I would get married, and I didn’t want to go to college anyway. I’d get a job in construction and...

 

**John**

I looked at my brother in disbelief. He thought having a baby at 17 or 18 would be ‘wonderful’? It was all I could do not to haul him over my knee right then and whale away til he couldn’t sit til graduation. It took every jot of self-control I possessed not to punish him in anger. Tightly, I said, “No, Brian. Just... no. You aren’t old enough. She isn’t old enough.”

“I know. I mean, we want to wait, the plan is to wait. I’m sorry for today,” he finished miserably.

I remained silent for a minute, just calming myself down. My little brother did appear remorseful. His eyes were shiny, his hair was disheveled, and he was trembling slightly. I knew he wasn’t opposed to having a baby with his girlfriend, and I had no doubt he’d make a great father someday. I just didn’t want that day to be any time soon.

“Okay, here’s what’s going to happen.”

He tensed, blue eyes reflecting his despair as he awaited judgment.

“You’re grounded for a month. You don’t leave the house without permission except for school. After that, no dating for two months.”

A flicker of hope lit across his face. “We don’t have to break up?”

“No. But you really blew it, Brian.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t cut it. You and Amy are not to be alone together. At all. Not even at school. You got that?”

He nodded eagerly. “Yes, sir.”

“You broke my trust, Brian.”

My little brother froze at that statement, and his eyes immediately filled with unshed tears. “I’m sorry,” he said softly.

I let him think about that for a moment, then stood, gesturing for him to stand. He obeyed warily, knowing his butt was toast.

“Go get-” I was going to order him to get Dad’s belt which still hung from a nail in my parents’ (now my) closet. I changed my mind before completing the sentence, and instead reached for the belt around my own waist. His eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly as he watched transfixed as I unbuckled the belt and pulled the leather through the loops.

I had thought about how to punish Brian as we drove home. I didn’t want to use my belt. After seeing the results of Carl’s handiwork on Ramsey, I had decided never to use it again on my brothers. A 17 year-old caught with his pants down in a girl’s room, though, it seemed that called for something more than just a spanking with my hand or the hairbrush. A hand spanking was enough for the younger boys. Even a harsh look would usually make Ramsey cry, much less a few swats. Brian, though, my stubborn teen brother, we had had this discussion about girls before, and I wanted to ensure we didn’t have to do it again. Feeling sick, I ordered, “Jeans down, and bend over the chair.”

His eyes reflected his confusion at my decision to use my belt, but he didn’t protest. With a glance conveying his sense of betrayal he obeyed, unbuttoning his jeans and shoving them down to his knees. He approached the chair and, just before bending over, he shucked his underwear down to meet his puddled jeans. I waited until he was in place, hands grasping the seat of the chair.

I took a deep breath, then raised the doubled belt and brought it down with a loud thwack on the center of his behind. He gave a minute jump but held position. I didn’t like seeing the red stripe I’d just planted on his white skin. I gave him another, just under the first, and seeing the clear outline I suddenly remembered Ramsey’s bruised behind when I first took him home from the hospital. Steeling myself to punish my brother, I brought the belt down in one more solid crack, and then that was enough for me. Unwilling to continue, I set the belt down on the desk and stepped back. Brian remained in position, body still, for about twenty seconds before releasing his white-knuckled grasp of the chair seat and turning to face me, his teary eyes clearly asking what was going on. _Only three swats?_ they seemed to ask.

I had given him lickings with the belt before, though never as harsh as I had received when I was even younger than him. Why did it bother me so much now? The answer, of course, was the presence of the two Wades in our home and my own resolution not to use the belt on my kids. The Wades were now Loftons, their old lives behind them, the harsh punishments of their old lives behind them. I’d given Brad and Brian each three licks of the belt when they fought (and full spankings with the hairbrush later), and I might do it again if I was faced with recalcitrant feuding teens and needed to get their attention in a hurry. But this, whipping my brother over a chair with a belt – even though he was 17 and could take it and undoubtedly deserved it – this felt too premeditated and cold and I found myself unable to finish it. The look of betrayal in Brian’s eyes as he bent over didn’t help either.

A quiet voice already thick with emotion interrupted my reverie. “John?”

“Get dressed.”

Brian slowly reached down and pulled his clothing back up, but he didn’t fasten his jeans. “Want me to get the hairbrush?”

I gave him a faint smile. Of course Brian would figure out why I had stopped. “No.” I reached out and pulled him to me in an embrace.

 

**Cutter**

John hugged me forever. No, it was more like he _clung_ to me forever. After a couple minutes of this quiet bonding he released me and stepped back to brush my hair from my face. I looked up at him – and it wasn’t nearly as far a journey as it would have been even a year ago – and I was shocked to see his eyes were glassy. That together with his next words caused my brimming tears to spill over.

“I love you, Brian,” he said quietly. “I don’t want you messing up Amy’s and your futures in such a thoughtless way. Wait ‘til you’re older and can go about it the right way. Finish school, get married, and then give me _lots_ of little nieces and nephews.”

“Granddaughters and grandsons,” I amended, causing a wry grin to show up on my brother’s face.

“That too.”

“I’m sorry,” I said again, wiping away the tears on my face with my shirtsleeve.

“I know. The world didn’t end because of your actions today, but I don’t want a repeat, understand? Eventually you’ll gain my trust back, and hopefully the Butterfields’. Oh, don’t cry.”

I shook my head, willing the too-ready tears away, even as I said, “Why not? You did.”

“I love you, Brian,” he repeated.

“I love you too.”

“Why don’t you stay up here awhile, and think about things?”

“Okay.”

He pointed a finger at me. “Three months.”

“Okay,” I said easily, then quickly added, “Yes, sir, three months.” He headed for the door. “Hey, John?”

“Yes?”

“Does grounding and not dating include the phone? Can I at least talk to her? Please?”

I don’t know why, but he grinned at that. “Five minutes a day. That’s it. Don’t even ask for more time.”

Deciding not to push it, I said, “Okay, thanks.” At least it was something.

I laid on the bed after he left, on my stomach even though the heat in my behind wasn’t too bad. The three licks hurt, but there were only three, so now it didn’t even hurt as much as one of his usual wallopings with the hairbrush. I felt oddly disjointed. Usually after John walloped me my guilty feelings were gone and I was all good soon as the pain left, but not this time. I still felt horrible – ashamed and guilty – and not wanting to face anyone ever again. I wondered how Amy was. I wanted to go downstairs and call her, but what if her parents picked up? My mind couldn’t handle thinking about that right now. Someday soon I’d have to face them and apologize properly, but not yet.

I had a feeling it was going to take some time to get over the guilt. Maybe that was why John had stopped? So I had to deal with the consequences of my own actions? I knew from Mom and Dad that spanking kids was a way of providing consequences for poor behavior when there might not be any natural ones. As you get older, Dad had said, these consequences might seem easy compared to the real-world consequences you might face. It’s our job to teach you how to behave now, so you won’t make bigger mistakes later when there are even bigger natural consequences. The possibility of having a baby... much as I wanted one someday, I knew it was a big responsibility for someone Amy’s and my age. There were days I could barely tolerate Jeff, and I wanted a baby to take up all my time?! Well, yes, I did. But not now. And I wanted our first time to be special. On our wedding night. Not all hasty and sneaky like it almost was. Facing her parents, and all my younger brothers who looked up to me (didn’t they?), that would have been a natural consequence too. I suddenly wished John had let me fetch the hairbrush so he could have finished the job. His consequences provided resolution and absolution and the guilt always went away.

Sometime later there was a knock on the door and since it wasn’t a single quick rap, I knew it wasn’t John.

“Come in.”

The door opened and Brad entered, carrying a glass of milk in one hand and a sandwich in the other. I hadn’t been hungry, but now with food in sight, I found my appetite returning. He set my dinner on the desk within my reach and then sat himself down on the desk chair. I sat up, and he nodded towards the sandwich. “Ham and cheese.”

“Thanks.” I grabbed it and took a bite. “John tell you what happened?”

Brad shook his head. “He doesn’t really do that, does he?”

“Guess not.” I took another bite.

“But he picked you up from Amy’s house and you got in trouble, so I’m thinking maybe you and Amy did something?”

“Yeah, but no! Not like that. Well, yes, like that. But no. I mean, we didn’t go all the way.”

“Guess it was a close thing?”

I shuddered, remembering Amy’s dad bursting in on us. “Yeah... too close.”

Brad nodded knowingly. “It’s easy to let happen.”

“Yeah, but I knew better.” Then, afraid I might be hurting his feelings, I hastily added, “Not to say you didn’t!”

He gave a quick laugh. “I _didn’t_ know better. I scarcely knew what it was all about. No one ever told me, and no one ever said not to, or to wait.”

I smiled weakly at his attempt to reassure me that he had been as clueless as I now felt. “Her father walked in on us.”

He cringed in sympathy. “Yikes.”

“Yeah. John licked me, but only three swats.”

Brad nodded, probably thinking as I was of when John had given us each three swats with his belt.

“Yeah. And I’m grounded forever, and Amy and I can’t go out for a couple of months.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah. At least they aren’t making us break up.”

“That’s something.”

A sudden thought came to me. “Sorry.”

“What for?”

“We can’t double-date.”

His brow furrowed, then he smiled at me. “That’s okay. Heather and I can still hang out at each other’s houses.”

“With the parents,” I half-groused, pointing out the obvious flaw in his plan.

Brad reached out and patted the side of my sore behind, which was the only part he could reach, and smiled. “That’s not such a bad thing.”

“I guess.”

“Eat up.”

I dutifully took another bite while he sat there in companionable silence. A few bites later, he quietly said, “I never got in trouble for what happened with Emily.”

“No? Her dad didn’t get mad?”

“Her parents didn’t know, not ‘til later when she realized she was having a baby.” Brad’s voice was sad and thoughtful. Having had the thought of babies planted in my mind the last few hours, I bet he was thinking about his lost little one.

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too. Thanks.” He flashed a sad smile. “They were mad when I showed up, but they mostly just ignored me. Like, they walked around all angry, but didn’t talk to me more than they had to.”

“That sucks.” I thought about the Butterfields. It was hard enough now, but I tried to imagine having future in-laws who hated me and did their best to ignore me. I hoped Amy’s parents would forgive me.

“And Carl never knew.” A short laugh. “I don’t know if he would have cared. Probably not.”

I knew about Carl’s preference for Ramsey, his youngest brother, over Brad. I didn’t understand it, but Carl was sick and likely beyond me ever understanding him. Getting up on my knees to reach for the glass of milk, I grinned suddenly and I said, “John would care. If you don’t believe me, just get caught with Heather and see- Ouch! Brad!”

He’d whacked me on the behind! A proper swat, like John would dish out! He was grinning back, though, and I could tell the oncoming funk had left him again. “No, thanks! I’ll take your word for it.”

 **..»º*º«..**  

I stayed in my room all evening, the sounds of the rest of the house muted by my closed door. I think everyone was being quiet on account of my being in disgrace. About 9:00 I made a trip to the bathroom then went to bed with a book.

A few minutes after that, the door softly opened and Ramsey stuck his head in. “Can I come in?” he asked softly, as if I was asleep already.

“I’m awake, and come on in. It’s your room too.”

He slipped into the room, closing the door behind him. “I thought maybe you still wanted to be alone.” He took off his clothes and dressed in his pajamas, then climbed into his side of the bed. He got under the covers then lay on his side to look at me with wide eyes. “Does it still hurt?”

“A little.”

“Did Dad use the hairbrush?” From his hushed voice, it sounded like the hairbrush was the worst implement ever devised to spank kids with.

“No, just three licks with his belt.”

“Oooh.” Ramsey’s eyes grew even bigger and softer, and he looked away from a moment and blinked. “That hurts, doesn’t it?” he whispered. Then he wriggled his way next to me, reached out with one arm to snug across my chest, closed his eyes, and drifted off to sleep.

 


	13. Non-dates and Brownie Points

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John has a moment of self-doubt; Jeff gets a new friend; Cutter and Ramsey have a heart-to-heart; and all the boys get some brownie points :)

**Friday, October 11th**

**James**

“Are you leaving work soon?”

“Soon enough,” my oldest brother replied. “Is there something you want me to pick up from the store on the way home?”

“Oh, not really. Jeff and I are still at school.” I twisted the phone cord, trying not to sound as eager as I felt. “I was just thinking if you swing by the high school, you can hear me play!” Dang it, that sounded too eager. I didn’t want to seem all needy.

There was a brief silence on the other end, and a muffled sound like John’s hand was covering the mouthpiece. Then with a sigh he said, “How about another time? I want to get dinner going because I have plans tonight.”

Trying not to let him hear my disappointment I said, “Okay, sure.” I bunched the cord in my left hand. “I guess I’ll get Jeff and see you at home soon.”

“See you soon.”

I hung up the music office phone, stuffed my piano book into my backpack, and went to get Jeff from the darkroom. It was probably for the best, I told myself. I could just barely play with two hands, and though my music teacher said I was doing really well for a beginner, I was still just a beginner. Better to wait until I had a few more lessons under my belt before letting John and the others listen to me. Yes, much better. By the time I turned down the hallway leading to the photography classroom, I had almost convinced myself.

 

**Jeff**

“I like this one better,” Mackenzie said, pointing to a photo of one of the Rodeo Club members roping a calf, her arm bumping against mine.

“Yeah, me too,” I readily agreed, acting like my attention was on the photos and not on her arm that hadn’t moved away from mine. Even though we were barely touching, I could feel her skin was soft and warm and... I suddenly realized she was talking again. “What? Oh yeah, I’ll print both of them. No reason he can’t have a copy of each.”

“He’ll like that.” Mackenzie stood back and looked around the room that was empty of students except for us. She grinned. “Photography is a lot of fun!”

“You should take it!”

“Maybe I will.”

She started walking around the room, picking up things and setting them down, and I explained what they all were and what they were used for. After circling the room, she ended up back beside me. Though she was skinnier than me, we were about the same height so when she stopped next to me I was able to look her right in the eyes.

“Maybe I’ll just come and hang out with you sometimes?”

“Sure, that would be cool,” I said, trying to disguise the fact that my heart was beating out of my chest, and trying not to seem like it was any big deal and I had girls wanting to hang out with me all the time. Then she smiled and ducked her head, and it made her seem shy all of a sudden, and I added, “I’d like that.”

She raised her head again with a big grin, and I abruptly asked, “Do you want to hang out tomorrow? Like, maybe go to the mall or something?”

“Tomorrow? Sure!” She brushed her hair away from her face and laughed suddenly. “I mean, I’ll have to check my social calendar.”

My heart fell. “Oh, okay.”

Mackenzie reached out and shoved my shoulder. “I’m joking! I can go out tomorrow!”

“Oh, okay! I’ll have to... can you drive yet?”

“Not yet.”

“Me neither. I’ll ask one of my brothers if he can give us a ride.”

“Okay.” She twirled around, finding a pen. “I’ll give you my number.” She wrote quickly on a scrap of paper and handed it to me.

“Thanks! I’ll call when I’ve made arrangements.”

Just then the door to the darkroom cracked open.

“Jeff! You done yet?”

“Yeah, just a minute! That’s my brother James.”

We gathered our stuff. I went out first and held the door for Mackenzie, enjoying the look on my brother’s face when he realized we were together. Together!

 

**Brad**

John called out for pizza, claiming he was too tired to cook. I offered to make popcorn, but he shook his head and went ahead and ordered three large pizzas. When they arrived he set them on the family room table and we all ate off paper towels on the sofas and watched TV.

“Are you going to see Grace tomorrow?” Ramsey asked.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” I chided.

My little brother responded by opening his mouth wide, giving me a close-up view of his half-chewed pizza.

“Ramsey!” I said, and got a cheese-covered tongue stuck out at me.

“Ramsey,” John said, and the tongue instantly retreated. Our dad waited until Ramsey chewed and swallowed, then said, “Yes, I’m heading down tomorrow.”

“A day date?” Jeff asked.

“More or less.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Probably take a walk around Storybook Island and then go out for lunch, and then... we’ll see.”

Jeff nodded. “Good plan.”

John cracked a smile. “I’m glad you approve.”

My youngest brother grinned widely, then asked, “Can someone take me an’ Mackenzie to the mall tomorrow?”

“Who’s Mackenzie?” I asked, beating John to the question.

Jeff’s left shoulder went up in a ‘no big deal’ shrug, but the smile on his face gave that the lie. “A girl from Rodeo Club.”

“You have a date?” James asked.

“We’re just hanging out. Not a date,” he said, downplaying it. “Just hanging out with a friend who happens to be a girl. So can someone take us to the mall? Please?”

“I’m grounded,” Cutter said, speaking for the first time all evening. He seemed grateful for the excuse not to play chauffeur.

“I’m going to Ethan’s house tomorrow,” James said, then quickly looked at John. “Is that okay?”

“Sure, just call home if you’re going to be home late.”

“I can take you, Jeff,” I volunteered before anyone else could find an excuse not to take him and hurt Jeff’s feelings. Looking around the room, I realized I was the last one available since we were out of both cars and boys who could drive and weren’t grounded.

“Thanks!” Jeff’s eyes lit up as a great big grin spread from ear to ear. He jumped up. “I gotta call her!” He made it halfway to the kitchen before turning back. “What time should I say?”

I chuckled at his puppy love enthusiasm. “You decide. I’ll work around it.”

“Thanks!”

 

**John**

I went to Scott’s apartment after supper, wanting to just ditch my responsibilities and hang out with my friend like we were in college still. Before I left, Jeff was preoccupied with making plans for his non-date with his new friend, Brad had gone over to see Heather, and Brian was sulking at being grounded, but Ramsey and James both gave me great looks of betrayal and abandonment for leaving. I already felt guilty for dating Grace all the way down in Rapid City, and now felt even worse. I needed time with my best friend, though, so I just ruffled their hair on my way out the door, telling them I wouldn’t be late.

“Been forever, my friend,” Scott said with a wry grin, leaning back on his sofa with his feet propped up on the coffee table.

I popped the top on my Budweiser and took a swallow. “Too long.”

We chatted about things, his recent promotion at work, Grace, his prospects at finding a girlfriend, and eventually we circled around to my boys.

“And that’s just _one_ of them,” I said after telling him about Brian’s exploits with Amy the previous day. “How am I going to survive five hormonal teenagers? And Brian _wants_ a baby! Some kids can be scared off by the idea of having a baby so young, but not him. He actually wants one.”

Scott laughed, commiserating with me. “Maybe he just needs to babysit one. Been a long time since Jeff was a baby, and he never really had to change diapers and all that, did he?”

“No, they were too close in age. Besides, _I_ was around to do all that.”

My friend chuckled again at my grumpy reply, and I couldn’t help but join in.

 “Sometimes I think I’m crazy, taking on all these kids.”

Scott took a long sip of his beer and grew more serious. “You’re doing great with them, and it’s not like there were any good alternatives. Not for your brothers, and not for Brad and Ramsey.”

“No, I know. I don’t regret it. I just don’t know if I’m doing enough. Or too much,” I admitted, looking at the almost-empty can in my hands.

“Too much?”

“Yeah. Half their classmates are probably having sex, why am I stopping Brian? Am I just old-fashioned?”

Scott shook his head. “No, you’ve got your convictions. Our parents raised us a certain way. Don’t let an over-anxious Brian make you question that. My parents are happy, and my dad’s told me he was glad they waited.”

“My parents were happy too.”

“Don’t let Brian rush into something he’s not ready for.”

Hearing my friend reaffirm my own thoughts made me feel like I wasn’t totally off-track with raising the boys.

“Besides,” Scott said, cracking a smile, “Being old-fashioned isn’t so bad when raising kids. You can’t just let them decide what rules they want to have. Next thing you know they’ll decide getting licked is too old-fashioned too.”

I laughed. “I think they’ve already decided that.”

“Well, there ya go!”

“No, but really, I’ve got six to look after and now I’m dating and thinking about adding more? I can barely handle the ones I have, I shouldn’t be thinking about having any more.”

Scott waved that off. “Lots of people have large families. If that’s what you want-” he shrugged off my worries. “As long as you can afford them, why not?”

“Our inheritance will take my brothers through college and grad school, if they go. That’s not a huge concern.” A slight concern, but not a huge one.

“Besides, your current crop of kids won’t be there forever. Jeff’s what? Fourteen? So in another five years they’ll all be off and you’ll just have whatever kids you make in the meantime.”

I returned his grin. “I guess, though make that about eight years Jeff will be home. I’m still hoping they’ll all go to SM&T to save on expenses.” Jeff’s educational needs would likely be met by attending SM&T. Brian’s too, if he pursued engineering like I thought he might. I wasn’t sure about James. I suspected he might need to go elsewhere since his interests veered towards economics and business. Ramsey was the big question mark. For now he was content to live at home and study mathematics. I knew he had no wish to leave home – at all – but I hoped that at some point his desire to pursue a doctorate would entice him away. Not that I wanted him to leave, but I did want him to have a fulfilled life and he probably wouldn’t get that living down the hallway from me, cutting his education short of what he was capable of. Oh well, we were good for a few years yet.

“Here, have another beer.” Scott tossed me one. “I rented some movies. Check ‘em out and see if anything looks good.”

 

**Saturday, October 12th**

**Brad**

“Come on!” The anxious call was accompanied by the screen door slamming as Jeff ran out to the Bronco.

Cutter rolled his eyes. “Aren’t you glad you volunteered?”

“Aw, it’ll be fun. I think it’s cute.”

Ramsey was sitting cross-legged on one of the sofas, homework spread out around him. He grinned shyly and repeated, “Cute.”

I wondered what he thought about Jeff going on a quasi-date before him? My little brother didn’t seem all that interested in girls yet. No wait, he’d had a crush on some girl last year, but it hadn’t advanced beyond that. I watched him tapping a black pen on one of his textbooks, quickly absorbed in his studies again.

“See you guys,” I said, grabbing the keys and following Jeff out.

We picked up Heather on the way. She and I had our own plans for the day and didn’t plan to hang out with the younger kids, but I thought Mackenzie’s parents might be more comfortable letting their daughter get into a vehicle with another girl in it. I pulled up to the address Jeff gave me and turned around when he made no move to get out.

“Well? Go up to the front door,” I said.

He was frozen in the back seat, suddenly nervous. “What if her parents are home?”

“It’s Saturday. They probably are home.”

“What if I have to talk to them?”

“You’ll be fine,” Heather said, giving my little brother an encouraging smile. “Just say hello and ask if Mackenzie is ready.”

“Meeting the parents is part of dating,” I tossed in.

“It’s not a date,” he protested, but finally reached to unlatch his seat belt. Gulping, he said, “Okay, here goes nothing!”

Heather and I watched as he walked to the front door with a determined air, back ramrod straight.

“Aww, he’s so cute,” Heather commented.

Luckily for Jeff, a girl about his own age answered the door, grinning with nervous energy just like he was. A woman appeared behind her and talked to both of them a moment, then the kids came to the car and she disappeared back into the house.

Mackenzie was cute. Curly dark hair, a slightly pug nose and an impish smile that matched Jeff’s own. If she wore heels, she’d probably be taller than Jeff, but he would grow. She clutched a small white purse with both hands, and when they reached the car, there was a funny moment while Jeff figured out how to open the door for her when she was half blocking it. Amidst lots of giggles, the two finally managed to get in the car and there were introductions all around.

It was a short drive to the mall and both kids hopped out. “Food court in three hours?” I verified.

“Yup!” Jeff said, and the two of them were off.

Heather and I headed to the farm store. We were buying feed for the McCalls’ livestock, and while we were at it, I was getting some for the goats I planned to get soon. Very soon! Mr. McCall and Heather and I were going to a livestock auction the next weekend, and I wanted everything to be ready.

We finished our errands and hung out at Heather’s house for a while, then returned to the mall. I think all of us older brothers had checked to make sure Jeff had enough money for his non-date, but the plan was to meet for an early afternoon dinner with the four of us, and I would pick up the check.

“Well? Did you have fun? What did you both do?” Heather asked as we sat around a table eating. We all had burgers and milkshakes and sodas, and were sharing a huge basket of fries in the center of the table.

“We went to the arcade,” Mackenzie said.

“And she’s really good!” Jeff said proudly. “She’s great at Donkey Kong!”

“So are you!”

“And then we went to the department store and looked at board games. Have you ever played Battlestar Galactica?”

He was asking me? I vaguely knew that there had been a TV series with that name, but there was a game?

“No,” I said, shaking my head.

“It looked really fun!” Mackenzie said. “I wish we could play it!”

Jeff and Mackenzie chatted away, all happy giggles and geeky talk that they both understood. Heather watched them with a little smile on her face, and reached for my hand under the table, and we just listened, asking questions or exclaiming over things they seemed to find interesting or exciting.

 

**Cutter**

What a boring day! You know it’s a boring day when the high point is helping your brother and his girlfriend unload sacks of goat feed for goats that don’t even exist yet. I called Amy early to make sure she was alright, and stretched my five minute phone call into seven by asking to speak to her parents. I spent two cringing minutes apologizing, almost glad I was grounded so I could do it over the phone and not in person.

After Brad and Heather took off again, it was just Ramsey and me at home. He was pretty much glued to the sofa studying for midterms.

“Want to go out and play catch?” I asked when I couldn’t take being cooped up inside any longer.

“No, thanks.” He didn’t even look up from his books.

“Come on, I’m bored. Let’s go outside.”

He whined, but closed his book and looked up at me expectantly. “Catch?”

“Yeah, let’s play with Daisy.”

Daisy wagged her tail upon hearing her name and raced for the backdoor. I grabbed a tennis ball and we spent the next hour wearing our puppy and ourselves out. Ramsey sucked throwing a baseball, but he was fine with the tennis ball.

“I’m beat!” Ramsey said, throwing himself down on the back steps.

“Me too. Want lemonade?”

“Okay. Or hot chocolate.”

We both looked out over the fields. They were autumn bleak and empty and I shivered. “Hot chocolate, it is.”

Ramsey grinned and followed me in. “I love hot chocolate.”

“Me too.”

He watched as I set water to boiling in the teapot and got two packets of hot chocolate from the cupboard.

“I used to make it for Carl sometimes,” he said quietly, chin on his hands at the table.

“Yeah?” I got two mugs down, not wanting to spook him from talking. He didn’t talk much about his oldest brother.

“Yeah. Ellis wanted me to. Well, not make hot chocolate, exactly. He just wanted me to show appreciation to Carl.”

“For beating you?” I asked, my voice rising in disbelief.

“He didn’t always. N-not all the time.” Ramsey sat on his hands, looking down at our red-checkered tablecloth. “I couldn’t think what else to do. We didn’t have much and I couldn’t cook but I could make hot chocolate.” Head raising again he smiled and said, “It’s so much nicer here, though.”

“I bet.”

We were silent until the hot chocolate was ready, and I sat across from him.

“Oh, marshmallows!” he exclaimed, jumping up and dashing to the pantry. He quickly found a bag of mini marshmallows and held it up as he returned. “Is it okay if we get into them?”

“Sure, why not? They’re here for eating.”

Ramsey liberally filled his mug to the brim with mini marshmallows, and I added enough to mine to form a single layer on top of the chocolate. He happily blew on his to cool it down. “I love this time of year.”

“How come?” I preferred spring and summer – baseball and camping and all the other outdoor activities.

With one of his patented shy Ramsey-smiles, he said, “Because that’s when I met all of you.”

“And life was never the same,” I said lightly.

He sipped his hot chocolate. “It’s so much amazingly better now.”

“Is that even a word?”

“Should be if it isn’t!”

I grinned at him. He had melted marshmallows and a touch of hot chocolate on his upper lip, but he didn’t care. He just grinned happily and took another sip.

Suddenly his smiled dimmed and he got an anxious look on his face. “Do you think Dad knows I appreciate him? For saving me?”

“Dad knows.” I nodded. If there was one thing I knew, it was that.

“You called him ‘Dad’!”

“Sure, well, he’s ‘Dad’ to you, and we’re talking about him, so...” I shrugged.

Ramsey beamed, then took another sip and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. He set his mug down and glanced up at me. “Cutter...?”

“Yeah?”

“Cutter... you saved me too.”

“It was a group effort,” I said, deflecting any credit. Honestly, how could anyone _not_ have stepped in to help him?

“Thank you,” he squeaked, then immediately buried his face in his mug.

I smiled, happy he was here with us, and most importantly, happy no one else was here to witness this sappy conversation!

“Cutter? I can ask you anything, right?”

“Of course.” My mind raced with possibilities. Would he ask about what Amy and I had done yesterday? About the short licking John had given me? Something about...

“Do you think it’s okay I call him ‘Daddy’ sometimes?” He sat up awaiting my response.

I dumped some more marshmallows in my mug, even though I’d already drunk half of my hot chocolate. I just wanted a moment to think about it. Was it babyish? Yes. Would I tease Jeff if he called John ‘Daddy’? You bet! Would I ever tease Ramsey? No.

“John will let you know if it’s not alright.”

He pushed for an answer. “But what do _you_ think?”

Ah, yes, me, the epitome of cool. “I think you can call John ‘Pickles’ and he won’t mind.”

“Pickles?” Ramsey giggled.

“Yeah! Just don’t tell him it was my idea.”

“I won’t.”

“Actually, don’t call him that.”

He laughed. “I won’t.” He cocked his head, and his shaggy blonde hair fell in his eyes. “So, you really think it’s okay?”

“Sure, just...”

“Yeah?”

“Maybe not in public?”

“Okay, just at home.” He nodded, looking a little disappointed.

I grinned suddenly. “I gotta say, I love when you call him _‘Dad’_ in public!”

His smile ratcheted up a notch. “Yeah?”

“Yes, and everyone’s wondering how a 25 year-old can have a 15 year-old son. I love that!” I chuckled, remembering all the times that total strangers had given Ramsey and John a double-take on hearing my younger brother call out ‘Dad’.

“I love that too.” He wriggled, grinning.

“You done with that?” I stood and reached for his mug.

“Yup, thanks, Cutter.”

I set our mugs in the sink and as they filled with water I looked outside. It was still only mid-afternoon, and though it was a cool autumn day, the sun was out and I was too restless to spend the rest of it indoors. A sudden idea surfacing, I turned back to Ramsey.

“I know something we can do that John will appreciate.”

“Yeah? What?” he asked eagerly.

“Rake leaves.”

I laughed at the sudden look of distaste on his face.

“He’s planning on everyone doing it tomorrow anyway. We’ll get major brownie points for starting today.”

Ramsey considered that for half a sec, then smiled knowingly. “And you can use all the brownie points you can get! Alright.”

“I wasn’t- well, yes, but that’s not- oh, come on!”

 

**John**

It was quarter after six when I got home from my day with Grace and the sun had just disappeared below the horizon. The sky to the west was a kaleidoscope of gold and orange cirrus clouds, rapidly darkening. I pulled into our drive, noticing the porch lights were already on. My first thought was, ‘that’s nice, the boys turned the lights on for me’. Then I realized the kids were all outside doing yardwork! All of the leaves had been raked into a huge pile at one side near the burn barrel. I parked in the garage and went outside to meet them.

“Wow,” I said, “This looks great!”

“We wanted to surprise you!” Ramsey beamed.

“You did! Thanks, guys. With this done, we can do something fun together tomorrow.”

“Can we go to a movie?” Jeff asked.

“Or to the gun range?” James wanted to know, reminding me that he had asked about that a day or two ago.

“I bet we can find time to do both.”

“Alright!” All three younger boys shouted.

Brian just gave me a wry look. Oh yes, he was grounded. “Might need your help at the range,” I said, and he whooped.

“Let’s jump in the leaves!” Jeff handed his rake to James (knowing better than to drop it on the ground) and took a flying leap at the leaf pile, scattering them just slightly but giggling up a storm.

After a glance at me, Ramsey followed.

“Hey, why am I the rake-holder?” James laughingly groused.

I held a hand out, and soon had three rakes. James followed the younger boys into the leaves. Brian needed no encouragement, giving me his rake with a less-than-apologetic grin. Brad and I looked at each other. We were obviously both too old and mature to jump in a pile of leaves.

“I will if you will,” he suggested, nodding towards the leaves with a rare mischievous look in his eyes.

“You’re on!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this chapter! I'm looking forward to writing the next one - if it turns out the way I imagine it, it'll be one of my favorites :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	14. Ramsey's Saturday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ramsey tries to decide whether to go to the livestock auction with Brad or the rodeo with Jeff!

**Saturday, October 19th**

**Ramsey**

“Hurry up, Daisy!”

I had Daisy on a leash and was walking her in the backyard. John had suggested instead of teaching her ‘go potty’ or something like that, we should use the phrase ‘hurry up’. That way if we were out camping or someplace with other people, we wouldn’t have to say something embarrassing like ‘go potty, Daisy!’ I don’t think I would have been embarrassed, but the others thought it was a great idea, so now we all just told our puppy to hurry up when we wanted her to go.

This morning I also meant for her to hurry up in the literal sense too! Dad already left to go to Rapid City for yet another date with Grace. He still wouldn’t let me go with him, saying he wanted to get to know her better before involving the rest of us. Hmphf.

My other brothers all had exciting plans for the day, though, and I was going to go along with one of them! Trouble was, I couldn’t decide who to go with. Brad was going with Mr. McCall to a livestock auction in Sturgis to buy goats! I really wanted to go with him and see all the animals, plus he was going to let me name one of them!

Jeff was going to another rodeo to take pictures, but this one was nearby in Deadwood. All the Rodeo Club members had to find their own ride this time, because the school van was in the shop. Jeff asked all our brothers, but James was going off to his new friends’ house for the day and Cutter grinned and replied, “Aww shucks, I’m still grounded.”

Dad gave him a not-amused look, then made him a deal. He said if Cutter would give up his Saturday and take Jeff to Deadwood, he could be let off his grounding a week early. Cutter considered it for two seconds, then said it was a deal. John hadn’t seemed too set on grounding my older brother anyway. For the last week he’d found several errands in town that he sent Cutter on. I think Cutter should have held out for two weeks early for going to Deadwood! Especially because it turned out Mackenzie was going to ride with Jeff. The two of them would probably drive Cutter crazy! So, I wanted to go to the rodeo too. I wasn’t sure if it would be as much fun with Jeff all googly-eyed over Mackenzie, but Cutter would be there just watching too, so I could hang out with him.  

“Hurry up, Daisy!”

Finally she went potty on the lawn and I brought her inside to close her in the kitchen for the day while we were all gone. She had outgrown the playpen, so now we just put baby gates up to keep her from having the run of the house.

“Good girl! Good Daisy!” I praised her as we walked back towards the house.

I heard a car start and knew it was the Impala, so Cutter and Jeff must be leaving. I still hadn’t decided who to go with! I’d had all week to decide, but I wanted to go to the livestock auction _and_ the rodeo both, and when the others asked me, all I could tell them was, “I’m still deciding!” The house was eerily quiet and I got a horrible feeling. I unleashed her and ran to the family room just in time to see the Impala pull out of our driveway onto the county road and it was soon out of sight. Those jerks left without me! Well, it looked like my decision was made for me.

“Brad? Brad!”

Silence. I ran up the staircase and checked his room, but it was empty. Had he already gone to the McCalls’? Mr. McCall was planning to drive his pickup truck, and they were hauling the smaller trailer for the goats they were going to get. I put up the baby gate for Daisy, made sure she had lots of fresh water, grabbed my jacket and cowboy hat, and ran out the back door to go to our neighbors’.

Brad couldn’t have left much before me! James had left, not too long after John had, but Brad, Cutter, and Jeff had all been home when I took Daisy outside. How could they all leave me in such a short time? Didn’t they want me to come? I practically ran over the field to the McCalls’. Just as I crested the hill between our house and their farm, I saw the pickup truck and the trailer heading down their long driveway, kicking up a cloud of dust behind them.

“Wait! Wait!” I picked up my pace, running behind them waving my arms, but I couldn’t catch up. The pickup paused at the edge of the drive and I shouted again hoping they would hear me, but then it turned onto the county road. My feet stumbled to a halt and I watched in disbelief as they left. How could Brad leave me?! Did he think I went with Cutter and Jeff? They must have thought I went with Brad! Well, crap!

I trudged back home, not in any hurry to get there. I’d never been at the house alone before. Not for more than ten minutes, anyway. Daisy was happy to see me again, at least! I took down the baby gate and let her lick me all over my face and hugged her. I still slept with Racky, I mean, Racky was always in the bed but sometimes he was just at the edge while other times I still put my arm around him. Unlike Racky, though, Daisy was nice and warm and happy to see me. She cheered me up while I thought about what to do.

I could do homework. I was ahead on all my classes except for that English composition class. I wasn’t behind in that class, thanks to John still checking my homework every night. I still kind of wished I got stickers, but at least I knew I wouldn’t fall behind, and that was the whole point of doing it. Even though stickers would have been nice. It was cool but nice outside, and for once I didn’t feel like sticking my head in my books. No homework today.

I could... practice my violin! Auditions for all-state orchestra were announced on Friday. Anyone wanting to audition had been given the music. I asked for one, but Jeff didn’t. Last year I hadn’t bothered, because I knew Carl would never let me go somewhere to play with the all-state orchestra. John probably would, though, since he liked to encourage all of us to participate in activities. Just look at how he made Cutter drive Jeff and Mackenzie to Deadwood for Jeff’s activity! Practicing today would be good, because Jeff wasn’t around. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by practicing for something he didn’t have a chance at.

Daisy followed me to my room and I lovingly took my violin out of its case. It was a rich honey color and I loved that it had been my dad’s. My original dad who I didn’t really remember. I sat on my bed just holding it, running my fingers over the grainy wood, thinking how my dad had once touched it too. I didn’t have anything else of his, just this violin, and I’d kept it safe my whole life. It had survived life with my mean grandfather and countless moves and traveling around. Its case got kicked around when we lived in our car sometimes, and it had even survived being dropped during the tornado! My violin was just about my favorite thing ever. The sun shone in the window, brightening the patina, and all of a sudden holding it made me sad and lonely. I wouldn’t ever get my parents back, all I would ever have of them was this violin. I loved my new family and I knew they loved me, and John was the best dad ever, but being in the quiet house holding on to this part of my past still made me sad. Before I got too teary I put it back in its case. I could play later, if I wanted. Jeff wouldn’t mind if I practiced the difficult music for the audition anyway. He was always happy for me to try things, just like I was happy for him to pursue his photography and Rodeo Club.

“Come on, Daisy!”

Daisy wagged her tail and trailed after me as I went back downstairs. It was bright outside and that made the house pretty well lit, but there were still shadows everywhere. Things could hide in shadows. I turned on all the lights and jumped onto the sofa, landing on my belly. I laid there for a minute while Daisy climbed all over my back, trying to reach around to lick my face. I twisted back and forth, giggling, and finally rolled onto my back. She sat on my belly and I gave her puppy rubs all over.

As we settled down again, the quietness of the house became too apparent. I didn’t feel like watching TV. Besides, the morning cartoons were over. I looked over at our Christmas present stereo and got a brilliant idea! Everyone’s individual collections of records had been moved down to the cabinet under the stereo, so I sat on the floor and started looking through them.

Their dad (my Grandpa Lofton?) had a big bluegrass and country collection. I liked them, but I wasn’t in the mood for twang right then. There were some rock albums, mostly belonging to Cutter and James. I snickered at seeing a disco album, knowing it was John’s. I almost played it just for a laugh, but then I spied something else.

_Mozart: Requiem in D Minor_ by Thomanerchor Leipzig. Mozart! We didn’t have very many classical albums and no one ever played them. They just liked rock and sometimes country (and disco, snicker!). I carefully slid the record out of its sleeve and set it on the player, setting the needle carefully at the edge. While it started playing, I read the back of the cover. It was all in German, but that was no problem for me, of course. Thomanerchor was a boys choir in Leipzig, Germany, and they went to a special school and studied mostly music. I wondered if there were any schools just for music in America. Not that I wanted to sing, but for violin? Did I like playing the violin enough to only do that? I didn’t think so, but it would be fun to be around others who had as much enthusiasm for it as I did.

I put the cover on the coffee table, turned the volume up as loud as it would go, and laid on the floor in the middle of the family room to listen with my eyes closed. Daisy thought it was nap time and snuggled up beside me. There were men singing too, not just boys. I stayed motionless on the floor listening, transported by the music. It was exciting and dramatic, and the choir and orchestra were both fantastic. Maybe someday I could play in an orchestra like that, one that accompanied a great choir and recorded music.

I didn’t know what I wanted to do when I grew up. I didn’t want to grow up, not really, not yet. Brad might think I was a baby, but Cutter didn’t. I liked having a family and a dad and lots of brothers/uncles. What if John got married? I wanted a mom. What if he married Grace? Would I call her Mom? Definitely not Mommy. Ugh. Even I didn’t want to call her that! ‘Daddy’ was just special for John and when I was ready to grow up I’d just call him Dad. Not yet, though.

Amidst all my musings the first side of the album ended. I groaned as I got to my feet and turned it to the other side.

“I know, Daisy, let’s get snacks!”

She was all for snacks! I got a bag of chips, but decided to save those for later. They were too loud to eat and listen to music  at the same time! I got some Oreos and a Coke and after I finished the cookies, I looked around at the empty family room, my eyes settling on the grandfather clock.

“10:15! Daisy, it’s only 10:15! Argh, today is going to last forever!”

I threw myself backwards on the sofa again in exaggerated dismay. I didn’t know what to do with myself all day long! As I lay there listening to the music, my gaze drifted upstairs. Hmm. John didn’t mind if I looked in his dresser. He had given me permission, in fact! Glancing out the front windows to be sure no one was driving back home, I made my way upstairs. I kicked off my cowboy boots in my room then went to John’s room. I still felt naughty going in there. Carl never allowed Brad nor me to go in his room or touch his stuff, so even though I knew John wouldn’t mind, I still fought guilty feelings.

I carefully opened the top dresser drawer where Dad kept all the important papers. All of our adoption certificates were there, and I examined all of them, feeling happy again as I thought of the day Brad and I became Loftons! Under that were our birth certificates, not just Brad’s and mine, but all of ours. Off to the side in another stack were grade reports going back years! I took them all out and sat on the bed to look at them. I would have sat on the floor, but I didn’t want Daisy slobbering all over them. They were stacked chronologically so I started with the top ones and went backwards through time, clear back to when John was in 1st grade. He got good grades all through school! I wasn’t surprised by that, I knew he was smart. I snickered when I saw his deportment grades, though. Mostly C’s from about 5th grade all the way to 8th! They didn’t have deportment grades in high school so I never got one, but I bet I wouldn’t have gotten C’s!

After replacing the grade reports I started snooping elsewhere. I found all sorts of interesting things! There was a tin box with $100 in it, and a couple of old pocketknives, and a bunch of belts and funny old-fashioned ties. Oh, and there on the dresser was the hairbrush. John told me he wouldn’t use it on me again, but I didn’t like the thought of him using it on Jeff or James or anyone else either. Would he notice if it was gone? Maybe I could hide it. No, of course he would notice! But would he buy another one or give it up as a lost cause and just spank everyone with his hand? I walked over to it and slowly reached out for it, like it was a rattlesnake about to bite me. Then without giving it another thought, I grabbed it and fled up to the attic, where I hid it in a box with a bunch of junk. There! Hopefully no one would misbehave anytime soon and it wouldn’t be noticed for a long time!

I went back downstairs to the kitchen and started looking through all the cabinets. I knew where lots of things were, but I hadn’t ever opened them all up. All the pots and pans were in a jumbled mess, so I started organizing. Of course, I had to take everything out so I could start fresh! Soon all the counters and kitchen table were covered with pots and utensils and some things I couldn’t even identify. There was one cast iron skillet type thing, only instead of being flat it had seven circular dips in it. What was that for? Eggs? I left it out so I could ask later, but got everything else put away. By then I was hungry. I looked at the clock. It was only 12:45! Argh! When would this day end?!

I made a sandwich and sat at the table to eat it. I had made a lot of noise banging around with the pots and pans, but now all was still and quiet again. Too still.

I could call James? Maybe he’d come back and get me, and I could hang out with him and his friends? I was younger than them, but not by much, and I could play poker even better than James, if that’s what they were playing. No. I didn’t think James would want to get a phone call from me, and besides, how needy would that be? Hi James, Ramsey here. I’m home alone for the first time in a year, and the first time ever in this big house and it’s too quiet and I’m sca- no, I’m not scared, but can you come pick me up? No, forget that!

I could call John? No. He had written Grace’s number on a paper by the phone in case we ever had an emergency, but I didn’t think boredom and loneliness counted as an emergency.

I could call Scott? I could. Scott liked me, and I liked Scott. It would be hard to explain my calling him out of the blue. Not Scott.

I could call... Eddie! Yes! I could call Eddie and he wouldn’t think anything of it! He called home about once a week anyway, and anyone who was home got to talk to him for a few minutes. Suddenly energized, I dashed over to the phone. Eddie’s number was there, just above Grace’s. I dialed carefully. I had still only made a handful of phone calls and- “Oh, hello? Eddie?”

Rats! I forgot he didn’t have a private phone in his room! They all had to share a couple that were down the hall from his dorm room. That’s why he usually called us, rather than us calling him. A deep voice asked who I wanted to talk to, and I managed to say, “Eddie Lofton,” without stammering. I hated talking to strangers!

Then I had to wait about two minutes while they hunted him down, and then I heard the other end of the phone being picked up, and a voice said, “Hello? This is Eddie.”

“Eddie!” It had been ages since I heard a familiar voice and it almost made me cry.

“Ramsey? Hey, Ramsey! What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing’s up,” I said, going for nonchalant. “Just wanted to call and say hi.”

“Well, hi!” His cheerfulness over the phone washed over me in my loneliness and made me press my lips together not to cry. I took a breath to get control of myself again. “Ramsey?”

“Yes?” I asked tightly.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes.”

There was a brief silence, then he asked, “Are you sure?”

Dang it, now he knew something was up. I sucked at nonchalance. “I just wanted to talk to you,” I said in a small voice once the threat of tears had passed.

“Okay. Anything in particular you want to talk about?”

“No, not really. So, um, are you busy studying today? I’m sorry if I’m interrupting!”

Eddie laughed in his gentle way. “No, I’m not studying at the moment. You aren’t interrupting anything. How about you? You hitting the books today?”

“No. Oh hey, guess what I did today?”

“What?”

“I organized the kitchen!”

“You did, huh? Alphabetize the spices?”

“Well, that too,” I admitted, “But I also reorganized all the pots and pans and serving pieces and stuff. It’s all in order now!”

“Well, that’s fantastic, Ramsey! I bet John appreciates that.”

“He’s off seeing Grace today, so he hasn’t seen it yet.”

“Oh, well that’s okay. I’m sure he’ll be glad for it when he gets back.”

“I hope so.”

I tried to think up something else to tell him or ask him. I still wasn’t very good on the phone yet. He beat me to it.

“So, what else is going on around the old homestead?”

“What? Oh. Well, Cutter got himself grounded for a whole month, but I think John didn’t really want to, so he’s letting him off early for driving Jeff to Sturgis for a rodeo today.”

“Big softy.”

“Yeah,” I laughed. “And guess what? Brad is getting goats!”

There was a brief silence, and I suddenly remembered maybe Eddie didn’t like goats. Then he laughed and said, “At least it’s Brad getting them, and not those irresponsible brothers of mine.”

“Yeah,” I said, relief coursing through me. “He’s made up a fantastic pen in the barn and he’ll take really good care of them! He and Mr. McCall went to Deadwood today to buy some, and I get to name them! One of them, at least.”

“That’s neat. Say, Ramsey, where’s James?”

“He went to a friend’s house.”

“Ah, so you’re home alone?”

“Yeah, but it’s okay!” I tried to sound like I believed it. “I get the whole house to myself, and... and I got to organize the kitchen, and everything.”

Eddie laughed again. “Sounds like a blast.”

“It is! Well, maybe not a blast. I was supposed to go with one of them, but they all left before I could. I think each of them thought I went with the others.” I couldn’t help but sound a little sad remembering that they had all left me.

“I see. So, are you gonna eat all the Oreos and ice cream to show them what for?” I knew he was trying to cheer me up now.

“I should! I already started on the Oreos!”

He laughed, and the rich sound of it warmed me and filled me with longing. “You’ll be okay, Ramsey.”

“Oh, I know. I just wanted to talk to you, you know.”

“Well, I’m glad you called. You can call any time you want to talk.”

“Thanks, Eddie.”

“Well, we should probably hang up. The family phone bill is already probably through the roof thanks to all those calls to Rapid City that I bet John is making.”

“Every day, practically!”

Another laugh. I loved Eddie, he was always so kind and cheerful. “It’s going well, then, I’m glad. Okay, Ramsey, I’m gonna hang up now.”

“Okay, bye, Eddie!”

“Bye, Ramsey!”

I managed to sound cheerful as I said goodbye, but when I hung up, the stillness of the house seemed to increase a hundredfold and I blinked back tears. No, I would not cry! Lots of teenagers would give their right arms to get to be home alone without any supervision, and... hey, what could I do now that I didn’t have supervision? I had already tossed the hairbrush. I could... do a science experiment! John had promised he would do some with Jeff and me, but we hadn’t gotten around to it yet. I bet I could find something fun to do! Except it would probably take the rest of the day to set up, and besides, I really didn’t want to get in trouble. John was trusting us to be at home while he went to Rapid and I didn’t want to mess that up. I liked having his trust!

I decided just to explore some more. The family room had built-in cabinets on one side and I had never really looked in them. It was my home and I belonged, but the feeling of it never really being mine was always there. Like, all the books in the library belonged to the boys in the family whose last name was originally Lofton, and not to me or Brad. Same with all the stuff in the garage and in the attic and everywhere in the house. It wasn’t that I wanted their stuff, it was just that it was theirs and I often still felt like a guest. I had been curious before, but I hadn’t snooped.

Suddenly glad I was home alone, I sat cross-legged in front of the cabinets and opened the first set of doors. Boring stuff, cloth napkins and tablecloths and a chest. I opened the chest and found it was filled with silverware. Real silver, tarnished even! I closed the chest and shoved it back in place and went to the next set of cabinets.

The second set had a bunch of photo albums next to a bunch of little boxes. Curious, I checked out the contents of the boxes first. It was a bunch of little rolls of film! They must have a projector somewhere. Maybe I could watch them! But I’d probably set fire to the film somehow. I’d read about old film catching on fire because of the silver nitrate or something. I set those back and took out the photo albums, placing them on the coffee table. They could wait until I finished snooping through the other cabinets!

The next cabinets held baby stuff that Grandma Lofton must have saved. There were five white department store boxes and each one was labeled with one of her son’s names. I took them all out and set them on the coffee table too, then opened Jeff’s first. It held a baby book and a blanket and a white dress (a dress?!) and a small envelope holding a lock of soft brown hair. I carefully closed the envelope and put it back in the box. Daisy was curious, but I nudged her away and was careful to keep everything away from her slobber.

Jeff’s baby book was filled with neat, even cursive writing. There was a page filled with the names of visitors, and gifts that had been brought. I saw lots of familiar names, the grandparents and the McCalls and the Lunds and more. Did my mom make a baby book for me? I didn’t remember her, but I liked to imagine she was the kind of mother who had. Jeff’s first words, his favorite toys... I read all about my younger brother’s babyhood, lovingly preserved by his mother.

I looked at James’s box next. It was much the same as Jeff’s. What was with the white dresses? One of his favorite words was ‘opy-si-si’ which his mother wrote meant ‘applesauce’ and ‘go outside’ and I guess was a catch-all phrase when he wanted to get anyone’s attention! The word made me laugh, and I could just imagine calling out to James, “Opy-si-si!” Naw, he’d probably punch me! Not really, but I bet he’d be embarrassed. I hurried through the rest of James’s book and box. I didn’t think any of the others would mind me looking through their mother’s memories of them, but I didn’t know if James would.

I started on Cutter’s, but before I got very far I heard an engine rumbling up the drive. It wasn’t the Impala or the Taurus. The Impala? No. Must be the McCalls’ pick-up truck! Goats! I ran out the front door, and saw the red jeep!

“Eddie!”

Daisy ran out with me and I grabbed her collar until Eddie parked the jeep and got out. I was practically jumping up and down I was so excited to see him!

“Eddie! You came home!”

“You bet I did!” He lifted me in a huge hug just like Brad did sometimes and swung me around. I hugged him back, feeling like I was five, but not caring. When he finally set me down he put his hands on my shoulders and looked down at me with twinkling eyes. “Thought you could use some company.”

I stepped forward and hugged him again. “Thanks, Eddie.”

He patted my back then looked towards the house. “Finish all the ice cream yet?”

I laughed. “No, I haven’t even had any yet!”

“Let’s fix that!”

We went inside, Daisy acting crazy happy to see Eddie again.

“Woah,” he said, seeing all the photo albums and baby boxes on the coffee table.

“I was snooping. I’m sorry, I’ll put them away!” I started for the coffee table, but he pulled me back.

“It’s okay, Ramsey. There’s no reason you can’t look at those. Let’s get ice cream, and I’ll look at them with you.”

He dished us up huge bowls of ice cream and we put chocolate syrup and chopped walnuts on top to make sundaes.

“Mom always said she made those baby books and kept our baby things for our future wives. She didn’t think a bunch of boys would be interested.”

“I think they’re interesting,” I said, licking chocolate from my spoon, wondering what their mother would think of me.

“Me too.” He laughed. “I think sometimes she despaired of having all us boys and really wanted a girl.”

“Really?”

“No, not really. She loved all us boys, but I think she wanted some girls too, to appreciate things like baby books.”

“What’s with all the white dresses? Did she dress you all like baby girls ‘cos she wanted girls?”

Eddie laughed even more. “No, those are christening gowns! We wore them for our baptisms.”

“Oh.” I added more chopped nuts. “I wonder if I was baptized?”

My brother gave me an appraising look. “It’s probably impossible to know. I guess you’ll get to decide if you want to be baptized.”

I didn’t know enough about it to decide anything, so for now I just nodded and gobbled down my ice cream. We went back to the family room when we were both done, and Eddie sat on the floor beside me to look through the rest of the baby boxes. John’s white dress was more yellowed than the rest, but otherwise the contents of the boxes were similar.  

“It’s neat your mom saved all this stuff,” I said as we were putting the boxes back in the cabinet.

“Yeah, it was.”

“Is she Grandma Lofton to me?”

Eddie gave me a thoughtful look. “Yes, I guess she would be.”

“Or did she want to be called something else? Like... Gigi or Granny or just Grandma?”

My brother swallowed, and I suddenly felt bad for making him think of his mom. “I don’t know. We hadn’t talked about it yet.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s good to talk about her and remember.” He reached over to the photo albums. “Let’s sit on the couch and look through these.”

We sat side by side looking at the photo albums. There was one from his mother’s side of the family and it had lots of black and white photos of her as a little girl and some with her parents and even grandparents. A similar one was from the Lofton side of the family, and had lots of pictures of their dad and his parents. Eddie told me all about the people in the pictures and what they were doing and how they lived back then. There was a neat photo of Eddie’s grandfather in an Army uniform in the 1940s.

“Did he fight in the war?”

“Yes, he was in France. He didn’t like talking about it much, so I never heard the whole story. I wish I had.”

We moved on from those photos to an album from when Eddie’s parents were newly married and then had John. It was fun to see him as a baby and a little boy, with his hair all slicked back in what Eddie said was the style back then. Then there were photos of Eddie as a baby. As we flipped through the pages, Eddie talked nonstop, telling me lots of stories of them growing up.

His mom was pregnant in a lot of the photos! She’d have a baby in one arm and a little boy by her side and her tummy would be big with another one. I looked at one photo in confusion, though. John looked about six, and Eddie was a toddler, maybe one or two, and his mother looked like she was expecting again. Not very far along, but with a little belly. Maybe she was just fat then? I frowned.

“What?” Eddie asked, noticing, and glancing back at the album to see what I was looking at.

“Is that Cutter?” I pointed to her tummy.

Eddie shook his head. “No, there’s four years between us.”

“But she looks-”

He leaned over to peer closer at the photo. “Oh wow, I never knew... I wonder if John knew?”

“Knew what?”

“She must have been expecting another baby. One between me and Cutter. Wow.” His voice was soft. “She must have lost it.”

“Like Emily.”

Eddie put an arm around me and squeezed me. “Yes, like Emily.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldna been snooping and make you remember all this stuff.”

“Hush. It’s good to remember. I’m just surprised...” He shook his head to clear it, then smiled at me. “I’m glad to know, now. People didn’t talk about things like that back then.”

“Poor Grandma.” I leaned my head on his shoulder.

We took our time looking through the rest of the albums. After that sad discovery, the rest of the afternoon was much lighter and Eddie had us both laughing at all the stories.

Some time later, we heard a truck coming up the drive. “I bet that’s Brad with the goats!”

Eddie followed me to the door, rolling his eyes at my enthusiasm. “Goats, sheesh.”

I grinned back at him and ran down to the barn where Mr. McCall had parked the truck. He and Brad got out and greeted Eddie and me. Brad looked back up at the house. “Where are the others?”

“Still at the rodeo!” I declared, crossing my arms in a huff now that I remembered I had been left behind.

Brad looked stricken. “You didn’t go with them?”

“No, you turkey! You all left me here!” I drew back my foot to kick him, but stopped when I heard Eddie clearing his throat. I didn’t want to risk him spanking me for attacking my brother, so I settled for squeezing the stuffing out of Brad in a great big hug.

“I’m sorry, Ramsey,” my brother said. “I thought you went to the rodeo. And what are you doing home?” he asked, looking at Eddie.

“Babysitting,” Eddie replied with a smirk, and I had to quell the urge to kick _him!_

They all laughed, then Brad said, “Come help me get the goats into the barn!”

Oh yeah, the goats! Mr. McCall opened the back of the trailer, and soon there were six bleating little goats running around! It didn’t take long to get them all into their new pen, and Brad let me fill their trough with food.

“Wow, they’re cute! Do they already have names?”

Brad grinned and pointed at a small white one. “You get to name that one.”

“Yay! Does Jeff get to name one too?”

“That one.” He pointed to a small brown one, then to a slightly larger brown one with white spots. “That one’s for James. The others have names already.”

“Cool! Can I think about it or do I have to come up with something right now? Is it a boy or girl?”

“It’s a girl. There’s no hurry.”

Mr. McCall headed home and after we got the goats all settled, we went back inside.

John was the next one home. I loved having my dad and my oldest brothers home and all to myself! He was surprised to see Eddie, and felt bad when he realized I’d been forgotten at home all day. Surrounded by all of them the loneliness of the morning and early afternoon was forgotten, and I said, “I was fine! I didn’t mind staying home. I just did stuff around the house. Oh, come see the kitchen! I reorganized it!”

They admired all the work I had done, then I showed them the funny cast iron thing with all the circles in it. John picked it up, turning it over. “That’s an Aebleskiver.”

“A what?” I asked.

“Aebleskiver. It’s Danish. It’s for making little donut-like pancakes.”

“And we haven’t tried it yet?!”

He laughed at my indignation. “Leave it out, and we’ll try making some soon.”

“Neat!”

Brad went upstairs to shower and change. Eddie showed John the photo of their mother, and John seemed just as surprised as Eddie had been.

“I always wondered,” he said thoughtfully, then picked up the album and thumbed back a few pages to where he was a baby and a toddler. He examined all the photos of his mother carefully, then pointed to another one.

“Wow,” Eddie said.

“We’re idiots not to have seen it sooner, but I guess I never looked closely before.”

“And nothing was ever said, later.”

“I always wondered at the gap between you and me, and between you and Brian. I don’t remember anything before you were born, but I do remember Mom and Dad being happy when you were a tiny thing, just like they had been when you were born, then being sad again. I guess this explains it.” John closed the book and smiled sadly at Eddie before ruffling my hair. “Anyone want dinner?”

Leaving the albums on the coffee table, we all went into the kitchen where John opened several cans of Dinty Moore Beef Stew and emptied them into the electric fryer. Then he mixed up some Bisquick and dropped dough balls on top.

“Makes great dumplings,” he said to my questioning look.

 Brad came back downstairs in time to eat, though his hair was still damp.

“This is one of my new favorites!” I said, going on to my second dumpling.

“Mine too,” Brad echoed, helping himself to a third.

John told us about his date with Grace, and Eddie talked about college life, and Brad described the livestock auction and buying the goats, and I ate stew and dumplings, just happy they were home and I wasn’t alone anymore. The only thing that would make it even better is if Cutter and James and Jeff got home too!

There weren’t enough leftovers to save, but John figured they would all eat out anyway. Brad and I quickly did the dishes while Eddie fed Daisy then took her outside. John went upstairs to change into at-home clothes, then we all met up in the family room again.

John sat on one sofa, Brad beside him. Eddie and I were putting away the albums when John cleared his throat.

“Funny how the hairbrush disappeared from Mom’s dresser today.”

I froze, then resumed putting the albums away. Nonchalance! Nonchalance!

“Know anything about that, rugrat?” His calling me ‘rugrat’ and the amusement in his eyes let me know he wasn’t mad, so I figured it was safe to admit it.

“I might have helped it find a new home,” I admitted, smiling to encourage him to stay amused.

“Ah, well, good thing a hairbrush isn’t necessary to give a good spanking. Eddie, why don’t you give Ramsey a demonstration?”

Eddie grinned at his older brother, then grabbed me around the waist as he sat on the now empty coffee table. He tossed me face down over his lap.

“Not fair! Not fair!” I tried to get down, laughing yet still half afraid for my behind, but Eddie was too strong.

Eddie’s palm came to rest on my bottom, then he said, “Naw, he’s right, John. It’s not fair of me to come all the way home and spank him!” He let me up without a single swat, and I stuck my tongue out at John, who was laughing. Eddie saw it, though, and gave me a gentle push towards Brad. “You do it, Brad.”

Brad was apparently game, and grabbed me and had me down over his knee. I figured I was safe with him! Sure enough, a moment later he tapped my bottom lightly and said, “Sorry, you know I can’t spank him.”

Before I could get too happy at that thought or feel much relief, my traitorous brother lifted me off his lap... only to pass me right over to John! I knew my dad had no qualms against spanking me!

“No! I’ll get it!”

“Yes, you will ‘get it’,” John said, still chuckling. “Where did you hide it?”

“In the attic, but I’ll get it.”

John lifted his hand and brought it down in one hard swat.

“Oww!” I was still half-laughing, but the sudden pain made me gasp. Then John flipped me over and hugged me on his lap for a moment. “Oww,” I repeated, pouting.

“Go get it, rugrat,” he ordered, boosting me to my feet.

I headed for the stairs, then stopped. “Can someone come with me? It’s dark up there now.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I always love putting Ramsey and Eddie together :)
> 
> Next I think we'll take a look at what James has been up to with his new friends! I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up, because I'm heading to a conference next week. I might find time to write, we'll see!
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	15. Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunday at the Loftons'

**Sunday, October 20th**

**James**

Raking leaves every Fall was practically an every-weekend event. We’d lucked out this time because Eddie was still home and helped. When we started John warned Jeff and Ramsey not to disappear, not to the treehouse or the attic or their rooms, or anywhere else they might go to try to escape the project.

“But we did this last weekend!” Ramsey whined.

“Yeah,” Jeff agreed. “How about Ramsey and I go inside and bake a crazy cake and have it all ready for you guys when you’re done?”

Cutter and I exchanged smirks. Crazy cake took five minutes to prepare and certainly didn’t require both of them!

“Nice try,” John said, putting a hand on each of their shoulders to guide them out of the house. “Yes, you all did a great job last weekend, but unfortunately the trees decided to drop more leaves.”

“But I have lots of homework,” Ramsey said, trying again. “English homework. I have a paper due tomorrow.”

“And you had all day yesterday to work on it. Now, are you sure about all that homework?”

My blonde little brother deflated. He shook his head. John let go of Jeff and turned Ramsey sideways, lifting his fleece jacket and planting a smack on his behind. He didn’t even need to say that it was for lying. When was Ramsey ever going to learn that John saw right through his lies? I shook my head at his lame attempt.

“No more nonsense. I expect the two of you to pitch in and help until the job is done.”

Jeff and Ramsey mumbled their obedience to, if not their agreement with, the plan. Cutter grinned at me. There was something to be said for being thought of as the more responsible older brothers. Not that we actually _were_ more responsible, but it was nice not to be included in the lecture this time! Cutter was the one who had got us all stuck raking leaves again this weekend. He had announced his intention to go out and rake again at breakfast, and John had said what a fine idea that was, and thank you, Brian, and we’ll all go help. Cutter was such a suck-up, trying to get out of his grounding!

Brad was the only one not helping. He had disappeared early to the McCalls’ house, and now it was nearly noon and he still wasn’t back. Had he known the raking plan for the day? I could have found an excuse to be away for the day too if I had known it was coming up! It was too late now and John was in a no-nonsense swatting mood, so I wasn’t going to try my luck.

In the garage everyone got their gloves and rakes. Why did Dad have to buy so many rakes? He must have been thrilled when he had five boys. So many hands to do yardwork!

“What time do you have to head back?” John asked Eddie as we all started in near the oak tree.  

Eddie glanced at his watch, then theatrically surveyed the leaf-covered lawn. “In about 15 minutes!”

Jeff dropped his rake and scowled. “Aww, no fair! I want to quit in 15 minutes too!”

“He’s joking, dummy,” I said.

My oldest brother paused with his rake halfway scraping a line of brown and gold leaves and turned a cautioning look on me. “James.”

My turn to scowl, though I muttered a quick ‘sorry’. I turned away from my family, but not quick enough to avoid seeing Cutter’s grin at my expense this time. Usually he was the one calling Jeff names, but he was still trying to get on John’s good side, so I had felt it my duty!

Everyone went back to raking (or started, in Jeff’s case), then Eddie cleared his throat and somewhat sheepishly said, “I’ll head back this afternoon.”

 

**Ramsey**

Raking, how boring! I wished I really did have homework so I could get out of it! Even English! Still, I remembered joining the Loftons last year, before I was one of them. I had _wanted_ to be one of them, and had even volunteered to help with this chore. That was the first time John swatted me, and it was almost even my idea. It was only fair, though. Jeff got swatted for running off and I had followed, so it only made sense I got punished too.

We were all mostly quiet as we worked, except for John and Eddie and Cutter talking. Brad wasn’t home yet, even though it was way past time for him to be done with the chores. He probably was having lunch with the McCalls. He should invite me over to have lunch with them too! They were practically family to Brad and Brad was my brother, so that made them practically my family too! I liked having lots of family. John should get a move-on and hurry up and marry Grace, if that’s what he wanted. They had been dating for a whole month already! Okay, that was a short time. Where was Brad, anyway?

Thinking about my brother reminded me of the goats, and the little white one that was mine to name. It was cute! What would be a good name for her? Milky. No, that was stupid. Snow. Snowy. I frowned, trying to remember what she looked like. Did she have any spots or other distinguishing marks that might help me pick a name? I looked over at the others, then started angling my raking so I was headed closer to the side of the house. Jeff followed, because he was telling me all about Mackenzie. ALL about Mackenzie.

“Is she your girlfriend now?” I asked.

“No!” He shrugged, embarrassed, then grinned. “Just friends for now. She’s fun.”

“Does she like music?”

“Yeah, but she doesn’t play anything. She likes to listen to it, though!”

“You should play for her!”

Jeff gave me a ‘yeah, right’ look.

“I bet she’d like it.” Jeff wasn’t half bad now!

His eyes lit up as he wistfully said, “Maybe, sometime. Hey, are you trying out for All State Orchestra?”

“Yeah, auditions are next month. Are you?” I asked that to be polite. I didn’t think he was actually going to or that he stood a chance if he did.

Jeff shook his head. “No point. I’ll help you practice, if you want.”

I grinned. “Thanks, Jeff!” I didn’t really need help, but sometimes he’d read along with the music and catch something in the notation I’d missed. I could just ask him if I didn’t know something, of course, but it was fun to go over it with him.

We kept chatting and I kept steering us away from the older guys. We made a little progress on the leaves, but not as much as the others. Really, what a waste for us to be out there! John and Eddie and Cutter and James made great big sweeps with their rakes and they’d be done in no time! They didn’t need us!

“They don’t need us out here!” Jeff huffed, following my gaze to our older brothers and dad. I started at his words that so closely echoed my thoughts.

“I know!”

Jeff leaned on his rake with an exaggerated air of exhaustion. “Let’s take a break!”

I looked over my shoulder. “Dad will get mad.” I was just testing Jeff, to see if he was in the mood to skive off to the barn with me.

“Not for just a break! Everyone gets to take breaks. Like, people who go to work every day.”

“Maybe just a short break. I _would_ like to see my little goat again. She doesn’t have a name yet!”

“Neither does mine!”

He grinned suddenly and I grinned back, and without any further words we resumed our trek to the side of the house. As soon as we were out of sight, we ditched the rakes and raced to the barn.

 

**Brad**

After saying goodbye to Heather and her parents, I headed home on the county road because I didn’t want to get my nicest clothes dirty trudging over the field. I should have driven! My nicest clothes were the same ones I’d worn back at the adoption hearings, but they were a little tight on me now. Maybe I’d go shopping for a couple of new shirts and some new slacks. And shoes. I looked down at my boots and laughed. I’d brushed them off, but they were obviously still working boots, and they’d stood out at church! As I followed the McCalls into their church (the same one where we all went at Easter), I hoped I wasn’t tracking dirt on the floors.

I knew the McCalls went to church every week because they talked about it, and because they usually left while I was mucking out the barn Sunday mornings. They’d invited me before, but I’d had a hard time imagining myself sitting in church surrounded by happy people. Their perfect lives were so far removed from my upbringing I knew I wouldn’t fit in. A few days ago Mrs. McCall invited me again, with her husband looking on and Heather standing nearby, a hopeful expression on her beautiful face. I wanted to say yes, I really wanted to, but... I stammered out something about not fitting in because I wasn’t good enough. I was a little confused by the smiles and chuckles that followed until Mr. McCall said the church would sit empty if only people who were ‘good enough’ could enter.

That’s what _they_ thought. They didn’t know the coldness that still lingered inside me, fueled by years of indifference from Carl, or the accompanying darkness that arose from my anger towards my older brother. I knew church was a big part of their lives, though – their faith seemed central to it, actually – and while I knew I wouldn’t fit in, I realized I had to at least give it a try if I ever wanted a future with Heather. So, I had gotten up extra early, even beating John up, and went over to do my chores early. I was met by Mr. McCall just finishing them up!

“You didn’t have to do my work for me,” I protested.

My boss smiled. “It won’t be an every-week event, son, but since you’re willing to come with us today, I thought I’d help out a bit. Have you had breakfast?”

I had breakfast with them, then attended their church. Nobody stared at me during the service. People were friendly and seemed mostly interested in the fact that I was sitting next to Heather. She introduced me around, green eyes sparkling and smiling the whole time, and I was kind of relieved when we finally got to sit down! After church we went out for lunch in town and Mr. McCall insisted on paying.

So, now I was walking back to our house. They’d offered to drop me off on the way, but I said I’d check on the livestock first. It only seemed right, since my morning work had been done for me!

As I turned in the drive I decided to check on my own goats, which were all bleating like something was in the barn with them. Suddenly imagining a coyote or wolf attacking them, I hastened my steps. Ah, it was just the boys, Ramsey and Jeff, leaning over the stall rails and petting my goats.

“Hi, Brad!” Jeff said, turning and waving.

“Hi!” Ramsey echoed.

“Hi guys!”

“You’re all dressed up,” Ramsey observed, eyes traveling from my button-down blue shirt to my khakis, settling on my boots. “Well, mostly,” he amended at seeing my dusty footwear.

“Yeah,” I agreed, not explaining. I hadn’t told anyone I was attending the service with the McCalls, and I still didn’t know if I wanted to. I wasn’t embarrassed or ashamed, it was more like I wanted to mull over the experience in my head before sharing it with anyone. I should have known the nosy boys wouldn’t go along with my plans, however.

“How come?” Jeff demanded with an impish grin. “Did their horses get tired of your t-shirts and jeans?”

“I was doing something else.” Then to change the subject, I asked, “You guys decide on names yet?”

 

**John**

“Where are the boys?” Eddie looked around for the youngest two.

“Can’t be up the treehouse,” Brian said. “We’d have seen them.”

I sighed. I had watched Jeff’s and Ramsey’s progress towards the side of the house. It wasn’t such a subtle move, since it now left a half-raked path in the midst of the otherwise leaf-covered lawn. I chose to ignore James’s scoff and muttered comment about the two being useless. I agreed with his assessment, at least as far as raking leaves went.

“I’m pretty sure they went off to see the goats.” Now that the others had noticed the boys’ absence, I was duty-bound to go retrieve them. I walked over to the oak tree to lean my rake against its trunk, then headed towards the barn.

Chatter wafted from the open barn door, two younger, lighter voices, with a deeper voice chiming in occasionally. All three of my sons looked up at me when I walked in.

“Hey, John!” Brad said, friendly and unconcerned.

“Hi, Daddy,” Ramsey said, gulping but attempting an innocent look.

“Hi, Dad,” Jeff started, “We’re just checking on the goats.”

“Yeah, taking a break,” his partner in crime added.

“A break is okay, right?” Jeff challenged, with the manner of someone asking about employment law.

I crossed my arms. “An _authorized_ break is certainly alright. An _unauthorized_ break can get you in trouble.”

Both younger boys slowly straightened, while Brad puzzled out why they were in trouble. “Did I miss something?”

“We’re raking leaves,” Jeff replied.

“Again!” Ramsey added in the most put-upon way.

“The rest of us are raking leaves,” I clarified for Brad, then fixing my gaze on the two squirmy ones, I asked, “What did I say about wandering off?”

“Not to,” Ramsey said, shifting his weight uncomfortably.

“And shirking?”

“Not to,” they said as one.

“And staying until the job was done?”

Ramsey pouted and Jeff whimpered. “But I don’t want a spanking,” Jeff whined.

“Then you should have asked before scampering off. How hard would it have been to say, ‘hey, can we go see the goats? We’ll be back in a few minutes’.” I looked at my watch. “Even though it’s been about 25 minutes now.”

“I think I’ll go change,” Brad said, hurriedly leaving the scene.

Ramsey gave it one last try. “But we’re just making sure they’re okay.”

“You disobeyed me, boys. You know what that means.” I walked the few steps to the old tree stump where once upon a time wood was chopped and sat down. “Come here.”

With matching pouts the two obeyed, each staying just slightly out of my reach. From their exchanged glances and small hand gestures, they seemed to be encouraging each other to go first. I decided for them, or we would be there all day. “Ramsey.”

“Not a real spanking, please, John. I only got a few swats last time,” Jeff objected. “Not even a real spanking.”

“And apparently that wasn’t enough of a deterrent.”

Jeff sulked at that. Ramsey started to bend over my lap, but I stopped him. “Jeans down.”

“Aww,” Jeff griped.

“This is a real spanking.”

Ramsey gave his younger brother a glare, which I found slightly amusing.

“Jeans were coming down anyway, Ramsey.”

My blonde son huffed and shucked his jeans. Disobedience was serious, but running off to the barn wasn’t. I would have allowed them to keep their underwear up if their attitudes had been better. Given their huffiness and protests, however... “Underwear down.”

Ramsey froze for a second. Usually I just pulled their underwear down after they were already across my lap. With a guilty look at me, the first actual sign of remorse I’d seen since I walked into the barn, he shoved his briefs down and quickly lay across my lap. Jeff crossed his arms and turned to look back towards the goats. Ramsey was wearing my old red and black checkered fleece jacket, and from the way it still engulfed him, he’d be able to wear it for many years still. With him across my lap the jacket covered his bottom so I flipped it up over his back to reveal my target. When I rested my right hand on his behind, he tensed slightly and grabbed my left calf.

“Why are you getting this spanking?”

“Cos I was disobedient,” he replied in a now-timid voice to the barn floor.

I raised my right hand and brought it down in a sound smack on his bottom, making him yelp. I alternated swats on his cheeks, counting my way to 15 in my head. He held still, even when I tipped him forward to attack the soft area where his bottom met the top of his thighs. After the initial yelp he was quiet, except for some very soft ‘ows’ that escaped with each of the last half a dozen smacks.

At the end of it I helped him up and stood to hug him. He cried into my wool-lined jean jacket, not bothering to pull his clothes up right away. The fleece jacket went well below his waist anyway, saving his modesty.

“I’m sorry,” he said in a watery voice.

I squeezed him. “I forgive you, rugrat.”

The tears stopped before too long. I’d spanked him harder than I had the last time, but it was still just a hand spanking, mostly a reminder to shape up and obey.

As Ramsey’s jeans and underwear came back up, Jeff’s were going down. Once my youngest brother was in place with a close-up view of the dirt floor, I asked him the same question.

“Why are you getting this spanking?”

“Cos you don’t like goats.”

That flippant comment got him a pre-spanking swat.

“Ouch!”

“Try again.”

“Cos...” Apparently he rethought whatever smart-aleck remark he was going to say next, because he suddenly wilted over my lap and said, “I was disobedient.”

The swat he got for his insolence didn’t count, so I gave him 14 more hearty smacks, only tipping him forward for the last four. For a moment I had considered doing that for the whole spanking, given his attitude, but I took pity on him because of his sudden acquiescence.

Jeff jumped to his feet when it was over, rubbing his bottom with one hand while the other one swiped at tears. “Sorry, Dad.”

I stood, taking advantage of the upward motion to pull his underwear back up, before taking him in my arms. “You’re forgiven, Jeff.” He nestled his head in my chest, and I patted his back a minute or two while he sniffled.

Ramsey had gone back over to the goats, and as soon as I released Jeff he turned back towards us. Eyes still teary, he brokenly asked, “Dad? What do you think of Snowdrop for the white one? Is that a good name?”

“Oh, Ramsey.” A minute later my arms were filled with two clingy teens.

 

**James**

Good! They got spanked! They should be, after shirking for so long while the rest of us were stuck raking leaves! Eddie and Cutter gamely continued while John went off to find them, and I was forced to continue raking too, or they would think I was shirking like the younger guys. When they came up from the barn, Jeff and Ramsey were subdued and I did feel slightly sorry for them when I saw they’d been crying. They went back to work, and with Brad finally home too, we finished by mid-afternoon.

Over a late lunch of hot soup and sandwiches, I asked, “Can I go to Ethan’s house tonight?”

“Again?” John asked.

“Well, yeah, they’re my friends now!” I felt slightly proud as I said that. Ethan, Sam, and Joe were my friends, not Cutter’s! All of our other friends were really Cutter’s.

“Tonight’s a school night,” my oldest brother pointed out. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

Man, he was sounding awfully parental lately!

“I won’t be late.”

“Home by 8:00.”

I let my spoon drop, making an unfortunate splash as it hit the soup. “Eight? That’s hardly any time at all!”

“School night.”

“That’s hardly even worth it,” I groused, wiping the soup off the table and picking up my spoon again.

“Then I guess you don’t need to go.”

I could tell by the tone of John’s voice and the stern look in his eyes that if I didn’t back down right away, I’d be lucky to even leave my room the rest of the day, much less go to my friend’s house! “Sorry,” I said, dropping my eyes. “I’ll be home by eight.”

“That’s my boy,” John said, with a wry grin, and despite my irritation I couldn’t help smiling in reply.

**..»º*º«..**  

The guys were already playing poker when I arrived. Ethan’s sister let me into the house and I headed right down to the basement den where the poker table was set up. It was octagonal with a green felt top and was super nice. The other times I’d been there in the last month it had just been the four of us, so we’d spread out. This time there were three older guys already at the table with my friends. I didn’t recognize them, and stopped kind of short at the bottom of the stairs, covering my surprise by taking my jacket off.

“Hey,” Ethan called, waving me over. “Come join us. This is my cousin Rob and his friends Mac and Jace.”

I said hello and made for the only spot left at the table, hoping I had brought enough money. The day before I had started out with $6 and had increased it to $13.25. Today I’d emptied my piggy bank out on the bed – yes, it’s as lame as it sounds, an actual piggy bank! Anyway, its contents were down to $8.35. I’d always liked having money on hand and had always saved it when I could. Not having had a summer job was biting me in the butt now, though. So, I had $21.60 in ones and fives and change for tonight’s game. I kept the dime in my pocket and anteed up.

I was pretty good at poker, since my brothers and I played so much, and before too long I was up to $26.75. I was careful not to win too much, though. My brothers and I always played for fun, and though my new friends took it more seriously, I didn’t want to win by too much. Plus, his older cousin and the other guys made me a little nervous. They were all drinking beer, and I didn’t think they were 19 yet. Maybe 18. Joe had a beer too. I stuck with Coke, not having any desire to have a repeat of Eddie’s birthday spankings! Not Eddie’s birthday spankings, _my_ spankings on Eddie’s birthday! Luckily Ethan and Sam stuck with soda too, so I didn’t feel like too much of a loser turning down the beer that was next to the sodas in the small refrigerator.

It was when I was up to $32.50 that things took a sour turn. It wasn’t so much that I was winning, but that Rob and Mac were losing.

“Man, this sucks,” Rob said, throwing down his cards at the end of a round.

Ethan was also up a little money – not as much as me – and he gave his cousin a startled look. “You don’t have to play.”

Rob shoved his chair back and stretched. Mac looked around the basement den, then said, “Let’s play pool.”

I’d never played pool before, but I was game to give it a try. Big mistake.

 

**Cutter**

John cornered me in my room after dinner. I was listening to music wishing I could talk to Amy. Our five minute daily phone calls weren’t enough! At least we could talk at school.

“Brian,” John said, rapping once on my door.

“Yeah?” I replied, remaining where I laid on the bed, too tired and boneless to bother sitting up.

My brother came in and sat beside me, after shoving my legs to make room. “Look,” he started. “You’ve been really helpful this last week, and I think you’ve been grounded long enough.”

“Really?” I eyed him with slight suspicion. It had only been 10 days out of 30! I’d already earned a week off early for taking Jeff to his rodeo, though I bet if John had heard the constant stream of chatter from Jeff and Mackenzie, he would have made it two weeks!

“Yes. You know I don’t like grounding you guys.”

Yeah, John preferred a more hands-on approach. Dubiously I asked, “Are you gonna lick me some more?”

He laughed and shook his head. “No. I think you’re old enough for the Brad plan.”

“What’s that?”

“Three licks to get your attention and express my displeasure.”

I sat up, liking the sound of all this. “What if I really mess up?”

John cocked his head. “You mean, more than getting caught with your pants down in your girlfriend’s bed?”

Feeling myself redden I said, “Um, yeah, more than that.”

“You’re getting old enough to take responsibility for the consequences of your own actions.”

That should have been a good statement, signaling as it did the possible end of the usual wallopings he dished out. It made me feel strange, though, and I just nodded, thinking over his words, staring at my stockinged feet on the bed.

John let me think about it for half a minute, then reached out and placed a hand on my left knee, squeezing it gently. “I’ll still be here for you when you need me. As long as you need me. You growing up and taking responsibility for your actions doesn’t mean I’m abandoning you.”

I nodded again, ridiculously comforted by his assurance.

My brother smiled and said, “I’m still responsible for you, and just try getting away from that.”

“Three licks,” I half-joked.

“Yup.” We were quiet another half minute, then he cleared his throat. “So, you’re not grounded anymore, but I still don’t want you and Amy alone. Besides, _she’s_ still grounded. No dating until she’s allowed to.”

“Three months.”

“Three months, then. And then no dates by yourselves. You can double-date with your brothers.”

“Brad will be glad to go out again.”

“Or Jeff and Mackenzie.”

I rolled my eyes. “Shoot me now.”

John laughed. “Be nice. Brad says they’re cute together.”

“Cute,” I scoffed. “Brad can double-date with Jeff.”

“He’s willing to,” John said, sounding impressed and approving of my slightly older brother.

“He’s a better man than me.”

Turning more serious, John said, “Ramsey’s not the only one who looks up to you, you know.”

“Jeff?”

“Yes. He thinks you’re cool and can do anything. It wouldn’t hurt you to chauffeur him and Mackenzie a time or two.”

I sighed and laid back down. “Maybe. Thanks for forewarning me. Maybe by the time he asks me, I’ll be in the mood to do it.”

John clapped my leg slightly harder than a pat. “Good boy. I bet it would mean even more to him if you offered.”

“I guess.”

“Love you, Brian.”

“Love you, John.”

He smiled and got up to leave.

“And thanks for letting me off early!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's obviously more to come with James's plot! Same with Ramsey's and Brad's and... :)
> 
> Thanks for reading and commenting! :)


	16. You bet!

**Sunday, October 20th... Later that evening**

**James**

“I don’t think I should be in trouble.” I couldn’t help the whiny, obstinate tone in my voice as I tried to talk John out of walloping me.

My oldest brother looked at me over his crossed arms. “And why not, exactly?”

“Because.”

He snorted. “Because? Is that the best you can do?”

“But you knew where I was!”

From his expression, it seemed that fact was irrelevant. “What time did I say to get home?”

“Eight.”

“What time is it now?”

I glanced at the kitchen clock. “9:50.”

“And what was your excuse again? You ran out of gas?”

“No.” We had already been over this. John knew I didn’t have an excuse! I had just forgotten the time over at Ethan’s house. Well, I didn’t forget the time, exactly, I just couldn’t leave!

John allowed some of his anger to show. “Your brothers were all set to scour the streets to find you.”

“Really?” Knowing my brothers were worried made me strangely happy. “Which ones?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes...” I said, looking away.

My brother remained silent until I looked at him again, and the understanding in his eyes made me squirm. “They all did. Ramsey was all set to ride his bike to town.” He started to smile at the memory, then grew stern again. “You worried all of us.”

“I was just at Ethan’s house.”

“I know. I called about 8:30 when you weren’t home yet.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“If you don’t want me calling your friends’ houses, be home on time.”

I couldn’t think of anything to say to that.

“And don’t pout. You brought this on yourself.”

“I didn’t mean to,” I muttered.

“It’s not like you to be careless with the time.”

It sounded like he was giving me another opportunity to plead my case. “I was having fun. Didn’t you ever come home late because you lost track of the time?” My brother was old, but not that old. I bet he could remember back to his high school days!

“Yes, and I got in trouble too.”

Rats, so much for that approach. One more left. Trying not to whine again, I pleaded, “I was just trying to fit in. These are my own friends, John. Not Cutter’s. Mine. I couldn’t leave so early, cos they’d think I was lame or something.” I looked up at my brother hoping he would understand.

His sharp eyes contemplated me for an eternity, while I thought back to my evening, wondering if I could have done anything differently...

 

**Earlier...**

At first, pool was kind of fun. It was obvious they’d all played a lot before. Ethan and Sam showed me the basics and it didn’t take me long to catch on. Not that I was good or anything, but at least I got to sink a couple of balls.

“Come on, let’s play.” Mac chalked his cue and started racking the balls. The rest of us weren’t done with our little practice game, but he was tired of waiting. “Rob and me against Ethan and Joe.”

I was relieved not to play the first game, especially when I saw them all slap down $5 bets. I liked my new friends, but why did everything have to be a bet? I only got $3 a week allowance and at this rate, well, if this continued I wouldn’t be able to keep up. John paid for movies and dates and everything else we needed, but I couldn’t ask him to finance this! I knew what he thought about playing for money. I didn’t know what he had against it, as long as I was winning, like at poker. I’d been doing all right so far!

Sam and Jace ran upstairs for snacks, but I watched the guys play, trying to learn the rules of eight-ball. Ethan and Joe won the first game, and I was secretly glad to see Mac roll his eyes in frustration! The next game it was Ethan and Sam against Mac and Jace, and the older guys won that time, pocketing the four $5s that had sat on the edge of the table.

“You up for a game?” Rob asked, looking directly at me.

“Sure,” I said, hopping off the barstool to get a cue from the rack on the wall.

“You don’t have to,” Ethan cautioned me.

I waved that off. “It’s okay.” Grinning as I put my money down, I said, “Give them a chance to win it back.”

Rob laughed at that, while Mac glared a little.

“Okay, us against them.” Ethan smiled, and some of my apprehension left.

A couple of hours later, I couldn’t keep track of who was up and who was down. Ethan and I had lost our first game, but next time I was up in the rotation I won, playing with Sam. Jace demanded a double-or-nothing rematch, and that time I lost. I was trying to keep track of how much I had left, but short of pulling the bills out of my pocket, I didn’t know. The others seemed to have endless pockets. They’d just pull out a five or a ten, or as the evening went on, a twenty, and place them down without a second thought. I was getting more anxious, especially when I looked at the clock and saw it was approaching my John-imposed curfew. I couldn’t leave, though! Ethan and I had just played together and we’d each won $20! The older guys demanded a rematch, and I had to give them a chance.

I forgot the time as we continued playing, especially when Ethan’s sister Susie brought down a stack of pizza boxes and everyone dug in. When I was on my third slice Susie said, “Oh yeah, James? Your brother called. He wants you to get milk on your way home.”

Crap. I felt my ears redden, though I shrugged a shoulder as if of course my brother was asking me to do an errand for him because I was just so responsible. “Thanks,” I said, like I wasn’t the least bit worried. I was 99% sure my brother didn’t actually want me to stop at the grocery store on my way home!

“No problem,” Susie said. “I’m going to finish my homework. See ya, guys!”

As she headed upstairs I looked at the clock on the far wall. 9:30! Crap, I had to get home! I opened my mouth to make some sort of excuse, but Joe beat me to it, and the party broke up. I wanted to check my money soon as I got to my car, but the other guys were all peeling away in their own cars, and I didn’t want them to think it mattered to me. Rob drove a Camaro and Joe had a Wrangler and Sam had a Datsun 280ZX and again I felt out of my depth. What was I doing hanging out with the rich kids? My family wasn’t poor by any means, but John was careful with money and we couldn’t afford new cars for each of us. At least I had driven the Impala, which was kind of a cool old car.

I drove home, not bothering to turn off the car lights to try to sneak in unnoticed. The still night in the country only made the Impala’s rumble even louder! Plus, the porch lights were on. I did take a moment to count my money before going in. The evening’s high had been $32.50, and now I was down to... $16.50. Not too bad considering it was my first night playing pool. Not too bad. The bad came when I opened the door from the garage to the kitchen, and found John waiting for me.

 

**John**

I could understand James wanting to fit in with his new friends, and I was glad he was finding some. It was easy to forget that he was a bit of a loner, since he was so close in age to Brian and tagged along with his older brother’s activities. I had no issue with that. If this friendship continued, however, I didn’t want him thinking he could just waltz home any time he desired. The boys had been all worried, too, Ramsey the most.

“We need to go find him!” he exclaimed at 8:25 as he headed for the garage.

“Don’t worry, I bet he’s still at his friend’s house,” Brian said, not anxious to leave his TV program.

“That’s okay, I’ll find him!” came the response as the door banged shut.

The rest of us looked at each other, then Jeff dashed to his feet. “I’ll go with him!”

“Idiots,” Brian muttered under his breath.

“I’ll call Ethan’s house, make sure James is still there,” I said, thinking that would put everyone’s mind at ease.

Brad nodded his agreement with that plan, but from Brian’s expression you would have thought I’d just declared my intention to go to school and hug James in front of all his friends!

“No, you can’t do that!” he protested in horror.

“Why not?”

“Why- John, you know you can’t do that. He’ll be embarrassed!”

I shrugged. “That’s what happens when one of you is late coming home. Brad, get the boys, don’t let them leave.”

Brad headed out, and I went to the phone. I didn’t embarrass my little brother, though, as much as he might deserve it. No, when a young girl answered the call I just requested that James pick up some milk on the way home. She said she’d tell him, so I knew James was still there and safe. Brian had followed me to the phone, hovering, and the relief in his face was comical.

“But he might be hurt or something!”

I sighed, hearing the protesting young voice coming back inside amidst a flurry of noise, and went to meet Brad who was pulling his little brother by one arm. Jeff followed unaided.

“He’s fine, rugrat,” I said, taking Ramsey from Brad and gently guiding him back to the family room. “I called, and he’s still at Ethan’s house.”

My blonde son frowned as he sat beside me, tugging my arm over his shoulders. “Then he’s in big trouble isn’t he?”

Brian smirked, Brad rolled his eyes, and Jeff sat on the floor to play tug of war with Daisy.

“Unless he has an excellence excuse, he’s in trouble,” I conceded.

Jeff gave me a curious look and spoke up to be heard over our puppy’s playful growling. “Is this worse than not being home for dinner?”

Brian laughed. “What do you think-” He cut off whatever name he’d been about to call his little brother, seeing my warning look.

“I hope he’s okay,” Ramsey said with a dramatic shiver. “It’s cold out there.”

“I’m sure he’s okay,” I said, pulling him into my side. “Now, who wants ice cream?” Everyone did, of course.

That had been a while ago. Jeff and Ramsey were now upstairs getting ready for bed, and Brad and Brian were still watching TV. James was squirming in front of me in the kitchen, waiting for my reply.

“I can understand you wanting to fit in, and yes, I’m not so ancient that I don’t remember what it’s like.”

He nodded, looking vaguely relieved that I understood. Before he got too comfortable, I added, “But that doesn’t excuse breaking the rules and disobeying me. I spanked your brothers for disobedience just this afternoon. Did you think I wouldn’t do the same to you?”

James stuck his hands in his jeans pockets and dropped his eyes while shaking his head. I had a nice view of the top of his head, his dark wavy hair all tousled.

“Having friends doesn’t mean you have to do everything they do. It’s okay to say you have to get home.”

“I know.”

“Let’s finish this discussion in my room.”

 

**James**

Jeff and Ramsey were in the bathroom noisily brushing their teeth and messing around when John and I went upstairs. Hopefully they’d stay there until we were safely in John’s room, not that they wouldn’t hear what was going on.

We didn’t say a lot. We both knew the drill. I took off my jacket, dropping it on a chair, kicked off my shoes (not necessary, but it would make getting undressed easier afterwards), and dropped my jeans. There was one change this time, and that was John’s agreement that I didn’t actually have to go over his knee. I looked around the room, wondering if he wanted me over the back of the chair or bent over the bed.

“Over the bed,” he directed, picking up the hairbrush.

I winced seeing the brush in his hand, even though I had expected it. My younger brothers might get a spanking with just his hand, but I was older and John wasn’t going to let me get away with a baby punishment like that. I went to the foot of the bed and laid over the end of it, my toes barely touching the floor and my butt at the edge. My behind wasn’t even bare yet, and I already felt silly. Maybe over his knee was actually better, because it was embarrassing, but it was purposeful and now I just felt silly, like I was on display. Ughhhh. I wasn’t going to protest now, not after getting him to agree to the change! I’d see how it went, and then-

“Oww!” The surprise of the first swat made my legs kick up. Yes, I definitely felt foolish!

My brother placed his left hand on my back. The familiarity of it comforted me, even as he resumed whacking away with his right hand. After half a dozen swats he paused and the warmth of his hand left my back, and then I felt my underwear being tugged down. I crossed my arms and buried my head, and a moment later John started up again. Another six later, I was ready for it to be over!

“I’m sorry- ow! Please stop – ow! Oww! OWW!” That last one was a burner.

His hand again left my back and knowing it was finally over I quickly pulled my underwear back up. I felt my jeans being pulled off, and I scooched forwards on the bed to cry on his pillow. The bed dipped and then he was beside me, one hand calmly and lightly rubbing my back.

John didn’t scold anymore, and I stayed quiet. After a minute I reached back with one hand to rub the sting out of my behind, and as the pain faded so did my tears, and I started getting sleepy. I turned my head to face my brother, and he smiled and gently brushed my hair away from my eyes. I’d been letting it grow longer lately.

“Let’s get you to bed.”

“Okay.”

He got up, and I scooted to the edge so I could stand without my butt touching the bed. He picked up my discarded clothes and I was glad I didn’t have to bend down to grab them myself.

Jeff was already in bed, reading, waiting for John to tuck him in. I changed into my pajamas then went to the bathroom, and by the time I got back Jeff was tucked in, and John was ready to tuck me in too. I would never admit it, but I liked how he did that. When he was sure I was alright, he kissed me on the forehead, then stopped to kiss Jeff too, and went back downstairs.

When all was quiet, Jeff promptly turned on his side to face me. “What happened?” he whispered.

I turned my head towards his bed on the other side of the room. That makes it sound like our room was huge. Our twin beds were maybe six feet apart. “Nothing happened,” I whispered.

Just then the door edged open and Ramsey peeked in. “Can I come in?” He darted a look down the hall towards the stairs, then entered before Jeff or I could say yes. Jeff scooted over to make room, and Ramsey sat cross-legged on his bed. “Where were you?”

I propped myself up on my elbows. “Sorry to worry you guys. Nothing happened, I was just at Ethan’s and lost track of the time.”

“What were you doing?” Ramsey asked.

“Just playing cards and pool, and then we had pizza.”

“Pizza!” Jeff exclaimed. “I want pizza!”

“Shhh!” Ramsey and I both cautioned him with a glance towards the door.

“I want pizza!” he whispered.

“Maybe we can ask Dad for pizza next weekend.”

It was still strange to me when Ramsey or Jeff referred to my older brother as ‘Dad’. Technically he was dad to all of us now since the adoption, but Dad was still my father, and John... John was my oldest brother and guardian and father figure all wrapped up in one. I didn’t always like his rules but I suspected no teenager liked rules. Ethan and his crowd didn’t seem to have many rules. Hmm. I bet Mom and Dad would have had a bunch of rules I didn’t like either. I’d have to ask John and Eddie about that sometime.

“Did you get the hairbrush?” Jeff asked, a little too eagerly.

“Yes.”

“For the whole thing?” Ramsey’s whisper ended in a raspy screech.

“Yes. It wasn’t too bad,” I lied.

“Hah! We heard it!”

“Were you listening outside the door?”

My younger brothers looked at each other then back at me, shaking their heads in denial. I sat up, ignoring the ache in my behind, and threw my pillow at Ramsey, who laughed and bashed Jeff with it. Jeff grabbed it and was all set to throw it back at me when we heard footsteps on the stairs. Jeff hastily tossed it back to me while Ramsey slid off the bed and hid under it. Not a moment too soon!

The bedroom door opened and John stood there. Jeff and I peered at him with matching innocent expressions, blinking at the light from the hallway as if we’d been awakened from deep sleep. Our oldest brother hmphed in a ‘you’re not fooling me’ way and said, “Be quiet and go to sleep. Ramsey, get out from there and go to your own bed.”

The quiet breathing from under Jeff’s bed stopped, then my blonde brother sheepishly crawled out. John waited for him to precede him out the door, then our door closed again. The footsteps went down to Ramsey and Cutter’s door and I faintly heard a swat before the door closed again.

Jeff and I waited until it was all clear again, then he leaned over and whispered, “Was it worth it?”

I thought back over the evening. Playing cards, learning pool, matching stories with my new friends, hanging out and eating pizza with them and Susie... I grinned. “You bet.”

 

**Tuesday, October 22nd**

**Jeff**

Developing my photos wasn’t as much fun without Mackenzie watching and helping. It wasn’t like she didn’t want to be there, but her mom picked her up from school at 3:15 almost every day. It was only when her mom had to run an errand or something that Mackenzie was able to join me. So it wasn’t nearly as much fun being in the dark room all by my lonesome. I was missing out on a lot of afterschool TV programs too! Maybe I should quit Rodeo Club.

After dinner that night I was doing my homework and trying to watch TV at the same time when John cleared his throat to get my attention.

“How’s the photography going?”

Now that was suspicious! How did he know I’d been thinking about it all day?

“It’s okay,” I replied warily.

John seemed wary too, even though he smiled. “Seems to take a lot of time.”

I narrowed my eyes at Cutter. Had he been complaining about having to wait for me after school? “Yeaaahhh.”

“I didn’t know it was going to take up all your afterschool time when I gave permission to do it.”

I opened my mouth to protest, then shut it again to see where my brother was going with this.

“Is it necessary to develop all the photos?”

“What do you mean?”

“Does the Rodeo Club want all of them or just some of them?”

“Just some, I guess.”

John seemed worried, for some reason. “What do you enjoy more? Taking the photos or developing them?”

“Taking them!” I replied decisively. Developing them was actually rather tiresome.

“Well... if you like, I’m willing to pay for two rolls for each rodeo you go to.”

I cocked my head to the side, figuring this out. “You mean, to have them developed? You already buy the film.”

“Yes, to have them developed. Really, Jeff, this is taking up way too much of your time and it goes the whole year.”

I wanted to jump up and down for joy, but decided to play it cool. “Yeah, I guess that might be alright.”

John ran a hand through his hair in relief. “And then if there’s one you want to enlarge or develop yourself, you can always do that with the negative.”

“Yeah!” Whoops, that was too eager. “I guess I can. Hey, can I make a dark room in the basement?”

“How much would that cost?”

“I dunno.”

“Let’s try this new plan for now, and see how it goes, alright?”

“Alright!”

 

**Wednesday, October 23rd**

**Ramsey**

Today in orchestra Mr. Withers gave us more information about the All State Orchestra auditions. I already had the audition music, but this was just a ditto with more details. The auditions for our school were set for Saturday, November 2nd, just a week away! I read on. People who made it would be notified by Tuesday the 12th. Then we’d be given the concert music to practice, and if more than one student from Jackson got selected, we’d practice together before school. Then we’d all travel to the site a few days early to practice all together before the concert on Saturday December 7th. Wow, that was coming up quickly! The concert location for this year was... Pierre.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot with James thickens! (No, this isn't anywhere near the end of it :) )
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	17. Pierre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of brotherly bonding :)
> 
> BTW, Pierre, South Dakota, is pronounced like a fishing pier, not like the French name Pierre. I learned it the wrong way in 3rd grade, but learned the right way when we moved to the state in 8th grade :)

**Wednesday, October 23rd**

**Ramsey**

Pierre. All State Orchestra was going to be held in Pierre. Where Carl was. I spent the rest of the day thinking about my oldest brother, trying to sort out my feelings. Did I want to see him? Did he want to see me? It was eleven months since I saw him. He had more personalities now, according to his letter from last Spring. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? Maybe he had some nice ones now, ones who might like me, and who would tell the others not to hurt me. I didn’t want to see Ellis again, but maybe he was under control now. Maybe?

Tears pricked my eyes. I just wanted Carl back. Carl! Not Ellis or any of the others, just my oldest brother, like I knew him when I was little. Why couldn’t he just be Carl? I drew in a ragged breath and tried to pay attention to my math class to distract myself. It didn’t really work, and my thoughts raced around the rest of the day, back and forth between wanting to see my oldest brother and never wanting to see him again. By the time that John and I drove home at the end of the day, I was one big jittery mess.

That evening my brothers were all scattered doing homework and watching TV and listening to music, and James was off at his piano lesson. John was in the library talking to Grace. He’d been in there forever, and I wanted to talk to him about seeing Carl in Pierre. I hovered outside the door debating whether to wait until he was off the phone or whether he would hang up if he knew I was waiting to talk to him.

“Sorry, I can’t go down this weekend...”

Oh, I could hear John’s side of the conversation through the crack in the door. Thankful I was wearing socks and not noisy shoes, I crouched down against the wall outside the library and leaned closer.

“Yeah, all the boys are acting up. Just feels like I need to be around more... yeah, I know.” John chuckled. “I had to punish three of them last weekend... spanked them...” I felt myself blush. He better not tell her he spanked me! “No, not always, but I hate to ground them... yes, mhm... no, I’d never ask you to do that... no worries. It’s hard enough for _me_ to punish them sometimes, especially Ramsey, I’d never put that on you.”

John, no! He wasn’t supposed to tell her he punished me like that! Though he did say it was hard to spank me. Maybe I could use that to my advantage...

“ _Our_ kids? Yes, of course... no, we can see what works... anyway, that’s a long way off... no, I’m glad we’re talking it over...” There was an extra long silence, then, “Senior pictures? No, he hasn’t said anything, but you’re right, they should be due soon. I’ll tell him you’ve offered, thanks, Grace...”

I raised my hand to rub my nose and accidentally nudged the door open. I froze when it creaked slightly. There was a silence from inside the library, then I heard him get to his feet as he said, “Speaking of boys needing attention, I think there’s one waiting for me now. Sorry, Grace, I’ll call you back later, okay? After I’ve talked to Brian.”

I heard the phone being placed back in the cradle, and since I knew I’d already been caught, I remained sitting on the floor and craned my neck up to see him when he appeared in the doorway.

“Hi, Daddy,” I said with the most innocent expression I could muster.

John held a hand out. I took it, and he pulled me to my feet, smacking me hard on the behind before guiding me into the library. He shut the door again. Uh oh.

“Sit.”

“I’m sorry, Dad,” I started as I sat in the middle of the old sofa.

He stood by the window, hands on his hips. “Ramsey, you know that listening in on people’s private conversations is wrong, don’t you?”

I had the fleeting thought that I could say ‘no’ and get off with a lecture, but he would probably know I was lying and I’d be in even more trouble. “Yessir. I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to talk to you.”

“And you heard me on the phone-?”

I nodded, but didn’t reply to his leading question.

“So, what would have been the better decision, rather than listening in?”

I didn’t like getting scolded, not on top of all the thoughts and emotions that had been tumbling inside me all day. “I’m sorry,” I whined. I intertwined my hands on my lap and examined a hangnail.

John sat on the ottoman across from me, and lifted my chin to look at him. “What did you want to talk to me about, rugrat?” he asked in a gentle voice.

Rugrat, that was much better. I stopped playing with the hangnail but shrugged, not ready to talk so soon after my dad got mad at me.

“Come on, tell me.” When I didn’t say anything, he added, “It was important enough for you to eavesdrop. Spill.”

I took a deep breath then said, “All State Orchestra?”

“Yes?”

“It’s in Pierre.”

His eyes darkened slightly and his hand dropped back to his lap. “I see.”

“Carl, I c-could see him.”

My dad watched me half a minute, then shook his head. “No. Not until his doctors say he’s better.”

“But, I’ll be right there, and it’s been almost a year.”

“No. I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“There’d be people around...”

“He could still hurt you with his words.”

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!”

That surprised him! “Where did you learn that?”

I shrugged. “Carl, maybe, a long time ago. Or Brad. I don’t remember.”

Sadness was in his smile. “Well, that’s fun to say, but it’s more wishful thinking than truth, isn’t it? Words can hurt a lot more than physical pain.”

“Maybe.”

“Physical pain fades. The memory of hurtful words can stay around a lot longer.”

Having experienced both, I knew that was true. “I guess.” I sighed. “But maybe he’s all better now.”

“Do you really think that’s true? Or is that just wishful thinking?”

I looked away, down to a stack of books on the floor. “Wishful thinking,” I grudgingly admitted.

Dad put a hand on my knee. “We all want him to get better. I hope, really hope, that someday he is, but until his doctors say he’s better I’m not going to risk you being hurt again. Understand?”

“Maybe I’ll go anyway,” I muttered obstinately, then looked at him through my bangs to see what he thought of that.

“You disobey me in this and you’ll be one very sorry boy.”

I gulped at his words, uncertainties in my mind making me panic. “What!? Why!?”

“I’ll give you a sound spanking.”

Oh! That wasn’t so bad. It was bad, but I could think of worse things to make me sorry. “Okay.”

His eyes lightened in sudden amusement. “Okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be alright long as you don’t-”

“Don’t what? Use the hairbrush?”

I shook my head. “Long as you don’t give me away.”

Exasperation flashed in his eyes. “Ramsey Nicholas Wade Lofton. Don’t you know by now I’ll never give you away?”

I grinned through the sudden tears that had sprung up. “I do.” I just liked to hear him say it sometimes. All the time.

He leaned forward and hugged me, and when he let me go he cleared his throat.

“So, are we straight about Pierre? I don’t want you focusing on this, Ramsey. You don’t need to spend the next month worrying about it.”

“Yessir.” The finality of it made me sad again, and I bit my lip.

John straightened up, his tone once again stern as he said, “Now then, next time you come across a nearly closed door and hear a conversation on the other side of it, what are you going to do?”

“Argh!” I flopped backwards on the sofa, wishing he would drop it. “I won’t eavesdrop again!”

“And how will you accomplish that?”

“I’ll go away again.” Obviously.

“Watch your tone. Going away is one solution. If you really need me, what else can you do?”

Hmm. Despite myself I glanced over at him in interest, lowering my arms which had somehow ended up over my head. Hmm...

Smiling a bit again he said, “You can knock on the door or just come in and get my attention.”

“I’d be interrupting you,” I said uncertainly. All this talk about Carl was bringing up memories, and I remembered _he_ never liked to be interrupted.

“You can interrupt me, rugrat. I won’t get mad. Depending on what you need I might tell you to come back later, but I won’t get mad.”

“Okay. I’m sorry, Dad.” I sat up, feeling better.  

 

**Jeff**

“Did you ever get arrested?”

Brad’s eyebrows raised to the ceiling and I giggled.

“What brought this on?”

“I’m just curious!”

He crossed his arms behind his head, and leaned back on the sofa. I just looked at him expectantly until finally he sighed and said, “No, I never got arrested.”

“You must have been really good, then!”

“I hope you’re not planning on a life of crime, Jeff.”

I giggled again. “No, course not!”

“Did you ever get caught?”

Brad looked over at the table at James, who was home from his piano lesson and was doing his homework. “Yes, once or twice.”

“Ooh, tell us about it. Come on, Daisy!” I patted the sofa next to where I was kneeling, and she jumped up.

“I’m not gonna tell you about it. Shoplifting is wrong, but I did it, and I don’t want to think about it anymore.”

“Lay off him, Jeff.” Cutter, heading down the stairs.

“Oh, go back and listen to your music!”

Cutter thumped me on the head as he passed. “Lay off.”

“Brad can tell me to lay off if he wants to, but we’re having a discussion, so you can just butt out!”

Brad laughed ruefully. “I already told you I’m not talking about it.”

“Hmphf. Come on, Daisy, let’s go outside!”

I grabbed a handful of cookies from the kitchen on my way out the back door, Daisy at my heels. It was already dark outside, and I was watchful for raccoons and other critters that might want to attack my dog.

“Hurry up, Daisy!” She was more interested in jumping up on me to get cookies than in doing her business. “Okay, here.” She wolfed down the one I gave her, and I crammed one in my mouth. “Now hurry up!” There was a noise from far away and she took off running. “Daisy, come back! Daisy!”

 

**Cutter**

I heard the twerp shouting outside and was torn between rolling my eyes at his overly-dramatic self and jumping up to go after him. I compromised by rolling my eyes as I leisurely got to my feet.

“I’ll check it out, in case something’s out there,” I told Brad and James.

Brad got up too. “I’ll check on the goats.”

“I’ll stay here and tell John where you all went,” James said with an unconcerned air, pencil drumming on the table.

I grabbed my jacket and a flashlight and went out, scanning the yard and field with the light trying to see where my little brother and our dog had gone. All was quiet now except for a cool breeze blowing from the west. “Jeff!” I stopped walking as I waited for a reply so the sound of my footsteps wouldn’t be too loud. Everything was still quiet, too quiet. Even the goats had stopped their soft bleating as if they too were listening for a reply. A shiver ran up my spine.

“Jeff! Daisy!” I started across the yard, crossing the flat part to reach the edge where it started sloping down towards the creek. I didn’t follow the dirt bike run because it was too smooth and slick in the dark. I stuck to the tall grasses and weeds, now dead and dried out, my steps sometimes landing me with a jolt over the uneven ground. If Jeff came this way, how had he managed it in the dark? I called every few steps, then paused to listen for a reply. I reached the creek which was running cold. In a few weeks it would probably be snowed over.

“Jeff!”

Then I heard a distant barking from the right. I crossed the creek, not caring about my wet shoes, shining the light ahead of me. I wish I’d brought the rifle. I followed the sound of the barking, calling every so often so Jeff would know I was coming, and finally, _finally,_ he answered.

“Cutter! I’m over here! I’m okay!”

I shone the flashlight towards his voice, relieved at hearing it. He was about 50 feet away now. With both hands on Daisy’s collar, he was trying to tug her away from some bushes. I went over as quickly as I could in the dark and took Daisy’s collar, giving my brother a rough one-armed hug in the process.

“Daisy! Settle down! Bad dog!”

Jeff was wringing out his hands and arms now that he was free from the strain of holding her back. “Thanks!” he said.

“What’s in there?”

“I don’t know. Something small, not like a bear or anything.”

Daisy had stopped her barking but was still straining to get loose. “Settle down!” I handed my brother the flashlight and picked her up. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Let’s get back.”

Jeff led the way back out of the brush towards the creek. I kept an ear out for anything following us, but whatever had gotten Daisy’s attention was laying low. My adrenaline rush was fading and my arms were tiring of carrying the 35 pound dog.

“What were you doing, running off like that in the dark?” I scolded.

“Daisy ran off!”

“I know, but you should have called us to help.”

“Hmphf.”

“Stop. Stop!”

The flickering of the light halted its forward direction and circled back to me. “What?”

I set Daisy down. “Hold onto her.” She had quieted down enough I figured my brother could hang on to her now. Jeff obediently grabbed her collar. I took off my jacket and thrust it at him. “Put this on.” I took over Daisy-holding. Again (wonder of wonders!) he obeyed after setting the flashlight on the ground.

“Thanks,” he said quietly, then stooped to pick up the light. “I had to go after her. You would have.”

He was right, but that didn’t mean I had to like it. Jeff was 14 and a half, but I still thought of him as my pesky little brother. I was so used to looking out for him it was a strange notion that he would be looking out for someone (or something!) else. “Yes, I would have, just like I came after you. Hold her again.”

Jeff again obeyed. There must be something about having a scare in the dark that made him compliant. If only there was a way to replicate that without actually putting him in danger... Before he could react, I took a step closer and swatted him across the behind. That felt good, so I did it again. And a third time.

“Ow! What was that for?”

I growled in reply, then picked up Daisy. “Come on.”

He followed me this time, quietly, shining the light ahead of me to light our way. We continued without talking, crossing the creek again in silence, then as we started up the hill I heard his steps quicken until he was next to me again.

“You were worried about me!”

“Of course I was, dummy!”

“I love you too!” He threw his arms around me, making it so I couldn’t walk.

“Oh, for-” I sighed, wishing there was a way I could unwrap him. I couldn’t help smiling in the dark, though, as we headed towards the house.

As we got close I saw John headed towards us, flashlight in one hand and rifle in the other. “You all okay?”

“Yeah!” Jeff called. “Cutter loves me!”

“Shut up!” I protested in embarrassment.

John took it in stride. “Of course he does. What happened?”

We were all walking towards the house now. John had thought to bring a leash, so he clipped that onto Daisy’s collar and gave the other end to Jeff. It was my turn to shake out my arms.

“I took Daisy outside, and she took off after something, so I went to get her.” Glancing at me he sanctimoniously offered, “I should have grabbed a flashlight and a leash and told you all where I was going.”

“Yes, you should have. I’m glad you learned something from tonight. Any idea what she was after?”

“No, sir.”

“Well, now that it’s dark early, I want her on a leash when she goes out at night.”

“Okay.”

“How about we get a long leash and fix it to the post on the porch, and we can just clip it to her when she goes out at night? I can get one in town.”

“Good idea, Brian. I think that will work. What do you think of that, Jeff?”

“Okay! Thanks!”

 

**Friday, October 25th**

**John**

“What car do I get to drive when I get my license?”

I narrowed my eyes at my youngest brother, and he hastily threw his hands up. “I’m just asking about cars! I’m not asking about getting my license!”

“Good thing, too. Don’t roll your eyes.”

“Sorry. Anyway, do I get to drive the Taurus?”

“No. That’s my car.”

“The Bronco?”

“That’s Brad’s and Ramsey’s.”

“That’s Brad’s!” Ramsey piped up from the corner of the sofa where he was curled up with a book.

“But the Impala is Cutter’s! What am I supposed to drive?”

“The Impala is everyone’s,” I clarified.

“So is the Bronco,” Brad said, returning from the kitchen with a bag of chips.

“But the Impala is mostly mine,” Brian cut in with a grin.

“Mostly his,” I conceded.

Jeff pouted. “That’s not fair. You all get cars and I don’t!”

“I’ve put all the work into the Impala,” Brian said.

“He has,” I agreed. “He’s changed the oil and kept it running for years. It’s only fair that he gets most of the use of it.”

Brian puffed up at the acknowledgement.

“I bet Brian will be happy to show you how to change the oil and stuff.” I grinned at Brian’s sudden pained look. “You should learn how to maintain it too. I think that’s only fair.”

Jeff looked suspiciously from me to his older brother. “But James didn’t have to learn that.”

“I learned how at school.”

“But I don’t want to learn how!”

“Show him how to change a tire too,” Brad suggested.

“That’s not fair.”

“No, I think it’s a great idea. I’m glad you brought up the topic, Jeff.”

My baby brother turned eyes that were both pouting and murderous on me.

Brad added, “Ramsey should learn how too. He always managed to make himself scarce when the Mustang blew a tire.”

My blonde son, annoyed at being brought into the conversation, blew his brother a raspberry then said, “I don’t need to know how to do that!”

“When you drive, you do,” I said. “And someday when you have a family of your own, you’ll want to know how to take care of them. You don’t want to leave them stranded on the side of the road, do you?”

Ramsey didn’t seem to mind that thought, but before he could say anything, Brian, who now seemed more on board with the idea of passing his car knowledge on to his little brothers, chimed in, “Be good for dating too, Jeff. You don’t want to look helpless in front of your girl, do you?”

“I’ll just call you to come help, Cutter,” Ramsey decided.

We all laughed at that, but Jeff now thoughtfully said, “Okay, I guess I can learn how to do that stuff.”

“I’ll show you tomorrow. Both of you.”

“I’m not gonna learn!” Ramsey declared.

“You will if you want to drive,” I said.

“I don’t care about driving,” he cheekily replied.

“Since when have you passed up the opportunity to learn something,” Brad scoffed.

Ramsey sighed dramatically. “Okaaaay!”

 

**Saturday, October 26th**

**Cutter**

“Ramsey, grab that pan and can opener, will you? Jeff, find a 3/4” wrench and bring it out.”

Ramsey picked up the plastic oil pan with a put-upon sigh, while Jeff went to our dad’s tool chest in the garage. It was oil changing lesson time!

“Is this really necessary?” Ramsey groused.

“Which part?” I asked, amused. “The oil pan or doing it at all?”

“Doing it at all.”

“Well, if the oil is never changed it can crack the engine, so yes, it’s necessary.”

“I still don’t see why I have to learn.”

“Are you griping at your brother, sir?”

Startled, Ramsey looked at the front porch to see John sitting on the steps watching us.

“Um, no, sir.” My blonde little brother turned apologetic eyes on me. “Sorry, Cutter. I do appreciate you teaching me.”

“It’s okay.”

“Even though I don’t think I’ll ever have to do it myself.”

“Try a good attitude, rugrat.”

A big sigh of defeat, then Ramsey gave me a huge smile. “Let’s get this show on the road! What do we do first?”

I laughed. “We wait for Jeff to show up with the wrench.” It was taking him awhile. I gave him another minute then went to get him, hoping he hadn’t run off into the house.

He held up a wrench. “Is it this one?”

“No, that one’s too big.” I nudged him out of the way and rummaged through the toolbox. Finding the right one, I handed it to him. “Here, this one.”

“Okay.” He followed me to the front of the house, where Ramsey met us with another great big smile.

I already had the oil filter and oil filter wrench sitting on the hood, and five quarts of oil next to the car.

“Okay, let’s jack up the car.”

Jeff looked interested in that, but Ramsey held back when he saw what I meant to do. He wasn’t afraid, was he? I got the jack in place and made them both take turns until the car was lifted enough to slide the safety stand in place.

“And that’ll hold up the whole car?” Ramsey asked doubtfully. “It’s awfully small.”

“It’ll hold. Trust me. Now, slide the oil pan under there.”

Ramsey took a step back, shaking his head. “No, sir! Not going under there!”

I looked over at John, who was trying to hide a smile. I think he just came out for the entertainment factor of me trying to teach these two!

“Here, let me have it.” Ramsey handed it to me, and I slid it under the car. “Now, we unscrew the oil filter.” I did so, hearing twin ‘yucks’ at the oil that sloshed over my hand. “And the plug.” As soon as I had that off, the oil came out in a steady stream, filling the pan. “I hope you both are taking notes. Next time you’re doing this yourselves!”

I heard a whimper from Ramsey’s direction. He wasn’t bothering to look under the car – I could make out his tennis shoes several feet away. Jeff, though, had knelt down beside me so he could see more clearly. “Now we just let it drain. Jeff, get some of the old oil on your hand, and rub it around the gasket, like this.” I demonstrated, and he did the same.

“Why are you doing that?” Ramsey asked, having come slightly closer.

“It helps create the seal. Now, Jeff, you want to put the new filter on? Good... now you can put the plug back on.” Jeff grinned at my praise. I felt bad for a moment. It took so little approval to make him happy, so I gave him some more. “Good job.”

Ramsey stepped closer and bent down to peer under the car to see what Jeff was doing. “Ramsey, you want to start opening the cans of oil?”

“Okay.”

By the time he had those ready, Jeff and I were back out from under the car, and I showed them where to start pouring the oil in under the hood.

“This part’s not bad,” Ramsey said quietly. “I just don’t like getting under the car.”

“Well, maybe it can be a team effort,” I suggested, and both boys nodded at that.

Once all the oil was in I started up the engine. “I can do that next time!” Jeff pronounced.

“Maybe,” I said, glancing at John, who shook his head. “If we’re home alone,” I whispered at my baby brother, whose face lit up in a big grin. In a louder, teaching voice I continued, “Now we just let it run for a few minutes to get the oil circulating, and then we check the oil level, and then we’re done!”

“Yay!” Ramsey shouted.

“Yay!” Jeff echoed. “And then we get Oreos!”

I rolled my eyes. “Well, of course! And I think we’ll save tire changing for another day.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick chapter I wrote to procrastinate de-cluttering my house, hope you liked it! 
> 
> I might write an interlude next - I have an idea for one for the 4th of July. And THEN I'll write the next chapter of Singularity :)


	18. Sugar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the long overdue trip to the dentist, and then Halloween!

**Monday, October 28th**

**Brad**

Over cereal Monday morning John casually asked me, “If you had to do something potentially unpleasant, like go to the doctor to get a shot, would you want to know in advance? Or just be surprised on the way?”

“Um... how would I not know? You always tell me where we’re going.”

He smiled, acknowledging my point. “Maybe not on the way, but right beforehand.”

Not liking his questions I warily asked, “What did you sign me up for?”

“Dentist appointment. You, Ramsey, and Jeff.”

I swallowed. “When?”

“Tomorrow.”

“I’m not going.” I shook my head for emphasis.

“How long has it been since you had a check-up?”

“Since Before. But I’m not going, and you can’t make me.”

I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms, waiting to see how he would respond to this challenge to his authority. I was 18! He couldn’t make me go to the dentist if I didn’t want to.

Sounding curious and not angry, he asked, “What do you have against the dentist?”

I scowled. “I don’t want all my teeth pulled. I’m not going.”

With a puzzled look, John asked, “Why do you think they’ll pull all your teeth?”

“Cos that’s what they do. I’m not going!”

I thought back to the one time I remembered going to the dentist. I was about five. Mom and I were in the waiting room and I was playing with a toy on the floor. It was like a three dimensional maze with wires running everywhere, and had little blocks that could be slid all around. I was totally focused on getting all the blocks from one side to the other, and wasn’t really paying much attention to the other people in the waiting room.

Then suddenly there was a loud groan from behind the closed door where the dental assistants took the patients, followed by a loud four-letter exclamation. I looked at Mom in alarm. She looked slightly worried, but smiled encouragingly at me telling me everything was fine.

“Guess someone doesn’t want all his teeth pulled, sonny,” an old man cackled from behind me. I turned to look at him and he smiled, and he had no teeth!

“Mommy!” I said, abandoning the wire toy and running to her side. She pulled me onto her lap, but I was shaking so much she ended up canceling my appointment and taking me home.

Now I continued my defiance, practically daring John to make me go. “I’m not going back.”

“Tell me why you think they’ll pull all your teeth. They don’t look bad to me.”

I refused to be persuaded. “I saw it!” I told him the abbreviated story of my experience.

“Wait, your mom took you home? So you’ve never actually seen a dentist?”

“Yeah, well, no.”

I uncrossed my arms, feeling slightly silly in the midst of his exasperation.

“Well, the toothless guy was likely there to get dentures. And you know why he lost his teeth?”

“Why?”

“Because he neglected his teeth and never went to the dentist! You’re overdue, son.”

John’s casual use of the term ‘son’ did not go unnoticed by me. Was he using it to remind me I was son and maybe had a duty to obey him? Maybe. Still, it warmed me inside. It didn’t make me any more agreeable, though.

“Maybe, but I’m still not going.”

John drummed his fingers on the tabletop, deciding what to do. Finally he sighed and said, “Well, that’s too bad. I was hoping you’d show Ramsey it was no big deal, since he’s never gone.”

Low blow, playing the older brother card! I glared at him. “Fine, I’ll go.”

 

**Tuesday, October 29th**

**Ramsey**

“Why do we have to go today? In two days we’ll be eating lots of candy anyway!”

We were on the way to the dentist. Dad was driving and Brad was in the passenger seat, and Jeff and I were in the back seat. John looked at Jeff in the rearview mirror and replied, “Oh? And where are you getting all this candy?”

I gave Jeff a sharp nudge. If he kept on like this, John was going to tell us we couldn’t go trick or treating before we even properly asked!

“Oh, there might be some at school or something,” Jeff said in an attempt at covering our tracks.

“Nice save,” I mouthed to him.

John signed us in at the dentist office, and when the lady asked who wanted to go first, he looked expectantly at Brad.

“Me,” Brad said, and resignedly followed her to the back.

I didn’t think my brother wanted to go to the dentist, but he didn’t put up any fuss when John told us at dinner Monday night. I didn’t care one way or the other. I was kind of curious, really. Jeff and I had brought books along to read while we waited, but before I’d even read a whole chapter, another spot opened up and John nodded to me.

“Why don’t you go next?” John asked.

“Okay.” I handed him my paperback. “And you’ll be right here?”

My dad smiled. “I’m not going anywhere.”

I only had to wait a minute or so until another smiling woman came in and introduced herself as the dental assistant. Soon I was covered with a heavy apron against the radiation, and she positioned little squares of film in my mouth, calling them bite wings and telling me to bite down on the cardboard and not move while the x-rays were being taken. I found it made me want to gag and I was so glad when that part was done!

Then I was taken to another room that had a short walled division, and Brad was in the chair on the other side. I poked my head in and saw his hands were dug into the chair arms, but he relaxed slightly when I called, “Hi, Brad!” He couldn’t reply because there were someone’s fingers in his mouth. Then I was shown to a reclining chair of my own, and I was left to myself for a minute. There was a lever on the side of the chair near the floor, and I amused myself raising and lowering my chair. I wanted one of these at home! It would be great for watching TV! Then I heard footsteps and quickly brought the chair back to its original position.

“Hi, Ramsey, I’m Dr. Davidson. Here for a check-up, I see? Your x-rays will be ready in a moment. Let’s take a look while we wait for them, shall we?”

I held up a hand to ward him off, suddenly nervous. “Um, Dr. Davidson?”

“Yes?” He smiled encouragingly.

“I’ve n-never been to the dentist before. Are you going to use any knives?”

He gave me a thoughtful look, then said, “Let me show you my usual instruments.” He swung a tray full of shiny things towards me and I leaned forward to inspect them. Dr. Davidson held up a hook-shaped thing. “This is called an explorer, and I’ll use it to look around your mouth.”

He went to put it down, but I said, “Can I see it?”

“Sure.” He handed it to me and I looked it over and pressed the sharp end against my finger. It just looked and felt like a wire on a stick, harder and sharper, but it wasn’t a knife. When I gave it back he smiled again and picked up a little mirror. “Mirror,” he said, giving it to me, and I gave a nervous laugh at its obvious name.

“This would be neat to have.” I started thinking of all the spying around corners I could do with it!

“Sure is,” he easily agreed, picking up the next thing. “Cotton pliers.”

“Tweezers,” I said, describing them.

“Basically. Then we’ve got the water syringe-” he sprayed water in a little sink, “-scalers, and the handpiece.”

These last two items seemed more suspicious to me. He obligingly handed over the scalers, which turned out to be squared off little chisel-like things, not sharp at all. Dr. Davidson didn’t hand over the handpiece, but he turned it on and I froze at the soft buzzing noise. It reminded me of the thing that the doctor had used to cut the cast off my arm! Seeing my reaction, he instantly turned it off and gently smiled. “That’s the sound chipmunks make.”

“What?” Chipmunks? That was so far removed from the dental office that it took me right out of my fright.

“Yes, just watch out the window, and I bet you’ll see the chipmunks when we use this. They hear this and think there’s a chipmunk in here, and they’ll probably come to watch  _you_.”

“Really?” He must be having me on.

“Just wait and see.” His eyes twinkled, though, and I knew he was just kidding, but it calmed me down. When I smiled back, he said, “Now, this has interchangeable tips. We’ll be using the rubber one to clean your teeth, and that one squeaks. The squirrels love that one.”

I grinned at that.

“If you have cavities, we’ll swap it for the drill tip.”

Before I could get upset at that thought, the dental assistant showed up and handed over the x-rays. Dr. Davidson thanked her and stuck them on a light tray. “Come see your teeth.”

I got up from the chair and looked at the x-rays. He pointed out which ones belonged to which teeth, and after a minute he asked, “How old are you?”

“Fifteen.”

Shaking his head slightly Dr. Davidson asked, “How did you manage to reach 15 without any cavities?”

A big smile crossed my mouth. “None?”

“Not according to the x-rays. Let’s double-check by taking a look at your teeth.”

More eagerly now I sat back in the chair and snickered when he said he was putting a ‘napkin holder’ around my neck. It wasn’t anything like the one in our kitchen! No, this was just a blue cloth with a little chain that went around my neck. After that he just poked around at all my teeth using both the explorer and the mirror.

“You’ve got some good teeth, Ramsey.”

“-angoo,” I replied around the instruments.

He laughed at that, and said, “Let’s polish your teeth. Would you like mint or fruit flavor?”

I chose mint, thinking that would go better with the vanilla milkshake I was planning to ask John to buy me on the way home. The paste was a little gritty and I was glad when I was able to rinse my mouth and spit it out!

“All right, Ramsey, we’re done.”

“Really? Thanks, Dr. Davidson!”

I jumped up from the chair and went to check on Brad who was still in his own chair. His eyes were closed and his dentist was using the handpiece. I didn’t smell any mint or fruit, so I bet he had cavities! 

Jeff and I passed in the hallway. I sat beside John in the waiting room, opening my mouth to show him my clean teeth.

“That didn’t take very long,” John said, holding my chin to look at my teeth.

“No cavities!”

“You didn’t have a lot of sugar when you were growing up,” he observed. “Makes a big difference.”

“I think Brad has one,” I confided in a low tone so the receptionist couldn’t hear. It wasn’t any of her business if my brother had a cavity!

“Most people wind up with a cavity or two.”

“Not me!”

“Not you, rugrat.” He handed me my book.

“Dad? Can we get milkshakes on the way home?”

“And put all that sugar in your mouth?” he teased.

“Daaaad!”

“We’ll see if your brothers are up to it. If Brad has cavities, a cold milkshake won’t feel good on his teeth.”

“He can get French fries,” I pointed out.

“Hot may not feel good either.”

“He can let them cool off.”

“Rugrat.”

I sighed. “Yes, Daddy.”

It turned out Brad had three cavities and Jeff had two!

“Would a milkshake help?” I quietly asked the two of them as we walked to the car.

 

**Thursday, October 31st**

**Cutter**

John, Jeff and Ramsey had been doing a weird dance around each other the week leading up to Halloween. Last year John had said no more trick or treating, but relented when it turned out Ramsey had never gone before. Jeff looked like he wanted to ask to go out this year, but was afraid he would be turned down. A few times he opened his mouth, but shut it again when John suspiciously raised an eyebrow. Last night after dinner they holed up in Eddie’s vacant bedroom working on a secretive project. I was 99% sure they were making costumes, but I decided to stay out of it and just watch everything unfold.

Tonight after a hurried dinner they dashed upstairs to Eddie’s room. While we waited, I couldn’t stand the suspense anymore and asked John, “Are you going to let them go?”

“We’ll see,” came the enigmatic reply as John glanced over to the staircase.

“I can take them,” Brad offered. “I wouldn’t mind, you know, watching them.”

My oldest brother’s eyes flitted back to Brad. “Did you ever go trick or treating?”

“Before, yes. I can remember dressing up when I was little.” Brad laughed, “I think I remember a hot dog costume.”

“Oh, for a picture!” I said, grinning at the thought of him in a silly costume as a little kid. “I’ll go too, John, if you let them.”

“Me too,” James said.

John’s smile at Brad faded as he contemplated all these offers. “IF I allow them to go, I don’t want you all following them up to the door. No one wants to open the door to a bunch of rowdy teens.”

I huffed in fake indignation. “Rowdy? Us? John!”

“Need I remind you of last year?” His smile was back.

“Last year?” James asked with a worried look at me.

John had never let on to the younger boys that he knew about our prank last year. With an arched eyebrow he told James, “The less said about last year, the better.”

“Okay.” James was still confused, but he shrugged at me.

“Anyway, we aren’t all going to storm the doors. It’s not like they’re toddlers that don’t know how to go up and ring the doorbell.” Slyly I added, “Unless, of course, we’re dressed up too.”

“No.”

James and I sighed simultaneously. Then James said, “But Cutter got to dress up last year when he was 16.”

“You want to dress up?” John asked.

“Well, not particularly,” my younger brother admitted.

Sitting up straight with a sudden thought, I eagerly suggested, “Hey, I know! Let’s go the haunted house at the mall!”

“Yeah!” James agreed, half-jumping out of his chair to get ready.

Brad didn’t seem overly fond of the idea. “Haunted house? I’ll pass.”

“But we can go, right?” James looked from me to John.

“What time does it close?” John asked.

“Midnight, I think,” I said.

“Be home by eleven.”

I jumped up from my own chair, but before I could even take two steps towards the stairs to ask Jeff and Ramsey if they wanted to come too, Eddie’s door opened. The boys appeared at the top of the stairs, grinning with pride at their costumes. Luke and Han Solo. Ramsey was Luke, of course, with his blonde hair, while Jeff made a passable Han.

“Well, come on down and let us see you,” John said with the air of someone who had already given in.

There was some jostling as they descended the stairs and came to stand in the middle of the family room where we could all see them.

“Guess who we are?” Ramsey asked.

I refrained from rolling my eyes.

John pretended to think. “Rambo and Rocky.”

“No!” Ramsey exclaimed. “I’m Luke Skywalker!”

“Oh! I see. I guess I was confused because you don’t have a lightsaber.”

Jeff slapped his hand on his head. “We forgot them! Be right back!” He turned and ran up the staircase only to return a moment later with two lightsabers, one of which he gave to Ramsey.

“Han Solo doesn’t have a lightsaber,” James protested.

“Yeah, but I wanted one.” Jeff brandished his, making the buzzing noises of an activated lightsaber.

“Let me see,” I said, walking up to them. Ramsey handed me his. “This is pretty cool. You guys did a great job on these.”

Their faces lit with smiles, they both exclaimed their thanks.

“We made them with paper towel rolls, duct tape, flashlights and some plastic tubing we found in the garage,” Ramsey explained.

“So, Dad, can we go trick or treating? Pleeeeeeeease?” Jeff wheedled.

“Alright,” John conceded. “If you can talk one of your brothers into driving you.”

Their gleeful expressions faltered for a moment before they caught on to John’s smirk. Jeff and Ramsey looked at each of us to figure out who must have already volunteered, and for a moment I wished I was going to take them. They easily zeroed in on Brad, and soon he was caught up in their urgency to get started. As I went off to call my friends Mark and Paul to see if they wanted to meet us at the haunted house, I saw John being pulled along too.

I suggested James call his new friends, and after some hemming and hawing, he did. I was curious to meet them. I knew them from school, but they were a year younger so we’d never interacted much.

“Do you need money?” John asked as James and I were about to leave.

“No,” I said, just as James said, “Yes.”

John took out his wallet and peeled off two tens, handing one to each of us.

 

**Ramsey**

This was the best Halloween ever! I got to be Luke Skywalker and Jeff and I got to go trick or treating with both Brad and John! Last year was fun because I’d never gone before, and I liked having James and Cutter there too. But this was another chance to do something with Brad for the first time! As John drove us to town in the Taurus, Brad talked about the times he had gone with Carl and our parents Before, and he said even I was dressed up as a baby, but I didn’t remember any of that.

John drove us to the same neighborhood that Cutter did last time. I wondered if the people who lived there knew that they were a target for candy seekers?! I felt a little silly going up to peoples’ doors. It wasn’t like Jeff and I were the oldest trick or treaters, but we were definitely among the oldest!

“Come up with me!” I pulled on Brad’s arm.

He laughed and pulled away, staying back beside John on the sidewalk. “No, you go.”

“Just once?” I pleaded. “You can hold my lightsaber.” I really, really wanted him to trick or treat with me.

Brad hesitated, then looked at John who nodded, and my brother let me pull him to the door.

“Ring the doorbell!” I ordered, handing my brother my lightsaber.

Jeff grinned and said, “Yeah, your turn, Brad!” He stood back to let Brad closer to the door.

“Hurry up, before those little kids come!” There was a group of about six 4th graders following us and if they caught up, we’d have to wait while all of them got their candy. That would slow us down and seriously hamper the speed of our candy-collecting.

“You’re so bossy,” Brad said good-naturedly as he reached out to ring the doorbell with the lightsaber.

A woman opened the door right away, a huge bowl of candy in her arms.

“Trick or treat!” Jeff and I recited together, while Brad stood off to the side, lightly swinging the lightsaber.

“Help yourself,” she offered, smiling as she held the bowl out to us. Jeff grabbed a little Milky Way and I took a little Baby Ruth, saying thanks as we did so. She extended the bowl towards Brad, who blushed slightly.

“I’m just here with my brothers,” he said, deflecting her offer.

“Well, then you need a big one.” With a wink that made Jeff and I laugh, she leaned back to grab something out of sight, handing it to my brother. It was two full sized Snickers! “One is for your other brother.” She looked out at John, who probably didn’t hear what she was saying, but gave her a wave at her notice.

“Thanks!” Brad said, blushing by porchlight. Back out on the sidewalk, he handed the second candy bar to Dad. “I didn’t know the babysitters got candy too!”

“Hey!” Jeff and I both squawked. They were just accompanying us since we couldn’t drive, they weren’t babysitting us!

“They usually don’t,” John confided, sticking his in his jacket pocket for later. “Except the odd bit when holding the bags.”

Jeff held his bag protectively close, giving our dad an exaggerated look of suspicion.

John and Brad both laughed. “Yours is safe,” John said. Soon as Jeff started for the next house, however, he called after him, “At least until you go to bed!”

 

**James**

The mall was crowded! Lots of the stores were giving out candy to costumed little kids, but all the teens were either in the food court or hanging out by the haunted house. It was set up in an empty store that often had seasonal vendors. Mark and Paul were already there waiting out front. We said hi, and a moment later my new friends got there. I was a little nervous for my brother to meet them. They were cool guys, I just hoped no one mentioned anything that would spill the beans about the gambling. At least Cutter was the one brother that wouldn’t really care. After everyone was introduced and said hello, we paid the $4 entry fee for the night, got our hands stamped, and went inside the haunted house.

The mall hosted the haunted house every year, but it was the first time we were allowed to go. Our parents didn’t care for haunted houses, plus for a long time we were too young. A dire sign at the entrance proclaimed that anyone under 12 had to be accompanied by a parent or guardian... or someone else to hold their hand, and there was a cartoon picture of a ghost jumping out at a knock-kneed little kid.

“Don’t worry, I’ll hold your hand if you get scared,” Cutter offered to me, and laughed when I shoved him into Mark.

We all spent the next two hours running through the displays. One was funny, with a bunch of different monsters having a picnic, and there were gross things in the dishes, like eyeballs and huge insects, and a severed hand was crawling out of the picnic basket. Most of the scenes were scarier and more macabre. One was a medieval prison with a man chained to a table, screaming to escape the sharp edge of the pendulum that scraped his belly every time it swung, sending drops of red blood flying. The screams sent chills up my spine, even though you could tell it was just from a recording and it was a mannequin laying there. Then a huge man in leather stepped out from behind us with an axe, snarling, “Who’s next?” and we all might have startled at that. Not that any of us screamed, or anything, but we rushed away from the prison executioner to the next room!

After that there was a graveyard with ghosts popping up everywhere, a room with a vampire sucking blood from a young woman, a room with Frankenstein and lights going off like electricity jarring him to life, and a bunch of others. Actors kept popping up behind us, and since I never knew when one would appear I was constantly on edge. All in all, it was terrifying. Jeff liked monster movies, but I was glad we didn’t bring him. Everything was just too real. And Ramsey, I don’t think he could have handled it at all. At. All. Cutter caught my eye in the vampire room giving me a grim look, and I knew he was thinking the same thing.

At the end of the maze we turned around and went back in a second time. Might as well get our money’s worth! It was only about 9:00 when we finished, and the mall was closing up (except for the haunted house), so we drove to Buster John’s and spent the next hour and a half hanging out with Cokes and French fries and ice cream cones. All of us made a big, noisy group, all laughing and joking and having fun. I determined to find more stuff like this to do with my new friends – stuff other than playing poker and pool for money!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure - my father's a retired dentist, my brother is one, and I have about six more in the extended family. I'm not one though, lol, so I asked my dad for the terminology. Hopefully no one will read this and think I'm anti-dentist because of the opening scene with Brad! I should dedicate this chapter to my childhood looking at prosthodontics periodicals with tons of pictures of decaying teeth, but I'd rather just forget those ;-)
> 
> Also, I'm having the dentist do it all (except the x-rays), even though in larger dental offices (and probably all of them nowadays), dental assistants and hygienists do a lot of it. This is following the model that I grew up with, i.e. my dad was my dentist and did it all until after I was done with college and had to switch to work insurance. And... the chipmunk story is what my dad used to tell me when I was really little and he was polishing my teeth :)
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! You all really are the best, with all the encouragement you give me. Thanks for sticking with this! :)


	19. Auditioning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ramsey auditions, Jeff makes Grace feel at home when she comes to visit, and James digs himself into a hole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nice long chapter, hope you all like it! :)

**Saturday, November 2nd**

**Ramsey**

I was curled up on the sofa with a blanket over me, eating cereal and watching cartoons. Hearing soft footsteps on the stairs, I looked over and saw my dad coming down.

Seeing me, he smiled. “You’re up early, rugrat.”

“Hi, Dad,” I said. “I’m always up early.”

He came up behind me, tilted my head back, and kissed my forehead. I grinned up at him, then he came around to sit beside me.

“Auditions today, huh?” he asked.

I felt butterflies in my tummy. “Yeah.”

“Not nervous, are you?”

“Maybe a little.”

“You’ll do fine. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

“But maybe I’m not the best. Maybe someone else in the state is better.”

“Why do you think you have to be the best?”

“Because I am, and I have to be.” I finished my cereal and leaned forward to set the bowl on the coffee table.

Dad took the opportunity to pick up my blanketed legs and move closer, setting my legs back down on his lap. Then he gave me his ‘figuring me out look’. “So, because you’re first chair at Jackson High, you think you need to be first chair at All State?”

“Mhm.” I picked nervously at the blanket.

“What put that idea in your head?”

“I don’t want to embarrass the school by not being the best.”

John shook his head. “You have this all wrong, rugrat. There’s no shame in not being the best. How many high school orchestras do you think South Dakota has?”

“Um... maybe... twenty?”

He laughed gently. “Probably more than that. There are maybe 180 or so high schools in the state, and most probably have some kind of music program, if not a full orchestra.”

_180?_ I was competing against kids from 180 other schools? My sudden panic made me defensive. “We’re the best.”

Dad nodded. “Jackson has one of the best.”

_“The_ best.”

“One of the best,” he steadily repeated. “I’m glad you ended up in a school with a full orchestra. Not all the schools do. I bet a lot of kids are taking lessons and practicing all by themselves, and have never played in a real orchestra before.”

“Like I used to,” I said softly. “’Cept for the lessons part.”

“Mhm, just like you used to. The chance to play in the All State Orchestra is just as big a deal to them as it is to you.”

“I know.” Was I selfish for wanting to be the best? “Do you think I shouldn’t try out?”

“What? No, of course I want you to try out. Like I said, I’m sure you’ll do great.”

“Then...” I was confused.

Dad patted my feet. “Just don’t worry about being the best. You’re already a big fish in a big pond. You have no need to prove how good you are. Not to me, anyway.” He squeezed one of my feet and I felt warm and reassured by his words and action. “I want you to try your best at the audition, but don’t fixate on _being_ the best. If you make it, consider it an opportunity to have fun playing with other kids like you.”

I’d never really thought about there being other kids like me, practicing all by their lonesome and never being able to play with a group. “Okay, Dad. I’ll just have fun.”

He smiled. “Good, rugrat.”

“But I still want to be the best!”

Dad smiled even as he sighed. “You may well be.” He looked at my empty dish. “Want some bacon or sausage to go along with that?”

“Sausage!”

 

**Jeff**

“What time is Grace getting here?” I stabbed another sausage patty, dragging it to my plate that I had shoved next to the sausage plate.

John looked at me with slight disapproval. It probably wasn’t proper manners to be shoving my plate all over the table, but this way I wouldn’t be dripping sausage grease all over. He should be happy at my thoughtfulness! I grinned at him and he shook his head.

“Around noon,” he replied, deciding to ignore my behavior.

“And what are we doing?”

_“I_ am going to show Grace around the property and town. Then later she’ll take Brian’s senior photos.”

“I can help with that!”

“Nuisance,” Cutter said, coming down the back staircase to the kitchen just then.

I huffed indignantly. “I’m not a nuisance!”

Cutter grinned at John. “See? He just assumes I’m talking about him.” Then to me he added, “See you don’t become one.”

“See if I share any more of my Halloween candy,” I muttered.

“You didn’t share any of it, anyway,” he scoffed, sitting at the table to eat with us.

“You can have more of my candy,” Ramsey piped up. Traitor!

“It’s too early for all this bickering,” John said. “Jeff, are you going with Ramsey to his audition?”

“Yeah, James is taking us,” Ramsey said.

“Thanks, Jeff,” John said, grinning at Ramsey who giggled sheepishly. “So, Brian, it’s just you and I on clean-up duty this morning.”

Cutter just nodded as if he expected to help out. Not to be outdone, I said, “I’ll help when we get home.”

“Grace and I might beat you here. I’ll leave a note if we’ve gone to town.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Best thing you can do to help is to be on your best behavior today.” John looked over at the stairs as James appeared, yawning. “That goes for all of you.”

“Best behavior,” James said. “Got it.”

“Is she staying for dinner?” I asked, already thinking of what we could fix.

“Yes, lasagna’s in the fridge so all we have to do is bake it. I’ll drive her home after dinner.” John seemed mildly embarrassed when we all looked at him in amazement. He was driving her home? In a quieter voice he explained, “It’s a long drive back to Rapid City.”

“Is that why you usually go down there?” James asked.

My oldest brother nodded. “Yes.”

“Doesn’t she have a car?” Ramsey asked.

“She has a car, but she shouldn’t have to drive here and back on her own, so I’m picking her up.”

“That’s silly,” I decided.

“It’s not silly,” Cutter said, contradicting me. “John’s a gentleman.”

“What if she wants to drive herself?” James asked in a challenging way.

“She’s welcome to drive herself.” John smiled, “But I’ll follow her home after dark.”

“A gentleman,” Cutter repeated with satisfaction.

I still thought it was kind of silly, but then I thought about Mom and Dad sliding off an icy road just in town here, and decided maybe John wasn’t being entirely silly. He just wanted to take care of Grace. She had entered the circle of people he looked after. I got up from the table and after putting my dishes in the sink, I went back to the table and gave him a great big hug.

 

**Cutter**

James drove Ramsey and Jeff to the high school for Ramsey’s audition, and John was about to leave to pick up Grace. I had my marching orders, namely making sure the house was picked up. I wasn’t too concerned, seeing as we’d spent Friday evening doing all of our chores.

Keys in hand, John stopped to talk to me. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

“I’ll be here.”

“Thanks for your help, Brian.”

I grinned. “No problem.”

“Look, about the senior pictures...”

“I’ll be sure to say thank you,” I said, sure that’s what he was going to say.

He smiled. “I hope so. I have no worries about that. It’s about Jeff.”

My face fell at mention of my little brother. “What about Jeff?”

“He’s really looking forward to spending time with Grace. I hope you won’t belittle him or poke fun if he tries to talk photography with her, or help her out.”

“Like she needs help.”

“I’m serious, Brian. I don’t want you teasing him or embarrassing him in front of Grace.”

Just for the sake of argument I pointed out, “Well, if she’s going to be a regular in the house, she’s bound to see me teasing him sometimes.”

He crossed his arms. “True. Just like she’s bound to see me swatting you for it.”

I felt my face redden at the thought of getting swatted in front of her. She was what, five years older than me? “Fine. I’ll be nice.”

 

**James**

I volunteered to drive Ramsey to his audition thinking I could practice while he was doing it, but any and all rooms with pianos were in use. So, Jeff and I ended up just waiting around in the hallways. It didn’t take very long, anyway. Only about two dozen students were trying out. The violinists were the largest group and they were in the auditorium. The horns took the music room and the winds were down in the practice rooms. Jeff and I sat in the auditorium to wait for Ramsey’s audition. We were the only ones in the audience, probably because all the other kids drove themselves.

I put my feet up on the seat ahead of me and listened as probably all the first violins in the orchestra auditioned. They were all pretty good, though none of them came close to playing the etude the way I’d heard Ramsey practicing it. I leaned over to whisper to Jeff that none of them compared to our adopted brother, but shut up when it dawned on me that these kids were all better than my youngest brother since he wasn’t even auditioning. I didn’t want to hurt Jeff’s feelings, so I changed what I was going to say to, “Is Ramsey going last?”

Jeff shrugged. “I dunno,” he whispered back. Reaching in his pocket he pulled out a pack of gum. He took one piece and offered me the pack.

“Thanks.”

We chewed gum and blew bubbles through the rest of the auditions. Jeff didn’t buy normal gum like Wrigley’s that came in sticks. No, he liked the softer kinds that came in little cubes that were designed for blowing bubbles. Bubble Yum, Bubblicious... there wasn’t a fruity flavor he didn’t like. Still, it was free so I had no complaints.

Finally, Ramsey took the stage. There were three judges at a table at one side, and Ramsey looked so small all by himself in the otherwise empty stage. I sat up straight, setting my feet on the floor, and Jeff and I both waved when Ramsey glanced out into the seats. He smiled at us then said hello to the judges, before starting to play. All the previous kids had used the music, but he played by memory. I admired that. One of my goals for learning the piano was to be able to play without music someday.

This was about the twelfth time hearing the same music, but I have to say that Ramsey definitely played it the best! He lacked the nervousness that some of the other kids displayed, and approached the piece with energy and precision. As soon as he finished I caught a motion out of the corner of my eye, and grabbed Jeff’s hand before he could start clapping.

“What?!” he whisper-shouted.

“No one else got clapped for. Come on, let’s go meet him outside.”

We met Ramsey in the hallway as he was putting his violin back in its case.

“That was great!” Jeff enthused.

“Yeah? Thanks!”

“Here, have some gum!”

Ramsey stuffed a piece in his mouth, fastened his case, and stood up with it. “What’d you think, James? Did I do alright?”

“I think you have a chance.” Subtlety was lost on him and his face fell slightly. I shoved him lightly. “Idiot. You were fantastic!”

His eyes lit up again. “Thanks!” So needy.

I looked at the closest clock. It was only a little after 10. “You guys want to go to the mall for a while? If we go home now we’ll just be put to work.”

I half-expected them to protest that they wanted to go straight home and help daddy clean up, but to my surprise they both looked at each other and said, “Sure!”

The mall was filled with teenagers, even mid-morning like that. November had begun and it was getting too cold to hang out outside, so what else was there to do? Jeff wanted to go to the arcade, so Ramsey and I went along. It was kind of fun hanging with my little brothers, though I’d never tell them that! We had all gotten our whopping big allowance that morning and I ended up trading in all $3 of mine on quarters for the games. Before noon we had all spent our whole allowances, and then some!

“Everyone out of money?” I asked as ‘Game Over’ flashed on the Galaga screen.

“Yeah,” Jeff said, digging his hands in his jeans pockets and coming up empty.

“I’m out too,” Ramsey confirmed.

“Alright, might as well head home.”

We walked past the haunted house which was in its final two days. Jeff looked at the signs on the windows. “Man, I wanted to go. I wish I’d remembered before I blew all my money at the arcade!”

“Was it fun?” Ramsey asked me.

“Well, yes,” I admitted. “Jeff, you might like it, but Ramsey, I don’t think you would.”

My blonde little brother bristled. “How come? I’m not scared!”

I laughed. “I was scared, though if you tell anyone I’ll pound you.” Ramsey was slightly mollified by that. “Really, though, I doubt you or Brad would like it. There were vampires and stuff.”

“Oh.” Ramsey’s eyes dropped and he stuck his hands in his jacket pockets. “Yeah, I probably wouldn’t like it.”

Before the mood dropped too much, a familiar voice called out, “Hey, James!”

I turned around. “Hey, Ethan, what’s up?”

“Just running some errands. Have to meet up with my parents soon. We’re playing tonight, want to come over?”

“Sure,” I said before I stopped to think about my current lack of funds.

“How about you guys?” Ethan asked my brothers, and I quickly introduced them all.

“Cards?” Ramsey asked, seeming interested.

“Can’t tonight,” Jeff said.

“Maybe some other time?” Ramsey asked.

“Sure,” Ethan said easily. “See ya tonight, James. Seven or eight, whenever you can make it.”

“Okay, catch ya later.”

It wasn’t until we were in the car heading for home that I remembered I was all out of money. Crap!

 

**John**

Grace and I had a nice drive from Rapid City back to Jackson. We had spent countless hours talking on the phone and now the time we were actually together was effortless. Conversation was effortless. Deciding what to do together was effortless. We just seemed to click. As we drew closer to home, however, I started to worry about her spending time with the boys. I tried to imagine dating someone who was responsible for six teens. I tried to imagine if it were the other way around. If Grace was the adoptive mother to six girls, would I run away? The thought of a bunch of girls was slightly scary, not having had any sisters, but I’d like to think I wouldn’t be scared off by it. Grace hadn’t been scared off by the thought of all my boys. She’d met them all at the music festival on my birthday, but that was different than spending a whole day with them.

The house seemed suspiciously quiet as we pulled into the drive, but as soon as I parked, Jeff and Ramsey emerged from the front door to greet us, a big smile on Jeff’s face, and a quiet but friendly one on Ramsey’s.   

“Hi, Grace!” Jeff said, jumping off the porch.

“Hi, Jeff,” she replied with an easy smile for him. She had requested a photo of all seven of us, and had made sure to learn everyone’s names. With the way Jeff beamed at her, it was paying off.

“Hi,” Ramsey said softly before coming over to wrap his arms around my waist somewhat possessively. “Hi, Dad,” he said, while keeping his eyes on my girlfriend.

“Hi, rugrat,” I said, giving him a hug in return, and was rewarded with a happy upturned face. “Let’s go inside. Are the others home?”

“Yeah, everyone’s inside,” Jeff replied.

I reached for Grace’s hand and we went inside, Ramsey still stuck to my side, which made going through the front door slightly awkward. Grace only smiled at the apologetic glance I gave her. She had been forewarned that I didn’t know how the youngest two boys would behave, and I’d told her enough of Ramsey’s history that I figured she would take anything in stride.

The older boys were waiting in the family room. I was pleased to see that the room was picked up, and I was even more pleased when all three stood up to greet Grace, and James immediately walked over to the TV to turn it off. My boys had manners! Some of them, anyway. I still had a 15 year-old leech attached to my side. Brad said hello to Grace then peeled Ramsey away from me, casually putting an arm around the boy’s shoulders to keep him close.

“Come on, I’ll show you around.” I took her for the grand tour, hoping there wouldn’t be any surprises, like dirty laundry on the floor or Daisy messes anywhere. Luckily there weren’t any nasty surprises, though when we got to the upstairs Jeff suddenly emerged from his room, shirt in one hand and a button in the other.

“John? A button came off. Can you help me put it back on?” His innocent look belied the fact that I knew he had outgrown that particular shirt the year before. If a button had indeed fallen off, it hadn’t been any time recently!

“Sure, Jeff, later.”

I didn’t miss the disappointed look in his eyes as he said, “Okay,” and tossed the shirt back in his room. It was evidently not all that important.

The rest of the house tour went off without a hitch, then we went for a walk outside. Ramsey had somehow escaped from his brother, and he and Jeff were in the barn by the time Grace and I got there.

“Do you like goats?” Jeff asked, perching on the fence.

Grace let go my hand to walk closer. “Sure, they’re cute. Are they yours?”

“This one’s mine,” Ramsey said, pointing to the snowy white one.

“Nuh-uh, they’re all Brad’s,” Jeff objected.

“I named him!”

Before they could argue, Grace asked, “What’s her name?”

Ramsey turned his attention to my girlfriend. “Snowdrop.”

“That suits her.”

Ramsey grinned and hopped into the pen, picking up the little goat. “She’s the smallest one, but I like her. Want to pet her?”

Not to be outdone, Jeff quickly picked out the brown goat he had named, picking it up. “You can pet mine too! This is Sugar.” There had been some eye-rolling from Brian and James when Jeff had come up with that name, until he said it was just short for Brown Sugar. Brian had replied that was still a dumb name for a billy goat. Grace smiled at me, then drew close to the pen to scratch both goats behind the ears and oohed and aahed over them. Both my boys lapped up the attention as much as the goats did.

Back at the house a tray had mysteriously appeared on the family room table, loaded with iced tea and enough glasses for everyone. Grace and I helped ourselves, the older boys joining us. Jeff disappeared upstairs, and a few minutes I heard the washing machine running. Laundry wasn’t his job this week, and even if it was, this wasn’t the time to be doing it. What was he up to? He gave me another innocent look when he returned downstairs, and in return I gave him a warning look to behave.

 

**Cutter**

John and Grace retrieved her camera bag from the car and then we went out to take my senior photos. It was nice of her to offer to do them for me. Most of my friends had them taken in August or September, and it wasn’t that I didn’t want to have any, I just kept forgetting. John admitted he had forgotten about them too, so that made me feel better – at least he didn’t get on my case about them!

“Is that what you’re wearing?” John asked, giving my clothes a doubtful look.

“I’m not wearing a suit,” I declared. Unlike some big brothers who had their senior picture taken in light blue suits with wide lapels back in the 70s. I didn’t think he’d appreciate me mentioning that, though. “What’s wrong with them?” I had chosen a dark blue button-down shirt and my usual blue jeans. At least they were clean!

“Casual is alright for outdoor photos, don’t you think?” Grace asked John.

My brother ignored my smirk and shrugged. “I guess. Do you have a blazer you can wear for some of them?”

“No,” I automatically replied, not wanting to bother going all the way back upstairs to search Eddie’s closet. John gave me a look that would have made Jeff squirm. Totally not squirming, I hedged, “Well, maybe, I’ll go check.”

I ran upstairs and soon found a dark brown blazer in Eddie’s closet. It even fit! Mostly.

I guess John and Grace had scouted out some likely locations when they were walking around, because when I rejoined them, we made a beeline out to the barn. Grace had me pose a lot of different ways, like leaning against the corral fence and standing in the doorway of the barn. Then we moved out to some evergreens at the edge of the field and repeated the whole process. About five minutes after we started I thought we probably had some good ones and could finish, but I wasn’t about to hurt Grace’s feelings by acting bored so I gamely went through all the poses until she announced she thought she had enough. Besides, I wasn’t bored. Seeing John interact with Grace made me miss spending time with Amy, but I enjoyed seeing him with his girlfriend.

Jeff came along to ‘help’, carrying Grace’s camera bag, offering to clean her camera lens, generally making a nuisance of himself. It was clear Grace thought he was cute, and I knew John would squash me if I commented on it, so I stayed quiet about it. Plus, it had been almost two years since our parents died, and a part of me liked seeing my baby brother basking in the attention of a woman. I hoped his expectations weren’t too high, though. Even if she and John ended up together, she wasn’t going to be replacing Mom. Grace was just a year older than Eddie. It was too soon to see if she was motherly, but even if she was, she was going to be John’s wife and not our mother.

 

**Jeff**

Taking pictures with my brothers and Grace was so much fun! She let me stand beside her the whole time and whenever she changed the camera settings she explained what she was doing. Photography class last year was fun, but I really learned a lot with this one-on-one time with a professional!

We were having dinner at home. John had made a lasagna the night before, and all James and Ramsey had to do was stick it in the oven. And then they also had to make a salad and make French bread. James volunteered to do the salad since Ramsey still wasn’t entirely comfortable cutting things up, so Ramsey was going to make the bread and warm it in the oven. I ran into the kitchen ahead of the others to check on the progress. The table was already set and the salad was in the center, and Ramsey gave me a thumbs-up, meaning that our plan was right on track. He had a worried expression on his face, though, so I asked him what was wrong.

“I think we’re gonna get in trouble,” he whispered.

“No, we won’t. We’re helping!”

He gave me a skeptical look and said, “I don’t think this’ll pass the daddy test.”

A chill came over me at that. This most definitely wouldn’t pass the daddy test! “It’s not a prank or a dare, though. We’ll be fine!”

“Besides, I love lasagna and I don’t like wasting food.”

So many objections! “It doesn’t have to be ruined, just... almost ruined. Look, put some cheese on the bottom of the oven, and that’ll burn really fast, and the rest of it will be fine.”

“Well, okay, but I still don’t like it.”

Next I dashed upstairs to check on the laundry. I had washed some old white rags and some of my outgrown t-shirts with bright red socks, and now everything was pink. Perfect! Feigning dismay, I grabbed one of the pink shirts and sadly went downstairs. John and Grace were chatting with my other brothers waiting for dinner to be ready. I stopped at the foot of the stairs, a pout on my face.

John looked up. “What’s wrong, Jeff?”

Wordlessly, I held up the t-shirt as if it was the greatest tragedy to ever befall me.

“What happened?” Cutter laughed.

“I messed up doing the laundry. I guess there were some red socks in the washing machine, and now all our t-shirts are pink!”

Saying ‘our’ got rid of Cutter’s mocking tone! “Mine too?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. How do I fix it?” I turned beseeching eyes on Grace.

“It’s almost dinnertime,” John said. “We’ll deal with it later, Jeff.”

“But then the stains will set, won’t they, Grace?”

Grace looked from me to John then back to me. “Do you have any bleach?”

I looked at John, who shook his head.

“How about vinegar?”

I knew we had that for making crazy cake! “We have vinegar. I’ll go get it. Meet you upstairs?” I dashed off before she could reply.

The vinegar was in the cupboard right next to the cocoa powder we used for making our crazy cakes. I grabbed it and went up the back staircase, hoping Grace had gone up to the laundry room. She had, but so had John. My dad didn’t seem all that pleased with me. I gulped and handed Grace the vinegar bottle, brightly saying, “Here it is! Now what do we do?”

“Well, first we have to get the red socks out of the washer. Did you already do that?”

“No, I didn’t think of that. I’m not too good at this kind of stuff.”

Grace smiled at that, but John’s eyes narrowed dangerously at me. I quickly opened the top of the machine and fished around, pulling out the slightly less-red socks and tossing them into the empty laundry basket.

“Okay, now we just need to rewash the pink clothes with a cup of vinegar.”

I poured about a cup of the vinegar into the top and started to close the door.

“Add detergent too. It needs both.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks, Grace! You’re awesome at this!”

I added the detergent and started the machine. With a last smile at me, Grace headed out the laundry room door to go downstairs. I started after her, but John held me back with a hand on my shoulder. Leaning down he fiercely whispered, “I don’t know what you’re up to, but whatever it is, just stop. Stop. Understand?”

The game was up. “Yessir,” I whispered back. He squeezed my shoulder and straightened back up, and we went out to the hallway. No sooner had we started down the stairs than the kitchen smoke alarm went off! Uh oh.

 

**John**

In the hallway everything was peaceful and quiet, the sounds of cheerful chatter from the boys in the family room, the enticing smell of almost-finished lasagna baking in the kitchen. I didn’t know what Jeff was up to with his behavior, but I hoped my words to him in the laundry room had put an end to it. He and I followed Grace downstairs just as chaos erupted.

Just as I was noticing the sudden smell of something burning, the kitchen smoke alarm went off. Brian and James jumped up from the sofa and ran to the kitchen, but even as they were going one direction, a blonde kid was running the opposite way. I was bowled over at the bottom of the stairs by a panicked Ramsey. The force of his 100 or so pounds knocked me back a step into the railing.

“Oof!” I steadied him and headed for the kitchen, pulling him reluctantly along with me. Well, leeches had to go where their hosts went, and I wanted to see what had happened.

By the time I entered the kitchen the alarm was silenced. Brian was taking the lasagna out of the oven while clouds of smoke wafted out around him. James was opening the windows to clear the air. Brad had come in too, and was looking on in confusion. Grace turned off the oven, closed the door to trap the rest of the smoke, and went to assist Brian with the lasagna. Jeff, well, my youngest brother was standing off to one side with the guiltiest look ever. He stood lightly on the balls of his feet, ready to bolt. And Ramsey, he still had his arms wrapped tightly around me and was shaking in fear.

Brian glanced over at me, took in Ramsey’s stance, and said, “We got this, John.”

“Thanks,” I replied, turning my attention to Ramsey. Taking a few steps to the side, I pulled out one of the kitchen chairs and sat down, my son easily sinking sideways onto my lap.

“Is it a t-tornado?” he stuttered.

“A tornado?” Well, all the chaos in the kitchen might lead one to believe a natural disaster had hit, but I didn’t think that was what he meant.

“Th’larm.”

“Oh...” That might explain Brad’s bewilderment too. “No, there’s no tornado. That’s the smoke alarm.” I pointed to the ceiling, Ramsey and Brad both looking. “It goes off when there’s smoke in the air. It lets you know there’s a problem.”

“There’s a fire extinguisher in the pantry,” James helpfully pointed out. “Want me to get it?”

I nodded at him, and he promptly retrieved the extinguisher. During my brief explanation of how it worked, Ramsey slowly stopped trembling as the part of him that loved to learn new things won out over the terrified part of him.

“Can we try it out?” he asked quietly.

“That’s a very good idea. Tomorrow we’ll go to town and get another one to try out. How does that sound?”

“Okay.” Ramsey took a deep breath, then looked up and noticed everyone else watching us. The chaos had been tamed, the smoke was clearing, and the others were listening to our talk about smoke alarms and fire extinguishers. When he suddenly realized he was sitting on my lap in front of Grace, he turned pink then made a mad dash for the back staircase.

“I’m sorry,” Jeff squeaked. He had remained motionless at the side of the kitchen, but now he ran past us all, following Ramsey upstairs.

I sighed and stood up. To my brothers I said, “Call out for pizza or something, will you?” To Grace, I said, “Sorry, will you excuse me for a few minutes?”

Both boys’ doors were closed. I rapped softly on Ramsey’s then opened it. He was laying on his stomach in bed, a pillow over his head. I sat beside him and gently rubbed his back.

“It’s okay, Ramsey.” When he remained buried I lifted the pillow away and patted his behind. “Turn over so we can talk.”

Ramsey obeyed, groaning as he did so. “I’m so embarrassed!”

No sign of tears, that was good. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed over.”

“I acted like a baby! She must think I’m an idiot!”

“No... you acted like someone who lived through a tornado and was taken by surprise when an alarm went off. That’s my fault, rugrat. I should have made sure you and Brad knew all about the smoke alarms before this.”

Eyes flashed vehemently. “Yes, you should have!”

I reached over and patted his behind again, slightly firmer this time.

“Sorry, Dad, I’m just... mortified.”

He was using one of my favorite words, and I allowed myself a small smile. “No reason to be mortified.”

“And I was sitting on your lap! In front of Grace!”

“Absolutely nothing wrong with that. She knows you’re my son and I love you very much. I’m not going to stop being your dad just because she’s here.”

I practically saw Ramsey’s indignation melt away at that, and a slow smile spread across his face. “I love you too, Dad.”

There was a knock and when Ramsey and I simultaneously called, “Come in,” the door opened to reveal a distraught Jeff.

I held a hand out to him and he shuffled over. “I’m sorry, Dad. I’m sorry, Ramsey.”

Jeff sat cross-legged at the foot of the bed. Ramsey sat up and I turned to sit sideways so we were all facing each other. “What happened?”

“It was all my idea,” Jeff started, then fell silent and started tracing the pattern on the bedspread.

“Does this have anything to do with the pink laundry and the button?”

“Yeah,” he admitted.

I waited for an explanation, but when none came I asked, “Was this all a test for Grace?”

That startled Jeff into looking up. “A test? No, not a test. Just... I thought if she saw how incompetent we were, she would know how much we needed her. I asked Ramsey to let some cheese burn, so she’d think we couldn’t cook either.”

“I see.” I thought about that a moment. “I can see what you were trying to do, Jeff, but I don’t think that was the right approach.” It was pretty bone-headed, actually. “She’s going to think we just want her around to cook and clean and sew for us.”

“Well, that’s what moms do, right?”

My heart broke for my youngest brother who only got 12 years with our wonderful mother. “That’s what _our_ mom did. Not all moms stay at home. Not all of them enjoy cooking and cleaning, and, well, I don’t think Mom particularly enjoyed cleaning, but she did it because she loved us.” I poked Jeff on the knee. “She also taught us all how to do some of those things too, didn’t she, Jeff? I know you know how to sew on a button and check for red socks in a load of white clothes.”

He nodded, sniffing, and brushed at his eyes.

“Grace is 22. If- _if_ she and I end up together, she’s not going to be joining the family to wait on us. She’s got her photography and I know she wants to keep doing that even after she marries and has a family. I’m not bringing her – or _any_ young woman – into this family just to take care of us.”

“Won’t she want to?” Jeff asked in a choked voice.

“She might.” I strongly thought Grace _would_ want to take care of everyone. From what I’d seen of her so far, I thought she’d make a good partner for me in taking care of a family. “Loving people and taking care of them is a far sight different from holding auditions for a housekeeper. I’m sure you don’t want Grace thinking that’s our only interest in her. There’s so much more to her than that.”

I thumbed away a few tears that were making their way down Jeff’s cheek. Ramsey, meanwhile, was silently drinking in the conversation about the role of women in our family.

“I didn’t mean to audition her. I’m sorry, Dad,” Jeff said.

“Come here.” I gently pulled Jeff’s arm until he was close enough to hug, and a moment later Ramsey joined in. “Are you both good? Should we go see what kind of pizza your brothers are ordering?”

“I’m sorry,” Jeff repeated, Ramsey echoing the words this time.

“Jeff, go wash your face then come on downstairs. Come on, Ramsey.”

Ramsey shyly trailed behind me. Someone had moved all the plates and things from the kitchen table out to the family room table. The salad was set out and the lasagna was on trivets.

“The lasagna was fine,” Brian said. “There was just some burnt cheese at the bottom of the oven. We cleaned that off and the bread is heating up now.”

“Thanks,” I said to all of them, not knowing who was responsible for what, but figuring they all had a hand in the preparations.

Grace walked over to us, wrapping an arm around my waist and drawing Ramsey out from behind me with her other hand. “Are you alright?”

“Yessum,” he replied quietly, darting a quick look at her before dropping his eyes away.

She lightly brushed his hair away in a gesture that reminded me of myself, and smiled. “You don’t need to call me ma’am.”

“No’m,” he promptly mumbled. At least he was agreeable, even if he didn’t follow her advice. For my part, I wasn’t going to do anything to discourage this sign of respect. She might only be seven years older than him but she was an adult and if we got married, she would be an authority figure to him. Knowing the way Ramsey’s mind worked, she was no doubt already an authority figure to him. I wasn’t going to discourage that.

Grace smiled at us both, then asked, “Is Jeff coming down? Dinner’s ready.”

“Jeff!” Brian shouted up the stairs, grinning at the scowl I tossed his way.

James went to retrieve the French bread while Jeff sheepishly came down, and the rest of us found our places at the table. Brian pointed me to the head of the table. Unlike the kitchen table which was round, the family room table was rectangular. I had planned to have Grace sit beside me in the kitchen, but the kids evidently had other plans now.

“You’re here, Grace,” Brian said grandly, patting the back of the chair opposite me.

She and I exchanged looks, and when I saw she was okay with it, I nodded and she sat down. I’d have to kill Brian later. When all the boys had taken their seats, I looked around at the table. Eddie was missing, but otherwise we were all here. Seeing the beautiful young woman at the other end of the table in the ‘mom’ spot, with me at the head of the table, it made it all the more real to me what I was trying to do here. Finding a woman to complete our family, not just any woman, but the right one. And complete our family? In a way, but it would also be opening the door to creating an even bigger family. After our full day and all the help that went into creating the meal and the efforts to pull us out of the recent chaos, it seemed wrong to just dig in, so with six pairs of eyes on me, I held my hands out to either side for Ramsey and James to grasp. “Let’s say grace.”

 

**James**

After dinner John left with Grace to drive her home. Before they left Jeff apologized to Grace, saying something about how he just wanted her to know we would love her for her and it didn’t even matter if she didn’t want to cook because he was learning how to. Ramsey piped up at that and said he loved to cook. Then Jeff went on about how it was just an accident with the laundry and he usually wasn’t so clumsy. John stopped him at that point saying all was forgiven, and then they were out the door.

Jeff and Ramsey took Daisy outside for a walk on the leash. Brad and Cutter and I looked at each other in the sudden quiet, then all started laughing. What a night! We cleaned up the kitchen and table, then Cutter turned on the TV. My younger brothers soon returned, and they settled on the sofas with the others and our dog. A glance at the clock told me it was only 7:30.

“I’m gonna go to Ethan’s,” I announced, grabbing my jacket.

They were both surprised by that. “Be back by eleven,” Cutter said.

I rolled my eyes. We didn’t have curfews. No, we had bedtimes, and generally if we were going out we had to ask permission and then were given a time to be back by.

“Did you ask John?” Brad asked.

I rolled my eyes again. “He won’t mind, so long as I’m not back late.”

“It’s your butt,” Cutter said, flipping the channels.

“Yeah. Hey, can I borrow some money?”

The look Cutter gave me was too-knowing. “What for?”

I shrugged. “You know, in case we get pizza or something later.”

“You just ate.”

“Yeah, but if everyone else chips in, I have to too. Come on, just five or ten?”

My brother smirked. “What’s the magic word?”

“Please?”

Cutter dug a five out his wallet and handed it to me.

“Thanks.” I spied another five in there. “Five more, maybe?”

“No.”

“Brad?”

I knew they both had lots of money saved up from the summer. Next summer I was definitely getting a job too!

Brad took out his own wallet and handed me a ten.

Cutter watched, then asked, “When do you propose to pay us back?”

Tomorrow, I thought. After I win big tonight. “I dunno, but I will.”

“That’s five weeks’ worth of allowances right there,” he cautioned. “Don’t spend it all on pizza.”

Yeah, five weeks for me since I got $3 a week. He had graduated to $5 a week with his last birthday. Thanks for the reminder. “I won’t,” I groused. “Thanks, guys. Back later!”

With the money I had gotten from my brothers I had exactly... $15. My hopes for a winning night flew out the window when I saw Ethan’s cousin Rob was there along with his friend Mac. I was kind of annoyed all night. We’d had fun on Halloween. Why did we have to go back to playing poker for money? Ethan, Sam, and Joe were cool guys and played for fun, even though money was involved. We were all pretty evenly matched and one minute one of us would be up, and the next hand someone else would be. No big deal. Rob and Mac and their other friend Jace took it a lot more seriously and it wasn’t nearly as fun.

After losing several hands in a row Sam sat out a few rounds. The competitiveness in me didn’t let me do that, though. No, it just got my adrenaline to flowing. I was determined to show the older guys that they weren’t any better! I was down just like Sam was but slowly, hand after hand, I gradually turned the tide until I managed to claw my way back up from $7 to $12. And then, a miracle happened! Four jacks – four of a kind! I hid my excitement, trading in one card, knowing whatever I drew would scarcely matter.

Rob must have had a good hand too, because he kept raising the bid until it was $25! Ethan folded, but Joe and Mac and I stayed in. Joe was short of cash just like me so he wrote an IOU note for $5, so I quickly wrote one for $13 and tossed it in the pile. There was no way I was going to lose, and after this hand I’d be rich! I could pay my brothers back and have enough money to finance more poker games for weeks!

One by one we laid down our hands. Joe had a flush, five hearts. My hand beat his! Mac had a full house, three queens and two fives. Still not as good as my hand! I laid mine down next and Joe high-fived me, happy that I could beat the older guys even if he couldn’t. Then with a smirk that slowly spread across his face, Rob laid down his cards. My heart sunk as I saw all spades, from the ten down to the six. A straight flush. Crap!

“I believe this is mine,” he said, raking the pot to him.

“Damn it,” Joe muttered.

“Shall we call it a night?” Mac asked. I don’t know why he was so smug, he hadn’t won either.

“You gotta give us a chance to win back our losses,” I objected.

Rob grinned and said sure. Stupid me! I should have taken my losses when I was only in the hole by $13. By the end of the night I was down $65, with Rob holding $45 of my IOUs and Mac the other $20. The idea that I was in debt to these guys soured my stomach.

Rob and Mac finally left us about 10:30, off to a bar they said, to spend some of their hard-won cash.

“Well, that sucked,” commented Ethan. Earlier he had run upstairs to dig into a secret stash of money which he then promptly lost.

“I don’t want to play with them anymore,” Sam said, and the rest of us agreed.

“I’ll tell Rob,” Ethan said with a shrug. “They’re too good and I hate losing all the time too.”

“Me too,” I added.

Joe nodded. His IOUs had joined mine in the older guys’ pockets. Difference was, I bet he’d have a much easier time paying them off.

 

**John**

I dropped Grace at her apartment, standing outside the door in the glow of the porch light. She thanked me for a wonderful day, and I thanked her for taking Brian’s photos and braving an entire day with my family.

“I hope the boys didn’t scare you away.”

“No, not at all. It’s fun to have so many people around.”

“I’m glad. And again, I’m sorry about Jeff.” I had explained Jeff’s reasoning on the drive home.

She laughed. “It’s alright, John. I understand. It was kind of sweet, really, him wanting me to feel at home.”

“Putting you to work, more like, the little stinker.”

“Yes, but he meant well.”

We fell silent and her eyes glittered invitingly. I leaned in for a kiss and she brought her arms up around my neck. I wrapped my own around her, loving the feel of her body against mine and kissed her again, a slow, lingering one, tasting her as her lips parted slightly. After a few minutes I reluctantly pulled back. “I should let you go. Goodnight, Grace.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope no one thinks John is a chauvinist for wanting to drive Grace back and forth. My next door neighbor told me how her late husband drove 3 hours each way every single Saturday when they were dating (ages ago!). And really, with how protective he is towards everyone, I can't see John being comfortable with Grace taking that drive through the hills in the dark by herself. Not when he could be there with her!
> 
> James... how's he going to get out of this mess? :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	20. Authority

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talk, talk, talk, of course :)

**Saturday, November 2nd**

**James**

Saturday night when I got home everyone was still up waiting for _Saturday Night Live_ to come on TV, and John was back from taking Grace home. It was strange to think that he’d driven all the way to Rapid City and back in less time than it took me to lose $80. $80! How was I going to get that much money? My brothers had that much, but there was no way they’d lend it to me. I thought back to Cutter’s sanctimonious comment about how the $15 I’d borrowed from him and Brad would take five weeks of allowance to pay back. Crap. Crap! I’d been so sure I would win, or at least not lose it all! And not only that, but IOUs? How stupid was I?! I felt sick and clammy and jittery all at once when I got home Saturday night. I just wanted to go up to bed and let my mind race while it tried to figure out how I was going to get $80.

All of my brothers were lounging around the family room, talking quietly about the day with Grace, rehashing the picture taking and dinner and the nonsense Jeff got up to. They all seemed so peaceful and happy, and the contrast to my own situation just made the knots in my stomach even worse.

“Hi,” I responded to their greetings, and made for the stairs.

“Come join us,” John said, patting the spot on the sofa right beside him.

I hesitated, one hand on the railing to go upstairs.

My oldest brother laughed gently. “Come on. You’re not in trouble. They told me you were going out.”

If only that were the extent of my worries.

Cutter smirked. “I gave him a curfew.” With an exaggerated glance back at the grandfather clock, he said, “You made it with ten minutes to spare. Good for you, James!”

“Oh, shut up,” I said weakly, crossing the room to sit heavily beside John. “He can’t give me a curfew, can he?”

John put an arm around my shoulders. “Sounds like he did.”

“Yeah, but is he allowed to? He’s only a year older than me.”

My oldest brother gave me a fond look that did nothing to dispel my anxiety. “Who’s in charge when I’m away?”

I sighed. “Brad and Cutter. But what if I hadn’t made it in time?” My real question was, ‘surely Cutter doesn’t get to punish me, does he?’ I would die.

“He’s not going to punish you, if that’s what you’re asking.” John smiled. “I doubt he could hold you down for it.”

“Brad could help,” Cutter said, and Brad laughed, shaking his head.

“Seriously, though,” John continued. “I don’t think it’s unreasonable for Brad or Brian to tell you what time to come home if they’re in charge, do you?”

“No, not really.”

“Besides,” Brad interjected, his expression growing more serious. “You gave Cutter authority over you.”

“What?” I asked on behalf of all the other confused boys in the room. Even John leaned forward, interested in Brad’s reasoning.

Brad reddened slightly at being the focus of attention. He cleared his throat then explained, “You could have protested when Cutter gave you that curfew, but you didn’t. That gave him implicit- explicit- that was as good as saying you were fine with it and you accepted his authority.”

John smiled at Brad while Cutter sat there with the smuggest expression ever. I thought about what Brad said, and he wasn’t far wrong. I hadn’t asked John about going to Ethan’s, I hadn’t even asked Brad or Cutter for permission, I had just announced I was going. If they’d both spoken up and told me ‘no’, I probably would have stayed home. Cutter telling me what time to come home was as good as giving me permission, and I had taken it as such. 

“I guess,” I admitted to Brad, ignoring Cutter. I wish they _had_ told me to stay home. I slouched down on the sofa, leaning against John slightly and tiredly closing my eyes.

“How’d you come out, anyway?” Cutter asked. “You win?”

My eyes shot open and I looked at my brother in alarm. His superior air had passed and I saw only friendly interest from him. I tried to hide my sudden fear that he somehow knew I had played for money.

“No, it wasn’t my night,” I replied as casually as I could. To change the subject I asked, “Did Grace have fun today?”

Everyone jumped eagerly back to the topic of the day and I slunk further down on the sofa, safe from further questions about my own evening. When _Saturday Night Live_ started John and Brad headed up for bed. I stayed a few minutes longer then followed. I was still awake when Jeff quietly entered our room an hour and a half later, though I pretended to be asleep. It was a horribly restless night with little sleep.

 

**Brad**

John came to say goodnight, since we’d gone to bed at the same time. He pulled the desk chair out, turning it around and sitting on it with his right ankle propped up on his left knee. He did that sometimes when he anticipated a discussion. Other nights he just poked his head in for a quicker ‘goodnight’.

“That was pretty insightful tonight.”

I didn’t pretend not to know what he was talking about. “Yeah, well, I’ve kind of been thinking about it.”

“Oh yeah?” He leaned back to listen.

“Yeah.” I sat up slightly, pressing my back against the headboard. “Like...” I thought for a second trying to decide how to word it so he would understand. Just because it was clear in my own mind didn’t mean I could explain it to him. “Like, there’s natural authority, like when someone has a kid.”

John nodded. “That’s true.”

“Or when someone adopts one.”

He nodded again, his slow smile warming me like it always did when we talked about me being part of his family. Our family.

“And so in this family, you’ve got all the authority.”

“Mhm.”

“Except for what you give to us. Like when you’re away, and Cutter and I are in charge.”

“Mhm.”

“But ours has limits. And we’re answerable to you if we... overstep.”

Another nod.

I looked at the door, to make sure it was still closed. “I think Cutter was half joking when he told James to be home by 11, but James accepted it, so it became like a rule, or an order.”

“And James accepted Brian’s authority.”

“James _gave_ it to him,” I clarified. “They’re so close in age, and if James didn’t want to do what Cutter told him to, Cutter would have a hard time making him.”

John looked thoughtful, then gave a wry grin. “Maybe not all that hard. I think Brian still has the upper hand.”

“Yeah, but not much. I mean, James could make things difficult if he wanted to, but he didn’t.” Looking my young dad in the eye I added, “Kind of like me and you.”

Not losing his smile, he crossed his arms and ordered, “Explain.”

I grinned. “Well, you adopted me, so you’ve got authority over me. But you’re not that much older, and I _am_ 18, so technically I could do my own thing and make my own decisions.” John’s expression grew a bit wary. To reassure him that I wasn’t intending to become a rebel I laughed and said, “I _could_. But I don’t. Harmony in the family and between us is more important than doing my own thing. I don’t want to make trouble. And I don’t want to be _in_ trouble.” And by that I meant I never wanted to go over his knee again, and from the amusement in his eyes I could tell he knew exactly what I meant. “So,” I continued. “You have natural authority over me cos you adopted me, but I’ve also given you authority over me, to like, keep the peace.”

“You _have_ given this a lot of thought.”

“Mhm. I know I still have a lot to learn about families and-” being a man and a father and if John married Grace before I married Heather, a husband, “-and stuff. You don’t need me being a rebel and challenging your authority and stuff.”

“It’s natural to challenge authority at times. It’s part of becoming an adult.”

“Can’t I skip that part?” I asked, only half joking.

John laughed gently. “Yes, you can. You know your place in the family doesn’t depend on you behaving though, right? We’ve discussed it before.”

“I know.” Grinning hugely I said, “You’ll love me no matter what I do.”

“I will, brat.” He hadn’t called me a brat before and it made me laugh now. We sat in comfortable silence for a minute, then he asked, “What brought this all on?”

“Just thinking things through. There are a lot of good role models in my life now, like you and Eddie and Scott and Mr. McCall, a lot of good men in my life. And I’m just learning all I can from you guys, cos... when I marry Heather, I want to be a good husband and father. And...” I looked away, suddenly uncomfortable. “I don’t know exactly how authority enters into it, but I’ve just been observing it. Things run more smoothly when everyone isn’t out to be in charge all the time. I mean, you’re in charge and that’s a fact, but you don’t insist on your own way all the time. Before-” I took a breath, “-Carl... he...”

John put his leg down on the floor and leaned forward slightly with his elbows on his knees. He patiently waited for me to go on.

“Carl was older, so he had the authority, but it wasn’t natural. And he... he always had to be right and have his own way. I don’t want to be like that.”

“It’s natural that he took charge, don’t you think? He was so much older than you guys.”

“Yeah, but he didn’t do it the right way. He just ran off with us.”

“He was doing his best to protect you, at least in the beginning.”

“Yeah, but he just took us. He just like, assumed authority over us. He didn’t give us a chance to accept it, or give it to him, he just demanded it.”

John sighed. “I’m not going to defend Carl. I can’t justify what happened. I will say one thing, though.”

“What’s that?”

“I realize now what a gift you’ve given me, accepting me as your dad. Accepting my authority.”

“Giving you the authority,” I agreed, the warm feeling returning to my chest, dispelling the cold feeling that talking about Carl had momentarily brought.

“Thank you.” He got up from the chair and leaned over the bed, kissing me on the forehead. “Goodnight, son.”

“Goodnight... Dad.”

 

**Sunday, November 3rd**

**John**

“Let’s rake some leaves!”

Ramsey, who had been descending the stairs when I made that proclamation, immediately started back up. “I-I have homework to do, Dad.”

“Me too,” Jeff declared, jumping up from the sofa where he’d been lazing about watching a war movie.

“I’ll help,” Brad offered. “Lemme change first.” He had just come home from the McCalls’ and was suspiciously dressed up.

Brad hadn’t said anything, but I figured he had started attending church with our neighbors. He had even spent some of his hard-earned money on a couple of new button-down shirts and a new pair of leather shoes. I had started to tell him he didn’t need to buy his own clothes, but he had smiled and proudly said that he wanted to do this, so I just clapped him on the shoulder.

Not to be outdone by Brad (and apparently not as concerned about his homework as his youngest brothers), Brian dropped his pencil onto one of his school books and stood up from the family room table, stretching. “I’ll come help too. We don’t need the squirts, anyway.”

Maybe not the nicest comment, but the rest of us nodded in agreement. With any luck this would be the last time we had to rake leaves this Fall, and I was all for avoiding having to punish Jeff and Ramsey for shirking... again.

“James?” I asked, looking at the youngest boy left in the room. Something was up with James. He had been distracted all day long. For the last hour he had been at the table across from Brian, head leaned on his left hand, apparently deep in thought, but not doing his homework.

“Yeah?” he asked, startled out of his reverie.

“Want to help rake leaves? Hopefully for the last time until next year.”

James scrunched up his face, but after a glance at the older boys who were readying themselves, he nodded. “Okay.”

Brad and Brian attacked the lawn with gusto, wanting to get it over with. James worked dutifully, if not with the same level of energy as the others. I kept an eye on him as we worked. He was quiet, almost despondent, and didn’t join in the conversations the rest of us engaged in. After about half an hour he straightened suddenly, eyes flitting to mine, his whole countenance brightening with an idea.

“Hey, John?”

“Yes?”

“When we’re done with this, I’m going to town, okay?”

Judging by the sun’s low position in the sky, I tried to figure out what he wanted to do in town. It was mid-afternoon already. “What do you need in town?” If he wanted to go to Ethan’s I was prepared to say ‘no’. He’d spent enough time there for one weekend.

“I want to look for a job!”

“A job?” I asked, dumbfounded.

“Why now?” Brian asked, leaning on his rake.

James shrugged. “Just thought it would be good to earn some extra money.”

I shook my head at his idea. “No. Summer was the time for getting a job, but you didn’t want to.”

“But I do now!” Amazing how my 16 year-old brother could still whine like an 8 year-old.

“No. If you need money for something, I’ll give it to you.” Brad and Brian glanced at each other at that, Brian smirking. What was that about? “If it’s reasonable,” I added, to be on the safe side.

James’s face fell again. “Lots of other kids my age have part time jobs.”

“Lots of other kids do lots of things you don’t get to do.”

“It’s not fair.”

I shrugged. “Since when is life fair? I want your focus on school during the school year, not on a part time job.”

“Not fair,” he grumbled, returning his attention to the raking and attacking the lawn.

Hopefully he would remember this frustration and let it motivate him to get a job next summer.

“Look, we’re almost done,” Brad commented, with a smile for me, letting me know he was just changing the subject.

“We sure are,” I agreed.

“What’s for dinner?” Brian asked.

“How about Steak-umms?”

Steak-umms were a favorite, though with six of us we usually went through three boxes of the thin steak strips, so we didn’t have them too often. Even James came out of his funk long enough to add his enthusiasm for the idea before he started drifting away again. I resolved to pay more attention to my younger brother, figuring he just needed more one-on-one time.

 

**Ramsey**

“That’s not a tie-fighter!” Jeff declared.

I held up my Lego creation. “Yes, it is!”

“The wings are too thick.”

“Well, duh. I had to make them in two layers.” I held up one of the green lawn boards. “Unless we color these black and find a way to cut them.”

“No way.”

I glared at Jeff. “Well, you need more Legos. I did the best I could. Anyway, they’re better than your spaceship.”

He proudly held his up for scrutiny. “My x-wing is perfect, absolutely perfect.”

It wasn’t, but we squabbled away about our Lego efforts, happy to be inside playing rather than outside raking leaves. Occasionally one of us poked his head over the windowsill to see the rest of our family raking away.

“Saps,” Jeff snickered the last time he looked out.

I shifted slightly, wincing as I knelt on a Lego. “I hope we don’t get in trouble.”

“Why would we get in trouble?”

“Cos we’re playing and not doing homework or helping.”

He struck a pose like a TV lawyer about to make a wonderful point. “Yeah, but we didn’t say we were going to _do_ our homework, just that we had some.”

I knew John wouldn’t think much of that distinction. “We’ll have to get it done today sometime.”

“Yeah, but not right now.” Jeff grinned. “It’s too much fun to be playing Legos while they’re outside working!”

He started flying his x-wing around the room, making sound effects. I smiled at him but didn’t join in. I never did. Jeff was always making his toys talk or flying them around, but I didn’t know how. I couldn’t remember ever playing like that. Life with Carl was always a lot more serious than to allow for childish play like that. I started making a Millennium Falcon using blue and red Legos while Jeff swooped all over the room. I was envious of his ability just to be free  to be silly, and it made me kind of sad. I was much too self-conscious to let go like that, anyway. The thought of being self-conscious reminded me of Grace witnessing me sitting on John’s lap the day before and I felt a flush come over my face. I concentrated on my project hoping Jeff wouldn’t notice.

After another two minutes buzzing around the room, Jeff rejoined me on the floor. “Do you think John’s going to marry Grace?” he asked.

“Maybe.”

“I like her. Do you like her?”

“She’s nice.”

“I think she’ll make a good mom,” Jeff decided. “She knows how to do stuff.”

“You and your stupid tests,” I snorted. “You’re lucky we didn’t get in trouble.”

“Probably would have except for the smoke alarm going off.”

“Yeah,” I agreed uncomfortably.

“But still, I like her.”

“Me too.” Before this circular conversation could go on, we heard the front door open and our brothers came in.

Jeff and I looked at each other in alarm, then simultaneously started shoving all the Legos under the bed, not even bothering to put them in their big cardboard box. We were careful not to break apart our completed spaceships, though!

A pounding of feet up the staircase ended with Jeff’s door being thrown open. Cutter stood there and I could tell he wasn’t the least bit fooled by the suddenly cleared carpet. “Where’s your books?”

“What’s it to you?” Jeff smarted back. I was glad he replied, because my books were still in my own room!

“It’s your butts,” Cutter replied with a shrug. “Speaking of butts, John wants both of you to get yours downstairs. Now.” That last word was said rather ominously.

“Are we in trouble?” I asked anxiously.

Jeff tried to laugh off my question. “There’s nothing to be in trouble for! Um, come on, Ramsey.” He brushed past Cutter out of the room.

I followed, still wondering if my butt was in jeopardy. I figured it was, for lying about doing my homework if nothing else. Was John mad that we didn’t want to rake leaves? My worry must have shown on my face, because Cutter gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze as I went by, and he winked. The anxiety rolled off me at that. He wouldn’t wink if I was on my way downstairs to get scolded or punished! I grinned back at him and jumped down the stairs three at a time, using the handrails to swing my way down.

“What’s up, Dad?” I asked, finding him in the kitchen with Jeff, who was already looking more relaxed seeing that John didn’t appear mad.

John was washing his hands. “Homework all done?”

“Um, not yet,” I said.

Dad shook water droplets off his hands, reached for a towel, then turned to face Jeff and me. “Well, can you boys take a break long enough to fry up Steak-umms for dinner?”

“I’ll do it!” we both exclaimed, racing for the freezer. I don’t know why, but frying Steak-umms was a lot of fun. They started off all frozen and pink, then as they started to cook it became possible to separate them, and just minutes later they were all done. I beat Jeff to the freezer and reached for the boxes. My brother tried grabbing them away from me and we ended up tussling over them. Over Jeff’s shoulder I saw John watching us in disbelief.

“Boys. Boys! Enough!”

We broke apart, panting and grinning. “Hah! I still have two!” I crowed. The boxes were kind of squashed out of shape, but it’s not like that mattered.

Jeff pouted for half a second since he’d only managed to take one of the packages out of my hand, then grinned again, making a half-hearted effort to grab one again.

“Jeffrey!” John said sharply. Jeff left off and next we raced for the frying pan. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you two today,” John mused, watching us. “Ramsey, use the electric one. Jeff, use the stove. You can both fry them.”

Jeff and I glanced at each other. Why didn’t we think of that?! I got the electric frying pan out of the cupboard, while Jeff turned on the stove. It took a ridiculously short time to fry them all, and now we had twice the mess to wash up. Still, we both got to do it, so we were cool with it!

We put the Steak-umms on rolls and put them all on a tray and I carried it out to the family room. Jeff followed with a couple bags of chips, and we all ate dinner on the sofas, talking about Grace and our plans for the upcoming week.

As we finished Cutter nudged Brad and the two of them got up and went out the back door. About ten minutes after that Cutter shouted for us to come outside. John seemed to know what was going on, but James and Jeff and I put our coats on, wondering what was up.

Our older brothers had started a fire in the fire pit we had used during the summer, and Cutter stood beside it with a huge fire extinguisher. “Come on, guys, practice time!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope John's and Brad's conversation made sense. Up next, James takes the first steps towards getting the money he needs :)
> 
> Thanks for reading and commenting! :)


	21. Affording Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two greedy little boys in this chapter... and one worried one.

**Tuesday, November 5th**

**James**

“James! Wait up!”

I was halfway out the door to the garage when John called me back, an envelope in his hand. He held it out and I saw ‘Mrs. Lewis’ written on the outside. Money for November’s piano lessons.

“Thanks,” I said, taking it from him, smiling uncertainly as a sudden thought crossed my mind. Forty dollars, that was half of what I needed to pay everyone back and here it had been literally handed to me.

“Have a good day at school.”

“I will. Bye!”

**..»º*º«..**

The money in my locker haunted my thoughts all through my morning classes and I bombed a quiz in economics because of it. It was a pop quiz, one of those where you exchange papers with another student and grade them in class. Cutter and Amy graded each other’s, of course, but my brother made a point of looking at my paper afterwards and acting shocked when he saw I’d only gotten four out of the ten questions right.

“Shut up,” I whispered, not really in the mood to be teased. So far I’d been doing better in the class than him. I had started off the year all competitive, but it turned out my brother didn’t care much about economics so there was no point. Cutter was just using it as an elective that he could take with his girlfriend. I was interested in economics, very much so, so I’d been studying a lot. It sucked that I was too distracted to do well on this quiz!

At lunchtime Cutter and Amy went out to the parking lot to eat in the Impala, and probably make out. Jeff disappeared into the computer room and I went to sit with my new friends. I fit in pretty well with them, despite them being all rich. They weren’t jocks or nerds. They were smart (Ethan and Sam were, not so sure about Joe), but not pretentious. They didn’t engage in horseplay or crude talk. They were mostly just normal guys, kind of serious-minded, kind of like me.

We talked about our classes awhile, and then how awful the cafeteria chili was that the three of them had on their trays. I got to play up how wonderful my brown paper bag lunch was, even though none of us really thought the peanut butter and jelly sandwich was all that exciting. They were envious of the homemade cookies, but I didn’t have enough to share. Then the conversation turned to our disastrous night of cards that weekend.

“Oh, here,” Joe said, pulling out his wallet. “Give this to your cousin.” He fished out a couple of bills and passed them to Ethan, and just like that his worries were over.

“Rob’s a jerk,” Ethan murmured as he pocketed the money.

All eyes turned expectantly on me. I had $40 in my locker, but I owed Rob $45 and Mac $20 so it wouldn’t be enough. “I have money in my locker.” I wished the words unsaid as soon as they left my mouth.

The afternoon was even more stressful than the morning. The $40 was earmarked for my four November piano lessons. I was making so much progress, I hated to miss out on even one lesson. I could still practice, though, and start up again in December. If I used the $40 for my IOUs, I’d only have $25 to pay off. Plus the $15 for my brothers, so really $40 left. My allowance wouldn’t make a dent in that, but I bet I could get it out of my brothers. John was always giving us money for pizza and movies and things. I bet I’d be able to get that extra $40 in no time. But that still meant using the money that was for my piano lessons...

Second to last period I grabbed the envelope out of my locker and tore it open, trying to ignore John’s handwriting on the outside of it. After hours of obsessing, I couldn’t come up with any better way to get the money. Besides, it was kind of my money, wasn’t it? John gave it to me for something I wanted, and if I used it for something I needed instead... surely that was okay? Before I could change my mind I forked over the money to Ethan, asking him to give half of it to Rob and the other half to Mac. At least that would pay Mac off, so there would only be Rob to deal with.

 

**Cutter**

“It’s not too late. John can get you an assignment book if you ask him.”

“Shut up.” James glared at me before turning back to stare out the car window on our way home.

“You obviously need to study more. Really, James, an assignment book might be just the ticket.”

“Shut up.”

“Or I could tutor you,” I magnanimously offered.

“No, thanks.”

“It’s my duty as your older brother to help you out if you need it.”

“Oh, shut up already!”

“What are you guys talking about?” Jeff asked from the back seat.

“James failed a pop quiz in economics today.”

“It’s no big deal,” James protested.

It wasn’t a big deal, but I was having fun teasing him. He took our economics class rivalry so seriously, it was stupid. Besides, he’d seemed off all day and I figured he could use some cheering up.

“Oh,” Jeff said. “I haven’t had economics yet, but I could help you study if you want.”

James gave me a somewhat exasperated look before saying, “I don’t need help, Jeff.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.”

“But if you change your mind-”

“Shut up, Jeff.”

I grinned at James, and he managed a crooked smile. My work was done!

 

**John**

James was still jittery and morose, a strange combination for him. He’d been moping for a couple of days now, lost in thought, and if anything was said to him he would jump in surprise. It was probably just typical teenage moodiness, but I couldn’t help feeling it was my fault. I’d been so busy with Grace that I hadn’t had much one-on-one time with James or any of the boys. Well, I knew one thing that might make him happy.

“How are your lessons coming along?” I asked when I got home from work.

He was scrambling to finish his homework at the family room table and jumped when I addressed him. “L-Lessons?”

“Yes... piano lessons?”

James smiled, looking more like he had a stomachache. “Oh, right. They’re good.”

“Two months so far. Keep it up like this, and we just might have to go piano shopping in the spring.”

His smile turned a bit sickly. “Thanks, that’s awesome.”

“Probably can’t get a new one, but I’ve heard used ones can be really good.”

“Okay, yeah.”

I put the back of my hand to his forehead. “You feeling okay?”

James laughed slightly, ducking away. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Okay. Anyway, I was thinking I could come listen to you play this week. After school one day?”

My little brother’s eyes lit up. “Really? Yeah!”

“Okay. How about Thursday?”

“Thursday, yeah. Thanks, John!”

 

**Ramsey**

John leaned over the skillet to check the pork chops I was cooking. “I think those look perfect.”

I beamed up at him and started setting them on a plate. “Really?”

“Yes, good job.”

“Thanks, Dad!”

My brothers were sometimes lazy on their nights to cook, but I still loved to experiment and learn new recipes and John was always willing to help. We were having pork chops, green beans, and mashed potatoes. John made the instant mashed potatoes but I made the rest. The pork chops were turning out fantastic.

“They’re all nice and carmly,” I said.

John laughed. “Carmly? You do know that’s not a word.”

“I know! But it describes them nicely.”

“Try caramelly.”

“Carmly,” I insisted, grinning.

He ruffled my hair. “Want to round up your brothers?”

I ran upstairs to get Brad and Cutter, then ran back downstairs where Jeff was watching TV.

“Dinner’s ready. Where’s James?”

“He’s in the library,” Jeff said. He scooted forward a little on the sofa, eyes still glued to the TV.

What was James doing in the library? I went to get him, hesitating at the closed door when I heard him talking. If John caught me eavesdropping again I had no doubt he’d take me across his knee. Not just for eavesdropping, but also for disobeying him following our long talk on the subject. I raised my hand to knock but stopped when I heard him say, “-yeah, John says we can’t afford it this month.”

Can’t afford it? Can’t afford what? I lowered my hand and drew closer to listen.

“-sorry, Mrs. Lewis. Next month I’ll start up again for sure, well, if we can afford it...”

Mrs. Lewis was his piano teacher! John said we couldn’t afford lessons? I knew it! I knew I was expensive!

“-I’ll keep practicing, and I’ll be ready when lessons start again in December. Okay, thanks for understanding, Mrs. Lewis. Bye.”

I quickly knocked on the door now that he was hanging up. No way did I want to get in trouble for eavesdropping!

“Hi, dinner’s ready,” I said as the door opened, trying not to sound as flustered as I felt by the realization that we were spending too much money.

James eyed me suspiciously, but only said, “Okay, thanks.”

Everyone congratulated me on how great the pork chops turned out, but in the back of my mind it only made me feel even worse. I had asked Dad to buy pork chops so I could try making them. I should have asked for something cheaper! I cringed, thinking of all the other nice groceries we had, many of them at my request just so I could experiment. Maybe I should stick to pancakes. Those were good and cheap.

I watched John all through dinner, trying to see if he looked stressed. Carl used to get stressed when he had bills to pay or when Brad asked him for money for food, and when that happened I always made myself scarce if I could. I often couldn’t since I wasn’t allowed out of the house, but there was always a closet to hide in or a bed to hide under. It was harder when we lived in our car. Those times I used to just-

“Ramsey. Earth to Ramsey.”

“Huh?” I blushed at John’s attempt to get my attention when I realized everyone was looking at me.

“Hear anything about all state orchestra yet?” Cutter asked.

“Oh, no. Not til next week most likely.”

“When’s your next rodeo?” Brad asked Jeff.

“In two weeks. But Kenzie and I are going to hang out this weekend. Can someone please drive us to the mall?”

When no one else rushed to offer, Brad said he could. Maybe I would go too! Brad and I could walk around while Jeff and Mackenzie were hanging out. But then Brad said maybe he’d invite Heather, so there went that idea. Probably just as well, because trips to the mall always cost money and we didn’t have any.

Sure enough, the next question out of Jeff’s mouth was addressed to our dad. “Dad? Can I have money for the mall?”

“You can have your allowance.”

“Please, Dad? Just a little more?”

John’s eyes twinkled. “Is this an actual date this time?”

“No! We’re just hanging out.”

“Then you can spend your allowance. Ask again when you take her on a proper date.”

There. That was confirmation that money was tight.

“Are you going to finish that?” Brad asked me, pointing his fork at my pork chop. I had only made one for everyone, and had barely started on mine. My brother could eat a horse!

“I’m not hungry,” I said, moving my hand aside so my brother could stab it off my plate.

“Eat at least half,” John ordered me.

I cut the pork chop into two and Brad speared one half, transferring it to his plate. “Can I save it for tomorrow?” I asked my dad with pleading eyes.

I could tell he was concerned at my sudden disinterest in my dinner since I’d been so excited making it. “Are you feeling alright?” he asked.

“Yessir, I’m just not very hungry.”

“Eat two bites and you can save the rest for later.”

Everyone finished quickly and except for my plate, all the food was gone. While Cutter and Brad did the dishes I wrapped my food in aluminum foil and put it in the fridge.

After dinner everyone did their usual evening things like homework and TV watching and reading and games. I settled on the couch beside my dad to work on an essay for my English class.

“Can you check this over for me?” I asked, waving my papers in his field of vision.

“Sure, rugrat. Can it wait for the commercials?”

“Okay.” I leaned back on the sofa to wait and think. How could John not afford lessons anymore? He had just bought a new car, and I bet he wouldn’t have done that without budgeting for it. But... maybe it was because of the new car that money was tight! He needed a car, though. Something safe to take back and forth to date Grace. My dad wanted to get married and start a proper family, so of course he was going to spend money in preparation for that. I’d just have to try not to ask for anything, so he wouldn’t think I was too expensive.  

John was pretty generous with all of us, really. He took us to the movies every month or two and bought us popcorn and Cokes, and we had pizza pretty often. And my milkshakes! I’d have to stop asking for them all the time. They weren’t all that expensive, but they added up. I bet it took a lot of money to feed us all, and buy us clothes and stuff. I felt guilty for my new shoes and the school clothes John had bought this Fall. I could have just worn jeans and he wouldn’t have had to buy me anything new! No more nice clothes for college for me! I’d wear rags again if it meant I got to stay with Dad and everyone else. I cuddled closer to him, and he absent-mindedly put his arm around me to draw me close.  

The commercials came and Dad started checking through my paper. Would he always be my dad? What happened when people decided they had too many kids and couldn’t afford them anymore? I had to swallow hard and watch the commercials to distract myself from the thought of losing him. James came downstairs with his jacket on and his piano book in his hand.

“Bye, guys!” he called out as he headed to the garage.

What?! But he wasn’t going to his lesson! Where was he going? I wanted to ask him, or ask John, but I didn’t want to get in trouble for eavesdropping, so I kept my mouth shut.

 

**James**

This totally sucked. Now I had to pretend to go to my piano lesson every week! I didn’t know where to go instead. There was the library, but you never knew when someone would take Ramsey and Jeff there to get more books. They all went at least once a week. There was the mall or Buster John’s, but my older brothers were likely to show up there. My piano lessons were 45 minutes long, and that wasn’t really too much time to kill. I drove the Impala to the high school and parked in the lot. It was cold outside and I didn’t want to burn lots of gas so I turned off the engine and just sat there bundled up in my jacket wishing I had brought a book to read. This sucked, and I still had $40 to find!

 

**Thursday, November 6th**

**John**

James had quite the audience for his piano recital. I drove Ramsey and myself over to the high school after work and the rest of the boys pulled up in the Impala, not just James but Jeff, Brian, and Brad too.

James laughed nervously as we went inside. “I’m not very good. Don’t set your expectations too high.”

Brian stopped dead in the middle of the parking lot. “You mean you aren’t a professional yet? Forget this, I’m going home!”

He wheeled around to head back to the car while James and Ramsey gaped and Brad and Jeff laughed. Then Brian turned back and punched James in the arm.

“Oww.”

“It’s only two months, of course you’re not good yet. So what? I want to hear me some Mary Had a Little Lamb!”

James lost some of his nervousness. “How about Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star?”

“I want to hear it all!”

The auditorium was deserted so we turned on one of the stage lights and gathered around the piano. My little brother sat at the piano and opened his book. Seeing the big notes intended for little kids my mind went back to when Jeff first learned the violin. Nothing could be worse than that! James certainly wasn’t. He turned the pages back and forth before settling on a song. After playing several easy tunes he surprised us all when he played a two-handed minuet by Mozart.

“Mozart already?” Ramsey asked. “Maybe we can all play together someday, you, me, and Jeff.” My blonde son had been hovering near James’s shoulder so he could follow along with the music.

“Yeah!” Jeff said.

“Yeah, I guess,” James agreed. He seemed shy about the idea, like he didn’t think he’d ever be good enough. He played a couple more pieces then said, “Well, that’s all I know so far.”

“You’re making great progress, and I’m glad you’re sticking with it,” I said.

“Yeah,” he said, closing the book. “Me too. Thanks for coming to watch.”

 

**Friday, November 8th**

**Jeff**

“Please?”

“I already said no.”

“But why not?” I had again asked John for extra money for the mall with Mackenzie on Saturday, but he had said no.

James came thundering down the stairs right then, jacket on and ready to go to his friend’s house. “Can I have some money, John?”

“I’m not made out of money, guys. What do you need it for, James?”

“In case we go out or get pizza or something.”

“You’ve already had dinner.”

“But I’m a teenager! My stomach is a bottomless pit.”

“More like a garbage disposal,” Cutter quipped from the table.

James nodded. “I’ll take that. Please, John?”

My dad sat back in his chair looking slightly exasperated. “I’ll give you guys your allowance a day early, but I’m not giving you extra money for pizza and video games every week. That’s not fair to the others who aren’t going out with friends every weekend.”

“You can give everyone extra money,” I suggested. That would be fair, I thought.

“No, Jeff.”

“Just this once?” James begged.

“You’ve been given a lot of extra money in recent weeks.”

“Not counting the money you borrowed from Brad and me,” Cutter, which got him a ‘shut up!’ glare from James.

Before John could say anything about borrowing money, Ramsey spoke up. “I don’t need extra money. I don’t even need my allowance this week, Dad.”

“I’ll take his allowance,” I offered, same time as James sneered, “Suck-up.”

Ramsey looked hurt at that. We were all suck-ups at times – it was a good way to stay in John’s good graces and avoid trouble, not to mention it often led to getting our own way about things! There was no reason for James to point out Ramsey being one now. Cutter looked about ready to pounce on James for saying it, but John held his arms out.

“No! All of you, just stop.” John was getting annoyed. I wished James would quit asking for money, so he wouldn’t get our oldest brother too riled up to give _me_ some! John took a deep breath then said, “Ramsey, thank you for offering, but there’s no need to give up your allowance. Jeff, James, no extra money this weekend. You need to learn how to budget your money.”

“Well, then there’s no point in my even going!” James stomped back upstairs to his room slamming the door behind him.

The rest of us watched to see what Dad would do. He didn’t allow door slamming! Sure enough, after about two seconds he grit his teeth and stalked up to James’ and my room. Dumb James, there was no hope for extra money for either of us now!

 

**James**

I knew as soon as I slammed the door that I was in for it, and sure enough, there was a quiet but insistent rap on the door a moment later.

“Come in,” I said, dashing tears of frustration from my eyes. I’d already asked Brad and Cutter for money, but Cutter had said no because I still owed them money and Brad had followed his lead. I’d been hoping John would front me $10 or so and I could win what I needed to pay everyone back. Without any money to my name I couldn’t even play. It wasn’t fair. John wouldn’t let me get a job and now I wouldn’t even have the opportunity to win it back. And tomorrow I’d get my piddly little allowance. There wasn’t any way I was going to show up to play with a measly three dollars! My friends would know I wasn’t in their league at all.

The door opened and John came in, an angry set to his eyes. “What’s with the door slamming?”

“Nothing. I’m just mad.”

“I gathered that.”

“They all have money and I’m not gonna show up like some lame... I don’t know, poor kid or something.”

John shook his head, looking at me in disbelief. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

“What?” I asked defensively.

“There are two boys downstairs who can tell you about being poor.”

Even as frustrated as I was, I was ashamed of my words. “I know. I didn’t mean it like that. And I know we’re not poor. I just can’t show up and not be able to chip in if we order out or something. And you won’t even let me get a job!” I pointed out, my voice rising.

John rolled his eyes. “And you know why. School-”

“School is the priority,” I cut in, rolling my own eyes. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I _know_.”

My brother was silent a moment, then he said, “You’re about two seconds away from fetching the hairbrush.”

“This sucks,” I muttered. “I bet my friends don’t get licked.”

“Maybe you need some new friends.”

Yeah, that was easy for him to say! He’d never had a hard time making friends, and he still had his best friend Scott that he knew since forever. Now I finally had some of my own and he wanted me to throw them away! In my frustration I grabbed the nearest thing in reach and threw it across the room as hard as I could.

Luckily, it was just one of Jeff’s Lego creations that he’d left on my bed. It hit the closet door and broke apart into about five big pieces and a bunch of loose Legos.

Silence, broken only by my hard breathing as I fought to regain control of my emotions.

John’s gaze finally turned from the broken Lego thing back to me. “You need to calm down. Stay in your room until you’re ready to act your age and behave.”

 That was it? No walloping?

“And then you’re to fetch the hairbrush and come get me. I expect better behavior from you.” And with that he got up and left.

My stomach twisted and I wanted to throw up. I knew I had behaved badly, and I was embarrassed and ashamed at practically demanding money from him and then throwing a tantrum when I didn’t get it. I stretched out on my bed and buried my head under the pillow, cringing at myself. Ugh, could things get worse?

Over the next hour I pretty much decided that yes, things could get worse, and in fact, were pretty much guaranteed to get worse. Unless I could figure a way out of the hole I was digging, I was going to be in even worse trouble down the road. Maybe John was right and I did need new friends. I really couldn’t keep up with them if all they did was play games for money. They all seemed to have lots of it to spend, and I didn’t. And John was right that it wasn’t fair to expect extra money every weekend when I was just hanging out with my friends. Why did it all have to be about money? Why couldn’t we just hang out and watch TV or listen to music?

I had a licking coming anyway, maybe I should just tell John what was going on. I’d get a worse licking, maybe with the belt even, but it would be over. He’d probably lend me enough to pay off Mac and maybe even my brothers. He’d be so angry, though. Angry and disappointed that I’d been gambling and lying and oh, and now stealing the money for my piano lessons. I had tried to tell myself it was my money, but I knew I stole it, really. I couldn’t face all that.

Jeff came up to get a book and I apologized for breaking his Lego ship. He shrugged. “That’s okay. I can make a new one.” He hesitated before heading back out. “John’s kind of upset. I didn’t even ask him for money again when he came back down.”

“Yeah. I guess I should get it over with.”

“Yeah. Hope it doesn’t hurt too bad.”

I went down the hall to John’s room and got the hairbrush from my mom’s old dresser. As I brought it back to my room I felt the wood grain and idly wondered how many paddlings it had been part of and which of my brothers had gotten it the most. John, probably. Or Cutter. Definitely Cutter. Dad mostly used his belt on John, whereas John mostly used the hairbrush on us. I set it on my bed and sighed. Now I had to go downstairs in front of all my brothers and tell my oldest one I was ready to get spanked. The only thing more embarrassing would be to actually get spanked in front of them.

They were all in the family room, scattered around. There was a definite uncomfortableness in the air and I knew it was my fault. All eyes turned to me as I descended the staircase, though everyone’s but John’s returned to the TV or their books right away to give me some privacy. I approached the side of the sofa where my oldest brother sat and said, “I’m sorry, John. I’m ready.”

John nodded once and stood, following me back upstairs. He closed the door behind us, and I crossed to the bed and handed him the hairbrush, shivering with the knowledge that it would soon be whacking my rear end. I didn’t like bending over the bed last time, so if he asked if I wanted to go back to the old way over his knee I planned to say yes. He didn’t ask, though. He stood there with his arms crossed giving me a thoughtful look.

“This isn’t like you, James. You’re good with money and I know you don’t pick your friends based on how much money they have. It seems like there’s something else going on here. Is there?”

_Yes!_ “No, sir,” I said, my voice and eyes lowered.

“Okay, then. Drop your jeans and bend over, hands on your knees.”

I shucked my jeans to my ankles, relieved that he didn’t tell me to drop my underwear too. Standing in the center of the room I bent over, grasping my knobby knees. John came to stand beside me, reaching out to place his left arm across my back, tucking me into his side. _Please don’t let this be a real spanking_ , I thought as he got into position.

It was. Sixteen swats with the brush! The first ten were milder, the force more like what his hand on my bare behind usually was. The last six were hard, though, and his hand on my back pushed me further down so he could reach the lower part of my bottom. Ouch! I tried to hold my breath for the last ones but couldn’t, and ended up taking several ragged breaths as I fought back tears.

When it ended the pressure on my back let up, and then his arm drew me upright. John tossed the brush on the bed, smoothed my damp hair from my eyes, and then with a hand on the back of my head pulled me into a warm hug. I cried into his shoulder as he embraced me.

“I’m sorry,” I said when I could talk past the thickness in my throat.

“You’re forgiven, James.” I felt his sigh. “I wish I could give you more spending money, but I don’t think that’s the responsible thing to do.”

I cried harder at that, so ashamed of myself for even asking it from him.

My brother’s hand alternated patting my back and gently rubbing circles on it. “Come on, you’re okay, James. All is forgiven.”

If only _all_ were forgiven. He didn’t even know the half of it!

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


	22. All State Results

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly a John and Ramsey chapter, lots of angst...

**Saturday, November 9th**

**John**

The boys all slept in Saturday morning. Ramsey and Brian were the first up (except for Brad, who was at the McCalls’), and stumbled downstairs after 8:00. Both boys were still sleepy, their hair tousled and their pajamas rumpled.

I had been reading the morning paper, sipping on a cup of coffee. I was deciding whether to go to Rapid City to see Grace. We had tentative plans, but I was again feeling the need to stay home and keep tabs on my family. When Ramsey and Brian came downstairs I lowered the paper and motioned for them to come over. They both grinned, knowing I wanted my morning hug. Brian usually rolled his eyes if the other kids were around, but he didn’t feel a need to be tough in front of Ramsey, and readily came over. I hugged the dark-haired teen then the blonde one.

“There are sausages staying warm in the oven. Everyone sleeping in, I thought we’d just have cereal today.”

“I’ll get the sausages,” Ramsey volunteered.

Brian watched as his brother retrieved the pan. “If we had a microwave, we could just heat them up in a minute. No need to keep the oven on all day.”

“That’s true,” I agreed. I’d been too busy to pursue getting a microwave, plus in the back of my mind I wanted to wait. Grace might want to have some input into a kitchen purchase like that. We hadn’t been dating long, but my mind couldn’t help seeing her in the midst of my family. My mind and my heart.

“How much is a microwave?” Ramsey asked as he set the pan in the middle of the kitchen table then got a cereal box from the cupboard.

“Oh, like $400 or so.”

His eyes grew big. “Four hundred dollars?!”

“Yeah, they’re kind of expensive.”

“But well worth it!” Brian insisted.

Ramsey was horrified at the expense. “No, we don’t need a microwave, Dad. I don’t mind cooking with the stove.”

“But it would be so much faster with a microwave. I bet _Grace_ would like one.” Since when did Brian know how to wink?

“That’s too expensive, we can’t afford it.”

My blonde son seemed really worried for some reason. Thinking to put his mind at ease I said, “That’s not for you to worry about. I’ll decide what we can and can’t afford.”

“Okay,” Ramsey said sadly. “But really, Daddy, I don’t think we need one.” He buried his head in his bowl of cereal and Brian and I exchanged puzzled glances.

Brian shrugged and said, “We could use a dishwasher too.”

“Maybe in about-” I looked at Ramsey, making it obvious I was contemplating his age, “-six years or so. I think you all have it covered until then.”

Brian groaned in mock dismay, but Ramsey snickered, his earlier disquiet gone. “Cutter’s a dishwasher!”

Brian reached out to gently push the younger boy’s shoulder. “You are too!” His eyes glittered and I sensed the relief from my 17 year-old brother, having Ramsey back to his old self.

The three of us had a comfortable breakfast, then Jeff and James appeared shortly after the other boys had headed upstairs to wash up and change out of their pajamas. Jeff bounded over to me for his morning hug, while James was more subdued. James held back while Jeff was in my embrace, darting quick glances at me before looking down.

“Sorry,” James said in a low voice when it was his turn, leaning over to hug me in my chair.

“You’re forgiven, James,” I reaffirmed, squeezing him and not letting him go until he gave a small laugh. As he pulled away I patted his pajama-clad behind, glad when I didn’t see him wince. I’d used the hairbrush for the entire spanking the night before, though only the last swats had any heat to them.

“Ouch,” he perfunctorily said, a small smile on his lips as he turned to join Jeff at the fridge.

Neither of the boys mentioned money during breakfast. I was glad for that. I felt badly that James didn’t have a bigger allowance, but Brian had to wait until he was 17 for an increase, and it was only fair that James did too. I could increase all of the allowances, but $5 a week for five boys added up.

Ramsey and Brian descended into the kitchen again as the others finished eating. I pulled out the chore list and read it off. Nobody griped, but Brian’s nose wrinkled when I mentioned him cooking dinner Wednesday night.

“Anyone want to swap?” Brian asked hopefully.

“For what?” James asked.

“You cook for me Wednesday, and I’ll do one of your chores.”

Both brown-haired heads pored over the paper. With James growing his hair out, the two teens looked even more similar. Brian’s face was fuller, though, whereas James shared the same slender lines that Eddie did. James and Eddie both took after our mother.

“I don’t mind my chores,” James decided, then with a crafty grin he offered, “What’ll you give me to take your turn?”

I narrowed my gaze on him, not pleased that this was taking a monetary turn. What was up with him and money lately?

Brian scoffed. “I’m not paying you to take my turn. It’s not _that_ awful.”

“I’ll do it for you,” Ramsey offered.

With a weary air of regret for even bringing up the subject, Brian asked, “For what?”

My blonde son shrugged. “Nothing. I like cooking.”

“Okay,” Brian said. “And I’ll do dishes for you sometime this week.”

“Okay!” Ramsey agreed.

I cleared my throat. “So, what plans do you all have for today?”

“No family chores?” Brian asked.

“Not today.”

They all grinned at that.

“Brad and Heather are taking Kenzie and me to the mall,” Jeff announced happily.

“Are you going to see Grace?” Ramsey asked me with a wistful expression.

I slowly shook my head. “Probably not. I’ll call her later.”

The blonde boy nodded thoughtfully, then asked, “Is it more expensive to drive down to see her? Or to call her?”

I winced slightly at the reminder of my recent phone bills. “Calling, probably, at least the way we’ve been talking.”

“Oh. Maybe you should just go see her!”

“Trying to get rid of me?” I joked.

“Yes,” came the impish reply, blue eyes dancing across the table from me.

“Well, maybe I will,” I conceded.

“Can I go with you?” came the next breathless question.

I should have expected that, even though Ramsey’s previous suggestion made it seem like he wanted me away for the day. When did he _ever_ want me away?

“I suppose.”

Jeff sat up indignantly. “What?! But I want to go too!”

I should have expected that too. “You’ve already got plans. There will be other occasions for you to come along.”

“Hmphf.” My baby brother glared at me.

I inwardly sighed. The last thing I wanted was to start off the day by spanking him. Before Jeff got off to a proper sulk, though, the door opened and Brad walked into the kitchen.

“I miss this,” he said, pulling out a chair next to his brother. “Breakfast all together. Is there anything left?”

Ramsey hopped up to get his brother the last of the sausages, which had been placed back in the oven. “Here you go, Brad.”

I pushed the chore paper in front of my oldest still at home, and he read his chores and nodded. “Okay, yes, sir, I’ll get started on that woodpile... tomorrow! You ready to go, Jeff?”

My youngest still at home had caught Brad’s infectious good mood. _“I’m_ ready! Um, are you going to shower first?”

I looked quickly at Brad. Jeff’s innocent question had been asked in a teasing tone, but knowing the older boy’s sensitivity towards the subject, having spent a lifetime unable to shower as often as he liked, I hoped he wouldn’t take offense. I worried for nothing.

Brad chuckled and leaned over to ruffle Jeff’s short hair. “Already on my agenda. Say... half an hour?”

“Okay! I’ll call Kenzie to let her know.”

Jeff departed for the library while Brad disappeared upstairs, leaving me with the three middle boys.

“What about you two?” I asked, looking at James and Brian. “What are your plans?”

“I’m gonna hang out with Mark and the guys,” Brian said.

I looked expectantly at James, who shifted in his chair.

“I don’t know. I might call up Ethan and everyone?”

Brian suddenly leaned forward, struck by an idea. “Hey, let’s get all our friends to come over! We can have an awesome poker game with everyone!”

“Yeah! Um, maybe.” James looked highly uncomfortable with the thought of getting all the guys together. Was he worried his older brother would take his new friends away?

“Come on, it’ll be fun!”

Ramsey was sitting up now, looking expectantly between his older brothers and me. He liked poker too.

“I guess,” James agreed.

“Can I play too?” Ramsey inquired.

“You don’t want to go with John?” Brian asked.

The younger boy was obviously torn. Biting his lip he looked from his brothers to me. “I want to go with you, but I want to play too.”

Trying not to appear too happy that my shy, clingy son was contemplating spreading his wings and leaving the shelter of my side, I observed, “You’ll probably have more fun here.”

The boy nodded, having decided. “Okay. I’ll stay here.”

I smiled at all three of them. “Just don’t wreck the house, and don’t let it turn into a party.”

Brian adopted a haughty expression. “A party? Here? With girls, perchance? Heaven forbid!”

“Smart aleck,” I chided fondly, scooting my chair back from the table signaling breakfast was officially over. “Alright, looks like we all have some phone calls to make.”

 

**James**

I waited til after lunch to call Ethan and Sam and Joe. I figured they’d be up for poker, and it was a lot safer to have them here when John was away. Less chance for them to mention the money I still owed Ethan’s cousin. I was hugely embarrassed when I called Ethan, and was glad he couldn’t see me cringing when I suggested tonight we just play for pretzels. He kind of laughed and said alright, no big deal. He didn’t mind what we played for, they’d just always used money because it was easiest. We settled on 2:00 so we could play for hours, then we hung up.

I stared at the phone for a good 30 seconds after it was back in the cradle, stunned and feeling rather foolish.

No big deal?

No big deal?!

I’d been beside myself for weeks, knowing I couldn’t afford to play with them long term, and it turned out to be no big deal?! I should have brought it up a lot sooner, and saved myself a lot of angst... and money.

“How is this?” Ramsey hovered near the family room table, flapping his hands, nervously surveying his handiwork. He had set the table in preparation for our game.  

Cutter came from upstairs in time to hear the question, and he glanced at me before saying, “Wow, you did all that?”

Ramsey turned pink and grinned, taking the question for a compliment. “Sure did!”

My older brother picked up one of the linen napkins that had been carefully set to one side. They were the nice ones Mom used to bring out on the holidays. “Where’d you find these?”

Ramsey waved an arm to the nearby cabinets. “Over there.”

“Wow. Looks great, but um, I think these are too nice for us to use.”

Ramsey looked crestfallen, so Cutter softened his words by grinning and adding, “John would have a cow if any of us spilled on them.”

“Okay, so... paper napkins?”

“Paper towels will do us fine, Ramsey, if we need them. Hey, can you find out what kind of chips we have and get them all ready?”

My younger brother brightened up at his new task. “Okay. Cookies too?”

“Sure, any sort of goodies. Frozen pizza too, if we’ve got any left.”

Ramsey ran off to the kitchen and Cutter quickly gathered all the linen napkins, setting them to the side to put away later. I removed Mom’s nice porcelain plates. What was Ramsey thinking? He had practically gotten us ready for a dinner party. I’d have to tell John – we could unleash Ramsey’s table-setting skills at Thanksgiving and Christmas!

The guys soon started arriving, our friend Mark first, then all three of my friends showed up, then mostly-Cutter’s friend Paul. He was the one who brought beer to the park last year, and I was relieved to see he didn’t bring any today. Well, part of me wouldn’t have minded.

We had a rousing game with eight of us. Ramsey sat between Cutter and me. At first he acted all shy around so many other guys, but after a couple of hands he loosened up. I think winning helped with that. He soon had most of the pretzels gathered in a pile in front of him.

After losing one hand quite spectacularly, Sam laughed and said, “Well, at least we aren’t playing for money today!”

The statement went right by Ramsey, but Cutter’s hands paused for a second as he was dealing out the next hand. His eyes flickered to mine, and while he didn’t comment on it right then in front of everyone, his gaze clearly said we’d be discussing it later. My skin prickled with apprehension, yet at the same time I felt oddly relieved that he knew. If any of my brothers could understand, if would definitely be him!

 

**Cutter**

“You dumbass!”

James’s mouth dropped open at my whispered scolding. Our friends had left, but the whole family was home again or I would have been raising the roof yelling at him. I had collared him in his room after sending Jeff downstairs, with the suggestion that my youngest brother tell John all about his day with his little girlfriend. That would keep him occupied the rest of the evening!

“It just kind of happened,” he said, gulping. “You won’t tell John, will you?”

“Is that why you needed money all those times?” I asked, not answering his question.

Reddening, he looked down and said, “Yeah, mostly. We did get pizza sometimes too.”

“Did you ever tell them you’re not allowed to play for money?”

His eyes flashed. “Yeah, cos I’m just lame like that!”

“You better hope John doesn’t find out. He’ll whip your dumb ass six ways to Sunday.”

“You aren’t gonna tell him, are you?” he asked again, his voice more panicked this time.

“I should!” I hotly declared. “What if Ramsey had been playing with you one of those times? You want to get him in trouble too? Besides, you know he can’t keep his mouth shut.”

My brother paled. Through this whole conversation he’d changed from red to white a few times now. Good, I wanted him scared. The last thing John needed was to deal with my stupid brother playing poker for money and losing it, by all accounts.

“Please don’t tell,” he whispered. “You won’t, will you?”

“Course not, idiot. Long as you don’t do it again.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

“You better not. And you still owe Brad and me.”

“I know. I’ll pay you back. Just give me time.”

Now he was back to flushed. I nodded at his sweaty self, pleased to be scaring him straight. “Alright. Just don’t it again.”

“I won’t!”

My brother was saved from further scolding by John calling for me from downstairs.

“Coming!” I yelled back before cuffing James. “Better not.”

Ramsey and James and I had cleared up pretty well after the guys went home, and John was spreading a bunch of photos on the now-clean table.

“Grace printed out proofs of the best photos. Take a look and see if you like any of them.”

I could tell by the way John smiled at each photo and the way he lovingly touched them that he thought they were all splendid. Or rather, that the photographer was splendid.

“I want to see!” Jeff said, pushing past John to gaze at the photos. “I helped take these, ya know!”

“Yes, you were quite the ‘little helper’,” I said, smirking, but my sarcasm went right by him.

“I sure was!”

John smiled at me behind Jeff’s back. “Take a look, Brian.”

I dutifully crossed to the table to peruse the dozen or so photos that were the result of our afternoon of posing and picture-taking. They weren’t anything like the usual yearbook photos taken in the studio. I’d seen some of my friends’ photos and they were almost all against a black backdrop, my friends wearing cheesy grins. The latest thing seemed to be double exposures, with a small side-view photo superimposed to the upper right or left of the main head-on view. For even more money it was possible to get _two_ small profile pictures superimposed on the main photo, one on either side. Because it was oh-so-important to preserve our profiles _and_ our face for posterity. I hadn’t been all that interested in doing that.

We had gone outside on a brilliantly sunny Fall day for my photo shoot. The pictures were natural looking and even though I looked like a dork posing in Eddie’s jacket, I’d take the worst of them over the best of the stupid studio pictures.

“These are pretty good,” I admitted.

“Any particular one you want for the yearbook?” John asked.

The ones where I was leaning against the barn or a tree were alright. Kind of cheesy, but not bad. There was one where I had been walking out of the darkness of the barn into the sunlight and started laughing. The ‘walking out’ part was staged, but Jeff tripping over one of the goats’ hay bales wasn’t. The resulting photo caught my spontaneous laugh and made me look like a friendly guy, one I would want to hang out with if it were someone else.

Pointing at it, I said, “I like that one. What do you think?”

John came beside me, while Jeff pressed close on the other side. “It’s your yearbook, so you get to decide,” John said. “But I like it.”

“Me too,” Jeff said, looking from the photo back up to me, comparing.

“Let me see!” Ramsey demanded. He had been counting all his pretzel winnings at the coffee table, losing quite a few of them to Daisy in the process.

“Well, come on over,” John said.

My blonde brother hastily scooped them all back into the bowl and brought it with him. Brad wandered over after him, and they both looked at the photos in silence before quietly saying that was their favorite too. It suddenly struck me that Brad didn’t have a senior photo, and there was no telling if Ramsey would. My little brother probably wouldn’t be coming to the high school by the time he was my age. I looked at my oldest brother as he turned his attention to them, wondering if he was thinking the same thing.

 

**Tuesday, November 12th**

**Ramsey**

I was super nervous going to orchestra Tuesday morning. It was All State Orchestra results day! Dad had seen how anxious I was at breakfast, and had reassured me that while he hoped I would get to experience playing in the All State Orchestra, whether this year or next year or the year after that, he loved me no matter how I did. He reminded me to be gracious no matter what the results were, whether I got first chair or last chair or anything in between, or if I didn’t make it at all. I gave him an unimpressed ‘well, duh’ look at that. It was more like Jeff to whine about something like that, not me! I knew better than to hurt anyone else’s feelings.

“I know, Dad,” I scoffed. “I’m not stupid.”

“Watch your tone,” he cautioned. “And your words.”

“Yessir, I’m sorry,” I said, instantly contrite, hoping my innocent smile would placate him so I could hurry to the garage before Cutter drove off to school leaving me behind.

Dad smiled, knowing what I was up to, and sent me on my way to the garage with a solid swat to the seat of my gray Dockers. “Better hurry, rugrat. Have a good day.”

At the beginning of orchestra class Mr. Tirico tapped on his music stand with his baton and announced, “The members of this year’s All State Orchestra have been posted, and I’m happy to say that five of our students have been selected.” There was an expectant murmuring amongst my classmates as everyone looked around wondering who had made it. Several people looked at me, sure that I was one of the five. I grinned and shrugged, trying not to seem like I was expecting to make it.

Mr. Tirico gave a rare smile while he waited for the noise to die down, then looked at a paper. “Logan and Tanya will be representing our brass.” Logan played trombone and Tanya the trumpet. “Michelle on clarinet, and from our strings we have Marie and Ramsey.”

Once all the names were announced, everyone clapped and made even more noise, and after a moment our teacher made a tamping down motion with his hands. “Settle down, settle down... after class, will those students come see me? I have information sheets for your parents, and I’ll let you know your placements within the orchestra.”

Jeff leaned forward and tapped me on the shoulder. “I bet you got first chair!”

“Yeah!” agreed several of the other violinists.

I grinned and ducked my head, embarrassed. “You never know.”

I was excited all through class, wondering where I placed. I didn’t mind which chair I got. I was happy just to make it in, and I knew Dad was going to be really proud of me!

After class the five of us gathered around Mr. Tirico. He handed us each a sheet of paper. Mine had my name at the top along with ‘1st violin, 2nd chair’. I froze for a second, making sure I understood what it said. 2nd chair of the 1st violins, not 1st chair of the 2nd violins. Alright! 1st chair would have been better... I wondered who got 1st chair.

I started reading through the information for parents. The sheet listed the dates and times of the practices, and the names of a couple hotels in Pierre and their phone numbers so our parents could make arrangements. I frowned, looking at the paper in confusion.

While the other students filed out to go to their next classes, I said, “Um, Mr. Tirico?”

He smiled at me, his star violinist who only made 2nd chair. “Yes, Ramsey? Congratulations on your placement.”

“Thanks. Um, is this... um, why does it say our parents need to make hotel reservations? Aren’t we going over all together?”

“No, I’m afraid this trip isn’t paid for by the school.”

“But, like, the rodeo club is.” Didn’t the school pay for all student activities?

“The rodeo club has fundraisers periodically. The orchestra has a limited budget, and unfortunately we have to pick and choose. Since so few students make it to All State, we spend our budget on activities for the entire orchestra.”

“Oh.” That made sense. “Okay, thanks, Mr. Tirico.”

“You’re welcome, Ramsey. Congratulations, again.”

“Thanks.”

I quickly turned to go, to hide the sudden tears pricking my eyes, then abruptly turned back. “Mr. Tirico? I can’t-” my throat felt tight and I had to force the words out without breaking down. “I can’t go.” Then before he could ask why not, I ran out of the music room, slowing down only as I approached my locker.

My thoughts and emotions were all a horrible jumble making me sick to my stomach. My brief happiness at making the orchestra (and getting 2nd chair!) was buried beneath the realization that I couldn’t go. The trip was a couple nights in Pierre, and how could I ask John to pay for a hotel? He already spent so much money on me, and there was no way, absolutely no way I could ask him to spend maybe $100 just so I could go to Pierre and play in the orchestra. He couldn’t afford $40 for James’s piano lessons, there was no way I was going to ask him for way more than that for my own music.

I’d been looking forward to it so much! I was even going to write and tell Carl about it. In the back of my mind I thought maybe my oldest brother could come watch. Were the patients allowed to go out sometimes? I bet he’d be proud of me. Well, no, Carl didn’t care about me, he had said so. But that was almost a year ago, and maybe with all the help he’d gotten in the meantime he had learned to care about me again? No, probably not.

Feet dragging, feeling utterly defeated, I went out to meet John at the flagpole. I barely managed a reply to his questioning hello.

“What’s wrong, Ramsey?”

I shook my head, feeling hot and unable to speak.

“Did something happen?”

“No,” I said, my voice strangled.

With a doubting glance he started the engine and pulled out, giving me a minute to take deep breaths and try to calm down. When I managed to give him a tremulous smile to hide the fact that anything was wrong, he asked, “Did you find out about All State?”

I nodded.

“Well?” he asked after a moment.

“I came in second.”

“Second? As in second chair?”

“Mhm.”

“That’s fantastic, Ramsey! Congratulations!”

How I wished his happiness and congratulations could be for a good thing, not just for some stupid dashed dream. Shaking my head, I managed to say, “I’m n-not going.”

“You’re not- what? Why aren’t you going?”

“Cos I’m not,” I said sullenly, slumping down in the seat. I couldn’t tell him why not or I’d have to admit I’d eavesdropped on James and I’d get in trouble for sure. Besides, John would probably be embarrassed if he knew I knew we were having money problems. No way was I going to tell him why.

“Course you are.”

“No, I’m not!” I practically shouted. All of my emotions and my efforts to not cry were pinballing around inside of me getting all jumbled, and unfortunately decided to come out as anger.

Dad was silent a moment then he sternly said, “I hope this isn’t because you didn’t get first chair.”

That again? I opened my mouth to tell him it had nothing to do with that, but then I realized he had just handed me the perfect excuse. “Maybe. Yes. It doesn’t matter, I’m not going.”

He drew in a deep breath. “We talked about this. I don’t care if you got first chair or last chair, I’m proud of you for working hard and making it in.”

Dad’s quiet pride in me was too much, and silent tears started streaming down my face. I dashed them away, my head turned away to look out the window. He sighed and pulled forward from the stoplight.

“I’m disappointed in your attitude, Ramsey-”

 _Disappointed._ Disappointment from Dad stung me to the core, and I couldn’t handle it on top of everything else. Vision blurred because of my tears, I unbuckled my seatbelt and flung the car door open. There was some wind resistance but luckily we weren’t going very fast yet. I swiveled my body to jump out when a firm hand reached out and grabbed my jacket. I felt myself yanked towards John as he shouted, “Close that door!”

I didn’t have to, the wind had already blown the door mostly shut with a soft latch. Dad pulled the car to the side of the road and parked, his right hand still firmly holding on to my jacket. I pulled my knees up to my chest, buried my head, and cried.

When the motion of the car stopped, we sat in silence for a minute. Silence except for the sounds of my sobbing. Dad still had hold of my jacket – his fingers were clenched around the material like he would never let go. Then suddenly he let go only to point his finger at me. “Don’t you _ever_ do that again.”

I cried harder, curling into myself. He was so angry now. Disappointed _and_ angry with me. I expected to be pulled over his lap any moment now, and I deserved every whack he might give me. Instead, Dad scooted over and pulled me close to him, holding me firmly. He swayed us, rocking me almost, making comforting shhhing noises. I shifted slightly so my bent knees were over his lap and my head was buried in his chest. I snaked one hand around his middle and held on. It was a precarious position and I might have fallen backward onto the seat if it wasn’t for him holding me tightly.

After I’d cried my heart out, he quietly said, “What’s wrong, rugrat?”

“I c-can’t go.”

He sighed. “Why not?”

“Cos I can’t.”

Dad took a slightly different tack. “Do you _want_ to go?”

I nodded, snuffling. He reached for the tissue box on the dash and got me one. I wiped my eyes, and when a second tissue appeared in front of me, I blew my nose.

“So, you want to go, but you can’t. Tell me why not.” His voice was like velvet over steel.

I shook my head.

“Is it because you didn’t get first chair?”

“No.”

With his left arm he pulled me closer to him, raising me up enough so he could swat my behind with his right hand.

“Did someone tell you not to go? That you shouldn’t go?”

“No.”

“Is it because it’s held in Pierre?”

“No.”

“Is it anything to do with Carl?”

“No.”

“Is it...” he was drawing at straws trying to come up with a plausible reason, and despite my heartache I was curious to see what he would think up. “Is it because you think you aren’t good enough?”

“Course not, Daddy.”

He patted my side. “I’m at a loss here, rugrat. Please tell me.”

“Cos...” I sighed. I’d figured out how to explain it without mentioning my eavesdropping or making it seem like I _knew_ we couldn’t afford it. “Cos it’s so expensive.”

Dad pulled back slightly to look at me. “What do you mean?”

“The school doesn’t pay for our hotel or anything. The f-families do.”

“I didn’t expect the school to pay for our hotel room.”

“Our?” I asked, craning my head up to see his eyes.

“Did you think I was going to let you go all the way to Pierre and play in the All State Orchestra and not go with you? I wouldn’t miss this for the world. I’m going to be in the front row!”

I wiped my tears on my sleeve and grinned. “Best acoustics are in the middle.”

“I’ll remember that.”

I relaxed into the feel of the rise and fall of his chest, my cheek pressed against his jacket. After several minutes of quiet, he said, “It’s not so expensive.”

“But it’s not fair for so much money to go towards something I want. Everyone else has stuff that cost money, and it’s not fair to them to go without, just cos I want something.”

“There’s always give and take in a family, rugrat. We all get our turns of getting something special and our turns of doing without.”

But it wasn’t fair for James not to get his lessons and for me to get to go to Pierre. Before I could think of a way to say that without incriminating myself, Dad said, “You let me worry about how much something costs, alright?” I hummed noncommittally in response, and he jostled me. “Want me to take you home?”

“I have class.”

“Are you up for it?”

“I don’t want to miss it.”

Dad tapped my leg and slid back to the driver’s side. I unfurled myself, wiping my face on my sleeve again. He examined me before saying, “You sure you don’t want to go home? You look like you’ve been crying.”

“I’ll wash my face inside.”

“Okay.” He started the engine and we drove to the college.

When we were almost there, I asked, “Am I in trouble?”

“I already swatted you for the lie.”

I glanced at the car door without saying a word, and his grip on the steering wheel tightened. I shouldn’t have brought it up again, because it reminded him he was mad at me. I cringed and held my breath while he decided my fate.

“I should give you a sound spanking for that,” he finally said.

“But you’re not going to?” I didn’t know if I was happy about that or not.

“You were distraught.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t really excuse it, does it? I mean, when _else_ would someone open the door of a moving car to jump out?”

The white in his knuckles faded to pink as he loosened his grip, and he turned to me with one corner of his mouth lifted. “Careful, sir, or you’ll talk your way into it.”

I gave him a tiny smile, still feeling fragile. All the yucky uncertain feelings inside me only felt like they’d been given a reprieve. They hadn’t gone away entirely. And I hadn’t had a good cry. It had been one borne of those yucky feelings and wasn’t entirely cathartic. “I... I... I don’t know, sir, I might want it.”

Dad turned the engine off again, having pulled into a parking space. “Well, sir, how about this? I’m not going to do it here and now, so why don’t you take the rest of the day and think about it? You can let me know when we go home, alright?”

“Alright, Daddy.”

He gave me a real smile and patted my leg. “Come on, let’s go, rugrat.”

 

**John**

Today was yet another reminder that Ramsey still had a ways to go in his healing. His emotions were all over the place, and what was the deal about money? The subject of money suddenly seemed to be on everyone’s radar at home. Jeff and James wanted more of it, Ramsey wanted less of it. Brad and Brian still had their summer earnings and I was glad money hadn’t become a hot topic with them too.

My rugrat was quiet on the way home. He still looked a bit disheveled, but otherwise it wasn’t obvious he had been in tears hours earlier. As we drove through town I asked, “Well, have you decided?”

Kneading his hands between his legs, he gave a quick nod and said, “Mhm. I’ve been thinking about it all day.”

Nothing more was forthcoming, so I prompted, “And?”

“I-I think you should _want_ to spank me, sir.” Ramsey darted a quick side glance at me.

“Oh, I do, sir,” I assured him, and was amused by his answering grin. “But why is it _you_ think that?”

“Because I might have gotten hurt, and I should... I should matter enough to you that you don’t want that to happen. So when I do stupid things you should love me enough to stop me.”

“I did stop you,” I reminded him.

“Mhm,” he agreed almost happily. “But you should want to punish me for it too.”

“Rugrat, I’ve wanted to take you over my knee all day.”

My rugrat was a strange one. He smiled at me. “Thank you, Daddy.”

“You’re welcome.”

We continued in silence for a minute, then he asked, “Why did you leave it up to me? You don’t always.”

I wasn’t entirely sure why. I had been too angry to punish him earlier – the last thing this boy needed was to be spanked in anger. “I wanted to give you time to think about it. I know you sometimes like to mull things over.”

“Mhm. And I did. And I think I was too upset earlier. If you’d spanked me right away it might have helped sort out the yucky feelings, but I don’t know if it would have _helped._ You know what I mean?” He brushed his bangs out of the way as he looked at me.

“Maybe...” Not really.

“Like, now I know you’re right to be mad.”

“You didn’t earlier?”

“Yessir, I did, but... now I know it’s because you love me so much and not just because I did something stupid.”

“Try dangerous.”

“And dangerous.”

“Okay. Well, rugrat, tonight is your turn to make dinner. Do you want your spanking before or after dinner?”

“A sound one?”

“Yes.”

With a small, earnest voice he said, “Better make it after, so I have time to cry and we can have cuddle time.”

“Okay, after it is.”

**..»º*º«..**

Dinner was pancakes. No bacon or sausage, just a huge platter of pancakes. Some of the boys grumbled at the lack of meat, but Ramsey just shrugged and said it was good to just have pancakes sometimes. Brad asked about All State Orchestra and Jeff jumped in telling him all about it, not giving Ramsey a chance to get a word in edgewise. Ramsey shyly thanked everyone for their congratulations, turning uncertain and somewhat stricken eyes on me when they all expressed a desire to come along to Pierre to hear him play in the orchestra.

After dinner Brian started on the dishes while James went off to his piano lesson. Ramsey headed up to his room without any prompting.

“Is he in trouble?” Brad asked, looking after his younger brother who had been unusually quiet all through dinner.

“Yes,” I replied, giving Ramsey a few minutes to change into his pajamas.

“What did he do?”

I could only imagine Brad’s anger if he knew his little brother had intended to jump out of a moving car. Feeling my own anger of the day had been sufficient for Ramsey, I said, “I’ll let him tell you, if he wants to.”

Raising an eyebrow Brad asked, “That bad, huh?”

“Well, think ‘thoughtless and dangerous’, not ‘mean and malicious’.”

“Dangerous? Give it to him good, John.”

“I intend to.”

Ramsey was sitting on his bed, dressed in his long-sleeved blue and white striped flannel pajamas. He seemed at peace with his upcoming spanking, though Racky was sitting on his lap, the boy’s arms wrapped around the stuffed animal.

“Hi,” he said with a faint smile.

“Hi, rugrat.”

“I don’t- I don’t know if I need a _sound_ spanking,” he started, hedging on his punishment. “Just enough to show how much you love me.”

“That spanking would never end.” I sat beside him, putting a hand on his neck and pulling him close.

“Daddy.” Ramsey turned his head into my chest.

A quiet moment later he bravely stood up and pulled his pajama bottoms down to his knees. Another second and I had a skinny teenager draped across my lap. After lowering his underwear slightly, I placed my left hand across his back and rested my right hand on his upturned behind.

“What’s the rule for sound spankings?” I quietly asked.

He swallowed and said, “You decide when they end.”

“That’s right. What’s this spanking for?”

“Cos I did something stupid and dangerous, and I could have been hurt.” I raised my right hand to begin only to have him hurriedly add, “And you love me too much to let me do that.”

My hand paused in mid-air. “I do.” And then I brought it down in a solid whack, determined to show him exactly how much his safety meant to me. Despite my declaration that I had wanted to take him over my knee all day, as true as that statement was, once I had a lapful of contrite boy I disliked the task as much as I ever did. The heavy swats I rained down on his bottom soon elicited quiet whimpers which turned into soft cries, then louder ‘owws’, accompanied by a fair bit of squirming. Only when his legs had kicked up twice did I stop and pull his underwear back up. He stayed over my knees, his right hand still grasping the material in my jeans, his back heaving as he gulped for air.

I gently guided him up, setting him sideways on my lap, and he curled into my chest. I rocked him, not saying anything but letting him cuddle close while I held him. At last he quieted, the post-spanking tension dissolving into a quiet tiredness. When the last of his tears was nearly dry, he finally spoke. Looking up at me, a hint of a smile on his face, he said, “You love me a lot.”

Squeezing him, I replied. “I do. Ready to face the world?”

“Mhm. Can we rock downstairs?”

“Of course. Go wash your face first.”

 

**James**

Another wasted evening sitting in a parking lot. This time I thought it was pretty safe that my brothers were staying home, but you never knew. This time I brought a book and a flashlight at least, so I wasn’t totally bored. I had a hard time reading, though, because I still had to figure out how to come up with $40. It was too bad I couldn’t let Ramsey win the money for me. I bet he’d be willing. But no, I couldn’t even imagine the trouble I’d be in if I dragged him into this mess.

Would Cutter tell on me now that he knew? Out of all my brothers I thought he’d be the most understanding, but he really lit into me. He was just worried about me getting in trouble, but it was too late for that. Hmm... how to get $40...

Ethan had already hinted that Rob was getting impatient to get his money. Maybe I could tell Brad and he would lend me the money? Maybe he’d even lend it to me without me telling him why I needed it. I bet he would! Brad was so honorable, though. Would he keep it a secret or feel honor-bound to tell John? Thinking about it was driving me crazy!

When it was time for my non-existent lesson to be over, I went home and found Brad and Cutter playing a game, Jeff watching TV, and Ramsey sitting on John’s lap in the rocker. John was watching TV, but Ramsey’s attention was on a textbook on his own lap. The rocker only ever got used when Jeff or Ramsey got spanked, so I wondered what Ramsey had done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more like half a chapter, but it was getting rather long. John and the boys are all still operating under a ton of misconceptions, and they won't be cleared up right away.
> 
> James's original story line shifted when Ramsey overheard the conversation about money, so I might save one part of it for later. Plus, that way he can get in trouble twice! If he does all his misbehaving now, the poor boy will never be able to sit again :)
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	23. Misconceptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of the misconceptions get cleared up :)

**Wednesday, November 13th**

**Ramsey**

“Ramsey, stay after class.”

“Yessir.” I sighed. Sometimes it was inconvenient to only have two classes at the high school, especially when all the teachers knew it. Mr. Tirico knew he wouldn’t be keeping me from third period, because I didn’t have one. He’d be keeping me from meeting John, though, if he kept me for very long. When class ended I hastily put away my violin then sat waiting for the classroom to empty.

“What do you suppose he wants?” Jeff asked over my shoulder.

I shrugged. I suspected it had to do with my telling our director I couldn’t make it to All State Orchestra. I didn’t want to say that to Jeff, because I didn’t know if he knew about our money problems. James had known, but maybe John only told him because of the piano lessons. Or maybe all the older members of our family knew, and were keeping it from Jeff and me. I contemplated it until everyone else left, Jeff lingering the longest but finally giving me a wave goodbye.

“Now then, Ramsey,” Mr. Tirico said as he shuffled the music on his stand. “Yesterday you mentioned that you can’t attend All State. Is there a problem with your ability to attend?”

“Um...” I tried to think of what to say.

My director stopped his sorting to give me his full attention. “You’ve earned your place in the All State Orchestra, and I would hate to see you miss it.”

“Um...”

The usually stern, exacting man gave a brief smile. “Have you asked your father for permission to go?”

“He doesn’t mind me going, it’s just... it’s just... there are so many of us boys in the family and it’s kind of expensive, all that just for me.”

“I see.” Mr. Tirico put a rubber band around some of the scores. “Perhaps something can be worked out. A scholarship for you.” Another quick smile. “We can’t let you miss it.”

“A scholarship? For me? What about the other students?”

Placing the scores in a leather briefcase and closing it with a snap, he said, “I’ll talk to John and we’ll figure this out. Don’t you worry about it, young man.”

“Okay,” I said faintly, my heart racing with excitement at the thought that there could be a scholarship to pay my way so I could go without John spending any money, and apprehension at the thought of the director calling my dad. Would Dad mind that? He said he could afford the trip, but a scholarship would make it easier, and then I wouldn’t feel so guilty! “Thanks!”

After stopping by my locker I headed out to the flagpole to meet John, only he wasn’t there. Brad was there with the Bronco, the engine running as he waited.

“Hi!” I opened the passenger side door but didn’t get in. “Why are you here?”

“Hey, little brother! I called John and told him I’d pick you up today. Get in.”

I hopped in, grinning to see my brother. We didn’t always get to spend a lot of time together.

“How much time do we have til your class starts at the college?”

“It starts at 11:00.”

Brad looked at the Bronco’s dash clock and nodded. “We have almost an hour. You can run an errand with me.”

“What errand? Aren’t you supposed to be at McCalls?”

“It’s for Mr. McCall. He just needs a couple things from the farm store.”

“Alright.” I happily sat back in the seat while my brother drove us to the farm and feed store.

We chatted a few minutes before he asked, “So, why’d you get in trouble yesterday?”

My happiness flew away. “Dad didn’t tell you?”

“No. He said you could if you wanted.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want to.”

“Why not? That bad?”

I stuck my hands in my jacket pockets. “Yeah. I already got in trouble, Brad. I don’t want you mad at me too. Please don’t make me tell you.” I stretched my feet out, seeing if I could reach the far edge of the foot space. I was still a couple of inches short.

Brad glanced over at me then nodded. “Fair enough.” He smiled suddenly, reaching over to ruffle my hair.

Phew! I grinned in relief, the happy feeling fluttering back to my heart.

“It’s kind of nice to have John doing the dad-stuff with you,” Brad said. “And I can just be your brother.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “You looked after me a lot.” I never thought of Brad doing dad-stuff with me. He was always my brother. “But you never spanked me.”

Mirth spilled out of his eyes as he glanced at me. “Course not. You were always the perfect angel, I never had to.”

“Course I was,” I agreed smugly, which only made him laugh even more.

“Still,” he said. “Now that you’re not so well-behaved, I’m glad John is there to set you straight so I don’t have to.”

“Me too.” I sighed, remembering how upset I had been the day before. Things were turning around, though, and maybe if I got the scholarship and we didn’t spend money on stupid things, everything would be okay. We drove in silence a minute, then I suddenly thought of something. “Hey, remember that time Carl licked you?”

“You’ll have to be more specific,” Brad drawled.

“Yeah. That time in Oklahoma with the kittens?”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“Thanks for that.” I shivered at the memory. Brad had taken the blame for something I had done, and gotten in trouble with our oldest brother. With Ellis.

Brad glanced at me again. “You’re welcome. That’s about the fiftieth time you’ve thanked me for that.”

“I couldn’t have stood it if something happened to them...” I shivered again.

“Softie,” he replied with a quiet voice.

“You loved them too,” I protested.

“Yeah.”

“So I wasn’t always an angel. I did bad stuff back then too.”

“Hah. I wondered why you suddenly brought that up.” With a sideways look and a softened voice he added, “Besides, that whole thing just proved you _are_ an angel. You were disobedient, but definitely not bad.”

I blushed, embarrassed. He’d been joking about calling me an angel before, because we both knew I wasn’t one. I still didn’t deserve to be called one now.

Brad pulled into the parking lot of the farm store. “Come on, we’ve only got about 20 minutes.”

“We’ve got like 40 minutes.”

Grinning at me he said, “Not if we want to grab a quick lunch before I drop you off.”

I perked up. “Really?”

“Yeah, come on.”

I followed him inside, happy at the thought of having lunch with my big brother. Usually I ate with John in the college cafeteria, but sometimes he wasn’t able to make it because of work, and then I had to eat alone.

 

**Brad**

Heather and I spent the afternoon helping Mr. McCall maintain the tractor. I’d gotten back from town just as the family was finishing lunch and Mr. McCall was pushing back from the table.

“Fine lunch, ladies,” he said, complimenting his wife and daughter who had fixed it, as always. Nodding towards the mud room which was the route we normally took in and out of the house, he said, “Come on, Brad, the tractor awaits.”

“What are you doing with the tractor?” Mrs. McCall asked, starting to clear the table.

We hadn’t used the tractor much since the last alfalfa crop came in, other than for moving hay bales around.

“Going to show the boy how to maintain it,” my boss said gruffly. He pulled on his John Deere baseball cap and headed for the mud room to pull on his boots.

Heather and I exchanged smiles. I had become used to Mr. McCall referring to me as ‘the boy’ on occasion. His gruff way of saying it didn’t in any way mask the affection that came through when he said it. Heather and I both knew he’d been showing me a lot of things around the farm that went above and beyond my job of tending to the livestock in the mornings and it was fairly obvious to everyone that he was investing so much time in me as his possible future son-in-law. Either that or he just really liked me. I’m going with the future son-in-law theory.

“Mom? I want to learn about the tractor too.”

Mrs. McCall paused in her bustling about, looking from Heather to me, then back again. Usually she kept Heather close to home, leaving the heavier, dirtier jobs around the farm to her husband and now to me. On this occasion, though, she took in the pleading green eyes and decided maybe it was a good idea.

“Go on,” she declared. “I’ll finish up here.”

Heather grinned and preceded me into the mud room. Her father took in both of us at a glance and just nodded before going outside. My girlfriend swapped her tennis shoes for her boots and grabbed her barn coat while I did the same. I didn’t have an actual barn coat, but one of my boss’s old coats that could get dirty. I had planned to buy a barn coat of my own, but Mr. McCall had tossed me that one saying to save my money. His old jacket was too big for me, too broad in the shoulders and too long in the arms and sometimes I wondered if that was a subtle hint from Mr. McCall that I still had some growing up to do.

“I didn’t know you were so interested in the tractor,” I said to Heather in a teasing way as we followed my boss to the barn.

“I’m not, especially. I’ve learned a lot over the years, but just little things here and there.” She reached out and took my hand, swinging it lightly as we walked. “I want to know everything about running this place.”

I knew she wanted to spend her life there on the family farm, but that statement made me slightly uncomfortable. “Do you mind him showing me so much?” I hoped she didn’t think I was trying to butt in and take her place in her father’s affections.

Heather’s nose wrinkled cutely as she gazed up at me, her hand gripping mine more strongly. “Course not. I want _you_ to know everything about running this place too. I want us to be a team.”

A team. I liked the thought of that. Both of us working together to help her parents run the farm. I shook off the fear that she would go off to college and meet some smart college guy and I wouldn’t measure up. Then she’d come home with him and I’d have to clear out to avoid awkwardness. John would let me stay at home as long as I needed, though, I was sure of that, and he was already letting me use the barn for my goats. Maybe I could farm some of the fields, or maybe get some cattle...

“I don’t think I want to go to college,” came a low voice in my ear.

“Really? Why not?”

“Because I know what I want to do, and it’s right here.” She squeezed my hand and smiled. I smiled back, unduly happy at the thought of her not going away. I doubted her parents would share my relief, and given the fact that she had whispered it, she doubted it too.

We reached the barn, joining her father who was already inside. The tractor was parked in the center, with lots of room around it to maneuver.

“Now then,” Mr. McCall said. “Let’s start by checking the battery...”

 

**Ramsey**

Dad was quiet on the way home. He looked over at me from time to time, in that way he had when he was trying to figure me out.

“Am I in trouble?” I finally asked when the quiet got to me. I sure hoped not! I couldn’t stand Dad being disappointed in me two days in a row, and I didn’t think my behind could handle being in trouble again so soon either.

John shook his head, a slight sad smile on his face. “No, you’re not in trouble. I do think we need to talk, though.”

“Did something happen? Is Brad okay?”

“No, nothing like that. Nothing to worry about.”

“Oh. Um... did Mr. Tirico call you?” I clasped my hands between my knees nervously.

Dad sighed. “Yes.”

“A scholarship, Dad! Isn’t that great?” I hoped he thought it was great.

“We’ll talk about it after dinner, okay?”

I couldn’t help an unhappy pout at the thought of waiting hours to continue our discussion.

“Later, rugrat.”

“Yes, Daddy.”

I didn’t have to wait until after dinner after all, since I had taken Cutter’s turn to cook. After spending almost a year learning how to cook I didn’t especially need help anymore, but I always pretended I did. I don’t think I fooled John – I’m sure he knew I just liked spending time with him. Unless he was busy with something else he always came in to help, even without me asking him to. I had made pancakes the night before, and when I pulled out the pancake mix again, Cutter said, “Not pancakes again! I’ll take my turn back if you’re going to make pancakes again.”

“What’s wrong with pancakes?”

“Nothing, as long as we don’t have them every day.”

John came into the kitchen just then. “Pancakes?” He didn’t seem that wild about the idea either.

I sighed. “Okay, never mind pancakes. What should I make?”

“Something fast!” Cutter decided, grabbing a bag of chips.

“Don’t spoil your appetite,” Dad called after him as Cutter retreated into the family room.

“As if I could!” Cutter called back.

“What should I make?” I repeated. I put the pancake mix back into the cupboard and searched the shelves for something cheap to make. Pasta? Pasta wasn’t very expensive.

“How about tacos?”

“Those use lots of ingredients,” I promptly objected.

“So? What’s wrong with using lots of ingredients?”

Squirming slightly I almost whispered, “It costs more.”

John sighed. “Tacos it is.”

“But, Dad-”

He started getting the ingredients out of the fridge while I stood there in silent protest. Look at everything! Hamburger meat and cheese and tomatoes and lettuce and seasoning and corn tortillas, and that didn’t even include the oil for cooking the tortillas. Once Dad had everything set out, he crisply said, “Stop being silly and brown the hamburger. I’ll cut the tomatoes.”

From his tone I knew further argument would only get me swatted, so I silently started browning the hamburger.

After a minute or two John cleared his throat and asked, “Why the sudden concern about money, rugrat?”

I shrugged. “Just being sensible.”

He slowly nodded. “It’s good to be sensible about money. I wouldn’t want to discourage that.”

“Yeah.”

“You seem to be going overboard with it, though, Ramsey. We’ve got enough money for food and clothes and all of our other needs.”

“Yeah, but you’ll need money for Grace and a _new_ family.” How could he have forgotten that?

John stopped cutting the tomatoes and set the knife down. “Hold it right there. _New_ family?”

“With Grace, if you marry her.” He looked... disturbed, so I hastened to reassure him. “I hope you marry her, Dad. I want a Mom and- and then you can have your own kids.” I quickly looked back at the frying pan and stirred the hamburger, swallowing the lump in my throat.

My dad abandoned his station and walked up behind me. He deftly moved the frying pan to a cool burner, took the spatula out of my hand, and turned the stove off. Wrapping his arms around me from behind, he stepped us away from the stove and hugged me. It was such a John thing to do, it made me tear up.

“You seem to be operating under a misconception, rugrat,” he said softly, his breath warm in my hair. “I already have a family. _We_ have a family. You and Brad, Jeff, James, Brian, and Eddie. You are all my family. Whether I marry Grace or not, whether I have more children – note I didn’t say _‘my own’_ children, because _you_ are my child – whether I have more children or not, you will always be my child and my family.”

My eyes watery now, I turned around and hugged him back. “But it’ll still cost a lot.”

“Not more than we can afford, and besides, that’s for me to think about, not you.” He squeezed me tight, then half-carried me over to the table where he pulled out a chair and sat down, propping me up on his knee. “Nothing has changed financially for us recently.”

“Eddie’s college?” I hadn’t even thought about that before! That must take a lot. I hoped John wouldn’t think I was begrudging Eddie his education by mentioning it. It was the only big financial change I could think of, though.

“That does take some money, but he has free tuition just like you do, and his room and board is paid for through our inheritance. Would it help if I showed you the family budget?”

The family budget was an adult thing, only looked at by John, Eddie, and Brad. I didn’t think even Brian knew the first thing about it. I slowly nodded.

“Okay, we’ll do that after dinner. Hopefully that’ll put your mind at rest. All our needs are taken care of.”

“All State isn’t a need,” I quietly pointed out.

“All State,” he repeated with half a sigh. “No, that’s not a need, but there’s room in the budget for some wants too.”

If that was true, then why couldn’t we afford piano lessons for James? Where was he still going on Tuesday nights, anyhow? I really wanted to ask! My behind couldn’t risk my being found out eavesdropping, though. Maybe I could hide in the back seat of the car next Tuesday when James left, then I’d find out!

John continued, “Mr. Tirico called, offering to find you another student to stay with in Pierre. I told him I’m planning to come, along with at least some of the boys, and then imagine my surprise when he offered to find school funds to pay for our hotel room.”

“A scholarship!”

“Scholarships like that are need-based, rugrat.”

“We need it, because it’s so expensive.”

I grabbed his knee to hang on as he jostled me a bit. “No, we don’t need it. It’s not that expensive and we can afford it.”

“But then why-” I broke off just in time before asking about the piano lessons.

“Why what?”

“Nothing.”

“Trust me, we can afford it.” Then, getting to the heart of things, he said, “I can afford you _and_ all your brothers _and_ a wife _and more_ kids.”

Dad’s voice was filled with such certainty I allowed myself to start believing it. Brushing my arm across my eyes I said, “Okay.”

“Okay? You believe me now?”

“Mhm.”

“You trust that I’m not out to replace you with a new family?”

“Mhm.”

“And that I’m not going to sacrifice the happiness of you or any of your brothers in favor of some hypothetical ‘new’ family?”

“Mhm.” His questions were getting ridiculous now, but they did a lot to reassure me. I smiled at him.

“This is important, Ramsey. I really need you to believe it.”

I did, now. Suddenly my earlier fears about John not being able to afford us seemed silly. “I do.”

“Good.” He sat me up straighter on his knee so he could look me in the eye and his gaze got stern. “This is so important that if you doubt it again – your place in the family, or whether I can afford you – I want you to come to me straightaway. Can you do that?”

“Yessir.”

“And I’ll put you over my knee and spank some sense into you, understand?” His eyes twinkled slightly as he said that, and though I knew he wouldn’t hesitate to do it, it still made me laugh.

“Yessir.”

John patted my leg to get me up, and patted my behind when I was standing. “Now, let’s finish these tacos, alright?”

“Okay!”

Feeling better than I had in days, I resumed my place at the stove. We worked in companionable silence for a few minutes, then I remembered something.

“Dad?”

“Yes, rugrat.”

“Did you know you have money in your dresser? A hundred dollars?”

“Yes, I know that,” was his amused reply.

“Oh. I didn’t know if you knew that. Cos, like, if you ever _did_ need money for something, there’s some there.”

“I know, Ramsey. That’s there for emergencies. I’ve had it there since I moved home two years ago.”

“And you haven’t needed it?”

“Haven’t touched it.”

“Oh.” I grinned up at him. The fact that he hadn’t had to touch his emergency money for two whole years did a lot to reassure me that we really were okay!

 

**James**

Emergency hundred dollars in John’s dresser? Money that he hadn’t touched in two years? I had been heading down the back staircase and had paused when I heard Ramsey’s and John’s discussion. Emergency money... was my situation an emergency? More importantly, if I borrowed some, would I be able to replace it before John checked?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might turn the story about Ramsey/Brad/Ellis/kittens into an interlude - let me know if you want to see that!
> 
> We'll hear more from Jeff and Cutter again soon, I just felt like we needed some more Brad about now :)
> 
> Thanks for reading and all your comments! :)
> 
> Oh, and almost forgot! As promised in the comments last chapter, if you want to see the original Autumn and Winter covers, look here:   
> http://karenanker.com/pix/autumn-cover.jpg  
> http://karenanker.com/pix/winter-cover.jpg


	24. Discovery at Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to put poor James out of his misery :(

**Thursday, November 14th**

**James**

“Hey, John?”

“Yeah, James?” John was distracted, looking in each of our lunch bags to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything. I didn’t give up, though.

“Are there any chores I can do around the house? To earn money, I mean?”

My oldest brother folded the top of Jeff’s lunch bag down and looked my way. My question annoyed him, and I braced myself to hear ‘no’.

“What is it with you and money, lately? You and Ramsey are like opposite sides of the coin.”

“I just need more now,” I said uncomfortably.

“Why is it your friends are so expensive to hang out with? Brian has never needed a constant stream of cash to hang out with his friends.”

Rub it in. “I guess we go out more. Anyway, are there some chores I can do?” If I could spend all weekend doing chores, maybe I could at least earn the $25 to pay off Rob.

My brother sighed. “No, nothing that can be done in November. Besides, it’s not fair to your brothers, and it’s not sustainable.”

“Not sustainable?”

“This seems to be an ongoing issue for you. I’m not going to come up with extra chores for you all the time just so you can be friends with these kids. If they have a lifestyle that’s beyond your reach-” he shrugged sadly. “Sorry, James.”

“Fine,” I said, turning my head so he wouldn’t see how upset I was. There went my one big hope of being able to pay Rob off any time soon. I pushed the thought of the emergency money out of my head, not even willing to go there in my thoughts.

 

**Jeff**

I sat in the hallway outside the Office of Doom, aka The Dungeon, aka the vice principal’s office, trying to control my nerves. I hadn’t been in trouble at school since my birthday last year, and that had been awful! Brad and Cutter both got paddled and John had to come to school, and it was an awful mess. I looked down the hallway to see if John was coming. Had he been called? Was I going to get paddled by Mr. Clark? No, I wouldn’t get paddled at school, because John had signed that form. That thought calmed me down a little, but not much, because I was still sure to get bawled out, and I hated getting in trouble at school, and John was sure to spank me at home. Deep breaths, deep breaths... I tried to calm myself down.

Finally it was my turn to go into the office. The Dungeon Master - no, the Troll! - aka Mr. Clark was sitting behind his desk scribbling his signature on something. He motioned for me to sit down without even looking at me, then held his hand out for my note from my teacher. I gave it to him with a trembling hand then perched on the edge of my seat. Mr. Clark read it through and only then did he look up at me.

“Not paying attention in class?” he asked in a disbelieving tone, as if it was the dumbest reason ever for a student to have to go see him. I remained silent. “Which class was this?”

“History.” The Desert of Lost Souls, where many had perished before me.

He sat back in his chair and pushed his glasses up. “Were you disrupting the class?”

“No, sir.”

“What were you doing in class?”

“Just writing in my notebook.” I lifted my red spiral bound notebook that was on my lap so he would know which one.

“And how did your teacher know you weren’t paying attention and not just taking notes?”

“We were supposed to be watching a filmstrip.”

Mr. Clark sighed, extended his hand and wriggled his chubby troll fingers. I held on to my notebook possessively. I’d put a lot of work into it, and I didn’t want him taking it from me!

“Let me see it.”

I shook my head. I would have left it in my locker, except that I had come straight from history class.

“Jeffrey.”

“No.”

The troll lowered his paw, then leaned back in the chair folding his hands over his paunch. “Very well.” He took out a sheet of paper and started writing on it. I tried to read it, but I couldn’t without making it obvious what I was doing. Folding it in thirds, he then stuffed it in an envelope, wrote ‘John’ in bold print on the outside, and handed it to me. “That’s for your brother to sign. I’ll expect it back tomorrow.”

I took it silently, glaring resentfully at the vice principal. Now his fingers were doing a shooing motion. “Get to your next class.” I practically ran out, glad to escape the Office of Doom unscathed. Now I just had to worry about giving John the note later.

I didn’t have class next. It was lunchtime, so I grabbed my lunch bag from my locker and joined my friends in the computer room. We had finished Zork and Zork II, The Wizard of Frobozz and were now on Zork III, The Dungeon Master. We took turns, looking on and offering advice as each other played. Still, there was only so much room for us to crowd around the player. So, I had started designing my own game while I was waiting for my turn to play! It was a text-based adventure just like the Zork games.

A couple of the kids started playing Zork III while the rest of us spread out our lunches on the desks. Alan reached for my red notebook. “How’s it coming?”

I shoved it closer to him, eager to show off my progress and to forget the trouble in the Office of Doom and the upcoming Trip over the Knight’s Knee. Knight? Or King? The upcoming Trip over the King’s Knee, that was better. “So, the hero has just made it into the area with the third waterfall, and he has to decide whether to through the back of the falls or not. If he goes left instead, then he winds up in the Ruby Caverns, and if he goes right, he has to fight a troll.”

“What happens if he goes through the falls?” Alan asked, flipping through the pages.

I grinned. “He fights a dragon.”

“Cool! What’s in the Ruby Caverns?”

“Rubies! And maybe diamonds, I haven’t decided.”

“Can’t wait to play this. When are you going to start programming it?”

“I’m not sure it can be done in BASIC, I think I want to learn C.” I shrugged, not too concerned. I wanted to get the whole plot structure sketched out before worrying about the actual programming.

“We should play D&D,” another kid said. “With all that, you’d make a great dungeon master, Jeff.”

“Thanks,” I said. I didn’t have time for D&D, not with violin and school and photography and Mackenzie and now my game project. Besides, my mom hadn’t liked Dungeons and Dragons. I guess all her church friends thought it was evil or something and she hadn’t let Eddie play it back when he was in school. “I want to finish working on this first.”

 

**James**

Sam was protesting the lunchtime pizza, so my friends and I ate our lunch in the parking lot. It was just an excuse to ditch the lunchroom, really, because who was going to care if a couple of students hit the Buster John drive thru and brought hamburgers back to eat in the lot? Besides, the school pizza didn’t look that bad to me. It came in cheese or pepperoni and it was alright the couple of times I’d had it. I’d brought my lunch, of course, but I waited to open it until my friends had all bought their hamburgers and fries and we were back in the school parking lot.

Cutter had happened to park near Ethan’s car, so Joe and I sat on the hood of the Impala while Ethan and Sam sat in Ethan’s car with the doors open and the radio on. It was cold outside but not rainy or snowy, luckily. We were just shooting the breeze when another car slowly pulled up and paused beside us, engine rumbling. I wasn’t paying much attention til Ethan got out of his car, standing next to it and putting his elbows on the top. “Rob! What are you doing here?” Rob and Mac, who was in the passenger seat, weren’t in high school any longer, and it was strange to see them there.

Rob parked, blocking both our cars in – not that we were planning to go anywhere – and he and Mac got out. “What’s up, cuz?”

“Coming back to school?” Sam joked.

“Ha ha. Naw man, we’re going to Sioux Falls for a concert this weekend. Gathering up ‘travel money’.” Rob’s eyes shifted to me as he said that, and I tried to think of how much money I had on hand while my skin crawled in panic.

“What concert?” Joe asked.

“Sammy Hagar.”

In a casual way that made it seem like going to a concert across the state was an everyday event, Ethan asked, “And you didn’t invite us?”

Thank God they didn’t invite us! Maybe John was right, and I needed new friends. I didn’t want new ones, though, I liked these guys.

“Bought the tickets off a friend who can’t go. There were only two.” Rob’s attention again drifted to me. “Time for me to cash in that IOU.”

I had about $2 in my wallet. “Sorry, Rob, I don’t have it with me right now.”

“When can you get it?”

“Soon.” Despite the cold, I was feeling hot.

Rob walked closer. I didn’t know if he intended to be menacing, but it made me uncomfortable. Was he going to slug me? “Been two weeks, have you got it or not?”

“Yeah, I’ve got it, just not with me right now. I didn’t know you were going to show up here today.”

With a condescending tone Rob lectured, “You aren’t going to welch, are you? You shouldn’t play if you can’t make good on your IOUs.”

My face burned with embarrassment at being told off in front of the guys. “I’ll get it.”

“When?”

Flustered, I said, “Soon.”

I didn’t know Ethan had reached for his own wallet until he had come around the front of his car to slap a wad of cash into his older cousin’s hand. “Twenty-five, right? Lay off James now, he’s all paid off.”

“What? No, Ethan-” I protested.

“You can pay me back when you get a chance,” Ethan said, waving it off. _“Bye, Rob,”_ he said in an exaggerated way.

“Bye, boys,” Rob said, smirking. “Come on, Mac.” The two of them got back in Mac’s car and they pealed out of the lot.

I’d never been so embarrassed in my life! I was off the hook with Rob, but now I owed Ethan and in a lot of ways that was even worse.

 

**Cutter**

“Did you guys ever get a note sent home?”

I glanced in the rearview mirror to see Jeff’s worried expression. “No, when I get in trouble the school tends to call John directly.”

“Not me either,” James said, staring out the window. “I’ve never been in trouble at school.”

“Why, did you get a note?” I asked.

“Yeah. How much trouble do you think I’ll be in?”

“If it was bad enough to get a note sent home, that’s practically a guaranteed trip over John’s knee.”

“That’s what I thought,” my little brother sadly replied.

“What did you do?” James asked, finally tearing his gaze away from the passing shops and houses as we drove home.

“I didn’t pay attention in class.”

I frowned. “They give notes home for that?”

“You would have a dozen every day,” James joked, looking at me.

“That’s for sure,” I agreed. “There has to be more to it than that.”

“Well, the class was watching a filmstrip and I was writing in my notebook. The teacher told me to close it and pay attention, but the filmstrip was dumb and I already knew it anyway, and I wanted to write down the next adventure before I forgot it!”

“Adventure? You writing a story?” Jeff writing a story wouldn’t surprise me in the least. He was nerdy like that.

“Kind of. I’m making an interactive adventure story like Zork and Oregon Trail, and then I’m gonna program it!”

“For the computer?” James asked, swiveling his head back to look at our youngest brother.

“Yeah!”

“How’re you gonna do that?”

“In C probably.”

James looked as confused as me. “No, like, you don’t have a computer. Are you gonna do it at school?”

“Yeah, I’ll have to. I’ll figure it out.”

“I bet you will,” I said.

“So how much trouble do you think I’m in?”

**..»º*º«..**

Brad was out messing with his goats when we got home. Jeff went upstairs to hide presumably, since John and Ramsey would be home any time. James had been distracted the whole way home, so when he gave me a squirrely look and went outside, I followed him. Good thing I did! I got to the barn just in time to hear him say, “Please?”

“What are you asking for?” I asked, barging in to their conversation.

“None of your business.”

“So hostile,” I tutted.

“Hi,” Brad greeted me, brushing one of the goats.

“Hi. Don’t give him any more money.”

“Mind your own business!” James protested.

“Why do you need it?” Brad asked, his calm providing a contrast to James’s hot-headedness.

“I just do.”

“Are you in trouble?”

I looked at my younger brother when Brad asked that. _Was_ James in trouble? Well, obviously he was if he thought he could continue gambling.

“No,” James said. I could tell he was lying because he wouldn’t look at either of us.

“We’ll help if you’re in trouble,” Brad said.

Not to be outdone in the good big brother role, I chimed in with, “Yeah, we will, just tell us what it’s for.”

James quietly contemplated the dirt floor, tracing a circle around the stall post. Finally he asked, “Can’t you just lend me money without knowing what it’s for?”

“No,” I said, cutting off whatever Brad had been about to reply. “You don’t need more money to buy pizza, or _whatever_ it is you do with your friends.” I gave James a sharp look at that, so he would know exactly what I was referring to.

“I don’t plan to-” he broke off, glancing at Brad, then sighed. “Come on, guys, please? Just $25, I’ll have it back to you in no time.”

“How’re you gonna do that?” I demanded. “You haven’t even paid us back for last time. No.”

 

**John**

“Where’s Jeff?”

It wasn’t like my youngest brother to hide up in his room after school. Not unless he was in trouble.

“He’s in trouble,” Brian said, unconcerned.

I groaned. “What happened?”

“He brought a note home from Mr. Clark,” James offered. He had started fixing dinner and I was helping.

“Can’t be that serious, since it didn’t warrant a phone call.”

Brian shrugged and disappeared into the family room where Brad and Ramsey already were.

“Jeffrey!” I called up the back staircase.

A minute later the 14 year-old appeared at the top of the stairs. “Yes?” he asked brightly.

“Don’t bother looking innocent, I know you have a note for me. Let’s have it.”

“Man-” he grumbled, stomping down the staircase.

“Less stomping, kiddo.” I dried my hands on a towel, then held a hand out for the crumpled envelope which Jeff grudgingly pulled out of his back pocket. He looked sideways at James to see if his older brother was paying attention. “Don’t worry, if you need a spanking we’ll go somewhere private.”

“Man...” Jeff whined, kicking the carpet.

I read the note, finding it slightly ridiculous. So did Mr. Clark, apparently. Still, Jeff’s misbehavior was evidently important enough to result in a note being sent home, so I couldn’t just dismiss it.

“Jeffrey Alan Lofton.”

My baby brother quit digging at the carpet with his toe and straightened up. “Yessir?”

“Since when don’t you pay attention in class?”

James, doing his best to appear that he wasn’t listening in, couldn’t help a huff at Jeff’s minor misdeed. Brian got in trouble for fighting, leave it to Jeff to get in trouble for not paying attention.

Jeff defended himself. “I could listen to the filmstrip and work on my project at the same time.”

“Mrs. Middleton doesn’t appear to think so.”

“Mrs. Middleton is a meddling old bat!” Brian cheerfully called from the family room.

“Brian, get in here!”

A grinning, only marginally sheepish Brian appeared in the doorway. “You called?”

I snapped my fingers, pointing to the floor in front of me. Brian sighed and crossed the kitchen, coming to a sideways stop. I gave him a healthy swat on the behind then pointed back to the family room.

That distraction taken care of, I turned back to Jeff. “What were you doing in class when you were supposed to be watching the film?”

“Working on something.”

“A school project?”

“No, not exactly.”

“What then, Jeff?”

He fidgeted a moment before asking, “Can I show you? It’s nothing bad, Dad.”

“Yes, I think I’d like to see what’s keeping your attention from your class.”

“It’s nothing bad,” he repeated, making a retreat for the stairs.

A minute later he was back with a spiral notebook in hand, half filled with penciled writing, accompanied by small diagrams and arrows pointing here and there.

“What is this?”

“It’s a story! I’m gonna make it into a computer game!”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Jeff knelt on a chair and started flipping through the notebook, his excitement growing as he showed me the outline for his game.

“And then you’re going to program it?” I asked when he paused for breath.

“Yeah, I just need to decide which language to learn. Zork was originally written with MDL, that’s from MIT,  but then it got ported to Fortran and C, so I think I’m just gonna learn C.”

“We’ll need to get this boy a computer,” Brian said, returning to the kitchen just in time to hear this spiel. Jeff’s jaw dropped – a  supportive Brian was unusual. Brian grabbed an apple and was back to the family room.

“Can we, Dad? Get a computer?”

“Maybe,” I hedged, fully aware that James, who was still wishing for a piano, was standing ten feet away. “I thought you didn’t want one last Christmas.”

“Well, they’re boring until you get into them.”

“We’ll see, Jeff. No promises. Don’t expect one any time soon.”

“Okay.”

“But ask your computer teacher to recommend a good book for learning C, and you can start with that.”

“Really? Thanks!”

“You’re welcome. And Jeff, try not to let this distract you from class, alright? I don’t want any more notes home.”

“Okay, I won’t, Dad.” Jeff bounced upstairs, a happy smile on his face.

 

**James**

It figured. Jeff got a note sent home from school and didn’t get in any trouble. No, not even a swat! No, he was practically rewarded when John told him he’d buy him a book and gave a vague promise of getting him a computer! Why was Jeff’s scribbling in a notebook any better than my efforts to learn the piano? I bet John would buy a computer before getting a piano.

Meanwhile, I was trying to dig myself out of a hole and my brothers had thwarted my every effort. John said no to getting a job and wouldn’t let me do extra chores to raise money. Brad and Cutter wouldn’t lend me any more. How was a guy supposed to get money?

I’d spent all afternoon burning with shame at Ethan having to step in and pay off his cousin for me. None of my friends had said anything about it after Rob and Mac left, but I was so humiliated at not being able to just whip out cash like Ethan had. I’d told the guys I had the money, so now I had to pay up pronto. If I didn’t show up at school with it tomorrow, I might as well not even be their friend.

I stayed sullen through dinner, mad at everyone except for Ramsey and Jeff. Well, I was resentful of Jeff, getting away with trouble and getting John to spend money on him, so really I was mad at everyone except for Ramsey. I went to my room to be alone while I stewed, my brain cycling through possibilities for earning money. No matter how I thought about it, I couldn’t come up with anything, especially not by tomorrow. Into the midst of all my thoughts sometimes appeared a darker one... the money hidden in John’s dresser. Each time it came to mind I shoved it away again, but as other possibilities became impossibilities and faded, the hidden box took a more recurring role in my thoughts... until finally it was the prominent one.

It wouldn’t hurt to take a look at it, would it? Just to see how out-of-the-way it was? John said he hadn’t looked at it in two years. What were the odds he’d suddenly decide to go check it out? I crept out of my bedroom and down the hall, pausing when I got to the stairs. The sound of Ramsey and Jeff talking wafted up the stairs, over the noise of the TV. Jeff was going on about a hero – probably something to do with that game he was writing. All else was still, so I continued down to John’s bedroom at the end of the hall.

I went inside, closing the door behind me so it made just a light ‘click’, then I stopped again, listening for footsteps. None. I maybe should have locked the door, but couldn’t begin to imagine explaining a locked door to John! Crossing to my mom’s old dresser, I started opening the drawers. Most of Mom’s stuff had been replaced by John’s stuff, except for about half of the left-hand top drawer. That one still had some of the jewelry we had kept right next to a stack of papers that were John’s. Adoption papers, grade reports... I hated feeling sneaky like this!

Finally, I saw a cigar box at the bottom, and with another quick look to the door and another listen, I pulled it out and opened it. Just as Ramsey had said, there were five $20 bills in a neat little stack. Just two of them, and my debts could be settled. Would John miss two of them? I’d put them back. I wouldn’t even need $40, just $25 to give to Ethan. I’d have to take two of them, though, since I couldn’t make change. Brad and Cutter weren’t hurrying me to pay them back, so as long as I made a show of doing it, like giving them each half of my allowance, they’d be content. So I only needed $25. Telling myself I would pay it back as soon as I could, I grabbed two of the bills, thrusting them deep into my pocket, and returned the box to the drawer. Then, with a deep breath, I snuck out of the room.

 

**Friday, November 15th**

**James**

I caught Ethan before school and handed him my ill-gotten gains. It was kind of annoying that he was able to pull out his wallet right away and hand me $15 back. Annoying, but good, because it meant I could put it back in John’s cigar box right away. If John found a $10 and a $5 buried under the three $20s he’d know right away that something was up, but the odd amount would let him know I wasn’t trying to steal it outright. I hoped.

Anyway, as he stuffed the money into his wallet, Ethan said, “Sorry about all this. I talked to the guys, and we’re not playing for money again.”

“Oh, cool.” I tried not to sound as relieved as I felt.

Ethan grinned and said, “I guess Joe wasn’t really up for it, either, so it’s better all around.”

“Yeah, I guess so. Thanks for paying off Rob for me like that.”

He shrugged. “My cousin. No big deal. Want to come over tonight? We’ll be playing for _pretzels._ Straight ones are one point, and the knotted ones are five points.”

“What about Bavarian ones?”

His smile widened as he said, “Ten points.”

“Count me in.”

 

**Saturday, November 16th**

**Jeff**

The Rodeo Club was meeting locally again. Kenzie’s dad drove us over early, hauling her horse in its trailer this time. She was going to try breakaway roping this time. In that event the rider has to rope the calf, and as soon as the lasso goes around the calf and tightens, the rope breaks away from the saddle and the timer stops. It was an event for girls, and provided an alternative to the tie-down roping that the guys did, where they had to rope the calf, throw it on its side, and tie three of its legs together. Kenzie joined all the other kids riding around the ring practicing. I got my camera equipment ready then practiced lassoing with a spare rope, wishing I had my own horse. Actually riding in the Rodeo Club was seeming like a lot more fun that just photographing it!

I took photos through the first event then put my camera away while I bought Kenzie and I a soda to share (hurray for getting my allowance that morning!). We were standing with a bunch of other students at the edge of the fence, chatting and watching and sipping our drink.

“Hey, we need people to work the tie-down event!” The call came from one of the coaches from another school. Two boys climbed over the fence right away.

“That sounds like fun,” I told Mackenzie.

“You should do it!”

“Alright, I will!” I was wearing my cowboy hat and boots and blended in with all the Rodeo Club members. I hopped over the fence, joining the others in the arena.

I had watched tie-down roping enough to know what I was expected to do. After the calf is tied, it has to stay that way for 6 seconds, then after that a couple of people rush in to untie it and set it free. If the calf kicks itself loose before the 6 seconds, then the contestant doesn’t get any score. I waited at the sidelines, filled with nervous energy and excitement.

There were three other kids waiting to free the calves, and the oldest one said, “We’ll work in pairs, taking turns. You two together, and you’re with me.” He pointed at me when he said that. The next 15 minutes were so exciting, and all I was doing was taking the ropes off the calves! If only my brothers could see me now, handling livestock like a real cowboy!

 

**Ramsey**

“Wow, look! That looks like fun!” I pointed to the field where Jeff had taken up position with some other kids.

“Hope he doesn’t get run over by a horse,” Cutter joked. That got him a dirty look from John.

We’d all come to watch the rodeo! It was a surprise for Jeff, and he hadn’t seen us yet.

Brad looked impressed. “I didn’t think he was doing anything other than taking pictures.”

James yawned. He’d been out late with his friends again and had gotten home about 2 minutes before curfew. He grumbled about having to come today, but John had insisted, reminding James of all the track meets and cross country events Jeff had attended to cheer for _him_. James had shut up then and planted a smile on his face. He was still tired, though.  

“I’m gonna go closer,” I announced, and was out of the bleachers before anyone could object. I made my way to the railing that fenced in the whole field and found Mackenzie. I didn’t know her very well, but she seemed nice. “Hi, Mackenzie!”

She turned to face me. “Hi! Jeff’s a natural out there.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. Jeff was untying a rope while we talked. It looked like one guy would gently hold the calf’s head down while the other guy knelt on its side and rapidly untied the rope. Jeff was the head guy and some older kid was the rope guy. Did calves bite? I hoped not, for Jeff’s sake! These were just little calves, anyway.

The calf stood up when Jeff and the other guy released it, and Jeff patted it lightly on the back as it started to run for the exit. This should show our older brothers that Jeff was capable of doing athletic things too! Sure, he had run track last Spring, but that was just running. This was running in to handle a calf, with a horse and rider standing by, with ropes and all sorts of tricky stuff around. Jeff should get a few respect points from our older brothers for this!

As soon as the tie-down roping ended, Jeff loped over to us, a huge grin on his face. “Ramsey! How did you get here?”

I waved back at the bleachers. “We all came!”

“Wow, neat! Come say ‘hi’ with me, Kenzie.” Jeff grabbed Mackenzie’s hand and they started wending their way through all the students milling around.

Jeff grinned nervously at John, half-expecting him to say something about his actually participating in the rodeo and not just taking photos outside the arena. Our dad didn’t embarrass him in front of Mackenzie, though. He just said something about it looked like he was having fun out there. A minute later Mackenzie pulled Jeff away because it was time for her event.

“How much do you want to bet Jeff asks for his own horse next?” Cutter asked, watching them go.

John just groaned.

 

**Tuesday, November 19th**

**Ramsey**

Tonight was the night! I was going to find out what James was up to. I wanted to find out what was behind the phone call I had overheard. At dinner I innocently asked, “James? Can you please drop me off at the library while you’re at your lesson? You can pick me up after.”

James opened his mouth looking ready to object, but then changed his mind and nodded. “Sure, why not. Jeff, you want to go too?”

Jeff shook his head. “I have an adventure to plot out.”

“Any homework?” Dad asked.

“All done,” Jeff said.

I knew that was a lie. He had a big math assignment he had barely started on! I kept my mouth shut, just saying, “Thanks, James!”

I followed James to the car, getting to sit in the passenger seat for a change. Usually when I went anywhere with any of my brothers, Jeff and I both got shoved to the back seat. James was pretty quiet as he drove us to town, and we just listened to the radio. He pulled up to the edge of the street in front of the library to drop me off.

“I don’t really need to go to the library,” I admitted.

James turned in the seat to stare at me. “What? Then why’d you ask?”

“I’d rather go to your lesson with you. Maybe I want to take piano too!”

“What? Ramsey, I’m not taking you to my lesson. Get out.”

I hunkered down in my seat and smiled sweetly at him. “I don’t need any books to read. I’d rather hear you play.”

James grabbed his hair in frustration. “Ramsey...”

“What?”

“Will you please get out? I’ll pick you up later.”

“No.”

Putting the car in gear he said, “I’ll just take you home, then.”

“Okay. Dad might be interested to know why you aren’t going to your lesson.”

His foot eased off the gas and shifted back to the brake. “What do you know?”

“I know you aren’t going to your lessons.”

There was a glint in his narrowed eyes that might have scared me if it wasn’t coming from one of my brothers. I knew James might get mad at me, but he would never hurt me. “You should mind your own business.”

I wanted to let him know that John wasn’t having any issues affording us. Where did James get that crazy idea, anyway? “John said- he said- umm, why did you tell your teacher we can’t afford lessons?”

“Arghhhh.” James slumped down, resting his hands loosely on the wheel.

“I talked to Dad, and he showed me the budget, and we’re doing okay. I bet if you ask him again, he’ll give you money for the lessons. Did he tell you he couldn’t afford them before?”

“Ramsey...”

I stayed silent, waiting for James to talk. He seemed to be struggling with something. Finally, he pivoted in the seat and turned to look at me, putting his right arm on the back of the front seat. “Look, Ramsey... if I tell you, can you keep it a secret?”

“Sure!” James had never trusted me with a secret before.

“I mean it, you can’t tell anyone.”

“I promise.”

“Not even John.”

“Not even John? But, what if he asks me?” I didn’t like keeping secrets from John.

“Especially not John.”

“Hmm... are you in trouble?”

“Yes, kind of, but I’m getting myself out of it.”

I wasn’t sure of the connection between John’s not giving him piano lesson money and some secret, and told him so.

James looked rather sheepish, which was unusual for him. “John gave me the money for the lessons. I just used it for something else.”

My jaw dropped. “You- but- wow, he’s not going to like that!”

“I know! That’s why it has to be a secret.”

“I won’t tell. Can I help?”

“How can you help?” he scoffed, then muttered, “Unless you’re sitting on a pile of money.”

“I have money. Not a pile, but-” I pulled out my blue nylon wallet and opened it, the sound of the Velcro making me happy for some reason. “I have... five dollars. You can have it. Would that help?” I took the ones out of my wallet and handed them out for him to take.

He looked from my money back to me, and quirked a smile. “Thanks, Ramsey, but you keep it. I need more than that.”

“How much more?”

“Like $25.”

“What for? Ask Dad for it.”

 James laughed. “If only it was that easy. Look, I did something stupid and if John finds out, I’ll be in a lot of trouble. I just need to get $25 and then I’ll be out of it.”

I thought about his dilemma. “Will Brad or Cutter give it to you?”

“No. Cutter knows what I did, and he’s afraid I’ll do it again.”

“What did you do?” I whispered.

“Something dumb. I’ll never do it again, though.”

“Oh, well, good. Look, take my money, and then you’ll only have to come up with $20 more.” I thrust the money towards him again, waving it in his face until finally he gave up.

“Okay, okay, thanks.” He stuffed the money in his shirt pocket and started the car.

“So, now what do we do for the next half hour?”

“I guess we might as well go inside the library. At least it’s warm in there.”

 

**Wednesday, November 20th**

**Ramsey**

“Brad?”

“Yeah? Fill that bucket, will you?”

I looked at the feed bucket that my brother was pointing to, filled it with pellets for the goats, then dumped it into their trough.

“Thanks,” he said. With an easy smile for me he asked, “Now, what’s up?”

“Can I have $20?”

“Borrow? Or have?”

I had thought about this before asking. If I borrowed it, it would take me 7 weeks to pay back. “Have?” I asked hopefully.

“What do you need $20 for?”

“It’s a surprise.” Surprise sounded better than secret!

“Have you asked John?”

“No...” From the way my voice dropped off, Brad may or may not have gotten the idea the surprise was for our dad.

“That’s a lot of money, Ramsey. Why should I just give you $20?”

“Because I’m your favorite little brother?” I wheedled.

He grinned. “I don’t know ‘bout that. I have four of you to choose from now, you know.”

I pouted. I knew he was joking, but it still somehow hurt.

Brad stood from where he was crouched down petting one of the goats and ruffled my hair. “I’m just kidding. You’re my _brother.”_

“Yeah,” I agreed, grinning again.

He put both hands in his jacket pockets and became serious. “Is it important?”

“Yes, very.”

“Okay.” He reached for his wallet and I had to stop myself doing a happy dance. He dug out a $20, then pulled it back suddenly. “You aren’t in trouble, are you?”

“No, I’m not. I promise,” I said earnestly.

“This isn’t going to _get_ you in trouble, is it?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

Pocketing the money, I threw my arms around him. “Thanks, Brad! You’re the best!”

James was in his room. I went in, closing the door behind me, barely able to contain my glee. “Look!” I pulled the money out of my pocket and handed it to him.

Totally dumbfounded, James dropped his pencil on his homework paper. “Where’d you get that?”

“Brad gave it to me!”

“He just gave it to you?”

“Yeah! Here, it’s for you.”

James was still suspicious. “There’s no catch?”

“What? Catch?”

“Like, conditions.”

“Oh, no conditions.”

“Do you have to pay it back?”

“No. Just take it!” I shoved the bill towards him, and he took it.

“Thanks, Ramsey.” He smiled and all the worry dropped from his face. I hadn’t realized how stressed he must have been until now, when the worry lines eased and the hunted look disappeared. Standing up, he said, “Now I can put it back. Can you keep a lookout?”

“Put it back where?”

“John’s room. I had to borrow some from him.”

“Okay...” I was confused, but I followed him out to the hallway and into Dad’s room, after carefully looking to make sure no one else was around.

James opened the dresser drawer and rummaged around until he brought up the cigar box.

“You took the emergency money?!”

“Yeah, I had to, but it’s all back now.” Once the $20 was in place, he closed the lid on the box and stuffed it back.

I couldn’t believe he had taken Dad’s emergency money! “Okay. Are you all out of trouble now?”

Smiling again, he said, “Yup! I think so. Thanks, Ramsey, you have no idea how relieved I am.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Remember, it has to be a secret. Don’t tell John or Cutter or anyone!”

“I won’t!” I promised. I was terrible at keeping secrets, especially from John. I was determined not to spill this one, though, because James was trusting me with it! I liked the idea of sharing a secret with my next oldest brother!

 

**Friday, November 22nd**

**Ramsey**

“Can we get hot dogs at the game?”

“Sure.”

I frowned out the car window at Dad’s short, distracted reply. Something was wrong, but he was keeping quiet about it. I decided to try again.

“Is something wrong, Dad?”

“Maybe.”

“Did I do something? Am I in trouble?” I didn’t think I could be in trouble for helping James out of his, but you never knew. I didn’t always know when I was doing something wrong.

John looked over at my worried tone and smiled reassuringly, though even that smile was tinged with... something. “It’s nothing to do with you, rugrat. You aren’t in trouble.”

“Okay.” I let another quiet, uncomfortable moment go by before trying again to cheer him up. “Can we get candy at the football game?”

“Don’t you still have some Halloween candy left?”

“Dad! Halloween was three weeks ago! Course I don’t have any left.” He wasn’t far off, though. I’d made mine last until about three days ago, unlike other younger brothers whose candy was gone in three days!

John gave me a small smile, but it still didn’t quite reach his eyes. “My mistake.”

“So, can we? Or no, I know! We can get milkshakes on the way home after the game!” Now that I knew the family finances were okay, I didn’t mind asking for milkshakes again.

“I’m not sure I’m going to the game, but tell you what. I’ll give Brad treat money, and you boys spend it however you like, okay?”

My happiness of spending the evening with John and all my brothers fizzled. “You’re not going? Why not? Are you going to see Grace?”

“No, not tonight.” He expelled a breath. “Something’s come up that I have to take care of. James might be staying home too.”

James. Oh, no! Did Dad see the ten and five and five ones underneath the twenties in his cigar box? James still hoped to swap them out for a twenty when he got hold of one, but he hadn’t yet. But how would Dad know James was responsible for taking it? As far as I knew, I was the only one John knew who knew about the emergency money. Oh, no! If he knew about the money being all wonky, he would think I had something to do with it! But no, he had said James, not me. 

Trying to sound like I had no clue what was going on, I asked, “Oh? Is James in trouble?”

“Maybe. You leave that to James and me.”

 

**John**

Ramsey followed me into the kitchen from the garage. I could hear the other boys horsing around in the family room, excited both for it being the Friday before Thanksgiving week and for going to the football game. It was obvious from the smiles and laughter that they weren’t fighting. I hesitated a moment in the doorway between the two rooms, wondering if I should just go to the game tonight and confront James tomorrow. Ramsey joined the pile of wrestling kids and I watched them try their strength and holds against each other. Brad and Brian easily had the upper hand, as expected, but Jeff and Ramsey together nearly got the better of Brad. Letting them play for the moment, I returned to the kitchen and set a pot of coffee to brew. I hated to turn a happy family evening on its head. Then thoughts of the absolutely mortifying conversation I’d had earlier in the day came to mind, and I went back to the doorway.

“James Gregory Lofton.”

All the boys quit tussling at that. Any time a full name was in use, it tended to get all their attention. The knot of teens unraveled itself and they all sat back on the floor, catching their breaths and looking up at me, questions in their eyes.

The named boy got up on his knees. “Yeah?” I knew my brothers well enough to know when they were trying to hide a guilty look, and James had that air of feigned innocence about him now.

“I had a most interesting conversation today. Care to tell me where you’ve been going instead of your piano lessons?” Crossing my arms solidly across my chest, I awaited his reply. It wasn’t long in coming.

There was a moment of confusion while he worked out what I was talking about, then he suddenly turned on Ramsey. “You told?” he shouted angrily. “You rat!”

My blonde son cowered back, which was the only thing that saved him from the fist that came flying at him. That, and Brian grabbing the arm that the fist was attached to.

“I didn’t tell anything!” Ramsey protested, falling back against Jeff.

“You promised you wouldn’t!” James struggled to free himself from Brian, still glaring daggers at his younger brother.

Near tears now, Ramsey cried, “I didn’t!”

“Enough!” I shouted. I reached down and pulled James to his feet by one arm, giving him a shake. In a low fierce voice I said, “I don’t know what Ramsey has to do with this, but he hasn’t said a word that would get you in trouble. There’s no call for you to be hitting him.” James didn’t apologize fast enough, which got him another jostle from me.

Standing there in my grip, the wind was knocked out of James’s sails. “Sorry, Ramsey, but- if you didn’t tell...”

“I didn’t tell either!” Brian said hotly, “But maybe I should have!” Once freed of holding on to James, Brian had righted Ramsey and was protectively hovering at his side. Brad had also come up to his brother to place a comforting hand on one shoulder.

“What do you know?” Ramsey asked Brian in surprise. “I thought I was the only one who knew.”

“About the gambling? I’ve known for a long time!”

“Gambling?” I asked.

“Isn’t this about the emergency money?” Ramsey asked, returning his gaze to me.

James groaned.

“Emergency money?” Brian queried, looking at the younger boys in confusion.

Gambling? Emergency money? Leveling a stern look at James I said, “This is about your piano lessons.”

“Piano lessons?” Brian asked at the same moment Ramsey, with a look of understanding, mouthed, “Oooh.”

Directing my question to the boy I was still holding, I asked, “Guess who I saw today at work?”

“I don’t know,” came the low reply along with a token, unsuccessful shrug to free himself.

“Mrs. Lewis.”

James slumped at that, all fight gone out of him. Looking up at me with suddenly glassy eyes he said, “I can explain everything.”

“I’d like to hear this,” Brian said. He was obviously still upset on Ramsey’s behalf.

“Me too,” Jeff said, as if it was a soap opera. “I don’t know anything about anything!”

“It sounds like several of you have some idea of what’s going on. Let’s get it sorted out.”

“Can we go upstairs?” James pleaded. “They didn’t have anything to do with it. I’ll tell you everything.”

“About the lessons? The money? The gambling?”

“Yes,” my little brother said, gulping.

“Brad, why don’t you take the others to the game now. Sounds like James and I have quite the discussion ahead.”

“But I want to hear-” Jeff started, before Brad pulled him away.

“Go wait in your room,” I ordered James, giving him a good smack on the behind to start him on his way. “And change into your pajamas!” I called after him when he was halfway up the stairs.

While the other boys were getting their jackets on, Ramsey came over and put his arms around my middle, resting his head against my chest. “I’m sorry, Dad, am I in trouble?”

“Did you do something naughty?”

The mess of blonde hair shook itself. “I didn’t think so.”

“Then you probably aren’t in trouble.”

“I didn’t think James would hit me. Like, ever.”

“I’m sure he didn’t mean to. He’s not the only boy around here to lash out when he’s hurt, is he?” I pushed Ramsey back from me slightly, so I could lift his chin with one finger.

“No,” he admitted, biting his lip. “I never mean it either. Adrenaline just gets flowing.”

“Same with James. It’s something you both are working on, right?”

“Mhm.” Ramsey buried his head in my shirt again.

“Um, we’re ready. Ramsey, you ready?” Brad asked, twirling the Bronco keys in one hand, Jeff at his side.

Brian pulled Ramsey away from me gently. “We’ll take care of him. Come on, let’s go.”

As the boys drove away, I poured myself a cup of coffee and took it upstairs to my bedroom. I changed out of my work clothes, putting on a long-sleeved blue and black checkered flannel shirt and blue jeans. Then, taking my cup along, I stopped by James’s bedroom. The door was open and my little brother was sitting on the bed in his pajamas. Telling a teenager to put on his pajamas, in addition to pretty much guaranteeing that he was about to get a licking, also had the added effect of making him look like a naughty little kid again. James watched me warily, his hair disheveled from changing.

Nodding towards the stairs I said, “Let’s go back down. I have a feeling this is going to take a while, and I want to be comfortable.”

James followed me back down to the family room. I sat in the center of one of the sofas, a position not lost on my brother. I’d hardly have to move when it came time to put him over my knee. No, not over my knee, since he thought himself nearly grown now. He sat in the armchair and looked at me expectantly.

“So, let’s start with the lessons.”

James shook his head. “It starts with the gambling.”

“Let’s start with the conversation I had today with your teacher,” I said more forcefully. If I had to live through the humiliating event, the cause of it sitting morosely in front of me deserved to hear it.

“Yessir,” he said.

I sat back in the sofa, holding my coffee cup in both hands. “So, there I am on the reference desk, students all around.”

James cringed at this mention of witnesses to the conversation I had had.

“Sorry.”

I tutted him silent. “Students all around,” I repeated. “Then who should appear but Mrs. Lewis. You know she teaches a course or two at the college?”

“I thought so.”

“‘Why, John!’ she says. ‘How are you doing?’ ‘Just fine, thanks’ I reply. ‘I sure miss seeing James’. ‘Pardon?’ I ask, clueless as to what she’s going on about.”

James winced.

“‘Yes, I certainly hope he’s able to resume his piano lessons in December. Now, I know money is tight, but it would be a shame to let your brother’s talent go to waste. When things turn around for you, I do hope you’ll let him continue.’” During the retelling my tone resembled less the singsong delivery of Mrs. Lewis and showed more of my annoyance at remembering the conversation.

James hid his face in his hands. “John, I’m sorry.”

“You will be. So, somehow Mrs. Lewis was under the impression that we couldn’t afford lessons. Any idea how that happened?” I knew exactly how that had happened, of course, since the kind, concerned woman had seen fit to enlighten me.

“Because I told her so,” James replied in a strangled voice.

“And why did you do that? And where’s the money I gave you for lessons?”

“Can I please start at the beginning?”

“Go for it.” I blew on my coffee, readying myself to hear whatever tale James came up with, hoping it would be the truth.

He shifted uncomfortably in the armchair gathering his thoughts. “My friends- it’s not their fault, John, don’t be mad at them, we’re not even gonna play for money anymore!”

“Slow down. Start over.”

James took a deep breath. “I really like them. Don’t make me stop being friends.”

“Tell me what it is you boys have done that I might do that.”

“Well... you know we like to play poker?”

I nodded, already guessing the rest.

“Well, they always played for money.”

“I thought we’d gone over this on Eddie’s birthday.”

“Yeah, but these are my friends, John, and it’s, like, what they always did.”

“So, every time you’ve been off to see them, you’ve been gambling. Is that why you stole the money that was for your lessons?”

James winced again at the word ‘stole’. “I didn’t steal it. You just gave it to me, and I- I used it for something different.” His voice faltered as he realized how lame that sounded.

“You just as good as stole it from Mrs. Lewis. Piano lessons supplement her income. She’s kept your Tuesday night slot open for you when she could have offered it to someone else. That’s lost income for her. That’s as good as stealing.”

My brother shook his head, eyes wide. “That’s not how I thought of it. I wouldn’t steal from her!”

“No, just from me, apparently.” Something about the emergency money.

“No, please, I didn’t mean to.”

“So, you took the piano lesson money and used it to fund your poker games.”

“No, sir. That’s not how it happened.”

“Then how did it happen?”

Looking at me fearfully, James explained, “Ethan’s cousin and his friends started playing with us, and- and one night I lost like, a lot.”

“How much?”

“Um... over $80,” he admitted.

“Where did you get $80?!”

“I didn’t! I didn’t have it, that’s where all the trouble started.”

“No, it sounds to me like the trouble started when you began gambling with your newfound friends.”

Dropping his eyes, he said, “Yeah, I guess.”

“Well, go on.”

“So, I gave IOUs to Ethan’s cousin and another guy, and I had to figure out how to get the money to pay them back.”

“Did you come to me and say, ‘John, I’m in trouble, please help me out of it?’”

“No, sir. I knew you’d be mad.”

“You’d have been spanked and that would have been the end of it. I’m disappointed you didn’t.”

“Me too,” he said, wiping one sleeve across his eyes. Then he suddenly accused, “But I did go to you for help! I asked if I could get a job and you said no!”

My voice and gaze equally hard, I said, “Did you tell me you were in trouble? That you owed money to your friends?”

Deflating, he replied, “No, sir.” Kicking out his legs he sulked, “But I should get some credit for trying to help myself.”

“You mean for trying to hide your trouble from me.”

“Well, yes, but I’m 16, I can figure things out for myself.”

I stopped myself from saying ‘apparently not’ even though I was thinking it. Truthfully, if I was 16 and was in the mess he was in, I probably wouldn’t have told my father either. Who wanted to get belted if there was a chance to escape it? I sighed. “I would have helped you, but even if I knew the reason you wanted money so badly, I wouldn’t have let you get a job. I would’ve just given it to you. So, what happened next?”

“Well, after you told me I couldn’t get a job... you gave me the money for my lessons, and it was half the money I owed, and I just- needed it.”

“What then?”

James was relieved that I didn’t want to dissect that part of the story any more, and went on. “Then, I paid off Mac entirely and Rob a bit, then I asked if I could do chores around the house and you still said no and then-” he paused, gulping when he saw my expression. I don’t know what he was thinking, trying to make this my fault. “And then- then I overheard you and Ramsey talking.”

“About the emergency money _I_ keep in _my_ dresser?”

“Yessir. And um, I didn’t want to take it, really I didn’t, John!”

“But...”

“But Rob came to school and said he needed it for a trip and it had been two weeks and was I going to welch on it, and then _Ethan_ gave it to him for me, and I didn’t ask him to, and then I really had to pay it back fast!”

“And then you came to me and said, ‘John, you’re not going to like this, but I really messed up and I need help’.”

“No, sir.”

“No. So, what happened next?”

“So, I borrowed some money from the emergency money.”

“How much? And have you paid it back?”

Looking uncomfortable, he said, “Twenty-five and yes, I have.”

“Do I want to know where you got $25 to pay it back?”

“Ramsey figured out I wasn’t going to lessons and cornered me about it, so I finally told him and he gave it to me.”

This story got better and better, or at least more convoluted. “And where did Ramsey get that much money?”

“Some from his allowance, and then he asked Brad for the rest.”

“And Brad gave it to him.”

“Yes, but I don’t think he knew what it was for.”

“Because Ramsey kept your secret.”

This reminder of his earlier accusation made James blush. “Yessir, he did.”

“Okay.” I took another sip of my coffee to stave off the headache I felt coming. “So, your friends are paid off? You don’t owe anything more?”

“Well, I owe Cutter $5 and Brad $10.”

I thought James owed Brad $30, but decided to leave Ramsey’s contribution between the brothers. I considered the situation. “How did Brian find out about the gambling?”

“When we had that game here, one of them mentioned something about it.” Voice raising slightly he added, “And that’s why Cutter wouldn’t lend me anymore money, he thought I was going to gamble it away!”

“Shocking conclusion,” I said sarcastically.

“Yeah, well...”

“Is there anything more to this sordid story, other than your taking a swing at your younger brother?”

James paled, knowing that just this last misdeed was enough to get him in trouble. “No, sir. That’s it.”

“Okay. Give me one reason why I shouldn’t tell you to stop seeing your friends.”

Alarmed, he sat up, turning beseeching eyes on me. “John, please.”

“One reason.”

“Cos they’re my friends.” He blinked before quickly adding, “And we’re not playing for money anymore, I promise. Please, please, anything else.”

I raised a hand to calm him. I wouldn’t really take his friends from him. From what little I knew of them they seemed like okay kids from good families, and James did need his own friends. He had reassured me they wouldn’t be playing for money again, and I’d take him at his word. Well, I might insist they spend more time playing at our house where I could keep an eye on them...

“Okay, I’ll let you stay friends with them.” James was relieved at that, but before he got too happy I dashed his dreams. “Your piano lessons are over.”

“John, please no!”

 “I’m not spending any more money on something that you hold in so little regard.”

“But I do.”

Tears had sprung to his eyes, and I felt mean.

“Anything else! Please? Please, John.”

So many ‘pleases’ from James wasn’t like him. The tears were rolling down his cheeks now as he looked steadily, hopefully at me.

“I’m getting a refill.” I retreated to the kitchen with my near-empty coffee cup to think a moment, leaving my crying brother behind. Finally, I came up with a plan.

James was a mess. He had drawn his feet up onto the chair, his heels to his butt, so he could hug his knees. He looked up warily when I came in, waiting to hear the verdict.

“Alright. Lessons are up to you. If you want them from now on, you’ll work for them.”

His hopeful look was endearing and crushing. “Okay.”

“Two hours of chores per lesson. If you don’t do the chores, you won’t get money for that week’s lesson.”

“Okay.”

He wasn’t protesting, which indicated how much he still wanted them.

“No piano any time soon.”

James nodded. He probably expected that.

“I’ll give you the money for your brothers, and you’ll work it off in chores this weekend. Your days of borrowing money and being in debt are over, understand?”

“Yessir.”

“And I am going to blister your behind.”

“Okay.” His knees swayed to the side, a precursor to him getting up. “Hairbrush?”

“Yes.” I waved him on and he walked on shaky legs over to the staircase, then ran up to my room. He returned more slowly, handing me the hairbrush.

“Where-” he looked around, wondering where I wanted him. I wanted him over my knee.

“You’re getting a sound spanking. If you think you can hold still for it, you can go over the back of the couch. If you can’t hold still, you’ll get extra swats.”

James walked to the back of the sofa, lightly running his hands over the smooth leather, before lifting his head to meet my eyes. “I’m not sure I can hold still.”

I sat down, scooting back far enough that he’d be able to rest his upper body on the sofa. “Over my knee then.”

He hesitated only a few seconds before circling back around to the front of the sofa.

“Pajamas down.”

He shoved his pajama bottoms down mid-thigh before lowering himself across my lap, crossing his arms on the sofa cushion and resting his head.

“Up,” I directed, patting his behind. I couldn’t see his face but could well imagine his grimace as he obeyed. I tugged his underwear down far enough, then without further ado started slapping his behind with my hand, scolding all the while about gambling. I punctuated my words with hard swats that quickly turned his behind pink all over. “Are you done gambling? Forever?” I asked, placing several very hard whacks on his upper thighs.

“Y-yes, I promise,” he cried.

I waved my hand to get the tingling feeling out of it and picked up the hairbrush. “Now let’s talk about taking money that doesn’t belong to you.” As I turned his behind red, I scolded him about poor Mrs. Lewis missing out on her income, and then said, “And what if we had an actual emergency and got caught short because you helped yourself to the money? Did you think of that?”

“No, s-sir,” he said, kicking his legs up. I moved my right leg over his to trap them in place, which caused a frantic, “Sorry!” followed by him holding himself very still to avoid extra swats.

I gave his bottom a light pat with my hand, saying, “Shhh, you’re alright.” James settled down and I resumed spanking. This was by far the worst spanking I’d ever given him, but it had to cover a multitude of sins. Finally, when he was bawling his head off into his pajama sleeves and couldn’t reply in coherent words anymore, I stopped. I loosened the hold I had on him, leaning back in the sofa cushion and running my hand through his damp hair while he cried in place. The underwear I left down. His behind needed to cool off and besides, much as I hated it, we weren’t done yet.

We stayed like that for several minutes, my left hand petting his hair and my right hand resting on his back. At last my little brother gave a great hitching breath and got control of himself. He pushed himself up to his elbows and then awkwardly stood, seeming surprised to see his underwear still lowered. James pulled it up again, wincing as it slipped over his behind.

I cleared my throat and stood up. “Only one thing left to talk about.”

Fresh tears brimmed over and rolled down his cheeks as he awaited this further bad news.

“Over the back of the sofa,” I directed as I unbuckled my belt and slid it out of the loops of my jeans.

“John,” James whined, but obediently shuffled around and leaned over the back of the sofa.

I had planned to give him the next swats bare, but since he had already pulled his underwear up and I didn’t really want to give him anymore anyway, I let it slide. I doubled my belt, pressed my left hand against his back to hold him down, and said, “This is for raising your hand against your brother.” I only brought my belt down three times, nowhere near full strength. James had already had enough, but he needed to remember this. When I tossed my belt on the far sofa, he straightened up, tears streaming down his face. I couldn’t stand the lost look on his face, and pulled him to me, wrapping both arms around him. He held on to his own behind for a minute or two, but then he raised his arms and hugged me back.

“Why don’t you lay down on the couch?” I suggested. “I’ll get you something cool to drink.” And a handful of tissues.

We spent the next couple of hours together quietly. He lay on his stomach on the sofa, and after returning with a glass of juice for him, I lifted his legs, sat down, and put his feet on my lap. As _Knight Rider_ played on TV in the background, we continued our talk.

“Why didn’t you just come to me?” I asked in the peace of after-spanking cuddle time, James-style.

“I knew you’d be disappointed in me.”

“I’m more disappointed you didn’t feel you could come to me.”

“You’re going to make me cry again,” he observed, brushing at his eyes as he stared at the TV.

I squeezed his foot. “No more tears.”

“No more swats and there won’t be,” he said, with a ghost of a smile.

“Deal.”

A silent moment later he said, “I just don’t like to disappoint you.”

“I get that. I never liked to disappoint Mom or Dad either.”

“Yeah.”

“I can’t help feeling like I dropped the ball here too. I knew you really wanted money, I just didn’t know why.” He stirred. I went on. “Not that I would have let you get a job if I’d known. Your job right now is school.”

“Yessir, I know,” he said softly. “Would you have given me chores? To earn extra money?”

“Yes, maybe... like I’m doing now... after I’d given you a good walloping.”

“Hah, okay.”

The rest of the family returned just as I was dishing up ice cream for James and myself, so at Ramsey’s suggestion we added chocolate syrup and nuts to make sundaes for everyone. James asked Ramsey to forgive him for swinging at him, at which the younger boy grabbed the older one in a big hug. After that, the six of us piled on both sofas, a jumbled mess of arms and legs, and waited for _Friday Night Videos_ to come on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much speculation and ideas over James's plight, I hope no one is disappointed in how it turned out! Like I mentioned a chapter or two ago, his story arc changed a lot when Ramsey entered the picture, and when I decided to leave the 'other' trouble for later. So, everything is out in the open now for poor James, though various of the brothers still don't have the whole story (and likely never will!) :)
> 
> Thanks for reading and commenting! :)


	25. Thanksgiving Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The weekend before Thanksgiving...

**Saturday, November 23rd**

**James**

I spent Saturday morning washing the windows and cleaning the oven, two jobs that probably hadn’t been done since Mom died. John said he’d pay me $2 an hour for the money to pay my brothers back. Since I had gotten my allowance I only had to make up $12, so that was 6 hours of chores. That was on top of my regular household chores, and didn’t include the two hours I’d still have to do for my piano lesson. I didn’t complain a bit, though. I deserved it and probably worse. I’m sure at my age Dad would have used his belt for the whole licking, so even though John’s walloping was one of the hardest he’d ever given me, I knew it could have been worse. Besides, I still felt guilty and embarrassed over behaving so badly. It was nice not to have to talk to anyone, but just spend the day cleaning.

I cleaned the oven first, scrubbing away at it until it was spotless and passed John’s inspection. That took a good hour. $2 worked off. Then I spent the next couple of hours washing the windows, starting with the attic.

“Need help?” Jeff asked after finding me starting on the inside windows.

“No, thanks,” I said quietly. As I worked away at the film in one pane I wondered if they had _ever_ been washed. This was going to take all day! Strangely, that thought almost cheered me up. I could spend the day by my lonesome and at the end of it I’d be out of debt.

While I was musing, Jeff had wandered to the windows on the other side of the attic. He unlatched one of the locks. “Do you have to do the outside windows too?”

“Yup.”

“I can help you with that!”

“John will lick us both if you go out on the roof,” I replied tiredly.

Jeff left me in peace and I scrubbed away with my wadded up newspapers and vinegar water. Each window had twelve panes, and there were ten windows in the attic. I zoned out, concentrating on getting all the grime off each piece of glass. I was doing all the interiors first, then I’d go out and tackle the outside glass.

My next visitor was Cutter. He arrived when I was on the fourth window, still inside. He was unusually quiet and seemed uncomfortable.

“Hey,” he said when he first came up.

“Hey.”

Cutter looked around the attic a minute before coming over close to me. Crossing his arms, he stated, “You really are a dumbass.”

Resisting the sudden urge to throw my wet, wadded up newspaper ball at him, I said, “What?”

“I would have helped you.”

My voice rising in disbelief, I said, “I asked you for help!”

“No, you asked for money, not help.”

“What’s the difference?”

“I thought you were just going to gamble the money away. I didn’t know you owed it to some guy.”

“And you would have given it to me if you had?” I asked skeptically.

“Course, you idiot. I’m not gonna let you be beholden to some jerk.”

Beholden. Cutter’s use of the old-fashioned word made me grin.

“Shut up,” he said, correctly guessing why I was smiling. It took some of the tension off our conversation, though. “Really, James, you should have just told me. I know I reacted, um, strongly when you told me you’d been gambling, but you still should have told me you owed someone.”

“Maybe,” I hedged, imagining the lecture I would have gotten from him if I’d admitted what I needed the money for.

Cutter huffed and ran his hand through his hair. “Look, if you’re ever in trouble-” he looked out the window and waved his hand in the general direction of outside, “-out there, I’ll help. I might call you a dumbass, but I’ll help, alright?”

“Alright.”

He leaned against the wall and turned serious again. “I regret I made you feel you couldn’t tell me.”

Now I felt guilty. “It’s not that.” I shrugged. “I just wanted to figure it out myself.”

“Borrowing from Peter to pay Paul wasn’t exactly figuring it out, though, was it?”

“I guess not.” I just wanted to go back to my chores. If John knew I was up here gabbing, he’d dock my time! “But I did ask to borrow some.”

 “I would have _given_ it to you, James, not lent it to you. I’m not letting you get in trouble. I don’t let anyone beat you up, and I’m not gonna let someone hold an IOU over you.”

I looked at my slightly older brother as if seeing him all new. The way he put it, it made sense to me all of a sudden. He’d always been protective of Jeff and me. Why hadn’t I thought it would extend beyond protecting us from bullies to other situations? Feeling slightly foolish I said, “Thanks. I’m sorry, I get it.”

“Good.” Cutter’s smirk was back. “Now get back to work or I’ll tell John you’re up here reading comics.”

At that I did throw my wet, wadded up newspaper at him. “Hey!” he shouted in surprise before throwing it back.

I was on my second exterior window when a face appeared on the other side. The face smiled and motioned lifting the window.

“Hi, John,” I said, pulling the newspaper away from the glass.

My oldest brother raised the window and handed me a mug of hot chocolate. I eagerly took it, taking a long sip and letting the steam warm my cheeks. It was cold outside! “Lunchtime.”

My face fell slightly. “Oh.”

“Come on in.”

“I’m kind of into it. I’ll come in later.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

John looked around the attic. “You’re doing a good job.”

“Thanks.”

Turning his eyes back on me he said, “I’ll bring you up a sandwich.”

“Only if you plan to feed it to me,” I laughed. “I’m all dirty.”

He smiled again. “Okay. Well, come down when you’re hungry. Or too cold.”

“I will.”

John turned to go, but I said, “Hey, John?”

“Yes?”

I’d been puzzling over something all morning, and I wanted to be sure to word it so I didn’t come across as complaining. “Um... I’m getting $2 an hour to make up the money I borrowed from Brad and Cutter. But my piano lessons are $10, so why do I only have to work two hours for each one? Seems like it should be five hours for each.”

My brother gently smiled. “Mercy.”

“What?”

“Today’s chores for $2 an hour are punishment, to give you time to think about your mistakes. The piano lessons... that’s different.”

I leaned on the window frame. “Isn’t that punishment too?”

“No. That’s to show me you really want to continue with it. Two hours a week is enough to do that. I wouldn’t want you doing any more on a regular basis. You’ve got enough to do, what with school and your regular chores. Time with your brothers.” He smiled again. “Time with your friends.”

His words warmed me up, despite the cold outside.

“Thanks, John.”

 

**Brad**

I got home from work after lunch. I could have gotten home earlier, but I was invited to eat with the McCalls as I did most days, so I did. Besides, I figured if I went home I’d wind up doing lots of chores anyway. Sure enough, when I got back to the house, everyone was bustling about cleaning and getting ready for Thanksgiving. John had already asked me to make sure the kindling box was full and that the woodshed was full of firewood. I figured that would take an hour or two at most, so I got started with that right away.

I said hi to everyone I saw, and waved to James who was on the roof, then went back out to the woodshed to make kindling. I hadn’t been out there five minutes when my brother came in, a fine pout on his face. Mentally preparing myself for some sort of Ramsey-drama I said, “Hey, kid, what’s up?”

He leaned sadly against the woodpile, resting his hands on the firewood behind him. “Hi. Are you mad at me?”

I refrained from rolling my eyes. “Why would I be mad at you?” I continued my task of splitting a log into kindling.

“Because I asked you for money and gave it to James?” He squinted at me out of the corner of his eye and waited for my response.

“I gave it to you. You said it was important and it was. But even if it wasn’t, I gave it to you so it was yours to do what you wanted with.”

“So you’re not mad?”

“No.”

“Even though it was kind of sneaky?”

I let the small axe fall to my side. Ramsey and I had spent most of our lives sneaking around to avoid trouble with Carl. I understood him not wanting to be sneaky anymore, or at least be thought of as sneaky. I didn’t either. Still, I thought his worry over this was ridiculous.

“Don’t worry about it. Really, I’m glad you helped him. I would have given James the money if he’d asked.”

Ramsey’s pout left and his eyes lit up. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” He flung his arms around me.

“Careful,” I cautioned, angling the axe head away from him and using my free arm to hug him back.

“How’s it coming?”

I looked up to see John had come up to check on my progress. He smiled at seeing Ramsey and me.

“Okay,” I said, then maneuvered Ramsey towards him. “But I think this boy needs a few swats.”

“What?!” Ramsey screeched.

I grinned at John. “Yeah, he’s feeling all guilty over giving the money I gave him to James. And you know how _that_ usually ends up.”

John appraised my little brother, holding him by the shoulders. “I do indeed. Rugrat, do you need a spanking?”

“What? No!”

“Maybe not a spanking, just a few swats,” I clarified, ignoring the look of betrayal from Ramsey.

John propped a foot on the lowest section of the woodpile, picked Ramsey up, and upended him over his knee. My little brother squawked and kicked his feet in the air. With a wink at me, John asked, “I think Brad might be right, don’t you Ramsey?”

“Noooo!”

John pulled the bottom of Ramsey’s fleece jacket up over his back, giving him a clear target to swat. “I don’t want you walking around feeling all guilty, because then you’ll just misbehave in other ways until I punish you.”

“Not this time, really!”

“Better to just take care of it now, don’t you think, Brad?” John tapped Ramsey’s behind, which set off another round of squirming.

“I agree!” I said firmly.

“Nooo! I don’t need one, really!”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure! Really! Daddy!”

John lost it at that and started laughing. He righted Ramsey, who immediately took a step back, his hands held protectively over his behind. My little brother glared and pouted, but couldn’t hold it for long. “You guys are terrible!” he exclaimed right before he joined in our laughter.

 

**John**

By late afternoon I had an exhausted crew of boys, so I called out for pizza. “You all did a great job today,” I said as we dug into the pizza boxes. I got five tired but happy grins in return. No sooner had we filled our plates than we heard the unmistakable sound of the jeep pulling up to the house.

“Eddie’s here!” Jeff said, jumping up to run out, Ramsey right on his heels.

“Put your plates up!” I cautioned, but they were already out the door. Daisy’s tail was already wagging as she dashed over to investigate the food set on the coffee table, but I was faster and scooped up the boys’ plates, putting them higher on the family room table.

By the time I got outside to greet my brother, the others were all already swarming Eddie by the jeep. It made me happy to see the whole family together, hugs and smiles all around. Once again I was grateful that the boys all liked each other. I knew it wasn’t that way in every family.

“I thought you were coming home tomorrow,” I said, patiently waiting for my turn to embrace the college boy.

“I got my last paper finished and turned in this morning, and decided to head on home!”

“You should have come earlier!” Jeff said. “You could have helped us clean up for company!”

Eddie laughed. “Why do you think I waited til now?”

 

**Sunday, November 24th**

**Ramsey**

I was so happy to have Eddie home! John was my daddy. Brad was my protector. Cutter got me like no one else did, except John, _and_ he was my protector. Jeff was my friend. James... James and I were brothers and we got along, but we were still figuring out what we were to each other. But Eddie – Eddie had a special place in my heart. He was the one who understood my moods and instinctively knew when I needed a different perspective on things or just cheering up. Sometimes the different perspective included a scolding or even a quick spanking, but he always oozed with love for me when he did it. I loved him for it.

I got up early Sunday morning and found John and Eddie already having breakfast together.

“Come join us,” John said, as if I needed an invitation.

I gave him his morning hug and went to sit down, only to have Eddie gripe, “Where’s _my_ hug?”

I giggled and leaned over to hug him too. He patted my back then pulled out the chair that was between them. I sat down and helped myself to English muffins and sausage links. Whatever they’d been talking about was left behind as Eddie started asking me about my classes and how I was doing at SM&T.

“You’re on break this week too, aren’t you?” Eddie asked.

“Yup!”

“I’m going to put you two to work cooking all week,” John commented.

Eddie and I both groaned, but actually neither of us minded the idea, and Eddie winked at me.

“Who all is coming over?” Eddie asked.

“Aunt Mary, Uncle Josh and the girls. Scott’s having dinner with his parents, but he’s coming over afterwards for the game. Brad’s having dinner here, but he’s probably heading to McCalls’ after, to eat again with them.”

“What about Grace?”

Sounding disappointed, John said, “She and her sister are going home to her parents’ for the holiday.”

“Aw, I was hoping to see her again.”

“She invited me to her parents’, but that’s kind of hard to manage.” My dad shrugged like it was no big deal.

“Why can’t she come here?” I asked. “Her sister can come too.”

“Their parents are expecting them.”

I wasn’t giving in so easily! “Maybe they can stop by on their way home? On the weekend?”

John and Eddie smiled at each other. “Maybe,” John conceded. Clearing his throat, he asked, “Do you know what today is, rugrat?”

“Sunday?”

They both laughed. “Yes, it’s Sunday. It’s also a year since you first spent the night here.”

“I knew it was close, around Thanksgiving.” I suddenly felt shy and grabbed another English muffin so I could give my hands something to do by buttering it.

“Hard to believe it’s been a whole year,” Eddie said, shoving the honey bear closer to me.

“I know,” I replied, tipping the honey bear over my muffin. I had already had two halves and four sausage links and wasn’t really hungry. “And- and it’s been a year since- since...” Since Ellis broke my arm and Carl got sent to the hospital and I went to live with the Loftons and my life changed forever. I abruptly set the honey bear back down and looked up at John, sudden tears in my eyes.

John shoved his chair back and held an arm out, the invitation clear. I ditched my chair and my breakfast and plopped myself down on his knee and let him hug me while I sniffled and remembered.

 

**John**

Ramsey was clingy all day, to the point where I almost regretted mentioning the significance of the date to him at breakfast. I figured it was probably already on his mind, though, and I think it would have been worse if it had gone unacknowledged. So, I just resigned myself to having a blonde shadow all day. Actually, he seemed to float between Eddie, Brian, and myself, the three of us who had been there for him a year ago. I didn’t think he was aware of it, and Brad didn’t notice that he was excluded from this bit of hero worship. Brad had been off at the McCalls’ most of the day, anyway.

After lunch Jeff asked permission to go to Mackenzie’s house.

“Do you want to come too?” he asked Ramsey. “I think we’re gonna ride her horse.”

I looked out the window. It was cold out and looked like it might snow. “Bundle up,” I ordered.

“I will,” Jeff assured me, then turned back to Ramsey. “Want to come?”

Ramsey shook his head. “No, thanks. Maybe next time.”

“Okay. Can someone please drive me over?”

“I will,” Brian said from the other side of the family room.

Jeff’s face lit up. “Really? Thanks!” He ran off to bundle up while Brian grabbed his own jacket and the Impala keys.

“Thanks,” I said to Brian.

“No problem,” he said. Then with a quick grin he added, “Gotta take care of my little brothers.”

“Can you drive me to the store later?” Eddie joked.

Brian’s smile grew wider. “Nope. Just taking care of my _little_ brothers.”

“Pshhht.”

After the boys left, James quietly came and asked me if I had chores for him to do. He had worked diligently and uncomplainingly the day before, and I’d been happy to give him all the money he needed to pay his brothers back. He’d been even happier, and his relief at being out from under that stress was obvious. Now he just had a couple of hours to do for his next lesson. I wasn’t going to tell him, but I only planned to make him ‘pay’ for his lessons for a few weeks. Long enough for him to appreciate the cost of the lessons, and to prove to us both that he really wanted to continue. I was glad he hadn’t put up a fuss at the idea of this restriction and so far wanted to continue with the instrument. The one time I’d heard him play he had been making great progress. It gave him a good creative outlet too. The other boys had creative activities, but James never really had. Running was good for him, of course, but it didn’t have the same opportunity for self-expression that playing an instrument did.

James stood meekly before me, looking around at our clean and picked-up family room, hands shoved in his jeans pockets. “Is there something else that needs to be done before Thanksgiving?”

I had thought about making him spend the two hours cleaning the garage, but he’d spent enough time out in the cold on Saturday. “Yes, we still need go grocery shopping.”

James was usually the last one to do the grocery shopping. He didn’t especially like to cook (though he liked to eat!), and wandering the aisles wasn’t his favorite activity. To his credit, he didn’t pull a face or groan. “Okay,” he readily said.

“I’ll give you the list. Get everything on it, and put everything away when you get back, and that’ll be your lesson chores for the week.”

“Okay,” he said. With a laugh he said, “I was expecting more hard labor.”

“I can always find some, if you’d rather,” I replied, amused.

“No, thanks!”

I got the list from the kitchen and the $140 I’d gotten from the bank in preparation for shopping, and handed both to my little brother.

“I’ll be back soon,” James promised. He grabbed his jacket, but before leaving he came back to me. “Hey, John?”

“Yes?”

Sheepishly, he said, “Thanks for not staying mad.” He lifted the money I’d given him. “And for trusting me still.”

“We all make mistakes. I’m not going to hold yours against you.”

James threw both arms around me in a fierce wordless hug, then dashed off to the Bronco outside.

Ramsey had been hovering and now left my side long enough to go to Eddie and ask a wistful question. “Are we making pies for Thanksgiving?”

With a quick glance at me, Eddie said, “I expect so. You want to try making one?”

“Yes, please. Can we make more than one?”

“I think we’ll need half a dozen, with all the people who are going to be coming and going. You want to be my helper this week?”

“Yes, please!”

“What kind do you want to make first?”

“Apple? I think Brad will like that.”

Eddie put an arm around Ramsey’s shoulders and steered him towards the kitchen. “Let’s see what we’ve got in the kitchen. If we need any ingredients, we might have to send James on another trip back to the store!”

I had a feeling this Thanksgiving was going to be full of every good thing Ramsey had ever wanted for the holiday, both for himself and for Brad. I was okay with that.

 

**James**

Shopping wasn’t all that fun, but it beat more cleaning! The grocery list was extra long with everything we’d need for the holiday. I spent about an hour wandering around filling a shopping cart to the brim, then I double-checked everything on the list. I was careful to stuff the receipt and change in my pocket to give back to my brother. I was glad John trusted me with this job and to handle the money without worrying I’d steal it, but I still wanted to show him I was trustworthy. Really, I don’t know what came over me the last few weeks!

Back at home Eddie and Ramsey were making pie dough in the kitchen, and they both helped me put all the groceries away even though it was my job. Ramsey got all excited seeing a bag of apples. We always had apples around, for lunches and snacking, so I don’t know why this particular bag merited so much excitement.

Despite John’s forgiveness for my abysmal prior behavior, as he put it, he still stood over me while I called Mrs. Lewis to ask if I could please resume my piano lessons.

“Why do you have to be here?” I whined, my finger poised to dial. Yes, I whined. I was horribly embarrassed at him standing beside me to be sure I didn’t lie to her again.

“You know why,” John sternly replied, eyebrow raised.

I might have growled slightly. I turned, angling myself so my back was to my brother. That way I could pretend he wasn’t listening in! But, that was a mistake. A hard swat to my behind made me decide that facing him while calling might be a better idea.

I apologized to my teacher for the missed weeks, and assured her everything was straightened out now. I’m sure I blushed as I said that – John had sure straightened me out! Mrs. Lewis was gracious, and even though it was Thanksgiving week she agreed I could come over Tuesday evening. Despite my lingering embarrassment I couldn’t help the smile that crossed my face as I hung up and looked at my brother. His sternness had left, and the warm look he gave me made me even happier.

“All good?”

“Yup!”

He squeezed my shoulder. “I’m glad.”

“Do you think I owe her for the weeks I missed?”

“Do you have an extra $30?”

“No.”

“Then don’t worry about it.”

“I just feel bad.”

“That can be an extra lesson for you.”

I sighed. “I guess.” I followed him back to the kitchen, which had lots of good smells coming from it. Two apple pies were baking in the oven, which explained Ramsey’s earlier happiness.

“Like this?” Ramsey asked. He was holding the cinnamon shaker over the extra strips of pie dough, which had been laid out on a cookie sheet. Cutter was sitting on a nearby stool watching.

“More,” Eddie said. “Lots of cinnamon.”

“And more sugar,” Cutter suggested.

“Okay.” My blonde brother happily shook the cinnamon over the dough until they were covered with a nice dusting, then added more sugar from our breakfast sugar bowl. Picking up the tray he carried it over to the oven and peered in. “Is there room?”

“It’ll keep til the pies are done,” Eddie said. “Let’s clean up while we wait.”

“Okay!” Sheesh, Ramsey was always so happy, even when doing something like cleaning up the kitchen.

The phone rang just then and John went to the library to answer it. It was probably Grace. A few minutes later my oldest brother returned, not looking very happy.

“I’m going to pick up Jeff. Save me some cinnamon strips, will you?”

Cutter half-left his perch on the stool. “I can pick up Jeff. I was planning to.”

“Thanks, but he needs his _father_ right now.”

“Oooh, he’s in trouble.” Cutter didn’t seem too disturbed at the prospect. With a grin he settled back on the stool to await apple pie.

 

**Jeff**

Kenzie and I spent all afternoon riding horses! She rode her own and I rode her older brother’s. Her older brother Zac was home from college and he told me it was okay to ride his horse any old time, since he was usually away and couldn’t. Zac’s horse was a beautiful chestnut named Phoenix. Kenzie’s horse was a buckskin called Shasta. We saddled them up and followed a trail down to a half-frozen creek. We chatted the whole time, and I don’t know who talked more, Kenzie or me! It was cold out and overcast with approaching storm clouds, and when they got closer we decided to take the horses back to the barn. After we got them rubbed down and settled, we headed back to the house.

Zac was carrying stuff from his car into the house since he had just gotten home that day.

“What kind of car is that?” I asked, stopping to look. It was boxy and reminded me of the jeep, except it was a lot lower to the ground. It had four doors and a convertible top. Not the most practical car for South Dakota! It looked kind of rugged, though. And trapezoidal. I leaned down to look inside. “What is it?”

“It’s a Thing,” Kenzie said.

“A what? A thing?”

“Volkswagen Thing. I think it’s cute.”

“It’s ugly!”

“It’s so ugly it’s cute!”

“Who’s calling my car ugly?” Zac said, jumping down from their front porch. He was smiling, though, so I knew he wasn’t mad.

“I’ve never seen one of these before. It reminds me of our jeep.” It was all bare bones, not a soft interior, just like the jeep.

“What kind of jeep do you have?” Zac asked as he picked up a bunch of fast food receipts from the floor of the car, wadding them up in his hands.

“An old Toyota Land Cruiser. It was my dad’s, then John’s, and now Eddie drives it.”

“Have you ever driven it?” Kenzie asked me.

“No, not yet.” She knew I didn’t have my license yet. She didn’t have hers yet either.

“Zac lets me drive his!”

“Really?” Zac was a cool brother!

He sat up to glare at us both. “I did once. When Mom and Dad weren’t home.”

“But I got to drive it all around. Can I drive it again?”

Her brother snorted. “No. The old people are home.”

“Aw, come on. And then Jeff can try! His brothers don’t let him drive their cars.”

“Yeah, they’re lame,” I put in. It wouldn’t hurt to get the point across that brothers who didn’t let their younger siblings drive their cars were all lame!

Zac wasn’t fooled. He just shook his head and said, “Guess I’m lame too then. Nice try, you two.” He tossed his handful of garbage into a cardboard box and got out of the car. “Come on in when you’re done looking. Lock up, Kenzie, alright?”

“Alright,” she replied with eyes sparkling with mischief. As soon as her brother was inside the house, she jumped into the driver’s seat. “Come on in!”

“Your brother’s going to kill us.”

“Not just sitting here. Come on.”

One thing I liked about Kenzie was her sense of adventure. She was up for doing a lot more fun things than Ramsey was. Ramsey was always afraid of getting in trouble and having John be disappointed in him, but Kenzie was a lot more adventuresome. Just like me!

“Okay.” I climbed into the passenger seat and we started looking over all the gears and controls, and I pointed out how some of them were different from the jeep’s. “But the gear shift is in the same place on the floor. This one is shorter, though. I bet this is easier to drive than the jeep.”

“Why would that make it easier?” she scoffed.

“Cos you have to really move the gear around in the jeep,” I said, demonstrating with my hand in the air.

Kenzie grabbed the car’s gear shift, but it wouldn’t budge.

“I think the engine has to be running,” I said.

With a quick motion, my friend had inserted the key and started the engine! She grinned at me and I smiled back, even though I knew we’d be in trouble for sure now! She giggled and held a finger up in a shhing motion as though our smothered laughter would be louder than the car’s engine!

“Now let’s try it,” she said. She grabbed the gear shift again but it still wouldn’t shift.

“Try pushing the clutch in,” I suggested.

“Oh yeah.” She did that and managed to shift the car into reverse. “Yay!”

The car started rolling backwards down the driveway. I looked behind us and luckily there weren’t any other cars or anything. Still, I said, “That’s enough, put on the brake!”

She accidentally hit the gas pedal and squealed when we suddenly lurched backwards. “Which one-” She quickly found the brake and applied it, and the car stopped its fast backwards roll. We looked at each other in relief, then I looked back up the driveway towards the house. We’d gone maybe 20 feet! “I’m gonna park it,” she said.

“Zac will know we took it this far. We have to get it back where it was!”

“I don’t want to drive it!” she insisted. I think the sudden lurch spooked her.

“Put it in park and we’ll switch places.”

“Okay.”

After the car was in park I awkwardly climbed over the gear shift to the driver’s seat, while Kenzie just got out and ran around to take the passenger side. Unlike the jeep which had one front seat that went the whole way across, this Thing had two individual seats. I put it in drive and took my foot off the brake, hoping it would roll forward but it didn’t. I slowly pressed the gas pedal hoping we wouldn’t suddenly ram into the garage door! It was about 30 feet away, but look at how quickly we had gone backwards!

The Thing crept forward slowly. Inch by inch. Foot by foot. I was holding my breath, as much in fear of the car suddenly dashing forward as I was for her family coming out and discovering us! Five feet... ten feet... fifteen... I eased my foot off the gas pedal to coast the last few feet.

“What are you guys doing?” Zac shouted from the doorway. Crap!

I slammed on the brakes, only it was the gas pedal and we shot forward! Kenzie screamed while I took my foot off the pedal and stomped on the other one. Crap! We came to rest about two feet short of the garage door.

“Get out!” Zac yelled, coming to the driver’s side.

My knuckles were white where they clutched the steering wheel and I sat frozen for a second. I was aware of Kenzie getting out on the other side, but I was paralyzed. Zac cured me of that. Forget cool older brother! He was just as lame as my brothers! He opened the door, reached over me to put the car in park, removed the keys, and hauled me out by my jacket, all in the space of about two seconds. The next thing I knew their parents were outside to see what all the commotion was about. Then the next thing I knew we were inside waiting while Kenzie’s mother called John to come take me home while her father and Zac scolded us.

I didn’t say much, other than to say I was sorry, same as Kenzie did. She didn’t cry at all, which was very brave of her! I was kind of afraid and might have cried, except I wasn’t going to in front of her. Finally Kenzie was sent to her room and just then we heard the Taurus pull up.

John looked stern as he came inside, but his hand on my shoulder, while firm, was still somehow steadying and gentle. “Why were you driving Zac’s car?” he asked, after the situation had been explained to him.

“We were just looking at the car and comparing it to the jeep, and how the gear shift worked, and we tried to shift it but it wouldn’t without the engine being started...” I drifted off, with so many sets of not-happy eyes on me. “I’m sorry.” I finished and looked down, not able to say anything more.

John was standing sideways to me and I think he recognized that I had shut down. “Sorry about this,” he told them. “Jeff’s getting his license in a few months, but he hasn’t started driver’s ed yet. I’ll have a discussion with him about driving before he has his license. Come on, Jeff, let’s go home.” He steered me towards the door and got me out of there.

We had traveled a few minutes in silence before he asked, “Why did you start the car up?”

“To work the gear shift.”

“Was there a burning need to figure it out?”

“No, sir. Not really. We were just curious.”

“Who started it up?”

“We did.”

“Who?”

I fell silent again.

“Okay, so the two of you were playing in the car where you shouldn’t have been, then Mackenzie started the engine. What happened after that?”

“We rolled backwards down the driveway and she got scared and didn’t want to drive it back. So we switched places and I drove us back up.”

“I see.” John’s turn to be silent while he thought. As he pulled onto the county road he said, “I can understand the driving. I’m going to paddle you for it, but I can understand it.” My breath caught at the word ‘paddle’. He went on. “I’m more disappointed that you acted so irresponsibly with a young lady in the car.”

I opened my mouth to protest that Kenzie wasn’t a young lady, she was a girl and my friend! Then I closed it again. I guess she _was_ a young lady.

“You’ve already taken her on a few double dates, and when you get your license, you’ll be able to go on solo dates. We need to know – Mackenzie’s parents and I – all need to know, that you’re trustworthy and responsible. When you take your girlfriend out, you’re responsible for her safety and wellbeing.”

I opened my mouth to protest that Kenzie wasn’t my girlfriend... but maybe she was? I closed my mouth again and swallowed the lump in my throat that John’s words had caused. I hated when he was disappointed in me!

“Do you understand that?”

“Yessir.”

He sighed and changed his grip on the wheel. “So, let’s revisit the situation. If it happened again, what could you do differently so you don’t wind up driving the car?”

“Um...”

Dad glanced over at me. “For starters, how about not getting involved in inane arguments?”

I frowned.

“It means dumb.”

“I know what it means.” I just didn’t think that word had anything to do with me!

“So, anything else?”

“Um...”

“How about distracting her? ‘Hey, let’s go inside and play a game!’”

“That might’ve worked,” I agreed softly. We pulled up to the house and into the garage. I hated having to go inside to get spanked! Maybe I could sneak past everyone and they’d never know!

I opened the door into the kitchen from the garage and found all my brothers munching on cinnamon sugar strips. I loved those! I wanted some! Instead I was in big trouble and they all knew it. Most of them gave me sympathetic looks, but Cutter tossed out a flippant, “We’ll save you some for... later.”

“Thanks,” I whispered, brushing at the tears that had somehow come into my eyes between the car and the kitchen.

Cutter’s smirk faltered when he saw me do that. “Aww, Jeff.”

I ran upstairs to my room, automatically changing into my pajamas. Then I ran to the bathroom and still made it back to my room before John came in. I sat on my bed, sitting on my hands. Dad was taking a while. Did he want me to stand in the corner first? He hadn’t told me to, and usually he only wanted me there if he needed to cool off a moment first. The waiting was making me apprehensive. Finally I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and down the hall. They stopped first in John’s room, probably to get the hairbrush. Then there was a rap on my door and it opened right away. No hairbrush, Dad had gotten the slipper. I pouted at seeing that. I didn’t like the hairbrush, but I also didn’t like the slipper!

John came to sit beside me and lightly caressed my back. “Do we need to discuss it any further?”

I shook my head, then spurred by a sudden worrying thought, asked, “Is this a sound spanking?”

My dad shook his head. “It should be, but you’re getting points for helping a bad situation not become worse.”

“Huh?”

John gave a slight smile. “You got the car back where it belonged. Mostly.”

“Oh.”

“Alright then, over.”

I stood up and went to the side of his legs and did my usual shifting of feet while hoping he would just pull me over. A moment later I was looking at the carpet, my bare behind uncomfortably high up over his knees. In the split second before John’s hand started spanking, I wondered if Kenzie was getting spanked too. I hoped not! Would she tell me if she did? I wasn’t going to admit that I still got spanked! And then I heard a loud crack as the first swat fell and soon all I could think about was the growing pain in my behind. He was only using his hand, and I know hand spankings were supposed to be no big deal, but whoever thought that didn’t know my oldest brother! His hand came down hard and even as he smacked away, and I was crying and kicking my legs up even before he stopped to grab the slipper. His left hand held onto me more firmly while with his right he brought the leather slipper down six times! Man, it was a good thing he wasn’t going for a sound spanking! As soon as it ended he tossed the slipper to the side and pulled up my underwear and pajama bottoms, then helped me up to sit sideways on his lap.

We sat quietly until I stopped crying, then he gently patted my leg. “Why don’t you wash your face and meet me downstairs.”

“Cuddle time?”

John smiled. “Of course.”

I limped off to the bathroom while he went downstairs. A few minutes later I went down to the family room, avoiding all my brothers’ eyes, just focusing on reaching John in the rocker. I had to sit slouched further down cos I was getting bigger. The Broncos game was on TV. They were playing the Raiders and it was an exciting, close game.

“Here,” Cutter said, handing me a napkin with two cinnamon strips on it.

“Thanks,” I said, accepting it gratefully.

“Where’s mine?” John asked in a teasing voice.

“You don’t get any,” Cutter said, then in an aside to me, as if John couldn’t hear, he added, “Just looking out for my _little_ brothers.”

I happily started eating one, feeling better already.

John’s arm tightened around my waist as he replied to Cutter. “Maybe I should spank a few more boys, until I get some.”

I giggled. “Here, you can have my other one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been forever since I updated! Been super busy, and this week is going to be busy still. Hope you liked this chapter! And Mackenzie didn't get scared of the car because she's a girl... it's because she's just as silly as Jeff, in her own way ;-)
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


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